Makes no sense at all...

[Sexiness]

I've asked him if working things out with his wife is what he really wants, and if it is, then fine, I'll let him go. But he says it's not what he WANTS, it's something he has to do. That what he really wants is to be with me, and he knows he'll never be happy with his wife even if they try. So he has to at least "pretend" to try. WTH?? I can handle it (although probably not very well) if he says he would rather be with her, because then there's nothing I can do. I HAVE to let it go. I just don't get why he wants to continue to string me along??

 

How many times did your MM do this to you? If I stay with him, I can totally picture him saying the same thing again. I trusted him when he said we were going to be together, and he's asking me to trust him now - that we'll still be together. But how can I when I know he's fooling his wife for no reason other than for his "conscience," which apparently is messed up if he thinks this is the right thing. He broke his trust and made me lose respect for him, but I know that my feelings for him are very strong and I might cave and end up waiting.

 

I hope you all can keep me away from this relationship, which I know will only hurt me. I keep trying to think about his wife, about me and my life, but I know when he calls and tells me that he loves me and wants to be with me, my heart will just melt...

 

Hey ... This is the first time that we MM and I hve been through this..... We had a dday about 4 days ago and he went back to her because he didn't want to leave on a bad note.... He wanted to at least patch things up so that when he leaves they would be on better terms and for it not to look like he left because of the OW..... He also went back so that they can decide jointly when to sell the house and how they are gonna split up child visitations.....

 

So basically he wanted to go back to let her know that they weren't going to be together but he at least gonna have the decency to deal with marital strings

 

I have no problem with this because I know that he is not leaving her for me.... He is leaving cuz he is not happy.... We keep in touch about what's going on and if everything is going as planned

 

I think the biggest most important difference between ur situation and mine is that I trust him alot..... He tells me straight up how things are and what he wants and what he doesn't want and it shows in his actions..... The fact that u don't trust him makes I hard for him to leave cuz he doesn't want to leave his W that doesn't trust him to get into another situation where u don't tryst him and it will be constant turmoil...

 

I know that it's hard but although he has to pretend to his W that I am not in his life, it's for the best because they have other things to worry about and deal with ....

 

I simply continue to be the woman he feel in love with and express to him openly whenever I don't like something and how it makes me feel and he tries his best to make me feel comfortable with the situation.... We decided when he moves out that we won't move in together because it would be an easier transition for his son when they have to share custody at least for the time being or until the D is final

 

hope this helps but again this is what I am doing if this helps, then great but u know ur own situation....

[Daisy_May]

unfourtnely you cant change his mind with what he wants to do... and you can only give him so many options to work with...

but you shouldn't have to be strung along while he "pretends" to work it out with his W, thats not fair to your own heart and if you really want to be first in a relationship you wont get this while you are still with him and he's going back to the W.

I'm sorry this is happening to you but you seem like a strong person if your starting to realize that we will never understand why and you would be able to move on if this "pretending" actually works for them.

good luck!

[BB07]

I keep trying to make him realize that this is not the right choice, that he should do the decent, right thing and either REALLY try working things out with his wife or be honest with her and the end the marriage. But I realize that no matter what I say to him, it doesn't matter, because in the end it is HIS choice.

 

 

You said it yourself in the above part of your post. You can't MAKE him and he is a big boy and if he chooses to not choose then your only option is you've got to choose if it's worth it or not. If the situation brings you more pain than joy........the choice should already be made. Also you need to make that choice based on what it really is RIGHT NOW, not for the possibilities that may never come.

 

I'm a believer in that the OW most of the time enables a MM to fence sit and that isn't a good solution for anyone, IMO.

[sc58]

So basically he wanted to go back to let her know that they weren't going to be together but he at least gonna have the decency to deal with marital strings

 

That's the difference between your situation and mine. He's going back to end the marriage cleanly. My MM is going back to his W to "pretend" to work things out, while intending to leave. At least your MM is doing a decent thing and letting his W know the marriage is over. But how long are you willing to wait for your MM to "patch things up" with his W? I don't know how long I can wait for him to "pretend" to work things out, even if he insists he wants us to be together in the future.

[Sexiness]

That's the difference between your situation and mine. He's going back to end the marriage cleanly. My MM is going back to his W to "pretend" to work things out, while intending to leave. At least your MM is doing a decent thing and letting his W know the marriage is over. But how long are you willing to wait for your MM to "patch things up" with his W? I don't know how long I can wait for him to "pretend" to work things out, even if he insists he wants us to be together in the future.

 

I have no clue how long to tell u to wait because I was on LS asking the same questions..... I think I'll give him 1 mth before I do NC because he is showin me that he is getting out.....

 

Being the OW we have all trained ourselves to "deal" with things we didn want to deal with.... I don't understand why now the dday occurs, we are acting like we don't know how to deal with the entire situation.... I don't know if u had a dday or what but we been here this long putting up with it , now it's ur choice to leave or continue being u while he makes his decision....

 

This may sound bad but he is not going to want u, or leave his W if u keep stressing him and forcing him to make a decision... He has to do it on his own.... He may choose u, he may not.....And he wants to know u gonna be there for him.... But I was reading this book about OW and the statistics say that men do not usually leave their mate for another mate , but they leave because their original mate does not excite them or make them happy anymore..... Woman are most likely to leave one for the other but not men..... I think this is why it's so hard for us to understand why they won't just leave the W and come be happy with us

[Sexiness]

Again I want to stress to that it's gonna be extremely hard If u guys don't have trust

[sc58]

The thing is, he says he already made his decision. And that he wants to be with me. That he already knows what his life will be like if he tries to work things out with his wife. He just has to pretend to work things out first, for however long that may be. I'm not stressing him, pressuring him, or anything. He's already made a decision. I just don't know if it's something I can be a part of. Not to say that my affair with him was any bit moral, but it just seems so wrong to lead her on like that and I just can't understand what logic he sees in that and how he thinks that will give him a "clear head."

 

Oh, and we did not have a d-day, and hope we never will.

[Fieldsofgold]

The thing is, he says he already made his decision. And that he wants to be with me. That he already knows what his life will be like if he tries to work things out with his wife. He just has to pretend to work things out first, for however long that may be. I'm not stressing him, pressuring him, or anything. He's already made a decision. I just don't know if it's something I can be a part of. Not to say that my affair with him was any bit moral, but it just seems so wrong to lead her on like that and I just can't understand what logic he sees in that and how he thinks that will give him a "clear head."

 

Oh, and we did not have a d-day, and hope we never will.

 

The bolded, many, many of them say that.

 

They get facts and wishes confused.

 

Yeah, my bf/mm made "the decision" too. He loved me, he wanted to marry me, he wanted to spend every minute of the rest of his life with me. But he had to wrap up his obligation to his W first. After all, his 24 y/o married stepdaughter had one more semester of college, and he couldn't abandon her! But he HAD started divorce proceedings. Oh, and he couldnt just throw his OW out on the street! "With relationships come responsibility." But as soon as her daughter returned from overseas (military), he was moving her to her daughter's! Then he'd be free, and he wanted only me forever in his life.

 

Let's see, the OW's daughter returned in March (he REALLY tried to keep that a secret). The step-daughter graduated in May. And to this day, he has his W snugly in one house, and his OW of 10 years snugly in another, and he has his cake and eats it too. But he will never have me.

[sc58]

Well, that does not make me feel any better, but I guess I will just have to deal with it. I've tried to tell myself that it's all bullsh*t, but he seems so sincere.

 

And you've gone through this for 10 years?? How did you handle that? I don't think I could do this for 10 whole years. This past year was hard enough as it is...

[Sexiness]

Sc58 It sounds to me that the damage is done and even if he leaves his wife today, and comes straight for u, I don't think u want him anymore

 

am I right??? And if that's the case u need to tell ur MM.... I think he also senses that u r done with him....

[Carrot2000]

The thing is, he says he already made his decision. And that he wants to be with me. That he already knows what his life will be like if he tries to work things out with his wife. He just has to pretend to work things out first, for however long that may be. I'm not stressing him, pressuring him, or anything. He's already made a decision. I just don't know if it's something I can be a part of. Not to say that my affair with him was any bit moral, but it just seems so wrong to lead her on like that and I just can't understand what logic he sees in that and how he thinks that will give him a "clear head."

 

How does one "pretend" to work on their marriage? Does he plan to pretend to make love to his wife? Will he be faking enjoying himself during family outings and vacations?

 

Girl, this man is full of ***** and it stinks to high heaven! There is no logic to what he says and he knows this; he's counting on you to be so blinded by his wonderfulness that you buy into this ridiculous story. And he's willing to keep this charade up for however long it takes--which sounds like he's going to play this game indefinitely and jack around with you along the way. He's not leading his wife on, he's leading YOU on.

 

His words say he wants to be with you, but his actions tell a different story. Wise up: pay attention to what he does, not what he says.

[fooled once]

Hello all,

 

I've been reading this forum for quite some time now and have finally decided to post as I am feeling more angry, confused, and hurt than ever before and really just need some HELP!

 

I've been with my MM for over a year now and at first, we had this mutual understanding that we would eventually stop seeing each other. We both knew it was wrong and tried to end it several times, but failed miserably each time. On our last attempt to stop seeing each other (3 months ago), he told me that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and wanted to split up with his wife. He said he realized he was unhappy and had been for a very long time. I told him that I didn't want him to split up because of me (I would just feel so guilty) and he reassured me that it wasn’t. That he knew for himself that his marriage was not working, and even if they tried, they would eventually end up getting a divorce. He asked if I could be there for him, so I agreed.

 

 

I asked him many, many times if he was sure this is what he wanted as he has a young child, who I know he loves very much, and he said he thought about it for a long time and had made up his mind. He felt it was better for him and his family to leave an unhappy marriage. So about a week later, he called to say that his wife was moving out only to turn out that she never did. A month later, he said he got kicked out of the house, only to say later in the day that he was just going to go back home. Finally, last week, he moved out but told me it would only be for a week. We spent a blissful week and weekend together, and he told me that he was more sure than ever that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. That he wanted to give me his 100% like I deserve and he will make it happen.

 

 

I felt scared as he left to go back home, despite all of his words and promises. And I was rightfully so. He called the next morning to say he had to try and work things out with his wife. That she gave him a guilt trip about marriage and the vows that they made to each other, and he would feel guilty if he didn’t at least try to make things work, although he admits it won't work even if he tried. He says needs to try so that he can have a clear conscience. But that he still wanted to be with me, that he still wants to spend the rest of his life with me, and that has never or will ever change.

 

 

He wants me to wait for him while he tries to work things out with his wife. Actually, he wants to “pretend” like he is making an effort to save their marriage so that no one can say he didn’t try. So he still wants to see me, but says he can't as often as we have been (which is everyday). He says he needs to do this for himself, to be able to be with me in the end with a clear head. This just doesn’t make any sense at all to me. If he wants a clear head, shouldn’t he either make a genuine effort to fix things with his wife or just be honest and leave the marriage?

 

 

What should I do?? I love him so much, and the thought of losing him scares me and I don’t think I could handle it….

 

I could have written a lot of your post 14 years ago. The part about "pretending to try" Such a load of crap - I say this because this is what I was told too After 6 months of his "pretending" (all the while telling me "I will be with you by Halloween"; then it was "I will be with you by Thanksgiving" and then "I will be with you by the New Year", etc, etc, etc).

 

IMHO - he is having his cake and eating it too. He is loving having 2 women in his life. He enjoys you, he enjoys the time he spends with you --- BUT he also has a huge tie to his wife. And it isn't just his child. People who have small children DO divorce, every single day. Again, I speak from experience -- my son was 6 when I divorced his dad (and I wasn't involved in the affair prior to the divorce; nor was my ex in an affair. I was an unhappy woman who wanted a divorce).

 

So IMHO - he isn't conflicted. He is right where he wants to be - at home with his wife and child; and he has you loving him, desiring him and doing whatever he wants because whether he want to admit it or not, it IS a competition between you and his wife now and you want to 'show him' how much he should be with you.

 

He may tell you that he is 'pretending' but honestly - that is just to make sure you don't go anywhere.

 

One day at a time: get in a good talk with the therapist, and start unravelling your feelings. With enough time and clarity your heart will begin to repair itself and you will be ready to move on and find someone who will offer you all and not just part. I suspect down the road you'll be very happy that you did.

 

It is a long road to heartbreak recovery though and it won't be easy. Take a step at a time and focus on small goals for now.

 

Exactly - the bolded. He doesn't want you to go anywhere!

[fooled once]

The only thing standing out to me' is that you don't get a clear head or conscience that you gave it your best shot and did everything in your power to make it work IF you don't stop doing the wrong things. At least my mm always broke it off when he said he had to at least try, even if it never lasted, I knew in his heart what was the right thing. Your mm is trying to gaslight her into thinking he tried with the intent of leaving anyway? If she doesn't know about the A then there should be no more last ditch effort...all he has to say is I have tried, over and over again, and both my head and my heart know that it's over.

I'm sorry but I don't buy into it. Though I do believe maybe he believes it. But what they don't admit is they go home, they have these talks with w, and they do it because it's what emotionally they want. Don't let him fool you, they want their wives to fight for the R. It strokes their ego. Then they feel guilty for making her fight for it and feel they owe it to her. He is thinking about two people here, but you're not one of them. Please don't waste anymore time waiting.

 

HE IS GASLIGHTING her. He is lying, he is untrustworthy, he has betrayed her time and time again. He doesn't respect her. How can he respect YOU to ask you to 'be patient' while he goes home and makes nice-nice with his wife? Are you supposed to be okay with him having sex with her? Going on romantic dinners? Going to the movie? Going for a walk and holding hands? Sitting on the couch watching TV together? Are you supposed to be okay with the continuing sneaking around? The few moments of him seeing you, getting laid and then rushing back home to his wife? He is playing with 2 women's lives. He is a coward for what he is doing. It isn't honorable. It isn't a good thing. It is a sh*tty, mean, disgusting thing he is doing.

 

He needs to pull his big girl panties up and act like a man.

 

And if YOU believe you deserve better, then tell hi to contact you when he has been separated for at least 6 months (since he is so wishy washy). You WILL regret sitting around and waiting.

 

You said it yourself in the above part of your post. You can't MAKE him and he is a big boy and if he chooses to not choose then your only option is you've got to choose if it's worth it or not. If the situation brings you more pain than joy........the choice should already be made. Also you need to make that choice based on what it really is RIGHT NOW, not for the possibilities that may never come.

I'm a believer in that the OW most of the time enables a MM to fence sit and that isn't a good solution for anyone, IMO.

 

Great point BB07. I completely agree.

 

OP, I am sorry you are hurting. But the longer you continue to "wait", the longer the hurt is going go last. That is NOT fair to you. If he truly LOVED you, he would NEVER EVER ask you to sit and wait for him while he continues to play this game of gaslighting his wife.

[sc58]

HE IS GASLIGHTING her. He is lying, he is untrustworthy, he has betrayed her time and time again. He doesn't respect her. How can he respect YOU to ask you to 'be patient' while he goes home and makes nice-nice with his wife? Are you supposed to be okay with him having sex with her? Going on romantic dinners? Going to the movie? Going for a walk and holding hands? Sitting on the couch watching TV together? Are you supposed to be okay with the continuing sneaking around? The few moments of him seeing you, getting laid and then rushing back home to his wife? He is playing with 2 women's lives. He is a coward for what he is doing. It isn't honorable. It isn't a good thing. It is a sh*tty, mean, disgusting thing he is doing.

 

You are right, I am NOT okay with all of that. Just the thought of them doing all those things together - the things he said WE would be doing together, makes me sick. Thank you so much for this post, it makes me realize that he is not the type of man I want to spend my life with.

 

How did you get through your situation?? Although it's easy for me to say I'm just going to let him go, it's not so easy to DO, especially when I know his words could very likely suck me back in...

[Fieldsofgold]

The bolded, many, many of them say that.

 

They get facts and wishes confused.

 

Yeah, my bf/mm made "the decision" too. He loved me, he wanted to marry me, he wanted to spend every minute of the rest of his life with me. But he had to wrap up his obligation to his W first. After all, his 24 y/o married stepdaughter had one more semester of college, and he couldn't abandon her! But he HAD started divorce proceedings. Oh, and he couldnt just throw his OW out on the street! "With relationships come responsibility." But as soon as her daughter returned from overseas (military), he was moving her to her daughter's! Then he'd be free, and he wanted only me forever in his life.

 

Let's see, the OW's daughter returned in March (he REALLY tried to keep that a secret). The step-daughter graduated in May. And to this day, he has his W snugly in one house, and his OW of 10 years snugly in another, and he has his cake and eats it too. But he will never have me.

 

Well, that does not make me feel any better, but I guess I will just have to deal with it. I've tried to tell myself that it's all bullsh*t, but he seems so sincere.

 

And you've gone through this for 10 years?? How did you handle that? I don't think I could do this for 10 whole years. This past year was hard enough as it is...

 

I'm sorry, my post wasn't clear. When I met this man last year and we started dating, I had no idea he was married (18 yrs), or had an OW (10 years). He told me all the "I want to marry you" stuff before I knew of his other women.

 

When I found out about them, he made all the excuses why he hadn't already left, and all the promises of leaving them to be with me, if only I would not dump him. I dumped him anyway, but he e-mailed me for six months, continuing to tell me that as soon as the OW's daughter returned, as soon as his D was final, he was coming for me!

 

To this day, nothing in his life has changed, or so I'm told! And the W and OW know me, and have known about each other!

[jj33]

You are right, I am NOT okay with all of that. Just the thought of them doing all those things together - the things he said WE would be doing together, makes me sick. Thank you so much for this post, it makes me realize that he is not the type of man I want to spend my life with.

 

How did you get through your situation?? Although it's easy for me to say I'm just going to let him go, it's not so easy to DO, especially when I know his words could very likely suck me back in...

 

THe key is you realize words are not actions. I saw xMM the other day and he was still on about how he still loves me. And??? None of it matters. This guy is LEAVING YOU and GOING BACK TO HIS WIFE.

 

What more do you need to know at this point? He SAYS he knows its over with his W but he is going back anyway? He is playing you in the worst way. As you said to another poster this man isnt even honest enough to admit that he is going to give it another shot with his W while you sit and wait.

 

Its fine for someone to decide that they need to give their marriage another shot but this guy is insulting your intelligence with these antics. And hes not even a good manipulator. Hes so transparent if it werent you, you would see it clearly. Dont let him do that to you. And be very very careful. If hes pulling this now, hes going to be worse in the future.

[sc58]

THe key is you realize words are not actions. I saw xMM the other day and he was still on about how he still loves me. And??? None of it matters. This guy is LEAVING YOU and GOING BACK TO HIS WIFE.

 

What more do you need to know at this point? He SAYS he knows its over with his W but he is going back anyway? He is playing you in the worst way. As you said to another poster this man isnt even honest enough to admit that he is going to give it another shot with his W while you sit and wait.

 

I totally agree with you, and am tell myself that everyday. He might SAY that he wants to be with me and loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me, but he's not doing that. He's going back to his wife. So what if he loves me? So what if he says that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, the fact of the matter is - he's still MARRIED and is choosing to stay that way.

 

And I could understand if he genuinely wanted to try and work things out with his wife, but to just PRETEND? So he basically wants to keep lying to her and keep me on the side. That is not the kind of guy I want to be with, and every minute I'm realizing that more and more.

 

I told him today that if he is sincere about what he says about wanting to be with me, then he can call me when he is divorced because "pretending" to work things out and seeing me at the same time, is NOT okay with me and I will not be a part of that. I really believe that right now, but it's only day one, and I know I'll have some bad days in the future and I'll miss him, but everyone's advice and support have really helped me get through this. By continuing to read here, and with help from my therapist, I'm sure I'll be able to get through this. I'm already so much stronger than I was just a couple days ago.

 

Thank you all SO much!

[reneeneiman]

Spy on him. Find a way to look at his text messages. That will tell you much of what you want to know where he is coming from.

Sounds awful. Right? I never thought I could do. I was suspicious. Someone told me to do it. I found all I needed to know through his emails and texts. He was a liar and cheater and never had he been faithful in three years. Once I knew, sure it hurt, but it answered my questions and I would have stayed helplessly in love with only an illusion I had created.

[sc58]

reneeneiman, I have tried that already. Does sound awful, and didn't think I could do it either. but the man doesn't know how to text, being the old fut that he is. And his e-mails had very little information. Although at the time he was telling me that he intended to get a divorce, I did see e-mails from his wife asking him not to give up and that they can make things work, which actually made me believe him more.

[Ellin]

reneeneiman, I have tried that already. Does sound awful, and didn't think I could do it either. but the man doesn't know how to text, being the old fut that he is. And his e-mails had very little information. Although at the time he was telling me that he intended to get a divorce, I did see e-mails from his wife asking him not to give up and that they can make things work, which actually made me believe him more.

 

How did you manage to see the emails? Did he know you were going to read them? Could he have sent them to himself from the W's account?

 

Just wondering.

[sc58]

No, he had no idea I was reading them. A long time ago, he had a problem with his e-mail account, and he really does not know his way around computers, so he gave me his password and I fixed the problem for him. I saved his password on my computer and once in a while, I would check it. I doubt he would have sent it to himself from his wife's account, as he actually deleted it right after reading it.

 

Anyway, I don't want to look at his e-mails anymore. He deletes all of my e-mails, doesn't save a single one, but keeps some of hers. Not that his wife's e-mails say anything that hurt me (they are mostly forwarded messages about their child's school or reminders about doctors appts), but just seeing her name and knowing that he saves HER e-mails but deletes MINE reminds me that I'm basically nothing to him...He can delete me easily from his life, the way he does my e-mails, but not her.

[jj33]

I told him today that if he is sincere about what he says about wanting to be with me, then he can call me when he is divorced because "pretending" to work things out and seeing me at the same time, is NOT okay with me and I will not be a part of that. I really believe that right now, but it's only day one, and I know I'll have some bad days in the future and I'll miss him, but everyone's advice and support have really helped me get through this. By continuing to read here, and with help from my therapist, I'm sure I'll be able to get through this. I'm already so much stronger than I was just a couple days ago.

 

Thank you all SO much!

 

Well done. You rock! Im so glad you stood up for yourself. Theres such a temptation to say oh well .... and you didnt. You stood your ground.

 

That is SO important because in the A he drew the boundaries to a large extent. Now if he does really leave and you do want him when he comes back you need to establish the boundaries that you want for a real whole in the light of day relationship. And you have started doing that. As of today.

 

Be very proud. Very very proud.

 

Yes you may have bad days but you can feel proud and strong that you made a choice and chose you. So when you think oh I miss him, oh oh oh remember no he went back to his wife, he doesnt get to treat me like a ping pong ball. If he wants to come back, he has to be sure and have filed for divorce.

 

Big hugs

[sc58]

Thank you for your encouragement, jj33! I really do feel proud of myself and looking back on the situation, I find myself laughing at things he told me that had made my heart melt - and it's only been ONE day! This site has really saved me...

 

He told me over and over again how he's never felt this way before and that the time spent with me was the best time of his life, that this past year was the best year of his life. Of course it was - HE HAD TWO WOMEN! He had his wife taking care of him at home and me "taking care of him" when he wasn't. No sh*t this was the best year of his life.

 

He claims that he can count on one hand the amount of sex he had during their marriage (8 years) and I actually do believe him as he swears this on his child's life, and I know how much he loves his kid. So considering the staggering amount of sex we had this past year, all the while having his stable, comfortable family life at home, I also agree it was a good year for him. So now, I hope he never has sex again for the rest of his life, and lives his life in regret knowing that he could have had ME.

[jj33]

Its amazing isnt it. And I dont doubt that they feel those things. Its just that the feelings dont translate into action. Yes I love SC yes shes an amazing woman, yes I think wed be very happy together.

 

but... ??? I cant leave my marriage because... [insert his reasons here]

 

So feelings are nice but if they dont translate into action and you arent happy being the OW how does it help you?

 

I have to say the last time I saw xMM which was v recently we got along better than we have in ages. It was almost like when we were together. And for a moment here and there while we were chatting I found my mind wandering back. But I caught myself and remembered, hes still married, nothing has changed. So who cares. There were questions I wanted to ask him and I reminded myself whats the difference. Hes still married... The following day I considered calling him to ask more about certain things he had said and again I remembered, still married so its irrelevant. But its taken me a long time to get to this point. You got there in a nanosecond. Good for you

[sc58]

Thanks jj33, I totally agree with you. None of it matters. All his words, all the I love yous and I want to be with you don't mean SH*T. Like you said, HE'S STILL MARRIED. If he calls me tomorrow or next week or whenever, the first thing I'm going to ask him is, "Are you single?" I'm sure his answer will be no, in which case my response will be "Then goodbye."

 

I also have lots of questions I want to ask, but like you, realize that it just doesn't matter. All that matters is that he CHOSE to stay with his wife. It's not that he CAN'T leave the marriage for X reasons, it's that he WON'T. So who cares? I certainly don't. If he won't do what it takes to be with me, then he's not worth my time or my tears.

 

I moved COUNTRIES to be with a man that I loved (my ex-bf, not the MM), abandoned my family, started over with no money, no friends. If I am capable of doing something like that for love, I expect the man I am with to be able to do what it takes for ME. And again, I was willing to give up everything once again for this man. My parents would never have accepted him. He's 18 years older than me with 2 kids - from 2 different women. The older one is only 5 years younger than me. My parents, and my whole family in fact, are very traditional and would have literally disowned me and I would have gotten a pretty good beating. No lie.

 

I can't even believe I was willing to do all of that for this man, when he's obviously not willing to do the same for me. He says its not the same, which is true. I would likely never see my family again if I chose to be with him, while he'll still get to see his. He would be getting a divorce, not cutting them out of his life.