Deceived

[trippi1432]

Trippi, thanks for sharing. No, I do not view my relationship as a business transaction. I love my wife and would do anything for our relationship. But I need to know she is also willing to do the same. When we talked, she indicated clearly that the flame we had is out in her heart. Her diary entries indicate she wants a divorce. She did not show any remorse. She is having feelings for a married man who just had a baby. I'm not sure if it's my responsibility to shoulder the entire load. She has not shown any sign of wanting to work on the marriage. Why is it solely my rsponsibility when she is the one who wrote she wants a divorce?

 

I saw this on another thread last night, I thought it was interesting and might apply here. People are not "in love" every single second of the day with their wives or husbands....relationships ARE hard and it takes both of you to shoulder the responsibility.

 

 

(BTW IMO was in a B&W movies about Vets coming back from WWII on the either TCM or the MC ~ Daughter wanted to run off with a returning Army Air Corps Captain. She told them ~ "I want a marriage and love like you and Mom have Dad!"

 

To which her mother replied ~ "You don't know how many times he's told me he was going to leave and how many times I told him to get out..............................and how many times we had to learn how to fall in love with each other over all these years!)

 

On TV the judge that rules over "Divorce Court" once said and told the plaintiffs ~ "I love my husband, I"m in love with my husband! But its taken me over seven years to learn to LIKE my husband!"

 

Thanks to Gunny for that dose of reality.

 

So she wrote in a journal entry that she wanted a divorce...words on a piece of paper. Has she acted on that? She states that she has feelings for another man, has she physically acted on that? Sounds to me like she's being an open book right now.

 

It's not solely your responsibility to work on it, the responsibility is on both of you. But someone has to make the first move....if the first move is to file for divorce then it will be like giving her permission to move on and find someone else. A better first move would be to find out what is missing in your relationship....I'm going to take a guess and say it might be communication?? There are probably many here that can tell you it was one of the things that was missing in their relationships.

[The-Zen-Warrior]

Too Much :

 

First off, I have the utmost sympathy for what your going through, but only to a point!

 

Once upon a short time ago, either out of "intent" or "accident" you stumble across some journal entries from your wife on the computer. This is all well and good, I think honest journal keeping is a good thing, I do it myself. Now, after the fact, you are going to hold your wife's feet to the flames for respecting herself enough to be honest when writing her true thoughts.

 

Yes, your wife wrote the words, more than likely she was only being true to herself. Personally, I don't have any funny feelings that what she wrote was ever meant for your eye's. And lets look at that point, shall we! These words written by your wife were just that "words", they were meant for her, and just for her, not you!

 

Now that these "words" have been lifted off of paper and brought into the "real world", you have an issue with them. Personally, I don't think you have a good leg to stand on here! Personally, I feel that these words were never meant for you to see, and would not have been an issue if they were not stumbled upon.

 

If you never stumbled across your wife's journal entries, you more than likely would not be here on L.S. posting about it. Now that your wife's words have come to life, due to the awareness there of, you stated your going to run to an attorney and file for divorce, childish if you ask me!

 

Have you for a moment stepped outside of yourself, dropping the ego, vanity, macho, ect. ect. ect. and try'd to see this from your wife's point of view? Have you even try'd to sit down at the table and had a good, honest and objective talk about any of this? To me this sounds like something out of the hit Tom Cruise movie called "Minority Report", where the Police held people accountable and they found people guilty for having thoughts and would judge them on those thoughts even before the crime would be committed, due to the thoughts.

 

Is that what we are doing here? Are we per-judging your wife on her thoughts alone, before a crime can be committed due to those thoughts? I would feel it safe to say, that this ex-boyfriend once upon a time held her fancy, but truly no longer holds her in the real world, that's your job, that's your place, to hold your wife now, be with her, live with her and learn from her. Before I would jump to conclusions I know the logical thing for me to do, if I was in your shoes, would be to have as many honest and open talks that I could, maybe some marriage counseling and or individual therapy, after all the regular counter measures fail, then, and only then would I be willing to push the "ejection seat button" and jettison the h*ll out of the marriage!

 

It's up to you on what you want to do, but maybe slowing down would be a good thing right about now, but what do I know!

[Too Much]

Well, two weeks ago, W sat down and asked what I intended to do. I told her I had alot of thoughts to sort out and that we should let everything "cool off" before talking. She agreed we were heading in the direction of divorce. Two days later, she calls one of my friends and tells her she was lonely and needed to talk to someone. My friend went to visit her and talk and she listened as my friend explained that divorce was only trading one set of problems for another. 5 days later, W asks me what I intended to do. She again reiterated we were moving toward divorce and stated it was "sad" as she shed a tear. I told her we would talk about everything later, as I had an appointment to attend to. Since then, I've been thinking about everything. Now, one week later, we hav a talk and and I ask her directly what she wants. She tells me there is no way to work our problems out, that she wants a divorce. I tell her I think we can work things out. She tells me it is too late and she wants a divorce and has always wanted a divorce. I ask why and she tells me she feels she has lost herself in our marriage. She says there is no way to work it out and MC is out of the question. I guess we are done?

[HopelessinDTW]

Well, two weeks ago, W sat down and asked what I intended to do. I told her I had alot of thoughts to sort out and that we should let everything "cool off" before talking. She agreed we were heading in the direction of divorce. Two days later, she calls one of my friends and tells her she was lonely and needed to talk to someone. My friend went to visit her and talk and she listened as my friend explained that divorce was only trading one set of problems for another. 5 days later, W asks me what I intended to do. She again reiterated we were moving toward divorce and stated it was "sad" as she shed a tear. I told her we would talk about everything later, as I had an appointment to attend to. Since then, I've been thinking about everything. Now, one week later, we hav a talk and and I ask her directly what she wants. She tells me there is no way to work our problems out, that she wants a divorce. I tell her I think we can work things out. She tells me it is too late and she wants a divorce and has always wanted a divorce. I ask why and she tells me she feels she has lost herself in our marriage. She says there is no way to work it out and MC is out of the question. I guess we are done?

I am so sorry your going through this. My stbx also found her "soul mate"...a HS boyfriend from 20 years ago on Facebook...sound familiar? I also asked that we go to MC, she refused. Meanwhile I know there was an EA going on. My guess is she's decided to be with the OM. The fact that she doesn't want to work on your marriage is a big sign. Even if you did go to MC, it seems like she wouldn't put much effort into it. At this point, you need to do the 180, and think about yourself. Let her live her HS fantasy. I know this is all very tough to swallow, but you need to act logically.

[goingstrong]

Satan's notebook (Facebook) chalks up another one.

[iheartboobs]

I know it's sad, Too Much, but I think the big D might be in order. I'm with you in that I can put up with a whole lot, but infidelity is unforgivable. I also believe that there's not a whole lot of difference between action and intention... I mean, if this other man was willing, do you believe your wife would leave you for him or have an affair? If so, how's that any better than her actually doing it?

 

I do believe that divorce is the answer here. Even if she was willing to work on the marriage (which there's no indication she is), a person who will cheat once will cheat again... and what would you do the next time she sees an old boyfriend who "completely gets her" with her rose-colored glasses? Nah man, **** that bitch.

[Steadfast]

When a woman says it is too late, wants a divorce and has always wanted a divorce, those are words to heed. Unless he's really twisted, her mind is made up. However, until she actually crawls into bed with someone else the divorce demographic is sketchy. It's probably just a matter of time.

 

If it were me, I'd ask her to leave. State that you are against tearing up your family and will do your best to provide the best environment possible for your children in her absence. She may balk, she may walk, but from this point on it's about your healing and being the best father you can be. If you're shattered, it'll be impossible to function. I'd also let her file. If she's serious, she will. If she doesn't, she's freaking. Find out why.

 

Be very careful what you say and do from this point on. The best advice I can give it to treat her fairly, and with all the kindness you can muster. This is not to excuse her, but to spare your feelings and keep the bombardment of sadness at a minimum. You may be shocked at her reaction. Don't kiss ass but demand fairness. When in doubt, do what's best for the kids. Time to let her go; implement the 180 and get on with it.

[Too Much]

I know it's sad, Too Much, but I think the big D might be in order. I'm with you in that I can put up with a whole lot, but infidelity is unforgivable. I also believe that there's not a whole lot of difference between action and intention... I mean, if this other man was willing, do you believe your wife would leave you for him or have an affair? If so, how's that any better than her actually doing it?

 

I do believe that divorce is the answer here. Even if she was willing to work on the marriage (which there's no indication she is), a person who will cheat once will cheat again... and what would you do the next time she sees an old boyfriend who "completely gets her" with her rose-colored glasses? Nah man, **** that bitch.

 

Iheart, this is what has been so difficult. Some posters on here stated she simply wrote down thoughts and words. Since she has had 4 phone conversatons with him (and possibly email correspondence), I didn't think it was simply "words", but some action on her part to pursue this. Now, she flatly denies that he knows of her feelings and she says she never discussed anything involving romance in any of their communications. However, I have a hard time trusting her. After reading some of the advice given in this thread, I thought, "ok, maybe I am overreacting. Maybe I should give it another chance and talk to her." That's why I asked her directly what she wanted.

 

I guess this goes to the essence of the question of whether words of feelings written about another rises to the level of an affair. I agree with your post, that it shows if she had the opportunity, she would most likely act. The OM is married with a child, and I think that is the barrier for her.

[Too Much]

When a woman says it is too late, wants a divorce and has always wanted a divorce, those are words to heed. Unless he's really twisted, her mind is made up. However, until she actually crawls into bed with someone else the divorce demographic is sketchy. It's probably just a matter of time.

 

If it were me, I'd ask her to leave. State that you are against tearing up your family and will do your best to provide the best environment possible for your children in her absence. She may balk, she may walk, but from this point on it's about your healing and being the best father you can be. If you're shattered, it'll be impossible to function. I'd also let her file. If she's serious, she will. If she doesn't, she's freaking. Find out why.

 

Be very careful what you say and do from this point on. The best advice I can give it to treat her fairly, and with all the kindness you can muster. This is not to excuse her, but to spare your feelings and keep the bombardment of sadness at a minimum. You may be shocked at her reaction. Don't kiss ass but demand fairness. When in doubt, do what's best for the kids. Time to let her go; implement the 180 and get on with it.

 

Thanks, Steadfast. I'm confused by your statement to treat her with "all the kindness I can muster"? Why also let her file first? Living together under the same roof is hell for me.

[GorillaTheater]

The OM is married with a child, and I think that is the barrier for her.

 

It may well be a barrier for the OM too, once you contact his wife. Inject some reality into this turd's life. Right now, his wife is probably the only person in this drama who doesn't know what's going on.

 

But has been said, believe what your wife is telling you. Don't try to convince her she's wrong, it'll just push her farther towards the OM.

 

I think filing for divorce is a sound plan. If it wakes her up? Great! DIvorce proceedings can always be put on hold. If not, you begin healing sooner rather than later (after she serves you).

[Too Much]

When a woman says it is too late, wants a divorce and has always wanted a divorce, those are words to heed. Unless he's really twisted, her mind is made up. However, until she actually crawls into bed with someone else the divorce demographic is sketchy. It's probably just a matter of time.

 

If it were me, I'd ask her to leave. State that you are against tearing up your family and will do your best to provide the best environment possible for your children in her absence. She may balk, she may walk, but from this point on it's about your healing and being the best father you can be. If you're shattered, it'll be impossible to function. I'd also let her file. If she's serious, she will. If she doesn't, she's freaking. Find out why.

 

Be very careful what you say and do from this point on. The best advice I can give it to treat her fairly, and with all the kindness you can muster. This is not to excuse her, but to spare your feelings and keep the bombardment of sadness at a minimum. You may be shocked at her reaction. Don't kiss ass but demand fairness. When in doubt, do what's best for the kids. Time to let her go; implement the 180 and get on with it.

 

To add, she will not leave the house because she has no income (not working) and has no place to go (family abroad). I wish there was some way to make her leave. Just hell.

[LisaLee]

Ugh, she is going to get her divorce and go after this married guy who just had a baby. I feel so bad for his wife! Have you talked to this guy?

 

It may be stepping out of bounds, but if I was the guy's wife I would want to know just so I could keep my guard up!

[Steadfast]

If she's insisting on divorce, that takes you off the hook for care giving. Does she know what divorce means? To many it means sleeping with whoever you want but going back to the ex for financial help, car service, compassion and/or a shoulder to cry on. The kids are used as leverage.

 

If her family is abroad, that's the logical place to go. If you must, purchase her a (one way) plane ticket. It's a small price to pay for your healing and peace of mind. At this point, sharing a household is out of the question.

 

She wants a divorce? Then let her file. Let her go through the process. If, for some reason you discover she's actually cheated on you, then yes file it yourself. One way or another, insist that she make good on her demands.

 

Let her pay, stand in line, drive to the courts or fill out the online forms. It's a major P.I.T.A. Again, if she's a cake eater. then move it along.

 

Kindness is essential to your healing. It also allows you to think more clearly and act with more wisdom. Finally, it's a healthy example of love and caring for your children. Think about it; if you remove yourself from the problem, what is there to be angry or bitter about? Sure, divorce is hard but the sooner you start dealing with it, the better off you'll be. You cannot and will not heal if you entertain hard feelings for her. Let it go.

Edited October 27, 2010 by Steadfast

[Too Much]

If she's insisting on divorce, that takes you off the hook for care giving. Does she know what divorce means? To many it means sleeping with whoever you want but going back to the ex for financial help, car service, compassion and/or a shoulder to cry on. The kids are used as leverage.

 

If her family is abroad, that's the logical place to go. If you must, purchase her a (one way) plane ticket. It's a small price to pay for your healing and peace of mind. At this point, sharing a household is out of the question.

 

She wants a divorce? Then let her file. Let her go through the process. If, for some reason you discover she's actually cheated on you, then yes file it yourself. One way or another, insist that she make good on her demands.

 

Let her pay, stand in line, drive to the courts or fill out the online forms. It's a major P.I.T.A. Again, if she's a cake eater. then move it along.

 

Kindness is essential to your healing. It also allows you to think more clearly and act with more wisdom. Finally, it's a healthy example of love and caring for your children. Think about it; if you remove yourself from the problem, what is there to be angry or bitter about? Sure, divorce is hard but the sooner you start dealing with it, the better off you'll be. You cannot and will not heal if you entertain hard feelings for her. Let it go.

 

Steadfast, are you saying you don't believe she has cheated? I guess there is a divergent of views on LS as to what constitutes cheating.

 

Also, I don't believe she will leave the house until she gets spousal support to pay for a place or a divorce settlement that pays her a sum of money to allow her to do this. I wish there was a way to kick her out.

[Too Much]

Ugh, she is going to get her divorce and go after this married guy who just had a baby. I feel so bad for his wife! Have you talked to this guy?

 

It may be stepping out of bounds, but if I was the guy's wife I would want to know just so I could keep my guard up!

 

I've never spoken to the guy. Not sure how I would apprach contacting his wife. You really think its a good idea?

[LisaLee]

I've never spoken to the guy. Not sure how I would apprach contacting his wife. You really think its a good idea?

 

All I know is that I would want to know if some other woman that my husband is in contact with is pining away for him. Whatever wrongs you did in the relationship, whether real or imagined, is beside the point... but the end result is that your wife sounds very sick and emotionally starved. My concern is who will she look to for comfort once this divorce ball gets rolling? She is in contact with this man. And I can't help but feel a little concerned for his wife. It may be my wild imagination, maybe she won't go after him... but judging from the way she spoke about him in her entries I don't think I am too far off. Do you not have this guy's FB's info?

[Too Much]

All I know is that I would want to know if some other woman that my husband is in contact with is pining away for him. Whatever wrongs you did in the relationship, whether real or imagined, is beside the point... but the end result is that your wife sounds very sick and emotionally starved. My concern is who will she look to for comfort once this divorce ball gets rolling? She is in contact with this man. And I can't help but feel a little concerned for his wife. It may be my wild imagination, maybe she won't go after him... but judging from the way she spoke about him in her entries I don't think I am too far off. Do you not have this guy's FB's info?

 

Don't have facebook info, only phone number and email address. If I call the number, I would have to hope his W answers. Then, I wouldn't know how to break the news to her w/o her thinking this was some joke or I was some prank caller.

[trippi1432]

Well, two weeks ago, W sat down and asked what I intended to do. I told her I had alot of thoughts to sort out and that we should let everything "cool off" before talking. She agreed we were heading in the direction of divorce.

 

Too Much - you state here that "she agreed"....I take it that you told her more than just that the two of you needed to "cool off" or am I reading that wrong?

 

Two days later, she calls one of my friends and tells her she was lonely and needed to talk to someone. My friend went to visit her and talk and she listened as my friend explained that divorce was only trading one set of problems for another. 5 days later, W asks me what I intended to do. She again reiterated we were moving toward divorce and stated it was "sad" as she shed a tear. I told her we would talk about everything later, as I had an appointment to attend to.

 

Again, what did you tell her you intend to do? Why did she feel so strongly at that moment to reiterate that you were both heading toward a divorce?

 

Since then, I've been thinking about everything. Now, one week later, we hav a talk and and I ask her directly what she wants. She tells me there is no way to work our problems out, that she wants a divorce. I tell her I think we can work things out. She tells me it is too late and she wants a divorce and has always wanted a divorce. I ask why and she tells me she feels she has lost herself in our marriage. She says there is no way to work it out and MC is out of the question. I guess we are done?

 

Just wondering what is in the midst of that....twice she has asked YOU what YOU intend to do; however, you have not specifically stated what your reply was to that...only that she has agreed, reiterated and now that you have asked her what SHE wants now...divorce is imminent in her mind. To me, it just feels like something is missing here...too cut and dry. Maybe I am wrong...but I can't help but feel there is something else in those conversations.

[LisaLee]

Don't have facebook info, only phone number and email address. If I call the number, I would have to hope his W answers. Then, I wouldn't know how to break the news to her w/o her thinking this was some joke or I was some prank caller.

 

Plug the email address into the FB search, you may pull something up.

[habs53]

Well, two weeks ago, W sat down and asked what I intended to do. I told her I had alot of thoughts to sort out and that we should let everything "cool off" before talking. She agreed we were heading in the direction of divorce. Two days later, she calls one of my friends and tells her she was lonely and needed to talk to someone. My friend went to visit her and talk and she listened as my friend explained that divorce was only trading one set of problems for another. 5 days later, W asks me what I intended to do. She again reiterated we were moving toward divorce and stated it was "sad" as she shed a tear. I told her we would talk about everything later, as I had an appointment to attend to. Since then, I've been thinking about everything. Now, one week later, we hav a talk and and I ask her directly what she wants. She tells me there is no way to work our problems out, that she wants a divorce. I tell her I think we can work things out. She tells me it is too late and she wants a divorce and has always wanted a divorce. I ask why and she tells me she feels she has lost herself in our marriage. She says there is no way to work it out and MC is out of the question. I guess we are done?

Well from my experience when she she said you were controlling you were in big trouble. My ex said the same thing and it was total BS. The truth is she is having an emotional affair and you probably mean very little to her right now. If you read my post this is very similar. Didnt want marriage counseling or nothing. She is gone buddy.

[Too Much]

Too Much - you state here that "she agreed"....I take it that you told her more than just that the two of you needed to "cool off" or am I reading that wrong?

 

 

 

Again, what did you tell her you intend to do? Why did she feel so strongly at that moment to reiterate that you were both heading toward a divorce?

 

 

 

Just wondering what is in the midst of that....twice she has asked YOU what YOU intend to do; however, you have not specifically stated what your reply was to that...only that she has agreed, reiterated and now that you have asked her what SHE wants now...divorce is imminent in her mind. To me, it just feels like something is missing here...too cut and dry. Maybe I am wrong...but I can't help but feel there is something else in those conversations.

 

Trippi, if you'll recall from my original post, when i found what she referred to as her "journal entries" (she may have actually sent these thoughts to the OM, I don't know), she wrote that she had finally come to the decision to divorce me, but that she did not know how to tell me. She stated the kids were in the way of her telling me. When I confronted her, I told her we were through and I would give her what she wanted. She indicated she agreed, she also wanted a divorce. Two days later, she sat down and had the conversation with me where she asked me what I intended to do. I told her I was hurt and had to sort my thoughts out (as I was considering all the advice I was receiving from this thread and thinking maybe I jumped the gun), but that I'd always told myself cheating is where I draw the line. I indicated we were likely headed towards divorce. She agreed. Two days after that, she calls my friend saying she needed to talk and was lonely. Five days after that, she asks me again, what I intended to do. I was late for an appointment and told her I was still sorting through my thoughts and would talk to her later. She cries and says "It is sad. It is sad." I went to my appointment. We talked a weeke later and I asked her what she wanted to do. She said the marriage was not salvageable, it was too late and that she wanted a divorce. I told her I was going back and forth (again, considering whether I had "overreacted" and whether an EA was truly an A) and was still unsure of what to do. She said she was sure this is what she wants. I left it at that.

Edited October 28, 2010 by Too Much
Added to post

[LuckyClover]

I'm sorry my friend this is not easy and will only get harder before it gets better. My kids are 6 and 3. I kicked my ex-wife out of my house. I got custody of our kids, stuck her with the CC debt, kept the house and my truck. How did I do it you might ask. Blackmail - I threaten to blow the whistle on her ass and OM she works with. Installed keylogger on my computer and gained access to her e-mail accounts, forwarded all messeges to a secret yahoo account and always stayed one step in front. She was in the affair fog and didn't see anything but her selfish desires. 6 months later she's depressed miserable and begs for me back.. You are right, once they cheat, it will only be easier for them to do again. EA is worse then actual A in my opinion. If it was just physical, then maybe we could work on that.. But to tell you "I love you" "I'm just not in love with you" and to continue blaming you without taking some responsibility herself is very selfish on her part. Own your mistakes, kick her ass out, and work hard at numbing the pain.. cuz its been a year and a half for me and it still hurts. Focus on the kids, that's what is important. My daughter yesturday tells me "Dad, I love you more then mom". Of course I told her she didn't and to never say that again. Her mom is a good mom, she just was a horrible marriage partner. I truely am sorry

[Too Much]

I'm sorry my friend this is not easy and will only get harder before it gets better. My kids are 6 and 3. I kicked my ex-wife out of my house. I got custody of our kids, stuck her with the CC debt, kept the house and my truck. How did I do it you might ask. Blackmail - I threaten to blow the whistle on her ass and OM she works with. Installed keylogger on my computer and gained access to her e-mail accounts, forwarded all messeges to a secret yahoo account and always stayed one step in front. She was in the affair fog and didn't see anything but her selfish desires. 6 months later she's depressed miserable and begs for me back.. You are right, once they cheat, it will only be easier for them to do again. EA is worse then actual A in my opinion. If it was just physical, then maybe we could work on that.. But to tell you "I love you" "I'm just not in love with you" and to continue blaming you without taking some responsibility herself is very selfish on her part. Own your mistakes, kick her ass out, and work hard at numbing the pain.. cuz its been a year and a half for me and it still hurts. Focus on the kids, that's what is important. My daughter yesturday tells me "Dad, I love you more then mom". Of course I told her she didn't and to never say that again. Her mom is a good mom, she just was a horrible marriage partner. I truely am sorry

 

What were the circumstances that led to her begging you back and what did you tell her? Did you ever consider taking her back? Why or why not? Why did your daughter say that if she was a good mom? Thanks so much for your post. Good for you to be one step ahead. I pray for the best for you.

[LuckyClover]

Mostly guilt. When she got over there, she soon realized what everyone tried to tell her all along, that the grass isn't greener on the other side. I thought about it, thought about it long and hard. But I just couldn't let myself live a life knowing that I could never trust her again. She just didn't deserve me.. so I pretty much told her that. I felt like she was only wanting me back because she herself felt lonely even with OM. Problem is is that I've read other threads here on LS and am hardpressed to find one that worked after A. I'm not gonna lie though, I have felt very lonely without a companion by my side.. But good things are worth waiting for, I hope. I'm not sure why my daughter would say that... It could be that she's too smart for her own good and thought maybe by saying that that she could somehow gain advantage or use us against each other to get what she wants. IDK kids just know how to work it.. or maybe it's because I treat her with respect, consider her opionions, include her in my life, and tell her I love her everyday. I like the second part

[Too Much]

Mostly guilt. When she got over there, she soon realized what everyone tried to tell her all along, that the grass isn't greener on the other side. I thought about it, thought about it long and hard. But I just couldn't let myself live a life knowing that I could never trust her again. She just didn't deserve me.. so I pretty much told her that. I felt like she was only wanting me back because she herself felt lonely even with OM. Problem is is that I've read other threads here on LS and am hardpressed to find one that worked after A. I'm not gonna lie though, I have felt very lonely without a companion by my side.. But good things are worth waiting for, I hope. I'm not sure why my daughter would say that... It could be that she's too smart for her own good and thought maybe by saying that that she could somehow gain advantage or use us against each other to get what she wants. IDK kids just know how to work it.. or maybe it's because I treat her with respect, consider her opionions, include her in my life, and tell her I love her everyday. I like the second part

 

My greatest fear is that my 2 daughters will be damaged forever by us splitting up. Everything I read tells me it is not good. I always wanted them to grow up surrounded by a loving family. I'm so distraught over this.