Mombot Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Regards, everyone. The separated wife is coming here this Sunday to his new place he shares with a male co-worker. I am leaving Saturday night... but am thinking of going to a nearby resort and spending the night, and then checking out the situation here while she is here. I'd like to see what she looks like and how they relate, where they go.
2sunny Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Regards, everyone. The separated wife is coming here this Sunday to his new place he shares with a male co-worker. I am leaving Saturday night... but am thinking of going to a nearby resort and spending the night, and then checking out the situation here while she is here. I'd like to see what she looks like and how they relate, where they go. what did he say is the reason for her visit? will she spend the night with him? did he say what their plans are? if he is separated - why is she visiting him at all?
BB07 Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Why not ask him to introduce the two of you? His reaction to that should be telling.
TurboGirl Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 That is crazy, right there. He did at least TELL you, though. I wouldn't waste my time spying... tempting as it might be. If it turns out that nothing happens, and you are discovered, you will look like a whacko, and that you don't trust him. Do you? Some things in life you just can't control. You just have to let go and let it all play out the way it is supposed to be.
desertIslandCactus Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Have you never even seen a picture of her?
pureinheart Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 That is crazy, right there. He did at least TELL you, though. I wouldn't waste my time spying... tempting as it might be. If it turns out that nothing happens, and you are discovered, you will look like a whacko, and that you don't trust him. Do you? Some things in life you just can't control. You just have to let go and let it all play out the way it is supposed to be. I have to agree with TG, if there are serious doubts, then roll girl. Everyone has doubts, and when you love someone there is always fear involved...I do believe we cross a line though if we are unable to trust or believe another, especially one we plan on or consider marrying.
jthorne Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Regards, everyone. The separated wife is coming here this Sunday to his new place he shares with a male co-worker. I am leaving Saturday night... but am thinking of going to a nearby resort and spending the night, and then checking out the situation here while she is here. I'd like to see what she looks like and how they relate, where they go.I think it's a real shame that you even feel like you need to do this.
Star_Bright Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 I agree that no trust = no relationship. One night ex separated MM seemed to pick a fight with me, and then leave, and I was convinced he did it just to go back home. I drove over to where he is staying at his friend's house, in the middle of the night, telling myself that his car being absent from the driveway would be my answer and that I could finally give him up. Well to my surprise his car WAS in the driveway. So I was wrong, he hadn't gone home to his wife. Yet to me the fact that I didn't trust him enough to the point of having to follow him to confirm my fears showed me that it wasn't the right relationship for me. I don't want to be that crazy distrusting girl and honestly he had done enough for me to not trust him, even if my fear about that particular issue turned out to be false. So I walked. For myself. I think you should too! Your gut knows if it's the right relationship for you or not. Good luck.
jwi71 Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 I agree that no trust = no relationship. I disagree. One can certainly have an R without trust - happens all the time here. Virtually every thread here contains mistrust yet these are clearly R's. What cannot be without trust is LOVE. Trust is prerequisite for truly loving another. So mombot...you clearly don't trust him. What must happen in order for you to NOT doubt him?
Star_Bright Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 I disagree. One can certainly have an R without trust - happens all the time here. Virtually every thread here contains mistrust yet these are clearly R's. What cannot be without trust is LOVE. Trust is prerequisite for truly loving another. So mombot...you clearly don't trust him. What must happen in order for you to NOT doubt him? Okay, that's what I meant. No trust = no love. And for ME, no trust = no love = not a relationship I want to be in.
fooled once Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 Regards, everyone. The separated wife is coming here this Sunday to his new place he shares with a male co-worker. I am leaving Saturday night... but am thinking of going to a nearby resort and spending the night, and then checking out the situation here while she is here. I'd like to see what she looks like and how they relate, where they go. really? why? if you trust him like you claim you do, why would you do this? If you don't have trust, you don't have a relationship, IMHO.
Author Mombot Posted October 16, 2010 Author Posted October 16, 2010 I think she is going to hit him up for money- We went and bought a sofa sleeper for her to stay in the living room. Apparently she's lost a lot of money gambling. I've seen a picture of her- nice face, chubby. She's a decade older than I am.
KarmasTestDummy Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 I think she is going to hit him up for money- We went and bought a sofa sleeper for her to stay in the living room. Apparently she's lost a lot of money gambling. I've seen a picture of her- nice face, chubby. She's a decade older than I am. You bought furniture to accommodate her visit so she could ask for money? I'm confused. How long is she staying? If she hasn't yet ASKED for money, what is the reason she says she is coming for?
Fieldsofgold Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 You bought furniture to accommodate her visit so she could ask for money? I'm confused. How long is she staying? If she hasn't yet ASKED for money, what is the reason she says she is coming for? Good questions, Karma!
Author Mombot Posted October 16, 2010 Author Posted October 16, 2010 She's on her way to San Diego to see a high school friend. She'll be there 1 nite.
jennie-jennie Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 She's on her way to San Diego to see a high school friend. She'll be there 1 nite. I like the touch of buying her a sofa sleeper together. And yes, I would be curious to see what she looked like in real life.
jj33 Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 She's on her way to San Diego to see a high school friend. She'll be there 1 nite. Does this make sense to you? Shes on her way to see a HS friend and shes staying with your man? Why isnt she staying with the HS friend? (unless you are a pit stop along the way) If she recently lost a lot of money gambling then yeah she probably will hit him up for some cash. But they are still married and ?? I think you do yourself a favor by not giving in to the temptation. Tempting yes but if you do it, then there is a real potential for drama and do you really want that?
2sunny Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 She's on her way to San Diego to see a high school friend. She'll be there 1 nite. just the fact that he would ALLOW her to stay would cross MY boundary! IF she needs to ask for money - ask!!!!! no need to stay over night - much less see him in person... i think there's so much more going on between the two of them then he will ever tell you. a sofa sleeper - ya right... that makes everything all ok... can you detect my sarcasm?
fooled once Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 I disagree. One can certainly have an R without trust - happens all the time here. Virtually every thread here contains mistrust yet these are clearly R's. What cannot be without trust is LOVE. Trust is prerequisite for truly loving another. So mombot...you clearly don't trust him. What must happen in order for you to NOT doubt him? actually, I agree with SB -- no trust = no relationship (and I believe SB meant a HEALTHY relationship) and I agree with you that without trust, there can't be love which again = no healthy relationship. Heck, anyone can and does have relationships - whether it be with a co-worker, a neighbor or a pet. Doesn't mean those are healthy relationships. I think she is going to hit him up for money- We went and bought a sofa sleeper for her to stay in the living room. Apparently she's lost a lot of money gambling. I've seen a picture of her- nice face, chubby. She's a decade older than I am. :laugh: "we". Do you two share the money that bought the sofa? And why shouldn't she hit her H up for marriage - they are married. And if she has no money, do you really think IF he ever files for divorce he can "hide" money like you said he was going to do? Heck no, if she has a good lawyer, they will uncover what he is hiding, including the money he is putting in an account for the 'two' of you. So are you taking a shot at his wife, but saying "chubby" face and she is a decade older than you? Wouldn't that make HIM a decade older than you also? (Assuming they are the same age)? And most cheating MM go for younger women ... they like having a younger woman on their arm helps their ego. just the fact that he would ALLOW her to stay would cross MY boundary! IF she needs to ask for money - ask!!!!! no need to stay over night - much less see him in person... i think there's so much more going on between the two of them then he will ever tell you. a sofa sleeper - ya right... that makes everything all ok... can you detect my sarcasm? Exactly! No way would I be okay with "my man" having his wife sleep over.
2sunny Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 did you spy? how did the weekend go? did you hear from him while she was with him?
Author Mombot Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 No I decided just to go home and stay home for a few weeks. Does it really matter what she looks like? I'd like to just see her but decided it was not worth the trouble.
2sunny Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 No I decided just to go home and stay home for a few weeks. Does it really matter what she looks like? I'd like to just see her but decided it was not worth the trouble. there is so much about your relationship with him that just doesn't make sense.
whichwayisup Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 No I decided just to go home and stay home for a few weeks. Does it really matter what she looks like? I'd like to just see her but decided it was not worth the trouble. Atleast be honest with yourself. My 2 cents, take it or leave it. You're afraid to find out the "truth" of what's really going on between the two of them. Not worth the trouble? You mean finding out that they ARE infact more than he's led you to believe.
2sunny Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Atleast be honest with yourself. My 2 cents, take it or leave it. You're afraid to find out the "truth" of what's really going on between the two of them. Not worth the trouble? You mean finding out that they ARE infact more than he's led you to believe. exactly WWIU. and all the questions asked in his thread haven't been answered. too much stuff left unsaid to help and to much to wonder about. no info that tells the circumstances, the why of her staying with him, the why didn't you throw a fit, the why of your MM finding this acceptable and you just agreeing... ??????? what the hell? why are you even seeing him when he dumps so much $hit all over you all the time and you don't even try to get away from his $hit? you actually just go back for more... there is no way to help you when you don't intend to change a thing. it will continue... you will wear a smile and accept crappy behavior from him in order to feel "loved." i wish you would see that this simply isn't enough when it constantly places you in a position of being demeaned by your MM.
Dexter Morgan Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Regards, everyone. The separated wife is coming here this Sunday to his new place he shares with a male co-worker. I am leaving Saturday night... but am thinking of going to a nearby resort and spending the night, and then checking out the situation here while she is here. I'd like to see what she looks like and how they relate, where they go. you're a stalker. Its not enough that you tried to rub her nose in crap, you are now obsessed with her. How about deal with your piece of s### married man and leave her alone?
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