thatsonlyme Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 There is no single word that could describe how I felt for the last 2 months. Devastated, depressed, betrayed, lost, angry, terrified and you could probably add any other negative emotion here, that would still not give you even the slightest idea of how I really felt. My feelings were efin roller coaster, emotional ups and downs, mood swings, you name it! I hated myself and my inability to take control over my life. Well, lately I started feeling a lot better. I'm capable of doing things, I started thinking about future, thinking about business. Now I can read things other than those posted here on LS. I even watched half of the movie few nights ago! I still get somewhat emotional but I don't cry anymore and most of the time I feel indifference when thinking about her. I still think about her a lot, but now it's more about should I even bother trying to maintain friendly relationship with her or just remove her from my life completely. I think latter is going to happen. It's not because of the fact she broke up with me but because of the way she treated me during and post break up. It's just wrong and she doesn't deserve anything from me. I really don't need anything from her, she has nothing to offer. So why even bother? I've found my peace. I'm far from being happy, but I'm not unhappy either. Just like always in my life, things start happening without my interaction. An old friend popped out of nowhere. Some business opportunities opened up for me. I just need somebody to cuddle and I think I'd feel complete again The good thing is I don't feel desperate to find another girl. I think I felt desperate before because I was competitive, I wanted to show her that I can find someone fast. The fact is I can't, and that's cool. It doesn't make me less worthy as a person. Not anymore but it surely felt like that in the beginning. I don't know what future holds but at least I feel strong enough to face it on my own. I can do better without her, she was always slowing me down. I'll do better than her and in the end I will be happier than her, because I have something she doesn't. I have heart, I have so much love to give and I have compassion for others. She defeated me but she didn't kill me. I'm bouncing back bigger and stronger. Next time I have to deal with someone like her I'll definitely have upper hand I've come a long way from hitting a rock bottom, I've reached a surface and can finally breathe! In this whole thing I'm coming out as a winner. I've learned a valuable lesson. I didn't lose that much anyway, she wasn't worth it in the first place. She's lost more than she can imagine at this moment. She didn't learn anything out of this. Stay strong my fellow LS-ers, we all eventually get there. Good luck to you all.
truant Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 Thanks for posting this. I'm 5 weeks in and just starting to be able to breathe a little. Damn, this is hard...but at least there is some hope.
Author thatsonlyme Posted October 14, 2010 Author Posted October 14, 2010 This will surely make me man up. I've always been a child in my heart.
PSG Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 This post gives hope...I am only on week one of the breakup and am still feeling pretty bad. I hope one day I don't have this weight on my chest making it hard to breath. So sad.
jeff2321 Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 I'm probably 5 weeks NC ( I think ? ) and generally I'm feeling pretty good, but tonight I relapsed big time. I didn't break NC or anything but several of my friends are getting married and another friend called to talk about how great the sex him and his wife are having. All of this just sent me into a massive downward spiral into depression. So it's good you are feeling some relief. I've had some relief myself, but I still can get REALLY REALLY down and often it's triggered by thoughts of me not having her around anymore. She was really caring and she was amazing and I just can't seem to forgive myself for not doing better. I'm sure I'm not even a figment in her imagination at this point to her... and I'm still in immense pain. When I get this low, I seriouslly question my purpose in life. Why get up in the morning? Why go to work ? Why do a ****ing thing at all? I'm glad someone here is getting better, but I'm certainly not getting better at all. Jeff
Author thatsonlyme Posted October 15, 2010 Author Posted October 15, 2010 Jeff, buddy I know how you feel. Seeing happy people around makes me feel like crap sometimes! I just remember how happy I was only 2 months ago. There was nothing to indicate what was coming. Now it feels like I'll never have a girlfriend again, or at least I will stay alone for quite some time. It's been two months already and there is no reason to believe that anything is gonna change in another two. I do meet some new girls through friends, but that doesn't seem enough. I don't have that many friends or time to hang out. One friend is trying to hook me up with some of her girl friends, but they hang out only occasionally on saturdays, now I'm waiting for that. it still doesn't mean that I'll click with any of those girls. Seriously, that's the only thing I need right now, I need somebody, at least for a short while to make me feel like a man. I just need to feel that I CAN have somebody else beside her. The good thing is that I don't miss her that much. I do think about her and I remember great things we did together, places we went together but getting back together with her is not that appealing anymore.
Author thatsonlyme Posted October 15, 2010 Author Posted October 15, 2010 Much like I asked Jeff, have you never dated anyone else before? Yes I have. Not gonna lie though, I was never one of those guys who had tons of girls, but for last 10-11 years I always had somebody. I don't remember much of all that dating thing honestly, 5 years with my current ex, 4 years with my previous ex, it's all just a distant memory. I never really dated my current ex, we were friend at first, then we hooked up and kind of skipped dating altogether. Basically I'm a 31 yo man who's never dated a woman! add to all this total social awkwardness because my current ex was my whole world and I tried to avoid women altogether for 5 years, cultural and language barrier (which is not huge but still existing) and it seems like a recipe for disaster! How do I approach someone? what to talk about? how to ask for a phone number? How to ask for a date? again what to talk about? How to actually make a first move? if I was 16 and asking those questions that would probably be ok, but I'm not 16 I'm 31! I feel handicapped in a way to be honest. I'm reasonably handsome guy and women do get interested there is no question about it, however it's hard for me to keep them interested.
SadGirl23 Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 aww im so happy for you that you are taking life day by day hunni!! You need to really give me some of that positive energy as I am sinking. I been so strong for so long that I am finally about to crash I miss the guy he was.. I am worried that he's with another girl even though he volunteered to tell me info that I didn't even bother asking.. he was telling me that he is not seeing anyone and that he wants me to go with him to church. bc he text me that while I was NC.. it just brought me down again.. this happened last week. i feel so depressed nwo. i dont know how to date again either.. and i wish i can have a cuddle buddy and i want to feel like a woman again.. i found myself touching my guy friend's hand bc i missed the hands of a man lol it was super weird.. but made me sad that i came home n cried. i really am happy with ur progress, please tell me what u did to get urself out of the funk!
Author thatsonlyme Posted October 15, 2010 Author Posted October 15, 2010 Sadgirl23, It was a long and painful process for me and I'm not sure if I have a recipe how to get over, but let me try. After break up I was heart broken, lost and desperate. I wanted her back so bad and I started with NC for about a month with intention to reconcile. I won't go into details because my story is all over this forum. I cried a LOT. I talked about her a lot! I drunk a lot whenever I had a chance. I tried to get out whenever I had a chance, sometimes I'd walk for hours in the city, all alone, treat myself with a lunch or coffee, whatever. I went to the gym 3-5 times a week. at first I couldn't think anything bad about her. Our relationship seemed perfect, but then I started digging deeper. I realized that she was not such a great person after all. She helped me a lot in realizing this, especially after we started talking and seeing each other again. She seemed very excited about her new life and whenever I asked about her feelings she would tell me how "those are only good memories" and she doesn't feel bad about it. She even seemed excited that we were not together which hit me like a ton of bricks. I could understand that person can be happy about her life but how could she be happy about not being with me? when I broke up with my ex gf I was happy because I found somebody else but I still felt bad that we were not together and will never be. I don't think break up can be something to be excited about for a normal person, especially for person who supposedly loved you. I realized that she simply doesn't understand the concept of real love. for her, love is only butterflies and initial attraction. she was in love with me, and for a long time too, but she never got to the next stage. when she dumped me she obviously thought I'll just get over it. She seems to truly not understand my pain! She even asked a friend if I was "really that upset". upset? about abandoning a 5 year relationship and entire life built together? She's obviously not capable of seeing anything outside of her own perspective. All this lead me to conclusion that she's a typical case of a narcissist. I started thinking if I really wanted to be with such person. I analyzed everything, tried to imagine us getting back together and realized it would never be the same. I still miss dearly everything we had together but the damage was done and I realized that I do not want to get back with her. It's a logical decision and I have to admit if she came to me tomorrow asking me for forgiveness I'd still take her back. That's why I hope she never does. She still messes me up a little when we meet so I'm going to tell her that I can't do this anymore and go full NC. I really want to move on. You can probably find bad things about your ex as well. He doesn't deserve you and try to get into that mindset. There are good guys out there, just like there are good girls out there, the ones that know how to appreciate real love. IDK how to find them but the fact that they exist gives me hope. Also, from my experience, when everything goes wrong good things start happening without your interaction. It may take some time but it WILL happen. you could bump into an old friend who you haven't seen in ages and he could introduce you to someone. I've had it happen to me before. and don't forget one important thing, you're a woman! trust me, it makes a big difference! I can go out and spend all day alone and nobody will approach me. as a woman you will get approached, just go out! I went to the concert with friends the other night and there was this girl who came all alone. She was just standing there and I wanted to approach her but couldn't find courage. by the end of the concert she was approached by at least 3 guys, one of whom was my friend and they ended up going to a bar together afterwards! I'm not sure if this helps, but is the way I deal with it. I will probably get through different phases again, but the pain is now bearable. It's not about missing her anymore, now I feel bad more because I'm not as happy as I used to be. I try to do a little things that I couldn't make myself do in last two months. I watched half of the movie, read some news online I started looking for things to buy for my new place when I move in next month. I started thinking about making that place my new home, I want to buy some picture frames and frame some of my photographs, even though I was never really into it before. I've never had any pictures on my walls. also I've been listening to some music that makes me feel better. Here is my play list: Apocalyptica = I don't care Jimmy eat world - middle Three days grace - I hate everything about you the all american rejects - gives you hell evanesence - call me when you're sober linkin park - in the end three days grace - just like you daughtry - over you Stay strong and you'll get through. If there is anything else I can do to help let me know. Talking and venting helps. Sometimes talking to friends about it over and over again can get old, that's why LS is for
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