Six months later and she still "wants to be single."

[brainygirl]

Ive actually seen this on here but it doesnt effect you so you ignore it

 

Men get mroe **** for being shallow then women

 

Actually it started when I posted an honest answer to his inquirey and these two started trolling me. So in a way it does affect me

[Surrealist]

Check out the following thread for some older men bashing as well.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3039053#post3039053

[brainygirl]

Check out the following thread for some older men bashing as well.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3039053#post3039053

 

From what I can see they were bashing anyone not in the mid 20s to mid 30s and in top physical shape. . . not exactly proving your point.

[Cracker Jack]

Wow! This topic sure got derailed.

 

Anyway, Somedude, what's the oldest woman you've had interest in? It is possible that age could be a factor here, but I doubt it. I've actually seen 28-29 yr olds do quite well with younger women than some guys around my (22) age, to be honest.

 

Oh, and lowering your standards in no way means your chances at dating will somehow become easier, like some people seem to think. Most of the women I'm naturally attracted to are "average" to others in general, and nowhere near 10's (Whatever the highest rating for the system is) yet they still seem out of my reach. Heck, the hottest girls are the ones I actually don't bother thinking about too much, since there's no chance for me.

[somedude81]

Guys's please stay on topic.

 

BTW something weird is happenign with my posts and you may have to scroll up to see my most recent ones.

Anyway, Somedude, what's the oldest woman you've had interest in? It is possible that age could be a factor here, but I doubt it. I've actually seen 28-29 yr olds do quite well with younger women than some guys around my (22) age, to be honest.

 

Oh, and lowering your standards in no way means your chances at dating will somehow become easier, like some people seem to think. Most of the women I'm naturally attracted to are "average" to others in general, and nowhere near 10's (Whatever the highest rating for the system is) yet they still seem out of my reach. Heck, the hottest girls are the ones I actually don't bother thinking about too much, since there's no chance for me.

The oldest girl I've ever been into was 22. I was just one of several guys that she was going out with. We only a had few dates then she just decided to ignore me.

 

I can lower my standards to certain point, mainly dropping from hot to normal. I'm not going to drop below normal. We should be able to date women that are similar in attractiveness to ourselves.

[Els]

Thank you all of you for the great posts, especially to bac for explain things to me about women that I had no idea.

 

That's exactly what it was. I had some hope that finally a girl was starting to be into me. I knew she didn't actually like me yet, but I hoped that would change if we went on a few dates. And she won't even let that happen.

 

Now all I can do is hope that I quickly get over her and remove her from my mind so I stop thinking about her and be able to notice other girls.

 

I think this is really your largest problem. It's not your looks/confidence/income/blah/whatever, it's not the fact that you friendzone yourself... it's the fact that you're desperate.

 

I don't understand how you managed to get your hopes up when she told you very clearly in the past that she isn't interested. Because she agreed to hang out with you after you asked twice?

 

If someone tells you they aren't interested, please just give up on them. It doesn't matter if they agree to hang out. It doesn't matter if six months has passed. They have rejected you and the onus is on THEM to make it clear if they like you this time. They have passed up their one chance.

 

You also need to realize that once you are evidently going after one person in a particular group, most of the other girls will not be interested in you anymore. Nobody likes to be the second option. So please stop wasting the first option on someone who has rejected you before.

[that girl]

with the one in question try to kiss her or make a move on her. If she gives you a slap or gets freaked out, fu** her she is a waste of time anyway. The best way to deal with rejection is to act like every woman who acts like this is an object or worthless, if you start seeing women in this light you will see how easy it is to not waste your time with cockteasers and attention whores.

 

This is just messed up advice. In general, I think it is a good idea to go in for the kiss, but this girl has made it pretty clear that she isn't interested. Kissing her would make him seem like a stalker. The OP should just move on.

 

And really, you're better off shrugging off girls who aren't interested than thinking they are worthless. It is way overdramatic to start name calling a girl who is perfectly nice to you, but doesn't want to date you.

 

Check out the following thread for some older men bashing as well.

 

[COLOR=#990000]http://www.loveshack.org/forums/show...53#post3039053[/COLOR]

There is a difference between a woman in her 30s saying she isn't interested in dating a guy 10-20 years her senior and you (who must be in your 40s at least) bashing on every woman older than 30.

 

Surrealist, you are constantly bashing on women's looks. You can think someone is unattractive without being a jerk about it.

[Surrealist]

 

There is a difference between a woman in her 30s saying she isn't interested in dating a guy 10-20 years her senior and you (who must be in your 40s at least) bashing on every woman older than 30.

 

Surrealist, you are constantly bashing on women's looks. You can think someone is unattractive without being a jerk about it.

 

Yeah I know, Im gonna behave now and stop being such a jerk in some of my posts.

[somedude81]

You asked in an earlier post why would she not want to date? You also stated that she doesn't hang out with people on campus.

 

So let me run through this real quick: She doesn't socialize on campus or with college kids, while you are older than most of them and try to hang.

 

first of all, that's just wrong. Go hang out with people your own age. Its time to grow up.

 

lease, if you want to be more successful with women, quit chasing women who are so much younger than you are (and don't argue that you are at that level, it isn't going to help win over me or the girls).

Where do I meet people my own age? 90% of people I see on a weekly basis are 18-22.

 

What do I have in common with people my own age?

 

Would a woman 25 years or older have any interest in a man who is a non-working full-time college student with basic zero relationship and sexual experience?

Second, you don't know this girl, you don't know about her life or home life or past or anything.

Your right, I know very little about her. I would love to know more. All I know about her is that she's geeky, somewhat socially awkward and she used to be much heavier.

My point remains. She rejected you once and you persisted. When girls are being wishy-washy with you or vague, they're usually doing that to avoid the awkward situation of having to tell you they don't fancy you.

Which is exactly what I expect. Girls never fancy me. So I can try super hard and hope I get lucky or give up.

Hey Somedude, we're both in the same boat pal. I've learned that if i want to get a girl I need to persist, because women are never immediatly attracted to me.

Yup, same exact boat.

I would say hit on other girls too , but with the one in question try to kiss her or make a move on her. If she gives you a slap or gets freaked out, fu** her she is a waste of time anyway. The best way to deal with rejection is to act like every woman who acts like this is an object or worthless, if you start seeing women in this light you will see how easy it is to not waste your time with cockteasers and attention whores. Be a man, go out there looking for sex only, it will save you a lot of disappointment, save the relationship lovey dovey BS for women who PROVE TO YOU that they are worthy of your affection.

I'm a little confused on having them prove themselves to me. Are you talking about after one has had sex with them? Cause I really can't imagine any girl making an effort to me.

It's easy to get discouraged when you go out there looking for a relationship with a woman, because first of all most women out there don't deserve it, and second of all, it's pretty disheartening to realize the fact that most women would rather have no strings attached sex over a juiced up tall guy with spikey hair over a fulfilling and deep connection with a guy whose got nothing particularly wrong with him but he just doesnt "give her butterflies" at first sight.

Yeah it's very discouraging. What sucks is seeing them get hurt, knowing that it was completely avoidable.

If you're an average Joe guy until women hit a certain age your gonna have to date signifcantly down in looks

 

The average women has many more options gets hit on and more sexual advances then the average dude so where they stand in the social food chain of looks is highly inflated in their minds.

 

Add in college she might get banged by a drunk quarterback on the football team or something and thinks she can nab a 10 when she was just being used

 

Go for an obese girl with no options whos just lucky to get somebody who isnt disgusting looking and might actually look at you as her dating up

Yup average girls are way too highly valued. That's more of a societal problem.

 

Many years ago I did lower my standards and let an obese girl come onto me. She had serious personality issues and her body was pretty gross. I'm never again going to go after somebody who doesn't turn me on.

 

So for the past couple years, I've been sticking to the low end of average, 5-7, but maybe I'm actually a 4 and that's why those girls don't even go for me.

I think this is really your largest problem. It's not your looks/confidence/income/blah/whatever, it's not the fact that you friendzone yourself... it's the fact that you're desperate.

Yup, my desperation is a huge negative. It certainly makes my life much harder.

 

I don't think that I'm coming off as desperate though. I haven't called her once since we re-established contact and I make sure to give her plenty of space. She's noticing just enough of my intent to know that I'm into her.

 

I don't understand how you managed to get your hopes up when she told you very clearly in the past that she isn't interested. Because she agreed to hang out with you after you asked twice?

 

If someone tells you they aren't interested, please just give up on them. It doesn't matter if they agree to hang out. It doesn't matter if six months has passed. They have rejected you and the onus is on THEM to make it clear if they like you this time. They have passed up their one chance.

Six months is a long time. I was hoping that whatever her reason for not wanting to date, would have gone away in that time period. Another reason that I got my hopes up was that she actually seemed to care about me. I very rarely ever get attention from women, so when I do, I mentally and emotionally latch on to them. It's human nature for people to like others who seem to like them.

You also need to realize that once you are evidently going after one person in a particular group, most of the other girls will not be interested in you anymore. Nobody likes to be the second option.

I don't know if anybody in the group knows that I'm actually into this girl. I'm betting that the other girls think she's just my friend.

 

An odd thing happened today.

 

I was talking to my number two target, she was wearing these really cool earrings and she takes one off and gives it to me to look at, the other girl comes in, takes a brief glance at me and sits at a different table with her back towards me instead of normally sitting across from me. Shortly after I give the girl her earring back, she gets up and sits with the other girl, leaving me alone.

 

The fact that she sat at the other table was odd because we briefly chatted earlier in the day and she was friendly later on. She had no ill will towards me, so I wonder why she decided to not sit close to me. The fact that the girl I was talking to actually got up and left me was pretty annoying. She's also the one I'm considering asking out.

 

As far as I know, the girls aren't that close and only talk briefly before class and at club meetings like today. I higly doubt that the girl I asked out, told the other girl that I asked her out or anything relevant to it.

Edited October 15, 2010 by somedude81

[Woggle]

Because its hateful. It isn't venting, its hate. If women had a thread going talking about what pathetic loosers the guys hitting on them were and how only fat, broke, bald men approached them, the mods and every guy on the board would be all over it.

 

But you guys generalize women horribly and its absolutely ok-fine.

 

With all due respect this shows how oblivious many women are to the misandry that is obvious to men. There is plenty of hatred the other way around but nobody notices.

[that girl]

I was hoping that whatever her reason for not wanting to date, would have gone away in that time period.

Would you have become interested in the obese girl if she had stuck around for six months?

 

Honestly, you seem to have trouble seeing women as people with similar desires as you have.

 

Affection can grow, but you know yourself that there are some women you would never be interested in. Women are the same way.

 

Where do I meet people my own age? 90% of people I see on a weekly basis are 18-22.

 

What do I have in common with people my own age?

 

I don't know why you started college late, but odds are you do have more in common with people closer to your own age than kids who were in high school a couples of years ago.

 

What about doing something where you'd be guaranteed to meet people your own age? Like joining a volunteer group catering to people in their 20s? It sounds like you are really worried that people will look down on you, but I don't think that should be a big concern.

It's easy to get discouraged when you go out there looking for a relationship with a woman, because first of all most women out there don't deserve it, and second of all, it's pretty disheartening to realize the fact that most women would rather have no strings attached sex over a juiced up tall guy with spikey hair over a fulfilling and deep connection with a guy whose got nothing particularly wrong with him but he just doesnt "give her butterflies" at first sight.

I don't even know whose post this originally was, but any guy who sits around thinking "most women don't deserve a relationship" is not a catch himself.

 

And wouldn't most guys prefer random sex with a hottie than attempting to form a relationship with someone who they're not attracted to?

 

With all due respect this shows how oblivious many women are to the misandry that is obvious to men. There is plenty of hatred the other way around but nobody notices.

Prove it Woggle. Seriously, start a new thread and cut and paste all of the examples of misandry on this board with the thread name.

 

Then we can go through the misogynistic posts made by you, surrealist, warload, sanskrit, etc and count them up.

 

You perspective is so warped that you can read through two pages of nasty stuff about women and all you think is "men have it worse." Prove it.

[somedude81]

Would you have become interested in the obese girl if she had stuck around for six months?

 

Honestly, you seem to have trouble seeing women as people with similar desires as you have.

 

Affection can grow, but you know yourself that there are some women you would never be interested in. Women are the same way.

No, I wouldn't become interested in the obese girl simply because a woman's weight is a potential deal breaker, just like a man's weight can be a deal breaker for a woman.

 

I'm really struggling with this because when I look in the mirror, I don't see undateable stamped on my head. I can't think of any reasons why a woman's interests in me would not grow over time.

 

The problem isn't that women have similar desires as my own, it's that they don't have those desires. That's why I really struggle with the concept that some girls want to be single. Being single is the last thing I want.

I don't know why you started college late, but odds are you do have more in common with people closer to your own age than kids who were in high school a couples of years ago.

 

What about doing something where you'd be guaranteed to meet people your own age? Like joining a volunteer group catering to people in their 20s? It sounds like you are really worried that people will look down on you, but I don't think that should be a big concern.

I don't know why I should even try to meet people my age. What's the point when the women won't be interested in me, and I have to struggle to find commonalities with the men?

 

Once I graduate college and join the workforce, then I'll end up making friends my own age.

[Woggle]

Misandry is much more subtle and not as in your face as male bitterness but it is still there. Men tend to come right out and say it but neither side can claim the moral high ground on gender hatred.

[somedude81]

Guys please don't take my thread off-topic. This isn't the place for gender bashing.

[lino]

If women had a thread going talking about what pathetic loosers the guys hitting on them were and how only fat, broke, bald men approached them, the mods and every guy on the board would be all over it.

 

I've seen many such topics over the couple of years I've been a member here and they never get moderated at all.

[SteveC80]

I've seen many such topics over the couple of years I've been a member here and they never get moderated at all.

 

Seriously ive seen more all i get hit on is by fat short ugly men on here then vice versa and usually when a women makes it shes not lambasted where if a Man makes a thread like that hes ripped by Man and Women.

 

Theres two whackos on here who always complain how average Men arent good enough for them and make a thread every two minutes,if they were Men theyd be banned or at least ripped to shreds by posters

 

Women get away with being shallow and harsh and insensitive much more then Men

[somedude81]

I've requested that several off-topic posts in this thread be deleted.

 

Please stay on topic.

 

If you want to talk about man vs. women, make a new thread.

[that girl]

No, I wouldn't become interested in the obese girl simply because a woman's weight is a potential deal breaker, just like a man's weight can be a deal breaker for a woman.

But aren't there also skinny girls who you just don't find attractive?

 

I'm really struggling with this because when I look in the mirror, I don't see undateable stamped on my head. I can't think of any reasons why a woman's interests in me would not grow over time.

Because you're going after girls who have no interest in you.

 

The problem isn't that women have similar desires as my own, it's that they don't have those desires. That's why I really struggle with the concept that some girls want to be single. Being single is the last thing I want.

Okay, think of it this way. I think for most women, of age appropriate men (whatever that means to her), there's is going to be a percentage she is immediately into, a percentage she could never be into, and a percentage who are possibilities.

 

For me personally, a 29 year old would not have been age appropriate for me in college. I would have considered the age gap really big. Obviously, not everyone feels the same way.

 

I think attraction can grow, but only some of the time. You put all your energy into girls expecting it to grow and that isn't a good plan.

[somedude81]

But aren't there also skinny girls who you just don't find attractive?

I do think that the majority of skinny girls are are attractive. The rare one's I don't find attractive have below average faces or nasty personalities. I'm really easy to please.

Because you're going after girls who have no interest in you.

I've been trying to get the point across that women automatically don't have any interest in me. I'm not tall or super good looking. So I need to create interest in a woman, which is as hard as it sounds, since I haven't been able to do it yet. Either I find out how to make girls like me, or I die alone...

 

Okay, think of it this way. I think for most women, of age appropriate men (whatever that means to her), there's is going to be a percentage she is immediately into, a percentage she could never be into, and a percentage who are possibilities.

 

For me personally, a 29 year old would not have been age appropriate for me in college. I would have considered the age gap really big. Obviously, not everyone feels the same way.

If she knew how old I was, then that would be a valid answer. She's never asked, and I haven't told her. I best she thinks I'm around 25 or younger.

I think attraction can grow, but only some of the time. You put all your energy into girls expecting it to grow and that isn't a good plan.

What is a good plan? I'm obviously confused, frustrated and scared about my future.

[Surrealist]

Being single is the last thing I want.

 

 

Somedude what is your relationship history like? Sometimes when we're single, or been single too long, we begin to feel the way you described. But seriously, being in a relationship can have its own set of problems. I've long said that being single is much better than being in a bad relationship. Mate not saying this is your case cos I dont know you but whatever you do in life do not make looking for a girlfriend the be all / end all, not just because it can turn women off, but because there is much much more to life and once you have a girlfriend you will want a life apart from the relationship you have with her.

[OceanGirl]

Somedude what is your relationship history like? Sometimes when we're single, or been single too long, we begin to feel the way you described. But seriously, being in a relationship can have its own set of problems. I've long said that being single is much better than being in a bad relationship. Mate not saying this is your case cos I dont know you but whatever you do in life do not make looking for a girlfriend the be all / end all, not just because it can turn women off, but because there is much much more to life and once you have a girlfriend you will want a life apart from the relationship you have with her.

 

I agree that being single is MUCH better than being in a bad relationship or simply relatioinship where you are settling for the other person.

 

Somedude, post your picture and I will give it to you straight. Sometimes we are not the best judges of our own looks.

[brainygirl]

Guys please don't take my thread off-topic. This isn't the place for gender bashing.

 

You know what, I posted an honest, heart felt answer to your problem and i got jumped on by about three of your buddies.

 

So I'll say it again.

 

When you focus ONLY on a physical characteristic, like thin and youthful, you come across as very shallow. I doubt you are actually that way, but that's how it comes across.

 

Women pick up on these things. Young women (which I WAS one at one point not long ago, so I may have more insight than a bitter middle aged man) can find the focused attention of an older man to be intimidating and uncomfortable.

 

Which is why I suggested socializing and dating outside of university life. You don't live on campus do you? you don't eat all your meals in the dinning hall or do your laundry in the basement of the residence hall do you? If the answer to those is "no" then trust me, you aren't in their group, I'm sorry.

 

Volunteer or find an organization to work with where you might meet a variety of people from all walks of life. My final bit of input is this, some people go to class to study, not to pick up members of the opposite gender. If you have similar majors, she may show up in several classes, this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her career choice.

[somedude81]

Somedude what is your relationship history like? Sometimes when we're single, or been single too long, we begin to feel the way you described. But seriously, being in a relationship can have its own set of problems. I've long said that being single is much better than being in a bad relationship. Mate not saying this is your case cos I dont know you but whatever you do in life do not make looking for a girlfriend the be all / end all, not just because it can turn women off, but because there is much much more to life and once you have a girlfriend you will want a life apart from the relationship you have with her.

My relationship history? I don't have any history.

 

The closest I've ever been to being in a relationship was "dating" somebody for two weeks. We didn't have sex.

 

Besides that I might get a real date a few times a year.

 

So yeah, I've been single and alone way too long.

I agree that being single is MUCH better than being in a bad relationship or simply relatioinship where you are settling for the other person.

 

Somedude, post your picture and I will give it to you straight. Sometimes we are not the best judges of our own looks.

As I've gotten older, I've learned that I needed to lower my standards if I want a chance at all with women. So I really don't mind settling as long as she doesn't go below my baseline.

 

What's hard for me, is the fact that I may be below the average womans baseline and am undateable.

 

You know what, I posted an honest, heart felt answer to your problem and i got jumped on by about three of your buddies.

And they were off-topic as well.

 

When you focus ONLY on a physical characteristic, like thin and youthful, you come across as very shallow. I doubt you are actually that way, but that's how it comes across.

First off, all girls in college are youthful so I don't really have a choice there. Second, my only real rule concerning a woman's weight is that she has to be in proportion.

 

I'm into fitness and I only want somebody who can run or go on a bike ride with me. Also, I really like to Salsa dance and dancing with bigger girls kinda grosses me out, which I've had to do in my class.

 

Which is why I suggested socializing and dating outside of university life. You don't live on campus do you? you don't eat all your meals in the dinning hall or do your laundry in the basement of the residence hall do you? If the answer to those is "no" then trust me, you aren't in their group, I'm sorry.

I go to a commuter school, the vast majority of students don't do any of those either.

 

Volunteer or find an organization to work with where you might meet a variety of people from all walks of life. My final bit of input is this, some people go to class to study, not to pick up members of the opposite gender. If you have similar majors, she may show up in several classes, this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her career choice.

People meet their partners in class all the time. I'm not asking for something out of the ordinary. College is one of the best places to meet people.

[porter218]

 

Women pick up on these things. Young women (which I WAS one at one point not long ago, so I may have more insight than a bitter middle aged man) can find the focused attention of an older man to be intimidating and uncomfortable.

Now I have to say this sounds a little absurd. He does seem to be looking in age appropriate groups. I somehow doubt this has anything to do with the difficulty he is having. I think he is safe to try anyone between 20-32.

 

Volunteer or find an organization to work with where you might meet a variety of people from all walks of life. My final bit of input is this, some people go to class to study, not to pick up members of the opposite gender. If you have similar majors, she may show up in several classes, this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her career choice.

But I do agree with this. University life may not be the best idea for you to get your feet wet. College years are the years of highly inflated egos(in both men and women). I've been there, I remember how it was. It really is a great idea that somedude try to get out of the circles he has grown weary of. If what you are trying isn't working then something has to change.

Another thing I wonder is, what are the problems that these girls are noticing..? Are you coming across as awkward? ei...struggling to find common ground to talk about, nervous while talking to girls, hyperfocusing on strange things to talk about. These are all things I pay attention to when I talk to guys. The most important thing to me is that the guy is very comfortable talking to me, if he isn't it turns me off(usually never to be unfriendzoned).

Also this idea that you can get a girl who isn't digging you to change her mind is very off base. This is most often something that can't be changed. And to be really honest, if you are hanging around the same groups -other women will notice this even if it isn't them that you have mistakenly set your sights on. If you get the 'I am not into you' vibe from a girl then you should move on.

I don't know if you have discussed this but have you tried online dating? You will have a bigger captive audience there. This might give you much much better chances. The only thing you have to worry about then is maintaining interest IRL. After a while it shouldn't be too hard.

[that girl]

What is a good plan? I'm obviously confused, frustrated and scared about my future.

Look for girls who seem interested. Join some kind of non-school based activity.

 

You seem to get fixated on a girl and spend a lot of time trying to wear her down, that is unlikely to work. Plus, these girls you call second string do notice and might lose any possible interest in you.

 

At max, you ask a girl out twice if she says no and doesn't offer an alternative date.

 

And I do think your age might be hurting you with college girls. I'm close to your age and I regularly get carded, but whenever I'm around actual 18-21 year olds I am clearly older than them (and in my experience a 5+ age difference is a much bigger deal to a 20 year old than a 25 year old). I'm not saying a 20 year old would never go out with you, but I think it hurts your odds slightly. I think you want to date a girl in college because you feel insecure around women who have more life experience, but even as an adult student, you probably have more in common with women who are over 21/22.