OceanGirl Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 There is this guy that added on Facebook because he saw a picture of me in a mutual friends photo album and liked it lol. I accepted the add because I checked out his pictures and he is pretty hot and exactly my type in looks. That was a month or 2 ago and we have been chatting on FB every few days or so. He did ask me for my phone number and to go for drinks (ages ago) but I declined because I was dating others at the time. I would usually get home from dates and tell him how they went and he would offer advice. He is also super funny. In one of our conversations he said that he is not looking for a relationship as he broke up with his ex 3 months ago and feels like he needs to be single. This all leads me to today. He is currently away visiting his family (he is half Srilankan). We had a chat just now and he asked me if I am still seeing that guy (that I wrote about on here), when I said "No", he straight away asked me if he can take me out to dinner as a DATE when he comes back (which is in early November). I am thinking I should go and have fun. But he did say he doesn't want a relationship so I doubt that has changed..maybe it would be good for me to just go and see what happens and have no expectations?
counterman Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 Definitely go and have fun. Besides, maybe his view has changed and he wants a relationship now. If you want one, you should definitely address that. But yeah, definitely go and see what happens.
Pfiend101 Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 honestly no. I don't think you're ready to date after you're recent threads.
Andy_K Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 I think rather than 'no expectations', it would be more accurate to expect he's only going to be interested in dating & sex. If that's what you're looking for, then by all means go for it and have fun. Thing to be aware of is that a lot of guys use the 'not looking for a relationship' thing as a guilt-absolver. It gives them free reign to act in ways that would normally feel like leading you on, and then break things off or change the dynamic at a moments notice by falling back on the fact they've already said they don't want a relationship. If you go with it and things get steamy you aren't really 'seeing what happens', you're confirming to him that you want and are okay with FWB or NSA.
dispatch3d Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 yup I say go. Your attitude has taken a 360. Good job!
carhill Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 OP, if you're seriously not interested in a LTR, then go out with him. Another tangential aspect I'm watching is how he apparently was your date-talk buddy, normally girlfriend with penis territory, but you consider him 'hot'; hot enough to accept a *date* a month or more away. Great stuff. Keep it coming and good luck
Chocolat Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 I think rather than 'no expectations', it would be more accurate to expect he's only going to be interested in dating & sex. If that's what you're looking for, then by all means go for it and have fun. Thing to be aware of is that a lot of guys use the 'not looking for a relationship' thing as a guilt-absolver. It gives them free reign to act in ways that would normally feel like leading you on, and then break things off or change the dynamic at a moments notice by falling back on the fact they've already said they don't want a relationship. If you go with it and things get steamy you aren't really 'seeing what happens', you're confirming to him that you want and are okay with FWB or NSA. This is spot on. If you can accept this rather than hope that he will change his mind and become interested in a r/s with you, then go for it. But my guess is that this is not what you are after, no matter how hot he is.
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 Aren't you on a break from dating and working on yourself?
Star Gazer Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 honestly no. I don't think you're ready to date after you're recent threads. Agreed. OP, if you're seriously not interested in a LTR, then go out with him. She has repeatedly said she IS looking for a LTR. To date anyone who outright says that's not what they want would just be a waste of time. But she probably still will...just because he's hot. Aren't you on a break from dating and working on yourself? She should be. Also, I'd never accept a random add from a dude like that, nevermind a date invite. He's trolling for dates on FB, and not relationship minded? What's the point in even giving him a second thought??
Allisha Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Agreed. She has repeatedly said she IS looking for a LTR. To date anyone who outright says that's not what they want would just be a waste of time. But she probably still will...just because he's hot. She should be. Also, I'd never accept a random add from a dude like that, nevermind a date invite. He's trolling for dates on FB, and not relationship minded? What's the point in even giving him a second thought?? I totally agree. Ocean, take a break from dating, be single and be happy about it.
xpaperxcutx Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Those encouraging OG to date this guy should do a quick study of her old threads. OG, I vote no, simply because you're not the casual dating type to just " accept" this guy will not want a relationship with you. Stop repeating your patterns. No matter how hot a guy is, if they say they just want casual take it for what it is, because no amount of time spent will encourage them to want to be in an LTR.
Pfiend101 Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Is this the type of "challenge" that supposedly women are attracted to?
callingyouuu Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 I am thinking I should go and have fun. But he did say he doesn't want a relationship so I doubt that has changed..maybe it would be good for me to just go and see what happens and have no expectations? Under normal circumstances, I would say go ahead and have fun, but do you think you're capable of having no expectations when going into a first date? You've said yourself in previous threads that if you haven't made out after a few dates, you start feeling insecure about his level of attraction, and this can't happen if you actually want to take this casually.
Cracker Jack Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 I usually would say "go for it and have fun", but I also don't believe you should be doing any dating right now. I think you need to just focus on yourself right now, and not simply be quick to go on a date because you find the guy to be hot. I think you're still gonna go, anyway. If you do, just have fun and don't overanalyze things.
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