counterman Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 So, there was this girl I met the other day. I had seen her around and was interested from a distance. I approached her and saw that she wears a lot of make-up! I mean A LOT. Her lips were a bit cracked and peely. I guess my physical attraction towards her has diminished. Well, she was in a rush to go so I got her number and asked her out for coffee next week. Now, obviously, that implies a bit of interested but I am not so sure anymore. Still, I am going through with it... it might be fun. She is bubbly. I treat every girl I go out with nicely, but I do not want to lead her on. Personally, I do not want a relationship - I just want to have fun! How do I get that across? Should I just tell her I'm looking for fun? If I kiss her, I would do so just 'cause I want to - but I don't want to seem like a jerk... if I lead her on. Like I said, just a bit of fun. I know some girls do not want that and it is her choice to stay or go. Should kissing her even be an option if I am not looking for a relationship? But, I'm guessing bringing that up on the first date might kill the mood. So, what do you recommend?
Idalis Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 I've always been the relationship type of girl... I went out with this guy once years ago and on our 2nd date he told me he was only interested in having some fun, and didn't want anything serious and that I didn't seem like that type of girl. (he phrased it almost like a question but not quite) I confirmed his suspicions and we parted ways.. he dropped me off at home and we never spoke again. It was weird that he told me that so quickly but I respected his honesty. Maybe you can do that?? Leading someone on sucks!! So at least you'll be truthful. But kissing someone with cracked and peely lips sounds more like torture than "fun" .. just sayin'
Author counterman Posted October 15, 2010 Author Posted October 15, 2010 That does seem like a good way to get the point across. 'Cause I think hanging out with someone enough and just having "fun" could quite possibly establish that emotional connection... and she would definitely feel that I led her on if I break it off. How about, I go the first date, and if I don't want to go on a second one, I just do not ask her? If she asks me, then I tell her that she's not my type. You're right! Kissing cracked and peely lips is not fun! I wouldn't be able to do it. It is rare that I meet a girl who I would want just more than fun with. And sometimes, they aren't interested. I just can't get into a relationship with a girl unless I was really attracted to her and we get along really well.
spiderowl Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 What kind of fun are you interested in that you could have with a girl you are not that attracted to? If you mean you could sleep with her but wouldn't want a relationship with her, then you could either tell her you're just looking for a casual, fun, sexual relationship or you could back out of this meeting. At what point did you lose attraction for her? Was it when you saw the make-up and other 'flaws' or when she said 'yes' to meeting? If the latter, maybe you are the kind of guy who only values what he has to work hard for, so the minute a girl shows interest or commitment to you, you'll panic and back off. This is where fantasy meets reality, when we actually get close to someone. You have spotted flaws, she might have too! Perhaps you need to give each other a chance to find the person underneath these flaws, the person you may find yourself becoming more and more attracted to as you get to know her. I have seen grown men in tears for weeks after their ugly-looking girlfriends ditched them. It seems that looks aren't the be all and end all when it comes to attraction and bonding. You don't always realise that until you've fallen for them and then others fade into the background. As one friend put it when describing how he fell in love with his girlfriend: "it sort of sneaked up on me". He later married her and they were together for 25 years!
Author counterman Posted October 15, 2010 Author Posted October 15, 2010 I guess I am looking for someone I can just hang out with, to go to places, to do activities, not for sex or anything - someone new. But, it would be harder with a girl I am not attracted to. I guess I lost attraction to her when I saw her flaws... as shallow as that sounds. In saying that, it's not so much her flaws, it's more to do with what I am attracted to. We all have flaws, and I am sure she noticed mine as well. As for valuing what I work hard for, I think there's some truth to that. I do like the chase, sometimes. With the girls that I have been most attracted to, there was only one I had a long-term relationship with. The others were either not interested or I wasn't interested after getting to know them. This girl seems outgoing. I will see what she is like beneath the exterior. However, it is that attraction that makes me put in the effort to date and to want to see a girl again. That is amazing, but I guess you're right. Physical appearance is not the end all and be all when it comes to attraction and bonding. But, being young, I believe that it is what makes me want to approach a girl in the first place. Her personality either diminishes or reinforces that attraction. It does happen though. In the scenario that things do go well, I will ask to meet up with her again the week after. However, if it doesn't, I think I will not bring up the next meeting and end it with a hug. If she brings it up, I will just tell her that "I am looking for fun and nothing serious; you don't seem to be my type" - not as blatant as that but you know. Does that seem okay? There was a girl that I was wondering about this week as well. Now I was really attracted to her. But, she didn't pick up my call.
sanskrit Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 IMO you should have a couple of dates with this girl before even worrying about this issue, because if your stated objective is having fun, you are foregoing that by thinking too deeply too fast. If you want to have fun, go out and... have fun. Worry about more heavy issues later when they actually emerge instead of creating them prematurely.
Author counterman Posted October 15, 2010 Author Posted October 15, 2010 You're right. I do not even know how it's going to go, so I guess I'll see!
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