SandyFall Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 A guy that I met on a dating website were together for approx 5 weeks. We really clicked. We hung out during the weekends and would see each other a couple of times during the week. We had lots in common and seemed to enjoy each other's company. Additionally, we both had an "exclusivity talk" and removed our profiles from the website. Sex was also an element, however, he specifically said that we were not FWB. He also said that he was not looking for anyone else. This past weekend, we went on a camping trip and everything was great. No signs of problems from his side. On Monday, things were also normal and we were both looking forward to Tuesday where we would have dinner together. However, on Tuesday morning he said that he wanted to talk. He said that he "freaked out that morning" and "can't see us together longterm." What the hell?? I honestly did not see that coming. I talked to him Monday evening on the phone and there were absolutely no signs of him backing out. Of course I'm hurt, but I'm more shocked than anything since everything seemed so fine. I tried asking him for details as to why he couldn't see us together longterm but he didn't answer. Later Tuesday, he put his profile back up on the dating website. So with this limited info, does anyone have any insight? Thanks.
jerbear Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 So with this limited info, does anyone have any insight? Thanks. I think he freak out and also just does not feel it at 5 weeks. It is also quite possible that sex didnt' happen in the woods, who knows but his decision has been made and you are not the one for him.
Author SandyFall Posted October 14, 2010 Author Posted October 14, 2010 I think he freak out and also just does not feel it at 5 weeks. It is also quite possible that sex didnt' happen in the woods, who knows but his decision has been made and you are not the one for him.Thanks, but what do you mean with "sex didn't happen in the woods?"
jerbear Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 Thanks, but what do you mean with "sex didn't happen in the woods?" Sexual chemistry? Maybe he was expecting something and it didn't happen. Who knows, but he decided that you're not the one for him.
Tim The Enchanter Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 Urgh, that's really crappy thing to do. You really are better off without this chump, I can assure you. I can't imagine what would turn a guy off like that. It seems to me that he probably wasn't all that into you in the first place, and simply strung you along because no one else was available. I've had that done to me a few times. Whatever the reason, this guy has no class.
Truly Lost Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 I want to first start by saying that I'm sorry that he did that to you. It's not fair for someone to get your hopes up only to run out on you. Did he tell you about any of his ex-girlfriends or how long ago he broke up with his last ex? I know, from experience, that quite a few of the men I met, via online dating sites, had recently been in a serious relationship and are on the rebound. It's easier to meet someone online than it is in public. Online dating takes away the chemistry part of meeting someone. It's easier to get someone's attention when you both know you are on the market to date. When you are online you don't know if you will connect with the person completely until you meet them. You might work together intellectually, and maybe even physically, but how about emotionally? I think that is the deciding factor. In my opinion, in order for an online date to work out both people involved have to be completely detached from their ex (emotionally) and in a position where they are ready to start a new life with some else. This guy you dated may want an exclusive relationship, but maybe he just wasn't connecting with you like he had hoped to. 5 weeks is long enough to determine if you like someone. Maybe when he saw things moving in a serious direction, with you, perhaps he contacted his ex to see if there was any hope of reconciliation before he gets too serious with you. I don't know what the answer to this really is, only he can tell you. But this is the misery of dating. You will kiss a lot of frogs before you will meet a prince.
Truly Lost Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 I want to first start by saying that I'm sorry that he did that to you. It's not fair for someone to get your hopes up only to run out on you. Did he tell you about any of his ex-girlfriends or how long ago he broke up with his last ex? I know, from experience, that quite a few of the men I met, via online dating sites, had recently been in a serious relationship and are on the rebound. It's easier to meet someone online than it is in public. Online dating takes away the chemistry part of meeting someone. It's easier to get someone's attention when you both know you are on the market to date. When you are online you don't know if you will connect with the person completely until you meet them. You might work together intellectually, and maybe even physically, but how about emotionally? I think that is the deciding factor. In my opinion, in order for an online date to work out both people involved have to be completely detached from their ex (emotionally) and in a position where they are ready to start a new life with some else. This guy you dated may want an exclusive relationship, but maybe he just wasn't connecting with you like he had hoped to. 5 weeks is long enough to determine if you like someone. Maybe when he saw things moving in a serious direction, with you, perhaps he contacted his ex to see if there was any hope of reconciliation before he gets too serious with you. I don't know what the answer to this really is, only he can tell you. But this is the misery of dating. You will kiss a lot of frogs before you will meet a prince.
squeaky Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 As frustrating as this situation is, you might have lucked out here. There's probably more going on than he's letting on, whatever that may be. He might not be over his ex, he might have a fear of commitment or getting hurt, he might just be a total flake. Either way, that was a lame thing for him to do. And as annoying as it is that you don't know the real reason, I think you can chalk it up to him being an idiot, and not anything that you might have done. It's unfortunate that this happened, but it's better that it happened now and you can move on with someone who's less of an idiot.
Author SandyFall Posted October 14, 2010 Author Posted October 14, 2010 Thank you all for your replies and support. It does make me feel a little better. In regards to the sexual chemistry, he said that the sex was great! Those could have been lies though... Yeah, my friends keep telling me that it's a good thing that this happened now rather than 5 months or even 5 years down the road. According to him, he's had 2 serious relationships (he's 28). One of them lasted 3.5 years and the other one was shorter than that. His last relationship ended well over a year ago so I find it difficult that I was a rebound. He also said that he does not remain in contact with his exes so I doubt he left me to reconcile with them. Having said that, he could have been lying to me all that time. But whatever the reason, I'm more pissed than anything.
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