Gold Pile Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 (edited) I had a date with a weather beaten (but attractive) female police officer. We went to one of my favorite places. It's your standard Italian grub joint, but the owner's Great Grandfather hangs around and plays the violin. It gives the place a little charm but the prices are still low. My date was going nowhere, not the slightest chemistry between us. At one point the nutty old man approached and said "Hey Sonny (he calls everyone that), you can't bring animals in here". Noticing my confusion...he pointed to my date and said "looks like you've got yourself a cougar". She is younger than I am, she gasped and looked devastated. I protested that she was clearly younger than I was. He wouldn't hear of it, he winked at her and said "cradle robber". All this struck me pretty funny, I had a hearty laugh and chuckled for several minutes. I even had a laughing fit in the car later, good thing she was driving. (I like to save gas money by having my dates pick me up) Apparently seeking validation of her attractiveness she asked to come in to my place. Normally I'm aggressive with my dates. The kiss is long, sudden, and my strong arms leave her little choice but to receive the kiss. After a 10 second (+/-) kiss I back off and say "OK?". Usually it is OK, not always but usually. I gave the usual treatment and asked "OK?". She said "maybe, drop your pants so I can see". When I did...she laughed and walked out the door. It was so mean. I've been depressed for a week now. Yesterday I was sitting in the park, covered with Autumn leafs. One of my neighbors, a fat lady, was walking toward me while eating a candy bar. I was trying to come up with something to say along the lines of " can't you even stop feeding your big face for a short walk?". She approached and could see I was hurting. She inquired if I was alright. She was so caring and nice, that I put the insults on hold. I choked up when I tried to tell her what happened. All I could get out was "Why are some people so mean?" She walked me to her patio and gave me a hot chocolate. Her patio was surprisingly clean, no food wrappers anywhere. In a sense she took advantage of my mental state, she somehow got me to agree to date with her this coming Saturday. I'm worried about how much she'll eat, it could get costly. And how do I end it without a goodnight kiss? I' thinking a handshake but that will hurt her feelings I think. Edited October 13, 2010 by Gold Pile spell
Author Gold Pile Posted October 13, 2010 Author Posted October 13, 2010 (edited) clearly ur crazyTrue enough. I'm not attracted to heavy women in any way, shape, or form. I somehow end up in a date with one. Edited October 13, 2010 by Gold Pile spell
tinktronik Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 True enough. I'm not attracted to heavy women in any way, shape, or form. I somehow end up in a date with one. Take her to a buffet. That is clearly your answer.
Author Gold Pile Posted October 13, 2010 Author Posted October 13, 2010 (edited) Take her to a buffet. That is clearly your answer. good idea, but ending the date without the kiss is still a problem. Edited October 13, 2010 by Gold Pile spelling again
tinktronik Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 good idea, but ending the date without the kiss is still a problem. Fabricate a chipped tooth. Don't whine too much about it though, just a smidgen. That both gets you out of eating dinner, saving you 1/2 the buffet bill, and it gets you out of any kiss. It also explains away why you may be able to kiss the sexy, busty blonde from across the way in just a few days.
a_woman Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 I love your threads, they sound almost real. Very close
In The Green Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 And how do I end it without a goodnight kiss? I' thinking a handshake but that will hurt her feelings I think. How about a good pat on the back or a high five?
Taramere Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 good idea, but ending the date without the kiss is still a problem. Ann Summers sell large boiled sweets in the shape of a dick. Google Ann Summers boiled lolly willy in google images, and you'll see a picture of it. Buy one. You can then end the night with "I was going to ask to kiss you, but then I thought perhaps you'd prefer to suck my dick." Then with a roguish wink and a smile you can pull the sweetie out of your pocket. "At midnight my entire body turns into a boiled sweet, and I can't chance that happening around you." With that you can hand her the sweetie then suddenly tear off into the night in a romantic and mysterious manner. Leaving her standing watching wistfully and clutching the Ann Summers dick. It's a scenario that just seems so perfect for you somehow.
Author Gold Pile Posted October 14, 2010 Author Posted October 14, 2010 Ann Summers sell large boiled sweets in the shape of a dick. Google Ann Summers boiled lolly willy in google images, and you'll see a picture of it. Buy one. You can then end the night with "I was going to ask to kiss you, but then I thought perhaps you'd prefer to suck my dick." Then with a roguish wink and a smile you can pull the sweetie out of your pocket. "At midnight my entire body turns into a boiled sweet, and I can't chance that happening around you." With that you can hand her the sweetie then suddenly tear off into the night in a romantic and mysterious manner. Leaving her standing watching wistfully and clutching the Ann Summers dick. It's a scenario that just seems so perfect for you somehow.Thanks..... I think:confused:
mark982 Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 gold pile, get her a few tattoos, that way you'll have heat in the winter, shade in the summer and moving pictures year round!!
Art_Critic Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 She didn't like your tattooed racing stripes ? .. flames
Maggotface Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Tell her you're having a herpie outbreak right now, or you don't think it's classy to kiss on the first date.
xpaperxcutx Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 :lmao: Why I do I think you deserved all this G_P?
skydiveaddict Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 You must find a way out of this date GP. It smacks of disaster. Handshake or not
Billie The Puppet Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Due to the drama of the PO date I no longer kiss on the first date also have lots of Garlic with your meal. However this may entice her to ask for a second date. You can then mention you don't do second dates.
sanskrit Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Take her to the place with the great grandfather who called the cop a cougar. Then you can go back alone later and tell him you are obviously hard-up in the dating department, and need him to hook you up with his hot granddaughters and nieces, and promise to always bring them to his restaurant so he can keep an eye on you.
skydiveaddict Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 Take her to the place with the great grandfather who called the cop a cougar. Then you can go back alone later and tell him you are obviously hard-up in the dating department, and need him to hook you up with his hot granddaughters and nieces, and promise to always bring them to his restaurant so he can keep an eye on you. Yes I agree. This should work very well
tami-chan Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 ...Gold Pile, you never disappoint. Come back and let us know how your date with the er...hefty lady went. Btw, sorry about your date with the policewomen, eh..you are better off without her!
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