usagi Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 with the exception of 2 texts she sent me - I deleted and ignored. I keep seeing her on the high street but so far we have not crossed paths. An email I have composed but won't send. Just need to vent so using this forum: Dear *****, so I've been thinking about sending you an email to see why you wanted to meet up. From the sound of your text it was so you can justify your actions around the break up. Honestly if this is the reason then I don't see how it benefits either of us. If it's because you want to be friends, I don't see how this benefits me. Firstly I was very upset that you texted me anyway. I had made it pretty clear ('clearer than most people in these situations' to use one of your phrases) that I view text communication as an unsatisfactory form of communication for a subject as complicated as a relationship. You could have written me a letter, an email or called me but to write only two sentences didn't really require much effort on your part or illustrate a huge desire to converse. Secondly your text gave no hint of an apology or any remorse for you giving out so many mixed signals, although it did finally acknowledge that you had been sending mixed signals. I don't want to meet up with you and hear about how it 'wasn't your fault' and that you 'didn't know how to end' things between us. You always justify but never apologise. If you wanted to meet up so we can maintain a friendship then that is unrealistic. I don't want to be friends on your terms only. The last time I tried to arrange a meeting with you your response was 'you're playing with fire ****'. That was rude and not the sort of treatment I expect from a friend. I also don't want to meet up with you and hear about you new relationships. I am aware that you suffer from depression; are you? I know that your career is not where you want it to be. I know that you have a fear of being abandoned that stops you committing to relationships. When you started seeing a therapist I thought that you would finally resolve some of these issues you have, that you only went four or five times before giving up was incredibly sad. That you came back from LA after a month of us being apart to declare that we had given it a shot was untrue. Your frustration at not getting an agent there was obvious. I can't help but think that you broke us up because it was an area of your life that you had control of. Your reluctance to let me go after the break up is something about which I don't know what to think. Neither is your deterioration and eventual destruction of many of your close friendships. I want you to get help. I want you to tackle your issues and not be losing friends. I want to have what we had. Sadly it'll never be and it pains me to see you in the street and know that we are both hurting so much.
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