my baby is panicking

[porter218]

My daughter is almost 2 and lately she has been acting differently. Any loud noise no matter what it is makes her freak out. I could do something as simple as call to the next room to tell my son to put his socks on and if its loud enough she will drop whatever she is doing, panick and run to me. She will have a look of terror on her face and will be running for cover in my arms so fast that she usually trips. I have no idea why she is doing this and it really makes me upset to see her with that look on her face. Is this normal? My son never went through a phase like this and I don't know what to think of it. It seems like it has been only the last few months that she has been doing it and it seems to be getting worse not better. I have full custody of her and she never spends the night anywhere other then with me. She is in daycare but it is a very well run place and I don't think there are any problems there. There isn't any abuse in the home..no yelling or hitting..nothing:confused:. I want to fix it but I don't even understand whats wrong. I have made an appointment with her dr for late next week but I don't know what they can do. Has anyone else seen anything like this?? Any idea what to do for her?

[TaraMaiden]

My daughter used to panic if a fly came into her room...one day, we heard her give the most ear-piercing scream I've ever heard - I swear, I have no idea how her window didn't shatter - and we belted up to her room as fast as our feet could carry us.

She was still screaming when we all fell into her room in our hurry.

There, on the window, was a cranefly.

Not moving, not fluttering, just sat, stock still, on the window pane.

 

I found the best way was just to reassure her, matter-of-factly, and not make too much of a fuss.

It's my opinion, but I think the more you ('you' generic, not 'you' specifically) comfort and pander to a child in this state, the more you subconsciously confirm that they're right to panic. If you comfort them, there MUST be something wrong.... they were right to panic, weren't they?

 

As I recall, we opened the window, and shoo-ed the cranefly out, then I just turned round and said something along the lines of "There! Now, where are your shoes? Which ones do you want to put on today?"

 

Just make light of it, and don't attach any significance to it.

Distract, but don't reward it, like offering a biscuit, or a sweetie... (If I scream again, I might get a lolly!")

[porter218]

ne.

 

I found the best way was just to reassure her, matter-of-factly, and not make too much of a fuss.

It's my opinion, but I think the more you ('you' generic, not 'you' specifically) comfort and pander to a child in this state, the more you subconsciously confirm that they're right to panic. If you comfort them, there MUST be something wrong.... they were right to panic, weren't they?

 

Maybe thats what I am doing wrong. I do tend to hold her and comfort her when she panics like that...even when it's over something silly. I've just never seen anything like it in a child....it's almost like PTSD or something. Maybe I will try diverting her attention and see if that gets me anywhere. I just want to protect her from any bad feeling but I suppose that is impossible.

[threebyfate]

Have you asked your daycare if she reacts in the same way while she's there?

[florence of suburbia]

Next time she gets scared, ask her to draw a picture about it. See if you can get any clue about what's going on based on what she draws.

[porter218]

Have you asked your daycare if she reacts in the same way while she's there?

 

Yes, I asked them when I picked her up up this evening. They said they haven't noticed anything. The director said she would have a meeting with all of her teachers in the morning to discuss this.

 

Next time she gets scared, ask her to draw a picture about it. See if you can get any clue about what's going on based on what she draws.

I will try. She does 'write' in her journal everyday so that shouldn't be to hard to get her to do. Unfortunately because of her age(according to her due date she will be 2 around Christmas) the pictures are very abstract. Not sure if it will be clear what she is drawing.....but worth a shot.

[threebyfate]

Yes, I asked them when I picked her up up this evening. They said they haven't noticed anything. The director said she would have a meeting with all of her teachers in the morning to discuss this.

Good. Have them watch for awhile to see if she's over-reacting or not. If she's not doing so at daycare, this narrows it down to home environment.

 

 

 

Some but not all of the possibilities might be:

• Your son's scaring her but without any harmful intent, just sibling teasing.
  
• Two year olds are prone to separation anxiety.
  
• An attention get.
  

But before jumping to the "attention get" scenario, rule everything else out first. You don't want to minimalize something that's worth paying attention to.

Edited October 15, 2010 by threebyfate
Whoah, my englich real bad.

[Angel1111]

You may want to get her hearing checked when she's at the dr. There may be something going on with that. My first reaction, though, is to say that there is probably something going on at the daycare - either a child is terrorizing her, the place may be loud and disruptive, or something along those lines. If possible, you might want to make a habit of walking in mid-day unannounced and see if you can observe how things are run when they don't expect you, and observe your daughter when she doesn't know you're there. Maybe talk to the manager of the daycare and ask him/her to watch her. Just because you think it's a good place, you never know for sure. She's too young to be faking this reaction so I think you're smart to pay attention to it.

[porter218]

You may want to get her hearing checked when she's at the dr. There may be something going on with that. My first reaction, though, is to say that there is probably something going on at the daycare - either a child is terrorizing her, the place may be loud and disruptive, or something along those lines. If possible, you might want to make a habit of walking in mid-day unannounced and see if you can observe how things are run when they don't expect you, and observe your daughter when she doesn't know you're there. Maybe talk to the manager of the daycare and ask him/her to watch her. Just because you think it's a good place, you never know for sure. She's too young to be faking this reaction so I think you're smart to pay attention to it.

 

Yea, daycare is the only thing that would be easy to explain. They have a way parents can watch kids over the internet but I haven't thought to do that till now. They do say that one little boy is excessively loud but could something like that really trigger this fear?

I also wonder if this could be a delayed reaction to her hospital stay in May. She was very sick with MRSA pneumonia and spent most of the month in the hospital. She did have night terrors after this every night. They had to do blood draws every night to monitor her vancomycin levels. They didn't wake her up they would just stick her in her sleep, but I think that verges on child abuse. Her night terrors have gotten better but have not gone away...maybe this is related...? Maybe I'm over-thinking this...

[TaraMaiden]

Please don't take this the wrong way, "but child care" is a bit like canine behaviour therapy.

 

I'm not trying to be insulting, and comparing your child to a dog - but look at it this way;

Dogs cannot effectively communicate to us what the situation between their ears is running like - and neither can young children.

 

I always tell my clients:

"The question is never 'why does my dog *do this*? The main question is always, *what do I do now?* "

 

You may well be right. She may well be manifesting latent and hitherto dormant fears, and expressing them in the only way she knows how.

 

You have no way of knowing. And the fears she has, if we knew what they were, would seem foolish and childish. But to her, something is obviously making her jumpy, and it's important enough for her to react in an extreme way.

This is why it's doubly important for you to remain calm, unruffled and in control.

Her panic is saying "I don't like this, please take it away from me."

In your calm and unruffled confidence, what you communicate back to her is "I have this under control, watch me take charge and return to being calm, I'm on the case."

 

You may get to the bottom of it; or you may not. The important, is to take charge of what is happening now.

 

Good luck.

[Angel1111]

I also wonder if this could be a delayed reaction to her hospital stay in May. She was very sick with MRSA pneumonia and spent most of the month in the hospital. She did have night terrors after this every night. They had to do blood draws every night to monitor her vancomycin levels. They didn't wake her up they would just stick her in her sleep, but I think that verges on child abuse. Her night terrors have gotten better but have not gone away...maybe this is related...? Maybe I'm over-thinking this...

 

Yes, I absolutely think that's highly significant and it would totally explain her anxiety having been separated from you for a month and having scary things happen to her. It's probably a type of post-traumatic syndrome. I'm really sorry that happened and I'm glad to know she's better. But, yea, I think this is the crux of your problem.

 

Just a note, if I had the opportunity to view my child at daycare when he was small, you can bet I would've done that. I never 100% trust anyone with my child. If you have the option to see what's going on, then I would recommend that you do that periodically throughout the day.

[porter218]

Yes, I absolutely think that's highly significant and it would totally explain her anxiety having been separated from you for a month and having scary things happen to her. It's probably a type of post-traumatic syndrome. I'm really sorry that happened and I'm glad to know she's better. But, yea, I think this is the crux of your problem.

Thats what I am afraid of. If that is the case then it is just a matter of calmly handling her 'PTSD" now and no actual problem to treat...just symptoms. That makes me sad that in a way she has been abused like that. I know it isn't intentional or even avoidable abuse but abuse non the less. If I think about what it was to her...She is sleeping peacefully then two strangers come into her room every night and she wakes up with these people standing over her intentionally inflicting pain while mommy just sits there and watches without stoping them..ugh:(. I wish I had insisted they at least wake her up at first..but what's done is done. I was there most of the time so I don't think it is a separation anxiety(I don't think). I took the whole month off work and almost never left her side unless my mother was with her.

 

Just a note, if I had the opportunity to view my child at daycare when he was small, you can bet I would've done that. I never 100% trust anyone with my child. If you have the option to see what's going on, then I would recommend that you do that periodically throughout the day.

I guess I feel more comfortable because her older brother, my 5yr old, goes there too after school. He is extremely protective of her and they have told me he absolutely insists on dropping in on her 'class' all the time to make sure she is OK. But to be careful I will start watching the class over the internet. She is a sensitive child and there is something bothering her.

 

TaraMaiden;

You have no way of knowing. And the fears she has, if we knew what they were, would seem foolish and childish. But to her, something is obviously making her jumpy, and it's important enough for her to react in an extreme way.

This is why it's doubly important for you to remain calm, unruffled and in control.

Her panic is saying "I don't like this, please take it away from me."

In your calm and unruffled confidence, what you communicate back to her is "I have this under control, watch me take charge and return to being calm, I'm on the case."

I completely agree. This is a parenting technique my son taught me(lol, yes my son). He used to watch all of those Nanny 911 type of shows and take notes to show me on how to raise kids:laugh:. He even established a behavior chart for himself and his sister. But yes, I will not panic alongside her ...as that would only increase her panic. I'll just 'panic over the internet instead.

Edited October 15, 2010 by porter218

[turnera]

Don't fuss over her when she does it. Hold her and comfort her, but then move on. Or you'll instill a pattern of being 'sick' or 'upset' to get attention. The best thing you can teach your children is to be self-sufficient (to a point) - that removes a lot of their fear, knowing they have power or control to help themselves.

[Stung]

OP, I of course agree it's a good idea to check in more on her daycare, to be careful. Watch online, conduct a surprise visit--it certainly can't hurt, and will reassure you if nothing else.

 

However, it doesn't necessarily sound so out of bounds to me. Hopefully nothing is terribly wrong, and your daughter is just a bit more sensitive than your son was, or sensitive in a different way. My son is almost two years old also, and he is currently in a phase where he freaks every time somebody knocks on our front door. He drops everything and runs to me in a panic and wants to be reassured.

 

I know exactly where this stems from, which helps--his big sister was having a few friends sleep over a couple weeks ago, and we were having a few pizzas delivered for their party. The delivery man was at the door carrying multiple steaming hot boxes of pizza, I was getting the door, my son (who is a big-time runner) was running for the door, one of the sneakier cats was running for the door, it turned into a stressful event where I was trying to keep cat and kid from running into the street and there was a strange man standing there. Then one of the girls came and picked my son up from behind to help me out. It was an innocent event, really: nobody got hurt, nobody was ever in danger, the strange man was not really scary, the strange girl was being helpful, five minutes later my son was happily picking the veggies out of his pizza-- but something about it stuck with him, and I do feel bad about it but I'm not sure that in the moment I could have handled it that much differently. It was just one of those things.

 

I know what triggered his fear so I'm not really too worried about it. People knock on our door fairly regularly, and we always investigate together, as calmly and collectedly as possible. He will get over it soon. A few months ago, he was panicked every time one particular girlfriend of mine laughed--she has a very distinctive laugh, and felt awful when she realized that was what was freaking him out and making him cry. He grew out of it and now he loves her.

[porter218]

 

 

I know exactly where this stems from, which helps--his big sister was having a few friends sleep over a couple weeks ago, and we were having a few pizzas delivered for their party. The delivery man was at the door carrying multiple steaming hot boxes of pizza, I was getting the door, my son (who is a big-time runner) was running for the door, one of the sneakier cats was running for the door, it turned into a stressful event where I was trying to keep cat and kid from running into the street and there was a strange man standing there. Then one of the girls came and picked my son up from behind to help me out. It was an innocent event, really: nobody got hurt, nobody was ever in danger, the strange man was not really scary, the strange girl was being helpful, five minutes later my son was happily picking the veggies out of his pizza-- but something about it stuck with him, and I do feel bad about it but I'm not sure that in the moment I could have handled it that much differently. It was just one of those things.

.

Hahaha:lmao:. I am breathing a huge sigh of relief reading this. This sounds very plausible. I hope it is this simple, then it will just be a case of 'the sensitive baby'. My so was the worlds easiest child so maybe it has tilted my view of what is normal for kids to go through.

[sb129]

They go through stages of things bothering them that may not have previously.

 

My friends daughter absolutely hates strange men, basically all men who aren't her dad or her grandfather.

 

She cries and gets very distressed whenever one is around, even "safe" men like my H who she has known all her (short!) life.

[TaraMaiden]

The same kind of responses apply.... The more people 'pander' to this fear, and pay attention to it, the more it will deepen.

It's during these formative years that subliminal conditioning takes hold.....

[Stung]

I hope it is this simple, then it will just be a case of 'the sensitive baby'. My so was the worlds easiest child so maybe it has tilted my view of what is normal for kids to go through.

 

Porter, I very much hope so too. Keep a close eye on her and doublecheck her daycare but, really, try not to stress yourself out over this too much. I do think it's perfectly plausible that there have been a couple of relatively innocent but high-stress for her moments associated with some loud noise, that her sensitive toddler psyche is blowing out of proportion--it'd be totally understandable if she were more sensitive than most after her recent bout in the hospital.

 

If that's her in your avatar, she's a cutie pie. When does she turn two? My son is two in just a few weeks.

[porter218]

If that's her in your avatar, she's a cutie pie. When does she turn two? My son is two in just a few weeks.

Thanks! Yes that is a picture I took of her while we were on vacation about a month ago. She will be 2 on the 28th. But I still feel like I am supposed to adjust her age from her early birth which at this point don't think I should anymore. She wasn't due till Christmas, however she is an impatient child:laugh:.

Well I will implement a bit of everyones advice and hope for the best. I'll try not to worry (at least not in front of her).

[Stung]

Through the magic of rearranged preemie dates, she's both older and younger than my son! I think that's coming to an end, though, as you said--no need to keep thinking that way once she's hit two, most likely.

 

Keep us posted on how she's doing. I know the first time my son panicked at a door knock and came running to me, the look on his little face just about killed me.

[silverfish]

My daughter is almost 2 and lately she has been acting differently. Any loud noise no matter what it is makes her freak out. I could do something as simple as call to the next room to tell my son to put his socks on and if its loud enough she will drop whatever she is doing, panick and run to me. She will have a look of terror on her face and will be running for cover in my arms so fast that she usually trips. I have no idea why she is doing this and it really makes me upset to see her with that look on her face. Is this normal? My son never went through a phase like this and I don't know what to think of it. It seems like it has been only the last few months that she has been doing it and it seems to be getting worse not better. I have full custody of her and she never spends the night anywhere other then with me. She is in daycare but it is a very well run place and I don't think there are any problems there. There isn't any abuse in the home..no yelling or hitting..nothing:confused:. I want to fix it but I don't even understand whats wrong. I have made an appointment with her dr for late next week but I don't know what they can do. Has anyone else seen anything like this?? Any idea what to do for her?

 

I have seen something similar to this very recently. My son who is 10 has recently had a ear infections in both ears. His hearing isn't as good as it was since then and he reacts with fear sometimes if he doesn't hear me walk up behind him.

 

He has also woken up with nightmares a few times since the infection, again, I think due to complications from the ear infection. He has definitely been more withdrawn and quiet since his illness and is more clingy than usual. I wonder whether your baby has a similar issue following her illness.

[porter218]

I have seen something similar to this very recently. My son who is 10 has recently had a ear infections in both ears. His hearing isn't as good as it was since then and he reacts with fear sometimes if he doesn't hear me walk up behind him.

 

He has also woken up with nightmares a few times since the infection, again, I think due to complications from the ear infection. He has definitely been more withdrawn and quiet since his illness and is more clingy than usual. I wonder whether your baby has a similar issue following her illness.

 

Possible. Her illness wreaked havoc on her little body. She did have severe bilateral ear infections as a result. It was a scary month for us and I am sure she was miserable. I can see how that would affect her hearing. I will ask the doctor to test it tomorrow. However she actually appears to have overly sensitive hearing.

Well her teachers said she did seem to have a little bit of a strange reaction to one of her classmates yelling. But they say that they don't see much too often because the kids are mostly well behaved and quiet unless they are singing a song together....which I believe is true because I have dropped in a couple times and seen how impressively well behaved they are for a group of toddlers.

Edited October 18, 2010 by porter218

[sb129]

Its so hard to know what to do sometimes whether the child is "playing up" or is genuinely upset.

 

My daughter hasn't been well this last week and seems better during the day but the nights are still quite erratic, and last month we had nearly 2 weeks of solid 12 hour sleeps so to have that interrupted again has been hellish!!

 

She wakes up in the night really upset, and I wondered if kids have bad dreams this young and if they do, what on earth would htye be about?

[porter218]

She wakes up in the night really upset, and I wondered if kids have bad dreams this young and if they do, what on earth would htye be about?

 

Yea, I think they do. I stand by my daughters crib and listen to her in the middle of the night and I hear her quietly talking in her sleep. She moves around a little bit and cries sometimes. I can't yet figure out what the dreams are about but I think sometimes it is about falling from the sudden movements I see sometimes. My daughter also has nightmares about the blood draws they did in the hospital. I am sure that is what it is because she had blood draws between 4:30 and 5am every morning and she woke up screaming at exactly that time screaming every morning for 2 months after she got home.

[sb129]

Oh yeah falling dreams, they are horrible. Also not nice if you are just learning to walk like my baby is.