counterman Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 So, I met a couple of girls for the first time today. One of the girls is in a class of mine but I haven't spoken to her until today. Well, after class I had a brief chat to her and asked her if she wanted to hang out next week. I got her contact number and gave her mine and said I will call her with definite plans, since she was in a rush to see her friends. With this girl, there was always something about her that gets me interested but when I saw her up close today, I realise she wears a lot of make up and my attraction sort of diminished. I asked her to "hang out", would she think I am interested in a relationship? I just want to have fun, how should I make this clear? I was thinking of hanging out with her next week (from today). When would be a good time to call to set the plan? and should I call again to confirm? Also, there was another girl I met today. This girl was really bubbly and fun to talk to. I spoke to her for about an hour and then she had to go. Before she left, I got her number but didn't ask her out (doh!). I should of but I was a bit nervous However, I didn't think she was that receptive... I think she would be friendly in general to everyone. Anyways, I sent a text saying it was nice to meet you. She hasn't replied. So, I knew I should have just asked her then and there. Oh well. However, with the first girl, if I kiss her for fun, would this imply romantic interest and hence possible relationship? I really just want to have fun and not think about that stuff so early. However, I don't want her to get hurt.
Author counterman Posted October 13, 2010 Author Posted October 13, 2010 Also, do you think I should call and ask the 2nd girl out?
carhill Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Call #1 today and ask her out on a date Friday night. Not to 'hang out'. Gauge your attraction more thoroughly then, if she accepts. If she declines or delays, ask out #2. The above presumes you want to date women. To do this, you ask them out on dates. No need to wait a week. In that time, another man could already be their boyfriend
Author counterman Posted October 13, 2010 Author Posted October 13, 2010 Too true. The only issue is that I am totally weighed down by work this week... with the only time being a week until I am free of important obligations. So yeah, what to do then?
carhill Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Work less. TBH, I wouldn't attempt to make plans a week in advance, given your age and respective schedules. Too much can happen. That's why I suggested calling today for Friday. If you're busy all week, through Sunday, then call a couple days before you know you're free. If you have a perennially busy schedule, you'll have to accept that your dating prospects will likely go down substantially. It's purely a function of time-matching. When I was your age, I called it 'being too busy to date'. I was that way for most of my 20's and accepted it.
Author counterman Posted October 13, 2010 Author Posted October 13, 2010 Hmmm, I am very tempted to drop my work for that day and just head out on a date but I know it would set me back a couple of weeks. I wouldn't be busy for too long, so no excuses for not dating It reminds me of what some of my friends say "No rush, plus I have no time to date". If there ever seems to be no time, I'll make time. So, call girl #1 first a couple of days before I know I am free to set something? If she declines or postpones, then call girl #2? I really should have asked girl #2 out as well. I think she was sort of expecting when we were departing. Oh well. She was gorgeous.
Author counterman Posted October 14, 2010 Author Posted October 14, 2010 Oh, I just thought that maybe both of them could say no:lmao: A week is a long time.
BobSacamento Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 Let me point out one thing, the "Nice meeting you" text sucks. I didn't realize it until I received one recently. When you receive something like that it almost says "It was nice meeting you but I never want to see you again." That is how I interpreted it. You have to end it with the implication you desire to actually meet them again. Example: "It was nice meeting you. We should get together for some drinks ___."
brainygirl Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 Let me point out one thing, the "Nice meeting you" text sucks. I didn't realize it until I received one recently. When you receive something like that it almost says "It was nice meeting you but I never want to see you again." That is how I interpreted it. You have to end it with the implication you desire to actually meet them again. Example: "It was nice meeting you. We should get together for some drinks ___." Only send that text if you set the time right then. Nothing bugs me more than when a guy will say lets go do something and then never follow it up with actual plans.
Author counterman Posted October 14, 2010 Author Posted October 14, 2010 That's what I thought. I should have set up something right there and then follow up with it. Instead of saying "Nice to meet you". There is no reply to that. She already said that in person. There's every chance I won't see her again. To be honest, I never liked texting until a girl I was seeing started to text me. But yeah, any chance I can recover from this and still go on a date with her? I did say that I would like to hear what she decides to study. She was sort of lingering after and I guessed I didn't ask her out because I had asked another girl out earlier. But I should have. How about the first girl? I'll call her a couple of days before I'm free? I shouldn't have left it to be a week before we meet.
brainygirl Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 That's what I thought. I should have set up something right there and then follow up with it. Instead of saying "Nice to meet you". There is no reply to that. She already said that in person. There's every chance I won't see her again. To be honest, I never liked texting until a girl I was seeing started to text me. But yeah, any chance I can recover from this and still go on a date with her? I did say that I would like to hear what she decides to study. She was sort of lingering after and I guessed I didn't ask her out because I had asked another girl out earlier. But I should have. How about the first girl? I'll call her a couple of days before I'm free? I shouldn't have left it to be a week before we meet. I'm a planner, I like to have an idea well ahead of time of what I am doing, so if you want to ask one out, figure out when you are free and ask her. but don't tell which ever one you take out that you were thinking about asking another girl and don't date stack. give each girl her own evening or what ever.
Author counterman Posted October 14, 2010 Author Posted October 14, 2010 Thanks for the advice. As you may be able to tell, I am relatively inexperienced. I was nervous with the 2nd girl, but I felt comfortable around her and I felt she did too. I was actually thinking planning on having two dates on the same day... but you're right. I shouldn't do that. It's just not right. How would I go about asking the 2nd girl out? Since I only ended texting her "it was nice to meet you ;)" - which she hasn't replied to. With the 1st girl, I am thinking about calling her on the Monday to set up something in two days after that, or would that be too long (4 - 5 days) since she has heard from me?
brainygirl Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 Thanks for the advice. As you may be able to tell, I am relatively inexperienced. I was nervous with the 2nd girl, but I felt comfortable around her and I felt she did too. I was actually thinking planning on having two dates on the same day... but you're right. I shouldn't do that. It's just not right. How would I go about asking the 2nd girl out? Since I only ended texting her "it was nice to meet you ;)" - which she hasn't replied to. With the 1st girl, I am thinking about calling her on the Monday to set up something in two days after that, or would that be too long (4 - 5 days) since she has heard from me? Girls like to hear from the guy, don't wait five days. Call her now. Same with the other girl, decide when you can take her out and give her a call. If either turns you down, no big deal.
Author counterman Posted October 14, 2010 Author Posted October 14, 2010 That's true. If either turn me down, all good. The first girl seemed pretty cool about going out on the day I mentioned which is the Wednesday. However, I don't want to go all in. I want to do something fun, so not dinner. What do you recommend? With the second girl, what do you think if I say something along the lines of "hey, how's it going? I am free on the ___ at this time ____, I was wondering whether you would like to do _________". I feel I should say something after "how's it going" to show that I really want to see her. I know I am overthinking this... but I am rusty.
carhill Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 Whatever you do or say, do it on the phone with your mouth. Imagine your fingers are missing. Unless these are people you already 'know' well, IMO, keep the first date request simple, light and not time-intensive. Something 'fun' is fine; your risk is that the lady won't perceive fun the same way as you do. That's OK, but be aware of it. At my age, first dates are generally lunch or dinner. We all eat and it can take as little or as much time as the interaction designates. Blah, enjoy the meal, go separate ways. Hit it off and close down the restaurant. 'Hi, it's xxxx (insert normal social pleasantries). I'd love to take you to xxxx on xxxx.' Then, listen. Embellishment might be 'there's a cool band that plays every xxxx night at xxxx. I'd love to take you there for some music and dinner' Adapt to your age group as appropriate. The key is specifics and requesting the pleasure of her company. If she can't feel your interest, other than you picking up the phone, what differentiates you from the other guys who call her? If you desire a social life and female companionship, it's totally voluntary. Think about all the time, effort, energy and hard work you've put into your career. That was completely voluntary too. You wanted it. You know how to be successful. Now go do it.
Author counterman Posted October 14, 2010 Author Posted October 14, 2010 Whatever you do or say, do it on the phone with your mouth. Imagine your fingers are missing. Unless these are people you already 'know' well, IMO, keep the first date request simple, light and not time-intensive. Something 'fun' is fine; your risk is that the lady won't perceive fun the same way as you do. That's OK, but be aware of it. At my age, first dates are generally lunch or dinner. We all eat and it can take as little or as much time as the interaction designates. Blah, enjoy the meal, go separate ways. Hit it off and close down the restaurant. 'Hi, it's xxxx (insert normal social pleasantries). I'd love to take you to xxxx on xxxx.' Then, listen. Embellishment might be 'there's a cool band that plays every xxxx night at xxxx. I'd love to take you there for some music and dinner' Adapt to your age group as appropriate. The key is specifics and requesting the pleasure of her company. If she can't feel your interest, other than you picking up the phone, what differentiates you from the other guys who call her? If you desire a social life and female companionship, it's totally voluntary. Think about all the time, effort, energy and hard work you've put into your career. That was completely voluntary too. You wanted it. You know how to be successful. Now go do it. Thank you. I will call both of them today. Dinner for the 2nd girl and coffee for the 1st. I spoke to the 2nd girl for a bit over an hour. The 1st girl I only spoke to for 3 minutes. So, I need to feel the 1st girl out more than that 2nd girl. That is if they even accept Things I want to do that are fun, they might not like. But, you're right, dinner and lunch is something we all must have. I would enjoy those just as much. If they both turn me down or one of them, then no worries.
carhill Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 Here's an example of a fun thing a lady might not see as 'fun'.... I love vintage cars and own a few. I like taking them out and cruising and stopping at hangouts on the weekends. I know people at these hangouts. It's a 'fun' thing I do. A woman *might* like that. Alternatively, she might find riding around in an old, noisy car without a cool stereo and air conditioning to be obscenely boring and uncomfortable. Now, I might pick her up to go do something I think we both might like in one of those cars, but I wouldn't make the focus of the whole evening something I view (for myself) as 'fun'. YMMV. One example. One datapoint. The imperative here is to do what you believe in. Balls to bones. A compatible woman will embrace that and find it attractive.
Author counterman Posted October 14, 2010 Author Posted October 14, 2010 I see what you mean. There are a few things I would love to do but even my friends do not. So, I guess I shall see. Things is, I have inexperienced. Whatever happens, good or bad, I will learn from it and my perspective on things will be greater. I am very open-minded and would enjoy trying new things, but some people might not like that. My sole belief is to do something I would enjoy, without looking into too much into whether she will. If she's not up for it, I can always suggest something else or she can. I would never do something I wouldn't enjoy, so I understand if some might not see what I like to do as "fun". However, dinner or lunch is pretty safe. We can have fun afterwards
Author counterman Posted October 14, 2010 Author Posted October 14, 2010 I was thinking... can't I ask which she prefers? Dinner or coffee?
carhill Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 If she prefers something else, she'll tell you. This is a great way to ascertain someone's communication style
Author counterman Posted October 14, 2010 Author Posted October 14, 2010 Thing is, I don't know what I prefer I feel I might actually lean towards coffee. There's a coffee culture here. Okay, I called girl #2, and no one picked up. If she doesn't call me back tonight, I'm going to call girl #1 to set something.
Author counterman Posted October 14, 2010 Author Posted October 14, 2010 Okay, so I haven't called girl #1 yet. I am thinking about calling her tomorrow. Should I call girl #2 again, after calling her once? I couldn't leave a VM because she doesn't have VM. The last time this happened, I only called the girl once, left a VM and that was it. I see her around and things are normal but we're not dating or hanging out.
Author counterman Posted October 14, 2010 Author Posted October 14, 2010 One more thing, does a kiss signify intention for a relationship? Because sometimes I just feel like it.
carhill Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 For me it's simple. I take ladies to restaurants I know and like and have been going to for years. Into that mix, I throw in a new place once in awhile. With one of my recent dates, we went to a new sushi place for lunch for our first date. Regarding kissing, it's a sign of attraction and affection. It helps close the physical and emotional distance between two relative strangers. It's not a marriage proposal.
Author counterman Posted October 14, 2010 Author Posted October 14, 2010 Thanks for your reply. I have restaurants and places that I like to and they would be great places to take a girl. There are also new places I would like to try and that I could do with friends or a date. I am not going to call girl #2 again - she would have seen my miss call. If it didn't arouse any interest at her in why I called, then so be it. I'll call girl #1 and set up a coffee date to see how things would go. I'll ask another couple of girls out next week if I get the chance.
Recommended Posts