SummerLady Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 I have a cousin who has been divorced 11 years, seperated and having issues 1-2 yearsprior to divorce. Ok? They have 2 kids that are in college now, so kids were somewhat young when this all started. Here is what I don't get. His ex wife on some level still wants him back or expects that they will end up together. She had a conversation with a relative of mine that I don't understand, even as a woman. First off in 10 years she has not had a boyfriend or serious SO, she has brought no one home or introduced no one as her other half, boyfriend, nothing. Now yes she could be dating or what ever on the side but really in 10 plus years no one else serious. By the way this woman is attractive. Ok so she says to my aunt my ex never lasts with anyone, I would not be surprised if we ended up back together someday. She also went on to say she never really got over him. Now I understand that when people divorce maybe some of the pain and feelings never goes away, I get it. But my aunt and myself get the impression that part of her is seriously waiting around for my cousin. Let me tell you this my cousin had a 7 year serious relationship with someone AFTER he dumped his wife. Plus he dated others in between and is now engaged to be married. I know for knowing him he will Never ever go back with her and he is clear and honest about this with her. Now they tried to reconcile years ago 1 or 2 times but that was a while ago, it never worked as they do not get along, they fight like cats and dogs. My aunt said the conversation was scary, its like she is living in a fantasy land. Why does this woman put her life on hold waiting for my cousin? She is attractive and she is in the prime of her life, plus I personally would never go back with someone that dumped me 10 years ago and moved on. My mom thinks she may be gay and hiding it?? Does this make sense, who would sit around for 10 years and not move on. My girlfriends would and I think most women would, no?? Just perplexes me..
willowthewisp Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 Perhaps the answer is very simple - she loves him, she loves him so deeply that she cannot imagine a life with someone else. Or, she has not found anyone else to bring home because everyone she has dated has not measured up to her XH. Or maybe she is commitment phobic because of what happened and can not bear to get close to anyone else for fear of being so badly hurt again. I don't think she's gay. Whatever the reason though don't you feel upset for her? I do, how awful to still love someone that left you 10 years ago and to not have found happiness with someone else again. I hope I can move on, I really want to but it's easier said than done when you truly love someone.
kuma Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 That's because she never really got over him. Maybe she never will. Everyone is different. Her ex is getting married again. She's in pain. She's not living in a fantasy land. That's how she copes with her pain. Maybe you can help her move on?
stillafool Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 I have an aunt who was the same way. My uncle left her 20 years ago, the kids are grown and they have kids. She has never dated another man nor had a desire. She was really pretty when they divorced. My uncle remarried 5 years after their divorce so she couldn't have thought he would return.
Author SummerLady Posted October 18, 2010 Author Posted October 18, 2010 That's because she never really got over him. Maybe she never will. Everyone is different. Her ex is getting married again. She's in pain. She's not living in a fantasy land. That's how she copes with her pain. Maybe you can help her move on? I would never help my cousin's ex. They have been divorced so long, plus I was never a big fan of hers, she is quite odd. I just think 10 years is a long time to still want someone so bad that your not actively pursuing a life of your own. I am not saying you can't still love someone or feel pain but this woman literally has put her life on hold, that is odd to me. At some point you have to move on. 10 years, wow, long time......
kuma Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 I would never help my cousin's ex. They have been divorced so long, plus I was never a big fan of hers, she is quite odd. I just think 10 years is a long time to still want someone so bad that your not actively pursuing a life of your own. I am not saying you can't still love someone or feel pain but this woman literally has put her life on hold, that is odd to me. At some point you have to move on. 10 years, wow, long time...... Ok, let's just hope she meets someone special. By the way, I know two couples that have gotten back together years later. You never know.
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