dingdong Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Hi Everyone, i'm new to here. I thought I would post my experience and see what you all thought. I have recently split up with my boyfriend of over 3 years, when we met he was seperated from a very long relationship with someone who was very controlling and abusive to him who cheated on him after 17 years together and I was wary, he assured me that when the 2 year seperation was up that he would get a divorce, anyway, we took things slowly and carried on, everything was great, we have loads in common and everyone thought we were the perfect couple. The 2 years came and he didn't get the divorce, i asked him why and he just said it was a piece of paper and didn't matter. Anyway, this situation escalates and escalates and ends up with me getting more and more upset with him and him ignoring me all the time about it, he wouldnt accept that i was scared about getting more involved with him emotionally with the situation carrying on like it was. I wasnt wanting to get married or anything I just wanted to know he was willing to put the past behind him. He never contacted his ex and I believe him when he says he does not and wouldnt go back to her. he also kept saying he didn't know what he wanted and didn't know if he wanted more than just 'dating' so the situation was just getting worse and worse and i was getting resentful that he won't move forward and he is getting angry that i am getting angry all the time too. Both of us were locked in a battle of wills even though everything else in the relationship was perfect. at the start of this year i couldnt take any more of it so i left him, i realised after i did it that i really didn't want to, i just wanted him to move forward and let go of the past. I stupidly went back to him really fast. this then repeats itself and happens a few times. meanwhile there is this woman in the building he works who is throwing herself on him and basically sexually harrassing him, i found out that one of the times we split up he slept with this woman, so on sunday there i told him that i could no longer have any contact with him as he has hurt me so much, i had warned him to stay away from this woman a long time ago as i knew what she was up to, she was waiting to get him at a weak moment then move in on him. before i started NC we spent the whole weekend together and he told me that he wants to be with me and he will 'fix' things. He said he would do anything in his power to fix it. I told him i can't speak to him unless I know for sure he means what he says. on monday he sends an email to the woman in the building with me BCC into it telling her that he wants nothing more to do with her and that she wouldnt leave him alone, that she should have left him alone and not harrassed him. yesterday I got an email from him saying that he will be divorced in november. I have not replied to any of his messages. What i am wanting to ask is, what do you all think of this and whats happened? my biggest wish is that he comes back to me and does all the things he said he would in his power to win me back. how and when do I know if i should speak to him again? Do I just keep blanking him if he contacts me? or do you all think it is a lost cause? I am really finding it hard as I am so hurt and love him so much that I just want things to work out.
Author dingdong Posted October 14, 2010 Author Posted October 14, 2010 when I found out about all the carry on with the other woman i was in such a rage that i called his mother and told her, she knows this other woman so i wanted her to know that she was trying to steal him from me, anyway. I had sent his mum a message on facebook apologising for calling and that i wished that now he would sort himself out, i got a reply last night saying that she hoped i was ok and hopefully i would meet someone who deserved me now. I'm worried this means his family feel the situation is final, i know they are just back from holiday so i'm not sure. today a mutual friend of ours emailed him and asked if we were going to get back togther, he told her that we had spoken a lot over the weekend about things and he didn't know what would happen, he said that he was sorry he had hurt me so much also. I thought that if he was wanting to get me back like he told me he would have told her that he was going to get me back or is that a guy thing where he wouldnt want to say??? I am so confused I don't know what to do. I keep wanting to break the NC and keep making excuses about reasons to contact him (he has my spare keys for my house)
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