Toshy_Tosh Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Hi everyone Im new to the community.. I really dont like to talk about my relationship outside of my relationship but I need help and Im so confused and hurt.. So last night I went to bed earlier than my bf, I woke up in the middle of the night cause I had to use the restroom. When I walk out in the livingroom I see my bf playing with himself in a sex chatroom doing a one on one cam viewing. I usually always end up catching him at 4 in the morning on porn. For some reason I wake up around that time when hes not in bed yet. Ive talked to him before about this "porn" habbits and hes in denial saying "im not addictred all guyd look at porn" I know all guys look at porn I dont have a prob with that I have a prob when its destructive to a relationship, when it makes me feel like *****, when Ive talked to him over and over again and he lies to me everytime... Last night felt like the last straw cause he went another step further and was with a real girl on cam...when I took the cam i had to actually lay on top of it for and hour and a half cause he was trying to wrestle it away from me... thats just crazy its my latop I shouldnt have to wrestle someone for it! What do you guys think? Im so sad... Ive invested sooo much time, effort and love into this relationship... he throws it all away for porn... what should I do?
Ash20 Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Wait...he is looking at internet porn and having internet sex with another girl (or maybe girls) on YOUR computer?? Not to mention you had to lay on top of it because he was trying to wrestle it away from you???? Yes, he is addicted. I would say try to talk it out more with him, but it seems you have already done that. How long have you been in a relationship with him? I'm sorry to say, but if he doesn't change this behavior, then I would leave.
Woman In Blue Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Oh for God's sakes. People throw the word "addiction" around everytime someone displays less than desirable behavior. Toshy, he obviously prefers wanking off with internet strangers to having sex with you - for whatever reason. Maybe he's bored, or maybe he's just a dumbass who doesn't appreciate what he's got. To some guys, the internet is a sexual candy store where they can "have" a different woman every night and they can't resist it. We all know most guys don't think with their big heads anyway, so is it really that big of a suprise to you? I do think he's a complete douche bag for thinking it's just fine to use YOUR computer for his pitiful midnight wanking sessions, and that he tried to wrestle you for it for over an hour. What a pathetic loser. Hopefully one day he'll actually evolve, but most men don't do that until they're over 45 (if at ALL). Good luck to you.
YellowShark Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 I see my bf playing with himself in a sex chatroom doing a one on one cam viewing. Surfing porn is one thing... having video sex with another woman... on camera... in the middle of the night... while you are sleeping in the next room... is taking it to a whole new level Toshy_Tosh. I do think he's a complete douche bag for thinking it's just fine to use YOUR computer for his pitiful midnight wanking sessions, and that he tried to wrestle you for it for over an hour. What a pathetic loser. Key words, "pitiful and pathetic." That he tried to wrestle the cam back for nearly an hour is ludicrous. Toshy_Tosh I feel if you wanna stay with this guy he needs to communicate to you why he likes to wank-off to girls on the internet. Then you need to decide if this behaviour is within your boundaries in the relationship. If it is then stay with him, if it is outside the boundaries of what you want in your relationship then say goodbye. Best of luck.
Author Toshy_Tosh Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 Wait...he is looking at internet porn and having internet sex with another girl (or maybe girls) on YOUR computer?? Not to mention you had to lay on top of it because he was trying to wrestle it away from you???? Yes, he is addicted. I would say try to talk it out more with him, but it seems you have already done that. How long have you been in a relationship with him? I'm sorry to say, but if he doesn't change this behavior, then I would leave. well Ive been with him for 2 years and 4 months. He knows he has an addiction he can admit it he says "Idk whats wrong with me Im ok if theres no computer I dont even think about it but when there is one I just cant help myself. Then when I do it I feel good but aferwards I feel bad cause I know how it makes you feel)
Author Toshy_Tosh Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 Wait...he is looking at internet porn and having internet sex with another girl (or maybe girls) on YOUR computer?? Not to mention you had to lay on top of it because he was trying to wrestle it away from you???? Yes, he is addicted. I would say try to talk it out more with him, but it seems you have already done that. How long have you been in a relationship with him? I'm sorry to say, but if he doesn't change this behavior, then I would leave. When we first started dating all was well... after about 4 months of dating he got me pregnant (I lost the baby) after that he was really scared to have sex so i noticed his increase in porn. I started to complain and finding porn on my laptop so of course he found a way to hide it. Also yes I was out in the living room laying on top of a laptop till 5:30 in the morn when I had to be up at 7 for work..
Author Toshy_Tosh Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 Put a password on your computer. It sounds like he is addicted. I have a friend whose husband had similar issues. They almost didn't get married as she found out so much of it the day before the wedding. They've been married 8 years now and this continues to be a very hot topic. It's caused her self esteem to drop, her stress levels to rise, and her hope in their marriage has been shot to hell. He won't get professional help, and he isn't kicking the addiction by himself. I think that's the key is understanding that it IS an addiction and he needs proper help with it. Until he's ready to admit that and do what's necessary, I don't see it getting better on its own. Whether to stay or go though...only you can decide how much you can handle and whether or not this is a dealbreaker for you personally. It affects people in different ways, and you may not be at all like my friend who has taken it as a personal attack against her worth. I've actualle whent online and read some stories from ladies who have been with guys who are addicted to porn or who are still currently married to them. They told me to pretty much run for it cause im not married. I know Im at the end of the line though. I feel sick when I look at him or think about him which living with him doesnt help. I would feel horrible kicking him out cause he has no job a.t.m. hmm also Ive talked to him multiple times about it... I said it makes me feel bad cause im in the next room! he says (I feel really self concious about myself and porn is easier... If I dont get you off I feel bad) I said (Then try harder!) ha I know not the best response but everytime I talk to him about it im angry cause Ive just caught him.
Author Toshy_Tosh Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 Oh for God's sakes. People throw the word "addiction" around everytime someone displays less than desirable behavior. Toshy, he obviously prefers wanking off with internet strangers to having sex with you - for whatever reason. Maybe he's bored, or maybe he's just a dumbass who doesn't appreciate what he's got. To some guys, the internet is a sexual candy store where they can "have" a different woman every night and they can't resist it. We all know most guys don't think with their big heads anyway, so is it really that big of a suprise to you? I do think he's a complete douche bag for thinking it's just fine to use YOUR computer for his pitiful midnight wanking sessions, and that he tried to wrestle you for it for over an hour. What a pathetic loser. Hopefully one day he'll actually evolve, but most men don't do that until they're over 45 (if at ALL). Good luck to you. Well I obviously prefer thinking that its not that he doesnt want to have sex with me ha. He's got it pretty bad When we use to live with my mom he would go on her laptop in the middle of the night and do the same things... my mom would end up finding it and getting mad rightfully so. His comeback for everything is "every guy looks at porn" I know that but when you hurt someone you "love" wouldnt you try to stop doing that thing to make them feel better? I accomidate his needs I just want the same back...
Author Toshy_Tosh Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 Surfing porn is one thing... having video sex with another woman... on camera... in the middle of the night... while you are sleeping in the next room... is taking it to a whole new level Toshy_Tosh. Key words, "pitiful and pathetic." That he tried to wrestle the cam back for nearly an hour is ludicrous. Toshy_Tosh I feel if you wanna stay with this guy he needs to communicate to you why he likes to wank-off to girls on the internet. Then you need to decide if this behaviour is within your boundaries in the relationship. If it is then stay with him, if it is outside the boundaries of what you want in your relationship then say goodbye. Best of luck. I gave him my boundries multiple times... i dont think he gets the message... I just wish I could help him... the prob is I dont have alot of money and hes not working... we both agreed that he needs help and hes willing to go i just cant fund it. its tough getting that kind of help
Ash20 Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 Hmm, Toshy, maybe this is a psychological thing having to do with you losing the baby? He probably needs to talk to a professional about that. It sounds like that is probably the root of these porn issues. If not, then yeah a program for his porn addiction would be the way to go. I am sorry to hear about that.
LoveAintEverything Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 wow, guys like porn, but seems like your boy likes it wayyyyyy too much..he needs help especially if he is in denial. I would not leave him for it, but I would tell him you get help or I am gone
dreamingoftigers Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 Hmm, Toshy, maybe this is a psychological thing having to do with you losing the baby? He probably needs to talk to a professional about that. It sounds like that is probably the root of these porn issues. If not, then yeah a program for his porn addiction would be the way to go. I am sorry to hear about that. No it's not. It may have exacerbated the problem but trust me, it ain't the root. Toshy as a wife of someone who has a porn problem, get the **** out now, just get out! The rest of your relationship will be a brutal sacrifice and it will always be a bull**** competition. You guys have talked about it a ton, he ain't listening because he is too hooked on it. You don't want to marry this guy, you aren't going to respect him because every time some piece of ass walks by he is going to go to sex-fantasy land and not come back. It isn't because they are better in any way, it is because it is a drug and these guys don't get that. He isn't going to listen, he just isn't, he already hasn't and he doesn't deserve to be in a relationship. LEAVE or get ready for a boatload of pain. Not all guys look at porn, and so what if they did. Does that mean every woman has to suffer with it? I cannot say it enough GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP!
Ash20 Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Well, it was a suggestion. There are deeper roots to some issues than there seems and not everyone is the same. Besides, the issues started after months of dating and the miscarriage. Anyway, my bottom line is...if she wants to try to give the relationship more of a chance, then have him seek help, counseling, something. If not, go ahead and leave. I was just trying to provide options if that is the path she wants to take.
KRWA1 Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Hi everyone Im new to the community.. I really dont like to talk about my relationship outside of my relationship but I need help and Im so confused and hurt.. So last night I went to bed earlier than my bf, I woke up in the middle of the night cause I had to use the restroom. When I walk out in the livingroom I see my bf playing with himself in a sex chatroom doing a one on one cam viewing. I usually always end up catching him at 4 in the morning on porn. For some reason I wake up around that time when hes not in bed yet. Ive talked to him before about this "porn" habbits and hes in denial saying "im not addictred all guyd look at porn" I know all guys look at porn I dont have a prob with that I have a prob when its destructive to a relationship, when it makes me feel like *****, when Ive talked to him over and over again and he lies to me everytime... Last night felt like the last straw cause he went another step further and was with a real girl on cam...when I took the cam i had to actually lay on top of it for and hour and a half cause he was trying to wrestle it away from me... thats just crazy its my latop I shouldnt have to wrestle someone for it! What do you guys think? Im so sad... Ive invested sooo much time, effort and love into this relationship... he throws it all away for porn... what should I do? Honestly I view this is a sexual issue w/in the home. I will be the first to admit that Ive done this before, but men are so much different than woman. Not all but a good majority. Men can hit it and quit it and never think or even remember what the girl name is or even care. This is why we get hard ons a million times a day. We are horny "dogs". I will say this. He wouldnt be doing the internet porn thing if he was unloading properly with you. Perhaps you need to give it up more? If your F*ing him, then he doesnt need anything else to help him do it later an anytime for that matter. Perhaps its a two way street here!
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