McFarlin Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 A little over a year ago, my girlfriend and I got together. We started out as a one night stand type of thing. She called me randomly one night and asked if I would be down to have sex. She said she hadn't had sex in 5 months and she always liked me (I dated a lot of her friends). I've known her for a while and we were okay friends. We didn't really talk much so it was kind of a shocker to me. Of course I said yes. That night we had 2 1/2 hours of the best sex ever in the back of my 90 Lincoln Town Car. We messed around for a week longer and decided to give it a shot at dating. Well here we are a year later.... During our relationship everything was great. We shared everything, did everything together, and had the most passionate sex. I can honestly say it was the best time of my life. She was always faithful. She was down for just about anything and she always had my back through everything. We planned our whole life together. We hardly ever argued and we almost never fought. Things seemed perfect. About 2 months ago things took a rocky turn. I still loved her and felt the same but I was starting to focus more of my time into my education, friends and hobbies. I was also going through some changes in life. I still spent quite a bit of time with her, but I knew something wasn't right. We argued more and more. I began to become an ******* at times. I would constantly get upset about little things and became a bit controlling. She started yelling a lot and becoming unenjoyable to be around. We didn't talk about things like we used to and things just felt different between us. Communication went right out the window. I kind of went about it like "these things were bound to happen, every couple fights, everything will be fine". She called me 2 days ago and began talking to me. Everything seemed completely normal. She then asked me about taking a week break. She said she needed her space and a chance to miss me. I asked her why she wanted that and she said she wasn't as happy as she used to be and she thinks it would do us some good. I of course was not happy to hear this and I replied "I know things are bad right now. I've been acting stupidly and things aren't the same. We really need to work these things out, but you can't bail when the going gets tough. If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best". I told her if she wanted a break then she could have one for good. I told her it was childish to tell me this over the phone and that I would not take this lightly. I asked her if there was someone else and she said there is nobody else and she doesn't know what she wants. She said she is tired of being ignored and she doesn't feel her feelings are being considered. She said she still loves me but is tried of me being an *******. I told her "I know I've been doing some stupid things but bailing on the relationship is showing me you don't love me or respect me". We haven't really spoke since. I have no idea how to go about this to hopefully get her back so we can work things out. Any advice would be great. Thanks guys.
RDawg Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 No contact, no contact, no contact !!! ( Gee, I'm getting good at this giving advice business! ) Seriously, give her the silent treatment, you will be so glad you did. Bet you in 3 weeks to a month she'll be back. There isn't really anything you can do at this stage. Focus on controling YOUR emotions, not hers. All the best man.
Capthxc Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 What the man above me said. My situation is pretty similar to yours, even the way we hooked up. The best thing for either of us to do is to just cut off contact with them. Neediness and desperation isnt attractive. I was fed the whole "you need to change for yourself and not for the sake of this relationship" line before we broke up. So in my case it's going to be a few months before i even hear anything from her again, but its all for the best. Hopefully your situation wont unfold like mine, give her the space she wants, dont bother her, and she will probably come around within a month or so.
WTRanger Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 Yep, if they ask for space the best thing to do is give it to them. She says she needs a week? Give her a week, then establish a check-in time to either break things off completely or give it another go. She can't just tell you she needs space and expect you to wait around nursing your thumb with your as*hole forever, there needs to be established boundaries with space.
Author McFarlin Posted October 15, 2010 Author Posted October 15, 2010 Damn. I wish I would of known the whole "no contact" rule before. I had a huge mental breakdown today and called her like 30 times and she wrote this on my facebook.... "Honestly DV, i don't know what you tell you. The more you call, The more i do not want to talk to you. I need to just have my space. Once you & i have both calmed down, i will talk to you. Until then - please just have fun, & get me off your mind. I love you & always will, but as for now, i'm just going to be myself and have a good time."
Leandro Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Damn. I wish I would of known the whole "no contact" rule before. I had a huge mental breakdown today and called her like 30 times and she wrote this on my facebook.... "Honestly DV, i don't know what you tell you. The more you call, The more i do not want to talk to you. I need to just have my space. Once you & i have both calmed down, i will talk to you. Until then - please just have fun, & get me off your mind. I love you & always will, but as for now, i'm just going to be myself and have a good time." Leave her alone!!! She said she will contact you when she is ready. Do what she said and have fun.
skydiveaddict Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 " I need space" = see ya later I'm done with you. She just doesn't have the guts to tell you straight up. Don't waste anymore time on her.
Gt.ooh Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 In the exact same boat. Give the space...and then some. My gf said exact same words just after a year.
Billie The Puppet Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Treat breaks as break ups and be very weary of the relationship of the break is over. Don't assume everything is fine talk about what caused the break and try to start fresh. In my experience breaks are soft ways of breaking up, almost as if they want to frustrate you enough so you actually do the breaking up part and it removes the guilt from them. Best of luck give her space and even ignore her contact.
Author McFarlin Posted October 15, 2010 Author Posted October 15, 2010 I am seriously going insane guys. What the hell does "I'M GOING TO HAVE A GOOD TIME" even mean?!?!? I'm about to snap.
Author McFarlin Posted October 15, 2010 Author Posted October 15, 2010 I know I could of done things a little better but damn. I feel like a total scum bag right now.
Leandro Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 I am seriously going insane guys. What the hell does "I'M GOING TO HAVE A GOOD TIME" even mean?!?!? I'm about to snap. It could mean that's she's not happy with you anymore.
Author McFarlin Posted October 15, 2010 Author Posted October 15, 2010 It could mean that's she's not happy with you anymore. Her best friend is dating my best friend Jordan. I'll know what she's doing this weekend. If I find her hanging with some other guy I am going to snap and kill this dude. I doubt there is someone else but still. I am going crazy right now and I never act like this. I've always been calm and cheerful but man oh man.
Leandro Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Her best friend is dating my best friend Jordan. I'll know what she's doing this weekend. If I find her hanging with some other guy I am going to snap and kill this dude. I doubt there is someone else but still. I am going crazy right now and I never act like this. I've always been calm and cheerful but man oh man. Don't do that. Be a man. If she sees you acting like that it will just make her believe she made the right choice and it will push her and him closer together. Just let it be and don't mess with it. I know it's hard.
skydiveaddict Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Best be prepared for the worst. "I need space" is NEVER a good sign. I would completely ignore her.
Author McFarlin Posted October 15, 2010 Author Posted October 15, 2010 Don't do that. Be a man. If she sees you acting like that it will just make her believe she made the right choice and it will push her and him closer together. Just let it be and don't mess with it. I know it's hard. If I see her with another guy then it is over for me. I couldn't allow myself to take her back after that. If it gets to that point then I feel as if I have nothing to lose. I wouldn't want her back and would most likely kick his ass for my own revenge.
Author McFarlin Posted October 15, 2010 Author Posted October 15, 2010 Best be prepared for the worst. "I need space" is NEVER a good sign. I would completely ignore her. I know that's what I gotta do but that doesn't mean I want to. I put everything into this relationship and she threw it all away over the phone. She is trying to make me feel like the bad guy when actually she is the one ignoring me when she knows I'm have a mental breakdown.
Author McFarlin Posted October 15, 2010 Author Posted October 15, 2010 I stopped by her place earlier and dropped off all her letters, cards, gifts, etc. She didn't see me because she was sleeping and it was really dark out. Hopefully it will give her a wake up call when she sees it tomorrow. She is completely ignoring me.
Author McFarlin Posted October 15, 2010 Author Posted October 15, 2010 I just feel if she really loves me then she wouldn't put me through this ****. She knows I'm not a bad guy just made some mistakes. Love should be unconditional and understanding. She is killing me inside and doesn't appear to care. I shouldn't have to play this push/pull **** to get someone to listen to me. I feel betrayed and I'm doubting if I even want the fat bitch back. I should just go have an orgy with 5 girls and forget all about this. At least they would actually listen to what I had to say and pretend to ****ing care.
Author McFarlin Posted October 15, 2010 Author Posted October 15, 2010 I can just imagine what bull**** she has said to her friends about me. I'm starting to think even if we get back together it is never going to be the same. I don't know if I could even forgive her for pulling this ****.
fabio10 Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 CALM DOWN WAYYYYYY DOWN !!!! You should not have left those things over there, SPACE is what she asked for not her stuff, just leave her be for afew weeks let her come to you, maybe she is just having doubts but if you start acting crazy her doubts will become a REALITY , just give it some time, spend some time with your friends go out party, dont be thinking what she is saying to her friends if you had a good time together what can she say ? But if you start acting crazy ... well then your giving them plenty of ammo aint you !!!
tgr172 Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Hey Buddy! I see you are going through high anxiaty. Youre posts are like 10 min apart. Been there, done that! alone with youre thoughts and to be honest your immagination. Ones immagination is the worst enemy during a breakup. Now you did come across as a little controlling and somewhat possessive for a while before she said she wanted a break. Probably not aware of it, but im sure she felt that way. It seems to be her motivation to get some space and not be smothered. Now, in my opinion the right way to play it is to show her that you are not that way and what youre doing now doesent do that. Man your scared and worried as hell. You go from anger to grief in a matter of seconds and back again. Probably paceing the room all night and not a wink of sleep. Think of this as a game of strategy. Also remember that she hasent forgotten about you and just might hang with some guy but her mind will be on you often so just the phisical presence of some "date" is really insignificant. Take comfort in the fact that he thinks he is being "the man" but she has you on her mind. I will assure you of that. So with that as a way to calm your immagination down. Just be cool. Seriously... be in control and show her that youre confident in yourself and life is really positive and good. If you see her dont even bring up the relationship. Act like its the furthest thing from your mind. If she brings it up. Admit that youhad been unlike yourself sympathise with her feelings of being sufficated or upset that you seemed to not want to spend time with her. Agree with her feelings, dont argue how you are right. Its about her feelings. Dont beg to come back just acknowlege her feelings and explain how you were stupid about not noticing. Be positive about your life and gregarious, fun and very very laid back. She will #1 feel you are listening to her and man enough to have humility. #2 She will feel no pressure being with you and can relax, it will bring back what attracted her to you in the first place. I promise it will work but first you have to calm down and give it time give her some space dont come across like OJ Simpson. Whether you know it or not you have the high ground. Chill ... youre her man but you have to be patient with that knowlege. Remember chill give her space be happy and act positive about all the good things that are happening for your future (even if you have to streach the truth a bit) and if she asks admit that you agree with her feelings. Then chill for a while ... she will be back.
zerovandez Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Everyone here is giving you really helpful advice. My only advice is that you listen to them. I was in a 10 year relationship when my ex pulled this card on me. She left me for another man. I feel your pain, it hurts. I know what you're thinking. Don't do it! Just stay calm and busy. Let her go, that's all you can do.
Author McFarlin Posted October 15, 2010 Author Posted October 15, 2010 Update guys. I listened to your advice and just chilled. I have not gotten any sleep for 2 days now and I honestly feel much better. She came over this morning and we talked for 4 hours. She went on a date the other night and she kissed a guy. At first I was a little upset but she said it didn't feel right and she doesn't want to be with him. We had amazing sex and cried in each others arms. She told me she is just fed up with the disrespect and all the bull****. I told her I would change and we would get **** back to us being happy again. She wants to be with me but scared things are going to get bad again. I assured her that was not going to happen. She says she still loves me. We are not dating yet but we are going to go on a date on Sunday. I'm thinking of what we should do. I will most likely go to a movie and take her out to her favorite bar & grill. Any advice on how to go about this?
kaycstamper Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Get a grip. Acting on jealous rage never had a good result.
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