icedude Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Hey, I would like to know what you guys think about this. I am a freshman in college, and I am in love with my best friend who goes to another college a couple states away. I can travel round trip there and back for 200 bucks, just in case that helps with my later question... So I have been best friends with my friend for about 3 years, and I fell in love with her soon after. We have been through a lot together. I have never told her that I love her in a non-platonic way, but a lot of people around me always bug me about it. We have always hung out a lot, but right before I left for college she told me that she loved me and that I was the best thing that ever happened to her. And I have responded in kind, we always tell each other that we love one another. A couple while ago, she called me while she was drunk and told me that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me. I know she was drunk, so I don't know how credible this is? But that is the way I have always felt about her, so obviously I was super happy, but also cautious cause of the fact that she was drunk. I went to visit her at college after that, and we just spent time together for 5 days. We did nothing more than cuddling while we slept, because I don't know if she wants more from me and I want to be respectful. But It was the best time I have ever had and she said she will visit me soon. My question is, does she like me in a non-platonic way? Should I act on this now and ask her to be my girlfriend or should I wait to see how it plays out? I am just confused as to what I should do, because I don't want to lose her as a friend, and at the same time every day I don't tell her exactly how I feel pains me. Should I ask her to be my girlfriend (long distance)? Or should I wait it? I am afraid that if I do nothing she will change her mind, especially with the possibilities of the college scene. Thanks! (BTW I live in Virginia and she lives in Georgia...)
JungleLover Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 (edited) Alcohol tends to release your inhibitions. In other words, being tipsy tends to make people do or say something that they want to do or say but higher level of thinking and inhibition prevents them from actually doing it. When you are intoxicated, those barriers are compromised. I think that when she told you that she wanted to be with you for the rest of her life, she was saying that she has feelings for you. Something to think about is the risk of disrupting the dynamics of what sounds like an awesome platonic relationship. Many times, a bird in the hand is worth more than the one in the bush. You two have a great relationship and the risk of changing it dramatically is very high if she does not feel the same as you. If you admit that you are in love with her, it could be awkward between you two forever. This is always a hard call in these sort of situations. If you decide to do something about this, one thing I can tell you is that saying that you are in love with her would not be the best approach. I think the next time you two are together you should just kiss her at the end of the night and see what happens. This way, I think you will run less risk of feeling awkward if she doesn't feel the same way. A kiss is not nearly as heavy as telling someone that you are in love with them. If she asks why did you kiss her you can just say "I just felt like kissing you" and leave it at that. Say nothing more. This is how I handled a similar situation with a woman a few years back when we were friends and I kissed her at the end of the night after knowing her for a short while. She said she was thrown off by the kiss because she thought we were platonic. I told her that it was just a kiss and that was all. She paused for a second and said "okay" I will just see it as that then. I was attracted to her so I eventually tapered off our relationship but you don't have to do this because your bond is stronger with your friend. I am in a similar situation now. I met a woman a couple of months ago. We have been hanging out in a platonic way but she always invite me out to do stuff every week even though I do not been contact her in between our outtings. I am attracted to her and we are due to go out again this weekend. She is a lot of fun and we have a lot in common. I initially decided to just kiss her at the end of the night the next time we are together this weekend but now I am backing off of that plan now. I just don't want to risk losing her friendship. Edited October 13, 2010 by JungleLover
Author icedude Posted October 14, 2010 Author Posted October 14, 2010 Thanks for the advice! I will try that next time I hang out with her... You are right, I would not meaningly damage our relationship, which is why I have never said anything really. That drunk phone call, when she told me I was more than a friend and she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, screwed up my patience lol. Best of luck to you and your situation!
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