RomanticMetalhead Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 So here it goes. I've had many failed relationships for either of those reasons: 1) I didn't REALLY like a girl, but I needed someone to dream about to avoid thinking about cruel reality. Then, when I've satisfied the "need a girlfriend badly" spot, I'd realize I don't really like her, and I'd start ignoring her because I'm an idiot (at that time I didn't really know what I wanted). 2) I really liked a girl, but I did something that put too much pressure on her, that she could not take. 3) Girl's perception of 'relationship' was too disgusting. Sometimes way too sex-based and too less emotion-based. Or simply retarded, for example, telling someone you love them after a 2 day relationship, making out in public on purpose, talking behind the back, you know. The bitchy and "I have a boyfriend!" stuff. The text above is just for the insight on the ways I might be, react and think. Now, the story... I hate my class. I started high school two years ago and got into a class of all people I know, but despise. I've been trying to find some compromise for a long time, but whatever I'd do they've tried to deny and laugh and me. And they always could, because they'd always outnumber me, and wouldn't care about the way I feel. That's why I've always had problems with girls from high school, whenever I did try something, they would (my class"mates") do anything to discourage me, make me look like an idiot, or at least sell a story about that time when I did something once, that made me look like an idiot. You know what I mean. Now, this problem would mostly occur when on the first floor of my school, because that's where my grade is. However, This year I am in a third high school grade (whatever the equivalent is, I am 17 years old), and there are lots of first grade high schoolers around, but on the second floor, that is very rarely inhibited by my grade. I've been observing one really interesting girl for like a month. The first thing I noticed is how beautiful she is and what a beautiful smile she has. She's also very playful and interesting, very cute, likeable and innocent-looking (although many other people comment on how retarded she looks acting like that all the time). Since I've got a really good "network" among two grade younger company, I've been told her name, and later on I found her on facebook. We've started chatting and we've mostly been talking about interests, where we have lots in common, on musical, religious, idealistic basis, etc. I told her after a few days, that she's a very special person, and that I've never met someone like her, which is really true, because she's so amazing. Then, she has told me the same, and also mentioned how she's glad there's "someone different". We've continued to talk for hours and hours, and at one point I asked her if I were bothering her, and that she should be completely honest with me about that. She only told me I'm crazy. The next day at school I've been observing her the whole day, no matter what was happening. I peaked over the corner to see her, watched her through the window when she was going to gymnasium, watching her through the opposed door frames when I've had IT class... I was just going nuts over her! And I couldn't keep it all for myself, so I put a facebook status, "*my name* is going nuts!" many people commented and all, and in the end I told one of my friends WHY I am going nuts. He's her great friend, and was very supportive of what I've had envisioned (he likes both me and her, and would really like to see us together). She didn't comment the status regarding me, but instead came to the chat and asked me "Why are you going nuts? xD" And I could simply not tell her. I didn't feel it was the right time, and she could think I am really some ****ed up stalker if I did tell her. Instead I replied something along the lines "aren't we all?" and once again started a random but enjoyable conversation. I told my friend that I'd feel totally lost if she dumped me, and he told me she never dumped anybody. Once again I felt hopeless, because I thought she'd be with anybody, and I didn't want to be anybody. But he later told me (****ing jackass, I love him) that she never dumped anybody because she was never offered a relationship, nor was she ever in one. I was pretty much jaw-dropped at this point. It might have to do something with her weird behavior, but I find it amazing that a girl like her has never had a boyfriend. The next day, I got sick. We started chatting and she asked me how I am, I told her I am sick, and asked her the same. She was really unhappy to hear that, and I've never seen a ":(" posted by her on chat prior to that (or have I ever seen her to show any kind of sadness IRL). Apparently she felt very bad because I've caught some cold - but then I felt very good because she cared! We've continued to chat and she asked me every two hours if I were getting any better, I told her I was and she was sort of happy. I then spilled lemonade over my keyboard and have turned my PC off for security reasons. I sent her an SMS message saying what happened, and he was like "this kind of stuff happens only to you, haha", then, when connecting everything together, my hand was wet and I got a minor electro shock, and I also told her that. Then I told her that it's because I'm "special" in "retard" sense, she told me that I might be special like that, but am also special in many other ways, which is what I also told her. I asked her if her hands were getting any warmer, because she told me before she has the same blood circulation problem I do, just so she'd ask me how I do feel. The conversation carried on, only to end with here saying "I've got to go sleep, good night" together with her classic :-) smiley on the end, I replied the same, etc. The next day, I woke up, did the morning chores and logged onto facebook, and she immediately popped up with a "how are you?" question. I was quite surprised, as nobody was ever so interested in my health. I told her I was getting pretty fine, asked her the same, etc. The conversation carried for hours on end, on and off, as we've had to study, etc. She also convinced me not to go to school so I get healthier sooner, although I really wanted to attend school so I could see her (but there was not much convincing, I went by her word immediately). In the end she simply went offline and I sent her message with "Good night, sweet dreams :)" and she replied the same, adding "I hope you get over that cold" but written in such a way, that it implies great interest and possesion (only possible in my language, not sure how to translate it). I then went to sleep, but couldn't fall asleep because I was so "posessed". I couldn't refrain from daydreaming about her. The next day I told her that she's got a beautiful smile, and she said the same about me and we continued to talk about ideals and happiness, and I told her how often I feel horrible because of many things and disgusting people I am around all the time. She understood it all perfectly, and I told her that I'm really happy a person like her exists. She told me that I am on a good way to happiness, which is also what she sent me (one of the things) in the good night message. The next day, I felt better and started attending school, As soon as I went to school, I was told I'm the sentry (the guy who goes around school doing chores, meeting people that come, etc, but doesn't have to attend classes), and I saw that as a great opportunity to meet her as many times as possible. I carried my first guitar pick ever, with my initials carved into back to school that way, because I've wanted to gift it to her. While of no material value, that pick was very important in my development of skill and love for metal, and although I still preferred to use it to that very day, I decided to give it to her, since she's also a guitar player, and because I like her so much. I passed by her and was like "Hello, I think this belongs to you! Holding the pick in my hand, showing it to her, then putting it into her hand, she was very happy apparently not because she's got one pick more, but because it was I who gave it to her, and because I actually remembered that. She hugged me very softly, and it was really that moment when I realized how gentle she actually is. I softly kissed her on the cheek and felt very good. Afterwards, I sat at my sentry desk happily, watching her walk by, smile, talk, just anything... I once called her by her name, she turned and smiled really heavily. I think that if it were possible, she'd smile around her head. And she's also got beautiful teeth. That night at 00:00 I was pretty dumb and sent her a "00:00 someone is thinking about you!" message, but she didn't reply nor see it at that moment because she was already asleep. Dumb. She only told me she received it today, when I contacted her after school. I really like this girl, and am about to do anything to get her, but what should I do? I see her as something holy and innocent and I don't want to ruin that, and I've never felt about a girl like this before (usually it was either sexual attraction or I was too bored). I could simply tell her I like her, but it's maybe too early even for that, because she's not aware I've been observing her for around a month. I also don't think it'd be a problem even if she 'saw me as a friend' because she's everything but ordinary, and would probably not let such a shallow view ruin all I feel for her. I think that she'd love to have it all-in-one. But I don't know how she'd feel about it all. If she'd just say "you are great and all, but I don't want a boyfriend" that'd totally break me. And I am afraid of that because she's never had a boyfriend, maybe she doesn't even want one. And I've gone so crazy about her that I write every goddamn detail on a dating site! Help me! I am really going nuts! I am also paranoid about someone else 'grabbing' her, even though she told me I am the single most special person she knows.
Surrealist Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 I guess you're just going to have to ask her out before someone else does and its goodbye. Just a suggestion mind you, if you don't you may well be living in some pain for a while before either getting freind zoned or zoned out altogether to another guy who is more forthcoming with his intentions.
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