straycat99 Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 Ok, so the gist of it is I met a guy at a bar a few weeks ago, we flirted, I gave him my information, he texted me, and we went out on a date. On our date, I realize, wow, he's really good-looking, and more frighteningly, extremely successful, ivy league educated; a "super catch" so to speak. I'm also good looking, and fairly well educated, and I get paid "ok" but bottom line is the dude is just out of my league. I mean, seriously. Anyway, long story short I decide "meh, there's no way he would actually like me, so I might as well leave a good uhh, last impression". So we go back to my place, didn't play any coy games, did our thing, and he left in the morning. Okay, done. Then about 3 hours later he texted me...something arbitrary, I don't remember. Like a joke or something. He continued to text me sort of random statements for the next several days. And then last night he actually called me, said he would be going out of town for a few days and that he would call me when he got back. I was like, "uhh cool, talk to you then". SO, here's the thing. He's a really cool guy, but I just don't know how to...treat this "friendship" or whatever. I feel like I should keep this reduced to a physical thing, because there's just no way I could ever "end up" with this dude. It's just highly improbable; a waste of time even considering. But I don't know how to act on the phone or whatever...and what if he wants to hang out again? (he strongly alluded to this). Do I act like it's a "second date" or just get straight to the point? Anyway, I know this is all kind of lame but the whole thing just kind of puzzles me. It's all so bizarre, it's just of entertaining.
TaraMaiden Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 This is ridiculous. You really believe he's "out of your league"....? At the risk of getting yelled down, you're judging this way too materialistically. If he lost it all in some freak incident tomorrow, would he suddenly be back in your league again? This is known as reverse snobbery. Honestly, I'd just take it for what it is.... Don't you think a person would be offended if you were to say to them, they're out of your league? if the emotion is right, and the perspective is right - then everything is right. In the true making of a person, you'll find that material success is never as important or significant as what a person is like in themselves. You get @$$holes or Mr Wonderfuls - no matter the trappings.
tinktronik Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 Sounds like this guy is into you. I would consider it a possible budding relationship (he's giving all the signs.)
Author straycat99 Posted October 14, 2010 Author Posted October 14, 2010 Well, no, in a different world where human beings didn't care about their quality of life he may not be out of my league. But in this world, he is. You can't blame a successful and beautiful individual for wanting to get with other successful beautiful individuals if they can. I date healthy and attractive men because I can. So I'm certainly not offended that guys of his type would rather be with a woman who is incredibly attractive or career driven (more so than myself). In fact, I would encourage anyone to go for the "best people" they can possible get. Obviously not everyone shares my view on this, ah well.
Author straycat99 Posted October 14, 2010 Author Posted October 14, 2010 lol, thanks Tink. I dig the quote. It's food for thought...
Idalis Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 I'm new here, and this is actually my very first post... anyhow, it sounds to me like you are selling yourself, not to mention this guy short. Just b/c he makes a lot of $$ and went to an Ivy league school doesnt mean he doesnt have a heart and doesnt develop feelings. One night stands might not normally end up in a relationship, but it doesnt sound like he's treating it like a one night stand, while you are, if you want more you shouldn't hold back just given the reasons you've stated... good luck!
djhall Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 Well, no, in a different world where human beings didn't care about their quality of life he may not be out of my league. But in this world, he is. You can't blame a successful and beautiful individual for wanting to get with other successful beautiful individuals if they can. I date healthy and attractive men because I can. So I'm certainly not offended that guys of his type would rather be with a woman who is incredibly attractive or career driven (more so than myself). In fact, I would encourage anyone to go for the "best people" they can possible get. Obviously not everyone shares my view on this, ah well. The thing is, you are assuming that what he primarily values in a partner is financial / career success and your idea of physical attractiveness. Being successfull financially may mean he doesn't care so much about that aspect in a partner since he is confident in his ability to provide for his family... perhaps he is more concerned about finding a partner that will be supportive of him, be a good mother for his children, provide good companionship, etc. Similarly, you don't think you are attractive enough for him, but you have no good basis for knowing what he finds attractive. After years of comparing notes with people about who we find attractive, I can attest the the fact that there is a huge amount of variety in what ordinary people find attractive. You just have no way of knowing if he happens to find you hot.
Author straycat99 Posted October 14, 2010 Author Posted October 14, 2010 Yeah, I suppose you're right. I guess I could be his "type"; maybe he thinks I'm hot and social or financial status just isn't very important to him. I mean, I've seen that in movies, like Pretty in Pink and I do have one super hot girlfriend who's currently leeching off an attorney. So...hmmm.... But, see, I want to be comfortable with the guy I'm with. I want to feel we have mutual respect and admiration for what we've done with our lives. And I want to be "on the same page" as guys I date. You know, have had similar life experiences, similar perceptions of people, the world, humor, etc...and I don't think I'd find those things with this guy (or him find those things in me). But I guess it never hurts to play it by ear or whatever.
bac Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 Ok, so the gist of it is I met a guy at a bar a few weeks ago, we flirted, I gave him my information, he texted me, and we went out on a date. On our date, I realize, wow, he's really good-looking, and more frighteningly, extremely successful, ivy league educated; a "super catch" so to speak. I'm also good looking, and fairly well educated, and I get paid "ok" but bottom line is the dude is just out of my league. I mean, seriously. Anyway, long story short I decide "meh, there's no way he would actually like me, so I might as well leave a good uhh, last impression". So we go back to my place, didn't play any coy games, did our thing, and he left in the morning. Okay, done. Then about 3 hours later he texted me...something arbitrary, I don't remember. Like a joke or something. He continued to text me sort of random statements for the next several days. And then last night he actually called me, said he would be going out of town for a few days and that he would call me when he got back. I was like, "uhh cool, talk to you then". SO, here's the thing. He's a really cool guy, but I just don't know how to...treat this "friendship" or whatever. I feel like I should keep this reduced to a physical thing, because there's just no way I could ever "end up" with this dude. It's just highly improbable; a waste of time even considering. But I don't know how to act on the phone or whatever...and what if he wants to hang out again? (he strongly alluded to this). Do I act like it's a "second date" or just get straight to the point? Anyway, I know this is all kind of lame but the whole thing just kind of puzzles me. It's all so bizarre, it's just of entertaining. He was looking for a NSA relationship at the bar. He was lucky enough to find what he was looking for. It it hard to find a FWBs for any men, even for a high quality male. If he is a quality male, most girls want him for a serious relationship. He was lucky to find you. BTW, If you behave attached, he might drop you. IMO He liked sex with you. He liked that you had no expectations about emotional attachments and stuff like that.
xpaperxcutx Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 Yeah, I suppose you're right. I guess I could be his "type"; maybe he thinks I'm hot and social or financial status just isn't very important to him. I mean, I've seen that in movies, like Pretty in Pink and I do have one super hot girlfriend who's currently leeching off an attorney. So...hmmm.... But, see, I want to be comfortable with the guy I'm with. I want to feel we have mutual respect and admiration for what we've done with our lives. And I want to be "on the same page" as guys I date. You know, have had similar life experiences, similar perceptions of people, the world, humor, etc...and I don't think I'd find those things with this guy (or him find those things in me). But I guess it never hurts to play it by ear or whatever. If he's good enough for an NSA, then you should grab the opportunity for several more f--- sessions before you drop the old " It's not you, it's me line". If he feels mutually the same you wouldn't have to worry about hurting his feelings.
Not the love ace Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 Don't worry about him being "out of your league". If he is enjoying your company and vice versa that's all that really matters, its as simple as that. You just have to decide whether you want to have an NSA relationship or deeper. No one is out of no one's league.
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