counterman Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 Girls, why do you give out phone numbers and not pick up when guys call? Okay, I can probably guess some answers: 1) You were put on the spot when the guy asked for your number and felt sort of "pressured" into giving it, even though you weren't really interested, 2) To be nice, in case the guy is hurt by it, 3) To signal disinterest, avoiding confrontation It has happened to be a few times and I understand that the girls aren't obliged to pick up my calls or return them. I usually move on after one miss call. However, I just want to see what it's like for the girls when a situation like this happens. How do you feel when you see the guy call? Do you hope that he doesn't call again? Because, I never call the 2nd time. I mean, if she sees my missed call, she can call me back.
Cee Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 You are pretty much dead on with your proposed reasons. I almost never give out my number unless I want to, but in the cases I have, I've felt pressure. The last time it happened, my friend was playing matchmaker and loudly made a big deal of a guy and I being single. We exchanged numbers, but neither called. There have been a couple of times I gave my number willingly and then changed my mind the next day. And I admit, I've prayed that they won't call. And they almost never call. I know, I know, I'm lame. Yes, I avoid responsibility and hate being honest. It's a weakness, but the last time I got an unwanted call was in 2001. I'm pretty good about not giving my number out and guys are great about not having interest in me or wanting to call me.
Andy_K Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 I've always thought you're much better off texting in the early stages. It puts way less pressure on a girl than calling, gives her time to think about her response and respond in her own time, and so forth. Plus if a girl doesn't answer her phone you don't know if she was busy at the time, didn't have her phone on her, or whatever else. And she might not call back if she's shy. With a text, you know full well she'll get it and will reply if she's interested.
waynebrady Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 Most women play hard to get and expect you to call them even if they don't answer the first time. Women want you to prove yourself and work to get them. If you call and she does not pick up and you don't call again later they gonna think you weren't that intrested because if you where you would have called her over and over again until she picks up
Star Gazer Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 I only give out my number if I'm interested at the moment I give it out. If I don't answer when you call, it's either because I'm busy, or after time has passed and reflection, I'm no longer interested...for whatever reason.
USMCHokie Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 I've always thought you're much better off texting in the early stages. It puts way less pressure on a girl than calling, gives her time to think about her response and respond in her own time, and so forth. Disagree. But to each their own. I'm still in the old-fashioned boat of calling because texting to ask a girl out is lame. Plus if a girl doesn't answer her phone you don't know if she was busy at the time, didn't have her phone on her, or whatever else. This is why you always leave a voicemail. And she might not call back if she's shy. With a text, you know full well she'll get it and will reply if she's interested. This applies to calls as well. If she's too shy to return a simple phone call, then she's done me a favor in LAUNCHing herself.
USMCHokie Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 I only give out my number if I'm interested at the moment I give it out. If I don't answer when you call, it's either because I'm busy, or after time has passed and reflection, I'm no longer interested...for whatever reason. This is an excellent point. What someone is thinking at the moment might be completely different from what they think later that night or later that week. This is why seemingly awesome first dates never get second dates...in the moment, one or both parties may be having a great time, but like Star said, after some time passed, interest has waned...
Star Gazer Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 This is an excellent point. What someone is thinking at the moment might be completely different from what they think later that night or later that week. This is why seemingly awesome first dates never get second dates...in the moment, one or both parties may be having a great time, but like Star said, after some time passed, interest has waned... Yup. And I believe it's the same reason why guys get numbers, say, "I'll call you..." and never do. Feelings change moment to moment in the infancy stage. Nothing to lose sleep over.
USMCHokie Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 Most women play hard to get and expect you to call them even if they don't answer the first time. Women want you to prove yourself and work to get them. If you call and she does not pick up and you don't call again later they gonna think you weren't that intrested because if you where you would have called her over and over again until she picks up The ":rolleyes:" confuses me...if indeed you were being sarcastic, then your post would make me ...but you honestly would believe the stuff you're saying, so now I'm more like ...so I'll assume the latter... But you're completely right here. If I call a girl and leave a voicemail, and she never calls back, she would be correct to think that I wasn't interested anymore. I have no interest in women who lack the common courtesy to return a simple phone call, assuming she's actually interested and is just playing games. However, if she's not returning the call because she's not interested, then that's cool, no harm no foul.
dispatch3d Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 Yup. And I believe it's the same reason why guys get numbers, say, "I'll call you..." and never do. Feelings change moment to moment in the infancy stage. Nothing to lose sleep over. When I get numbers and don't call it isn't for that reason. If I got the number at the time then I'm interested. I'm not a girl, it's like an on/off switch between interested or not (sure there are some levels of interest in there). Anyways. The reason I don't call is because I think she was just giving out the number to be nice, maybe I was drunk at the time and asked for it prematurely, etc. Basically, I don't call every number I get because not every girl is going to answer anyways. Why throw yourself into rejection right? The act of getting the number, for me at least, may just be an ego boost that I wanted....
djhall Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 If you call and she does not pick up and you don't call again later they gonna think you weren't that intrested because if you where you would have called her over and over again until she picks up If I don't answer when you call, it's either because I'm busy, or after time has passed and reflection, I'm no longer interested...for whatever reason. This is why I agree with USMCHokie. How is a guy supposed to know the difference between a woman who isn't interested and a woman playing games? As far as I'm concerned, if I call and leave a message and you don't call back, then you've signaled that either you aren't interested or you aren't mature enough to communicate without playing games. Either way, I'm not calling 27 times a day to beg you to come out and play.
hydorclops Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 I just started a thread about a new study that explains why women don't answer the phone.
Author counterman Posted October 15, 2010 Author Posted October 15, 2010 I think I am in the current situation where there is this girl I do not know if I am interested in or not. I got her number and suggested me a date (in person) and she offered when she was free. So, I think she is at least a little interested. But, after seeing her up close, I am not so sure. Not to be completely shallow or anything. I think I will give her call, just to see how things go. Looking back, the girls who gave me their numbers and didn't pick up always hesitated before giving it. It's not for long, maybe just one second. Then, they would say it before I was even ready to punch it in. So, I would let them punch it in and I would call it so they would save it in there's. The ones who were interested always returned the call if they miss it or they always pick up. They would usually suggest times they are free as well. There have been some girls that ask for my number, where I didn't want to give it. But, they had the confidence to ask (I like that), so I gave it. Though, they never went through with calling me and I wouldn't call them. Anyways, after the first miss call, I don't call them back. I agree with what Hokie said. Even if they girl feels pressured to answer and doesn't know what to say... or she's shy, she can return the call when she's ready or even text. The last girl I called didn't have VM, so I didn't leave anything. But, she definitely would have seen my missed call.
Titania22 Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 I have heard advice for men before advising to call rather then text, but as a girl I feel more comfortable with text. It gives me time to consider a response. Something else to consider. In my past experience, some guys don't get that you aren't interested if you are still making contact, even if the contact is just to say you're not interested. Not answering or returning messages or texts, is the one sure fire way to let a guy know you are not interested. So please guys don't get upset by it. As for giving my number, i don't anymore unless he is too pressuring and it's the only way to get him to go away, or if he grabs my phone and calls his (which I found just rude when that happened).
Author counterman Posted October 15, 2010 Author Posted October 15, 2010 Well, it does signal that you're not interested, so I guess it works. When it happens with me, I do not get upset because I move on straight away. It's fair if she's not interested. Not every girl is going to be interested for many reasons. Same with me, I am not going to be interested in every girl that gives me her number. It's funny though, when I do bump into them again, it's all smiles and bantering as though nothing has happened. Some people do think it's "playing hard to get" if you contact them saying you're not interested. But, I guess with no response, they would eventually stop replying. However, would you ever consider just telling him "sorry, I am not interested" when a guy asks for your number? If the situation was reversed, I would feel really bad if I said that... but it does get the point straight out. However, if a girl said that to me, I would say "thanks for telling me upfront :)" - you're the first girl who has ever done that. That would be rude, if a guy grabs your phone to call his.
Titania22 Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 However, would you ever consider just telling him "sorry, I am not interested" when a guy asks for your number? If the situation was reversed, I would feel really bad if I said that... but it does get the point straight out. However, if a girl said that to me, I would say "thanks for telling me upfront :)" - you're the first girl who has ever done that. That would be rude, if a guy grabs your phone to call his. Just last saturday I was at the club, and I told the guy I wasn't interested, when he presented his phone. And I followed it up with, 'Look on the bright side, now you still have time to find someone who is.' I was really happy with myself for being so up front. He moved on. All around it seemed like a very mature interaction.
Author counterman Posted October 15, 2010 Author Posted October 15, 2010 I agree, that was very mature of you. I am proud of you You were being honest with him and straight up with yourself. No harm done. He moved on and you didn't have to get a call from someone you weren't interested in. Did you feel guilty though? Sometimes, I feel that maybe girls think it won't go down so well if they refuse a guy their phone number, so that's why they give it. Then again, maybe some react differently to it.
Titania22 Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Did you feel guilty though? Sometimes, I feel that maybe girls think it won't go down so well if they refuse a guy their phone number, so that's why they give it. Then again, maybe some react differently to it. I think in the past I would have, but these days not at all. It's part of growing up, as a woman, to realise that not being attracted to a guy, isn't actually me doing something wrong. It just is. And being honest about it like that, literally does give that guy time to find what he is looking for. I used to feel really guilty about rejecting guys, but I had to realise it's not a personal attack, it's just a mismatch in attraction. Also, I needed to realise that most guys have alot more experience being rejected then I have. So even if it still hurts for them, they have probably developed some coping mechanisms that I have yet to develop. Plus it was a guy who didn't know me, and therefore had formed any serious attachment to me. I would definately try to be more tactful, if it was a close friend who had known me for months, and therefore may have formed a much more serious attachment before making his move.
Author counterman Posted October 15, 2010 Author Posted October 15, 2010 I think in the past I would have, but these days not at all. It's part of growing up, as a woman, to realise that not being attracted to a guy, isn't actually me doing something wrong. It just is. And being honest about it like that, literally does give that guy time to find what he is looking for. I used to feel really guilty about rejecting guys, but I had to realise it's not a personal attack, it's just a mismatch in attraction. Also, I needed to realise that most guys have alot more experience being rejected then I have. So even if it still hurts for them, they have probably developed some coping mechanisms that I have yet to develop. Plus it was a guy who didn't know me, and therefore had formed any serious attachment to me. I would definately try to be more tactful, if it was a close friend who had known me for months, and therefore may have formed a much more serious attachment before making his move. Even if the guy doesn't have coping mechanisms, he could start developing them when you're upfront. So, it helps him out as well. It is part of growing up and not a reflection on the guy or on yourself. Not every girl is going to be interested in him and he wouldn't take it so personally if he sees that. Plus, someone shouldn't have to fork out their number just because they feel pressured. It might save them a lot of unwanted phone calls and messages. Definitely with the close friend situation, it is better to tread more softly. From all I have witnessed, when a guy close friend wants something more and the girl isn't interested, the friendship usually ends. I do not really have many, or any, girls I would call "close friends".
Titania22 Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Definitely with the close friend situation, it is better to tread more softly. From all I have witnessed, when a guy close friend wants something more and the girl isn't interested, the friendship usually ends. I do not really have many, or any, girls I would call "close friends". In my case it definately ends. Unless he has uncommon self control. I have experienced guys saying they are down with the just being friends thing, but their behaviour says differently.
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