On and Off again relationship and intimacy issues

[lovesure]

I'm still a virgin.

 

I've been in an on and off again relationship with my high school sweetheart for five years now. And every single break-up it was my doing, because of insecurities with how deep it was getting and my fear of anything intimate, the first two times that I called it quits he was quiet about it, and left me be, but after a few weeks of not talking, he'd ring me up and the old flame would rise and I'd ask him out again.

 

He'd repeatedly tell me how much he loved me, and he comes around my Family a lot, he's close friends with my Aunt and pretty much everyone that I see on a regular bases... He lives three hours away and when we aren't together he has a job, and he talks about all the girls he's talking too, and how much he doesn't like them, and how much he misses me.

 

I've been going out with him again for a month now, and I've finally came out front with my fear of intimacy with him, he got quiet again, and it doesn't seem like he wants to open up at all.

 

We've known each other for six years and I know little to nothing about his family, and he never wants to talk about his own issues and how he feels deep down, but the moment I pull out the 'we need to talk' he tells me how much he loves me.

 

I really don't know where to turn, and I've never had intimacy issues with my other boyfriends, I don't know if it's because he won't open up, or I'm just not attracted to him. I really do care about him, and he's around my family a lot, but... part of me is afraid to think I'm just stringing him along out of pity, and old times sake. I want to love him the way he wants me too, but I feel like the man he truly is he's hiding from me, and he'll never open up.

 

Earlier today I threw him a birthday party, he thanked me and I gave him an artkit, and he told me he loved me, and it seemed so sincere, but I still feel detached. I had a conversation with him a week ago about my intimacy issues and he told me that he could wait as long as I needed. I don't feel like I'll ever be able to give myself to him...

 

I feel like a terrible girlfriend, and he just keeps coming back I just can't seem to find anyone in my life that thinks I should leave him, and that it's not worth holding onto. Everyone says I'm going to marry him, and it makes me gut sink.

 

Any help is appreciated, and sorry for the odd wording, I just don't know how to voice it.

[Idalis]

if the thought of marrying someone makes your "gut sink" then you most likely do not love that person, it really isn't fair to him to keep stringing him along.

[Allisha]

I'm still a virgin.

 

I've been in an on and off again relationship with my high school sweetheart for five years now. And every single break-up it was my doing, because of insecurities with how deep it was getting and my fear of anything intimate, the first two times that I called it quits he was quiet about it, and left me be, but after a few weeks of not talking, he'd ring me up and the old flame would rise and I'd ask him out again.

 

He'd repeatedly tell me how much he loved me, and he comes around my Family a lot, he's close friends with my Aunt and pretty much everyone that I see on a regular bases... He lives three hours away and when we aren't together he has a job, and he talks about all the girls he's talking too, and how much he doesn't like them, and how much he misses me.

 

I've been going out with him again for a month now, and I've finally came out front with my fear of intimacy with him, he got quiet again, and it doesn't seem like he wants to open up at all.

 

We've known each other for six years and I know little to nothing about his family, and he never wants to talk about his own issues and how he feels deep down, but the moment I pull out the 'we need to talk' he tells me how much he loves me.

 

I really don't know where to turn, and I've never had intimacy issues with my other boyfriends, I don't know if it's because he won't open up, or I'm just not attracted to him. I really do care about him, and he's around my family a lot, but... part of me is afraid to think I'm just stringing him along out of pity, and old times sake. I want to love him the way he wants me too, but I feel like the man he truly is he's hiding from me, and he'll never open up.

 

Earlier today I threw him a birthday party, he thanked me and I gave him an artkit, and he told me he loved me, and it seemed so sincere, but I still feel detached. I had a conversation with him a week ago about my intimacy issues and he told me that he could wait as long as I needed. I don't feel like I'll ever be able to give myself to him...

 

I feel like a terrible girlfriend, and he just keeps coming back I just can't seem to find anyone in my life that thinks I should leave him, and that it's not worth holding onto. Everyone says I'm going to marry him, and it makes me gut sink.

 

Any help is appreciated, and sorry for the odd wording, I just don't know how to voice it.

 

Few things, then.

 

A) I agree with the above poster. If your gut sinks at the thought of marrying him, perhaps that should tell you all you need to know.

 

B) Why on earth do you care what anyone in your life thinks? So WHAT if they think you're gonna get married. This doesn't mean you're obliged to.

 

C) He sounds like a nice guy, but there's a difference between being in love and caring about someone. I think you should leave him, this is just a vicious cycle that will not end unless you end it. It's not fair that he's going to wait around forever if you don't feel like you can give yourself to him. And it's wrong that he's being too naive to see that, but if you really care about him, let him go.