Ilovehim Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 (edited) I am having a tough day. Hoping you guys can help me sort out my thoughts. I feel very guilty for my emotions (almost always) because I should be extremely happy. And I am. Just not with myself. Not really with alot of people either, but overall, I have those few special people in my life that make me happy. However, lately, I have been dealing with self-esteem issues. It's kind of hard to explain. I still think highly of myself, but I have days, like today where I feel like complete crap. My boyfriend makes me feel like the most beautiful girl. Whenever I walk outside, I have someone tell me how beautiful I am. Honestly, I have never had an actual guy friend in my life that didnt want to be my boyfriend. So why the hell do I not feel good enough at times?? I am only 22..this is the time to feel the msot beautiful. I used to be on the spotlight. I was a cheerleader. I participated in so many activities. I was popular. I had good grades. I'm almost jealous of my old self. Eventually, I isolated myself from alot of people..due to their fakeness and shallowness. The first year after college, my ex b/f broke up with me and my family and I had a very difficult economic crisis. I fell into depression. Lost 20 lbs instantly (which is actually bad..since i didnt want to lose any weight..im petite) Basically my life changed drastically. Now I talk to very few people, have no life and m grades are nowhere near as good. I'm like a completely different person. Although my boyfriend tells me everyday Im amazing. I don't see me that way. Sometimes I hate myself and feel so dissapointed. I want to feel good about myself again. Also because of my insecurities, I second guess everything people tell me. Sometimes it feels like I have lost myself.... I envy people who are confident.. I'll see women who are not even that attractive but they are so confident and careless about everything... sigh... It makes me feel even more guilty... Right now, Im tempted to erase this whole post...but I really want to overcome this... Edited October 14, 2010 by Ilovehim
Sabali Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 You are showing signs of major depression. It is good you are seeking some sort of help but this forum is really not the help that will produce the results that you need. You need to discuss all of this with your physician so he can get you the appropriate help. I would do that immediately.
Madgick Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 You may be looking for validation outside yourself. Having a boyfriend(s) make you feel beautiful means you don't feel beautiful without them--and they aren't always going to be there, and a part of you knows that making you insecure, so when they go or are away, they take your self worth with them. Same with money and other externals. When they go, they take your self esteem because that's where you are looking for validation. Look for validation inside yourself. Focus on your studies and your life. Also be careful with the feeling that everyone around you is shallow and fake. If you are 22 most likely most of the people around you are immature...just as you are likely to be (and that's no crime at age 22, that's to be expected and right on target for your age). Those people you think are so shallow and fake are probably mostly people just like you, uncertain and with problems they are struggling to solve, without a lot of energy to spend on others. It's extremely stressful to try to figure out your place in the world and what you want to do with your life and how to make it work for you. Take another look at those fake and shallow people, they might have more to them and be more like you than you realize. As you seek to understand other people, you will learn to understand yourself. Isolating yourself isn't going to help. In short, concentrate on improving yourself inside, gaining knowledge and skills--and develop a close group of supportive friends. If you don't rely on other people for validation, but for companionship you will not second guess yourself. People need more than beauty, a bank account, and a boyfriend to feel confident: they need solid skills and attritubes to offer the world. the more you have to offer the world, the more you have to offer yourself, and the better you will feel. And don't be so hard on yourself.
Sabali Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 I really don't want to discourage other posters from attempting to help the OP but her problem strongly suggest a medical issue and would be best handled by a physician. This is a delicate matter. OP, again, I very strongly encourage you to discuss this with your physician.
sagetalk Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 You were hurt, this lead to anger, and the anger lead to depression and low self esteem. My best advice is to look back on those people that hurt you and forgive them. Don't blame yourself, just let it go and begin a new dawn in your life. I know that's easier said than done, but you have to do it or these feelings will destroy you. Let it go.
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