hermit Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Posted this in the wrong forum before, so here 'tis again.... Hello again This is possibly somewhat in relation to the "chatty men" thread. Well, I've been single for two and a half years now and have only once had any kind of attention from a guy - which was about one and a half years ago and came to nothing (the thread is still on here somewhere...) Recently I felt myself falling into that awful trap of starting to feel sorry for myself. I guess being single is fun, if you get the occasional guy flirting with you or a guy smiles back at you if you smile at him. In short, you still feel like an attractive female, and not invisible. I'm a friendly and fun person and I guess quite pretty as well... When I ask my friends why men treat me like I'm not there they claim it's because I'm too "cool" and "funny" (just quoting, I have no idea if this is true). So anyway, I joined match.com. In a way it felt a bit depressing, like me finally admitting that yes, I am completely incapable of catching a guy's eye in real life. But I did meet one or two men on there that seemed to have similar interests - but this is where it gets weird! I guess in real life, before you get into deeper conversation you can quickly suss out if somone is your type with regards to character, temperament, interaction. So I met this guy and I knew a load of stuff about him and we like similar things (I have somewhat obscure and unusual interests, so that doesn't happen so often). After emailing back and forth for a few weeks, I finally phoned him up last night... And this is where the "chatty" bit comes in. I love conversation, and I'm friendly, outgoing, and yes, funny, when I talk to people. I like quick-witted conversation where both participants talk an equal amout. He, on the other hand, turned out to be one of those people who talk really slowly, choosing every word and then trailing off every sentence as though embarrassed of what they're saying. I really appreciate that he might have been nervous, and I could sense him warming up as the conversation progressed. I guess what I'm trying to say is, if I'd met him in real life, I would not have been attracted to him and so we would have probably just become friends (I do have some friends who he reminds me of and am not attracted to them for the same reason). But with the inverted approach we kind of expressed interest in each other without the aspect of chemistry. The other issue here is that this whole thing is long distance (he lives at the other end of the country) - so it's not like I could just say, ok let's just meet up and it'll become quite clear very quickly as to whether there is chemistry or not. I know talking on the phone can be really awkward, I'm not a big fan myself, so for that reason I'd like to give him that chance. At the same time I already feel we've shared such a lot of inforamtion/ email/ conversation that possibly letting him down is already becoming an awkward prospect. Makes me think whether it's all worth it, and whether this online dating thing can actually work. I guess it's made me realise that chemistry is still the main thing that attracts us, no matter how much or little we have in common... Any thoughts on this from seasoned online daters?
Tim The Enchanter Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 I completely understand where you're coming from. I've been doing OLD, on and off, for three years, but I would be very hesitant to go on a date with someone if there was no connection there. Email is obviously your first "test", but if you can't get the same connection speaking on the phone, I think you are right to be cautious. As far as internet dating working, I can certainly vouch for it. In the three years I've been using I've been on loads of dates, and have have met four women whom I dated for months at a time. Unfortunately, none of them lasted, but I just know that it's only a matter of time before I meet someone and it turns into an LTR. Just remind yourself that this guy you're talking to is but one guy you could potentially meet via the internet. It sound crass, but you have to shop around and get the man that suits you best. Your instinct is probably correct with this guy: if he doesn't sound right to your ears on the phone, you're probably not going to have any chemistry with him. It sounds to me that he lacks confidence, which in turn could be indicative of something more general about his personality.
Lemontang Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 I totally hear you on this literally. I've spoken to people over the phone from online and had mixed results. One I conversed well online with, only to be met with a Fran Dresher voice, we still met and dated for awhile but it was how she held a conversation that would always rub me the wrong way. Another I was so so with talking online, until we actually spoke. I was blown away by a great intelligent sounding person and ended up in a short term relationship with her. And yet another highly intelligent girl I dated who had everything going for her (looks, brains, same interests) had such a monotone voice I'd almost fall asleep in long conversations. On a funny side people often get knocked back by my voice as I have one of them deep made for radio voices so I get the "You should be on radio" line quite a bit.
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