Marcia Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 I have been dating a man for 7 months. He asked me to be his girlfriend and talked about it in various different situations, like for ex, he told my son that he was my boyfriend, asked me to stop dating other people, wanted to move in with me, behaved generally as a boyfriend, phoning late at night to hear my voice, asking me to stay with him when I had other things to do, seeing me at least three times a week, travelling with me and sleeping with me. He told me I was his only woman, treating me exactly like a girlfriend apart from the fact that he has a problem with holding hands in public. Suddenly he got a crisis in his family and decided to break our relationship, changed completely in a few days, told me he has never been my boyfriend, that he does not feel anything for me and when I challenged him about the things he said and done he got angry. he simply denies having had a relationship with me, so this now leaves me in a difficult and unwanted position of having been a friend with benefits for him, nothing else, being deceived by his talk of relationship. Does anyone knows what goes on in his head. We had a lovely relationship, he used to say the most marvellous things to me, sdaying he was going to stay with me for the rest of our lives and that he would give me a lot of love. Now he denies ever even asking me to be his girlfriend. :(:(:(:( Im brokenhearted. he says there is no one else. He is very depressed with his job and family, he already has grown children .
redmelon Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 I'm sorry for your pain and heartbreak. It sounds like in times of trouble, he pushes everything away, and that way of coping is not healthy. It's not a good foundation for a loving relationship, it breaks trust, and it breaks hearts. He's pulled a 180 on ya. Not cool. Regardless, he cannot rewrite history. You know what happened, it doesn't change just because he suddenly doesn't want to acknowledge it. Sadly, it seems he is not in the mental condition to have a successful relationship. I get the impression this may be a blessing in disguise for you down the road.
Sabali Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 I'm sorry for your pain and heartbreak. It sounds like in times of trouble, he pushes everything away, and that way of coping is not healthy. It's not a good foundation for a loving relationship, it breaks trust, and it breaks hearts. He's pulled a 180 on ya. Not cool. Regardless, he cannot rewrite history. You know what happened, it doesn't change just because he suddenly doesn't want to acknowledge it. Sadly, it seems he is not in the mental condition to have a successful relationship. I get the impression this may be a blessing in disguise for you down the road. Well said.
brainygirl Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 Sounds like he treated you horribly. I really can't tell you what he's thinking, but look at it this way. You don't have his baby he didn't empty your bank account he's not your problem anymore. I wish I could help you get over this, but you are just gonna have to mourn for a bit.
Author Marcia Posted October 14, 2010 Author Posted October 14, 2010 Actually I have lent him a LOT of money to help while he was having problems in work. Could anybody smash my head for me please.:mad::mad:
brainygirl Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 Actually I have lent him a LOT of money to help while he was having problems in work. Could anybody smash my head for me please.:mad::mad: sue him, that's probably why he's playing the denial game now.
Madgick Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 He sounds very unstable. Have you looked up personality disorders? Does he fit the profile for any of them, borderline or narcissistic? If that doesn't fit, there are all sorts of psychological conditions which make it difficult for people to deal with reality. There are certain emotional conditions like splitting (thinking all in black and white) and idealization that sweep innocent people into very serious games that end up hurting a lot. At first you are perfect, and then you are dirt. It's nothing you did, it's not about you. These really are his problems that you got swept into.
Lemontang Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 Agreed Redmelon. His coping skills in a time of crisis is more self centered and he'd rather push people away that ask for help. Unfortunately there's not much you can do in these scenario's, he needs to realise this on his own accord and sadly most people never do. Not to mention you have a son whom I'm guessing he cared for as his own at times so he's not just pushing you away as well. Your really better off not having a self absorbed person in your life like this.
Sabali Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 Actually I have lent him a LOT of money to help while he was having problems in work. Could anybody smash my head for me please.:mad::mad: You mean the punk took your money when you have a little mouth to feed? Did he pay it back?
Author Marcia Posted October 14, 2010 Author Posted October 14, 2010 No, my son is grown up, but my boyfriend asked to meet him and was very nice to him. I think you guys are right, he has a problem. I was his fourth relationship. Number three just disappeared. I think she had enough. He cannot be contradicted and thats why when I was explaining to him that he really really acted and spoke as a boyfriend he became angrier and angrier. He used to be angry for small issues and blame me for them, like when I went to ask money back in a restaurant and he thought he should have done it, he was disproportionally angry for days. in the begining he was soooo very nice to me, but the end showed another person. He made me think that I was at fault but he had no control of his emotions and angry outbursts. He lied lot. You guys are right, even though the sex was magic everytime, other things were horrendous.
Sabali Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 This is one of the major reasons why I always say that you can never go wrong by going slow in relationships. People wear their gamefaces in the beginning of relationships. You have to tire them out with slowness and their true colors/craziness comes out before you invest too much into them.
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