MTA111 Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Hi, My last post got no responses at all, so fingers crossed this does better than the last one. Me and my girlfriend broke up about 5 weeks ago. It was my fault, I was emailed by some other girls and I responded & they were a bit flirty. She was devastated and broke up with me. She said she was heartbroken and although a couple of days afer we broke up we had a really nice coversation on the phone, after that it went dead silent. No contact for a month, in which time she had left to go to university. There really is no chance of us getting back together. But, it's a thought I can't really get my head around, because although we always knew that we would probably break up when she went to uni, we were so alike it felt like we were almost meant for each other. Also how wierd is this. We hadn't spoken for a month barr 1 or 2 brief emails. Then on friday night at the exact same time & I mean to the second, we both sent each other a text saying "Give me a call". It almost felt like fate! Anyway, as I said we have no chance of getting back together. Straight after the breakup I was doing ok and athough I missed her I kind of felt like I would hear from her before she went to uni.....I didn't. At this point it started to sink in that we were totally done, which I gritted my teeth for a while and got on with, however over the past 2weeks, I've been thinking about her 24/7. I just cannot get her out my head. I've lost 1 1/2 stone in weight over the month since we broke up, taking me down to a very unhealthy 9 1/2 stone! I'm now off work with Tonsillitis and have bearly slept for the last week as every dream seems to circle around her. Can any one give me any advice on how I can just get over this thing, because at the moment it genuinely feels like it's killing me!
jerbear Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Advice is to: find a new hobby work on current ones go do something else find someone else as in get out of the house and talk to other people go out and talk to other people exercise This will help you divert your attention away and subconsciously change your way of thinking.
Don Ho Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Interesting Bro. She broke up with you and you're obsessed with her. I think if you had broken up with her because she went to Uni, then you would be thinking differently. That's just your Ego talking. I think it may help if you reframe the situation and consider it was going to end like you said and on your terms. Other than that, get out, work out, get really busy and so on.
Author MTA111 Posted October 13, 2010 Author Posted October 13, 2010 Yeh your probably right. She wouldn't have broken up with me when she went away, but I had always said that I couldn't be bothered having to worry about a gf at uni. It's just the fact that we spent a near perfect year together, clicked so much and then it ended like that. Totally my fault, but I probably feel like this because I hate feeling like I've got no control over a situation. We literally never even got to say goodbye. She went hollywood on me, by coming into my house while I was at work and left all these emails printed out over my bed. (Which you have to admire her for, because....good way to bring it home!) Anyway we never saw each other again, spoke on the phone once and that was pretty much it, a year with someone who I could under different circumstances spent the rest of my life with, totally ruined and gone there and then. Relationships are bulls**t. I tell you what theres no way I'm getting married, I couldnt stomach a divorce! **She did text me today, but only to ask me to turn to a certain tv channel. When I did it was about this guy, who's girlfriend hd found all these emails to other people......although she did take him back. Also, I know it sounds stupid but i need to be clear I never ha any intention of meeting these girls, it was literally just flirting (explicit lol) but that was genuinely all it was. I'm pretty sure she knows that too. Anyway, i'm feeling really really gutted, I know I made a mistake and it's my fault. I suppose all I can do is make sure i never make the same mistake again... all part of growing up. I just never thought it would b as tough as this is.
thatsonlyme Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 this is a very interesting thread, it may help: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=244265
Don Ho Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 this is a very interesting thread, it may help: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=244265 Guess you prefer obsessing to taking action and getting your life back and moving forward. Go read that thread. Maybe it will help. Then get out and do something.
Audieme Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 Let her cool off. She's angry (but not very angry I think since she's still contacting you or did I read your post wrong?) so LET HER be angry. Her anger will pass, you just have to let it take its course, HER WAY on HER OWN TIME. While this is happening on HER side, you need to take care of YOUR side. Just like everyone else here has said, keep yourself busy. You know what I did when I was devastated after being dumped (and after I called and committed 'text terrorism' on my ex, pleading him with another chance, etc.)? I joined a gym and worked out every night...helped a little. I went out with friends...helped a little. Worked a lot of overtime...helped a little. Then decided I needed something BIG to take my mind off the relationship, so I took flying lessons, like in flying a friggin AIRPLANE. It took all my concentration to pay attention to what I was doing (so I wouldn't die) and there was NO room in my brain for the relationship thoughts. I tell ya, I was felt pretty awesome after that. My point is: time will go by regardless while she mulls over her feelings about what you did, in the meantime, better yourself. School, gym, hobbies, or an adrenaline rush to make you feel confident and alive during this painful time. As time goes by, maybe you two will gain a new perspective on the relationship, when/IF this happens, at least (hopefully) you'll be in a better state of mind...and she'll notice.
Author MTA111 Posted October 14, 2010 Author Posted October 14, 2010 I know your alright, I heard someone else say that when you lose your gf who's also your best friend that you have to be your own best friend for a while. That for me is a problem because most of the time I am my own worst enemy, but I suppose that's all part of character building and as they say what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. (I'm a cliche machine at the moment!) Anyway, she's at uni, she'll be sleeping around and having fun, so there's no point me dwelling on it, at least more than is necessary. I'm just finding hard to come to terms with the fact that the girl I was deeply in love with is gone. It's almost like grieving a death! (Not trying to be overly morbid, but as you can see I am genuinely quite upset about it) I also think alot of the time it's harder for a guy because we don't have the same kind of support network as girls have. Anytime I bring any of this up with my mates it just gets put down very quickly. Rant over....no doubt I'll be back for another very soon!
Audieme Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 I I'm just finding hard to come to terms with the fact that the girl I was deeply in love with is gone. It's almost like grieving a death! (Not trying to be overly morbid, but as you can see I am genuinely quite upset about it) I also think alot of the time it's harder for a guy because we don't have the same kind of support network as girls have. Anytime I bring any of this up with my mates it just gets put down very quickly.QUOTE] The same 'stages of grief' that one goes through when losing a loved one to death are the SAME for when someone loses a loved one when a relationship has ceased. It is indeed almost like grieving a death, it's the same concept. That's what WE ARE HERE for MTA111! We are hear to listen to you and to help. I'm sure for a lot of us, this is the only place we can turn to. We are all in the same boat and understand what you'e going through.
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