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Friendship with opposite sex

bee55

By bee55
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bee55 Member

bee55

Posted
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I’m married, I love my wife very much, I can’t imagine my life with out her, But when I make a friend with females, some times I feel I attracted either physically or emotionally, I never do anything bad when I feel I attracted, But I keep it in my self, but I think to be honest every body make a friends with opposite sex may attracted physically and emotionally even though he is in love, engaged or married. If we call this silent treason the question is :

The probable action for lovers or husbands is to stop friendship with opposite sex ? or to continue silent treason ,

If some body say he is not attracted to his friends he may be not honest or he has mor power to control his life in this status he should tell us what to do to avoid attracting to our opposite sex

Thanks for response

Idalis Established Member

Idalis

Posted
Posted

I don't know if everyone feels that way?? I sure don't, but I'm a female. I have never been attracted to my male friends... maybe its different for guys.

djhall Established Member

djhall

Posted
Posted
I don't know if everyone feels that way?? I sure don't, but I'm a female. I have never been attracted to my male friends... maybe its different for guys.

It never fails to amaze me that many women don't realize how many of their male friends didn't want to be friends originally but never managed to catch their interest romantically or sexually. :)

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bee55 Member

bee55

Posted
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Posted
I don't know if everyone feels that way?? I sure don't, but I'm a female. I have never been attracted to my male friends... maybe its different for guys.

 

 

Women usually get enough with boyfriend emotionally and sexuality , but men tend to pluralism

 

but if the women face a foreplay or sexy touch by a male friend, she may attracted and response, she can't left the situation easily

BruceLeroy Member

BruceLeroy

Posted
Posted
I’m married, I love my wife very much, I can’t imagine my life with out her, But when I make a friend with females, some times I feel I attracted either physically or emotionally, I never do anything bad when I feel I attracted, But I keep it in my self, but I think to be honest every body make a friends with opposite sex may attracted physically and emotionally even though he is in love, engaged or married. If we call this silent treason the question is :

The probable action for lovers or husbands is to stop friendship with opposite sex ? or to continue silent treason ,

If some body say he is not attracted to his friends he may be not honest or he has mor power to control his life in this status he should tell us what to do to avoid attracting to our opposite sex

Thanks for response

 

Its not that hard dude. You treat them like you would treat your sister. One of my closest friends since I was a teenager to this very day is a female and yeah, she is pretty. We've never done anything sexual. And it should be easier for you cuz you are married. Even if a chick is attractive, it isn't owed to you to get to enjoy them sexually just because they look good. You don't always get what you want just for wanting it. Since you are married, whats the point in thinking so much about how attractive a chick is?

Now if you got a cute female friend and SHE is acting sexual to you, she isn't thinking of you as a friend either so she not you friend man. She wants to be a wedge and get her high from thinking she is such hot stuff that you'd pick her over your wife. And that mean she is trouble and she is not your friend.

This tendency toward pluralism being normal only for guys is a bunch of junk too. It isn't just men who tend to pluralism. Our origins are based on clan life and everyone was screwing everyone. Like when you were a small boy you didn't know where babies came from and neither did our first ancestors. So there was no monogamy for anyone because we didn;t know anything about babies other than the females had them and the males didn't. It took centuries upon centuries to figure out how the babies were made.

You in the now after centuries upon centuries of the institution of marriage and religion, have come to think differently than your origins. You think how you feel is normal cuz you are a dude and want to not feel bad for being attracted to other chicks. But the ladies go through it too. They've just learned to hide it cuz guys don't deal well with it knowing a chick thinks about sex with other men the way they think of sex with other chicks.

 

In the end man the only thing you have control over is yourself and the kind of man you want to be. If the man you are is one that breaks his promise to his wife for a pretty face it isn't only because you tend to pluralism, it is cuz you are ALSO not a man in control of your own actions. So its up to you dude, what kind of man do you want to be?

loverofloveandstuff Established Member

loverofloveandstuff

Posted
Posted

This is the exact attitude that scares me off relationships. The fear of someone hotter or more attractive coming along and then being cheated on. It seems as though, for a lot of people (men and women), given the opportunity they will cheat. The reason why so many haven't cheated is because the opportunity hasn't come up.

 

I know there are many relationships where this isn't even an issue, but the attitude demonstrated by OP, and many men I have met, makes me all the more cynical.

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted

So, OP, how many of these female friends are also 'couple' friends, meaning they are engaged with and supportive of your marriage and spouse? Also, if they are married, the same for you? In the latter case, do you do things as couples? IMO, it's OK to have thoughts of superficial flirtation and/or infatuation, but the M is and should always be the priority. If anything about the friendship is de-prioritizing the marriage, and this includes how one's spouse feels about the friendship, the marriage should prevail.

 

I can tell you, personally, that I had no problems with opposite sex friendships within my M until issues within the M caused me to feel detached from it and I made the unhealthy *choice* to de-prioritize the M and it was, exactly at that point, that the friendships became unhealthy. Looking back, I can see it clearly now. Even at the point where my love for my wife died, I still had a choice of how to act on that, and I chose a path that was unhealthy and wrong. We all have choices. If you feel that such friendships are 'silent treason', then make a choice that aligns with that feeling. If you feel you are invested completely in your M and such friends are healthy and your spouse is on the same page, then make choices which align with that.

 

Oh, lastly, having experienced it, I can opine that, once one regains health, formerly poor boundaries (and the attendant feelings) can be re-established to a healthy state, even with persons one might have had 'feelings' for. Boundaries are key. Change is possible. Accepting that change is healthy. Good luck :)

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