4givrnt4gtr Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 So, I just had a discussion with my best friend. She's a very intelligent woman, but she often tends to let her emotions make judgments about people, especially men. She also tends to place people where she is at. (Ie. if she feels guys dont like her, then no men really ever likes anyone, especially her friends) In any case, today I was in a bit of a tizzy because, I admit, something silly. My ex-boyfriend from a year ago posted as his fb status "stick it to the *my nationality* ". (My nationality is not very popular so it was hard to ignore or not take it personally, especially knowing im the only person he knows from that nationality) It was the first thing I saw when I opened fb so I reacted immediately and posted "Hey hey hey!!!", thus effectively breaking 4 months NC (would have been longer but he emailed me back in July). In any case, that led to a full blown conversation, silly, non-important but in the end, I wonder if he posted that on purpose. So I discussed this with my best friend. She, very matter of factly (and actually kind of annoyed) said that men aren't smart enough to do stuff like that on purpose. That he was definitely not thinking about me when he posted this and that he could care less about me. Now, I ask you guys....do guys REALLY dont think about stuff like that? Do men really not think that if you say/post/do something related to either the girl you're dating or someone in your life, its going to be taken personally or at least make the person react? Are men really as dense as my friend makes them sound??
OceanGirl Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Actually, your friend is right. Men very rarely devise FB plans to send you subliminal messages. For all you know, he might have had a bad waiter that day of the same nationality as you.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted October 13, 2010 Author Posted October 13, 2010 Actually, your friend is right. Men very rarely devise FB plans to send you subliminal messages. For all you know, he might have had a bad waiter that day of the same nationality as you. No actually he was talking about an obscured soccer match that was happening tonight. We ended up discussing the match because of it since we used to watch it together when we were dating
VeveCakes Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 What difference will it make if he was trying to get your attention?? Are you looking for a sense of hope? Seems like a pretty lame guy if he has to use fb to try and get you to not forget about him. Also, I don't get why people always seem to assume things on fb are directed at them. I never direct anything on there to anyone subliminaly...seems very childish. Why don't you just ask him...but I will say if he's any man worth having and he wants to be with you, he will just straight up tell you that, not play games across a social network.
sanskrit Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Most real (as opposed to TV, movies and chick lit) grown men will call you up directly if they want to speak to you as opposed to playing high schoolish FB games. So if your friend's definition of "not smart enough" includes not smart enough to play immature kiddie games, then she is correct.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted October 13, 2010 Author Posted October 13, 2010 What difference will it make if he was trying to get your attention?? Are you looking for a sense of hope? Seems like a pretty lame guy if he has to use fb to try and get you to not forget about him. Also, I don't get why people always seem to assume things on fb are directed at them. I never direct anything on there to anyone subliminaly...seems very childish. Why don't you just ask him...but I will say if he's any man worth having and he wants to be with you, he will just straight up tell you that, not play games across a social network. No not really hope. I broke it off with him, and had not talked to him in a very long time. Thats why it kinda made me wonder since the last email I received from him was because he "heard" I was sick and in the hospital, when in reality, we have no friends in common and it was clear he saw it on FB. I dont mind being cool with him, he is a nice guy.....i just got a weird feeling seeing that status. Its not a big deal, and actually my question is more generalized.... I know a lot of girls DO post things on fb in hopes to get someone's attention (i know not very mature, but its true). I have also seen guys post things that, even though they are not directed to me, I can tell they are trying to get a rise out of someone....so to hear that this is never true and people dont post things to get the attention of someone else (which if you think about it, makes no sense, cuz the whole purpose of status IS to get attention) makes me wonder about how I perceive people
OceanGirl Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 What difference will it make if he was trying to get your attention?? Are you looking for a sense of hope? Seems like a pretty lame guy if he has to use fb to try and get you to not forget about him. Also, I don't get why people always seem to assume things on fb are directed at them. I never direct anything on there to anyone subliminaly...seems very childish. Why don't you just ask him...but I will say if he's any man worth having and he wants to be with you, he will just straight up tell you that, not play games across a social network. Eaxactly. You are reading WAY too much into it.
carhill Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Now, I ask you guys....do guys REALLY dont think about stuff like that? Do men really not think that if you say/post/do something related to either the girl you're dating or someone in your life, its going to be taken personally or at least make the person react? Are men really as dense as my friend makes them sound??Hard to know. The word 'dense' can be applied in many ways. Was I 'dense' to package up all my MW's love letters and send them to her husband? Probably. It got her attention. (this was decades ago). Was I dense to carbon-copy 'accidentally' a travel itinerary to a person I was NC with? Perhaps. Did I know exactly what I was doing and how it might impact the person? Absolutely. That's called emotional awareness. That doesn't mean any of the actions were kind or right. It means I was aware. The actions can still be defined as 'dense' but the awareness is far from it, IMO. You know your ex best. Is it his 'style' to act in such a manner purposely and overtly? Whether you should spend any of your valuable time analyzing this is a completely different topic. I'm just going with the thread's perceived intent and question. Press flesh more, facebook less. Good luck
carhill Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Hey, I had to look up 'intentionality' on Wikipedia, so you might be on to something there
tincanman99 Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Realize this, men are very basic for the most part. Some are not but they are in the minority. Men dont understand subtlety at all. He may have done it on purpose but I doubt it. But there are men that are devious. They will intentionally do things to provoke a reaction. You know your ex so only you can say whether he does these kinds of things. Women send messages all the time and men dont pick them up. Like when a woman likes them and they are totally oblivious to it. ie. they thought she was just being friendly.
SmoothNinja Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 i think were thinking too much wth our minds HOW MANY GUYS have intentionally made a comment or in her case, wrote on Facebook to ignite a reaction from a former lover? I KNOW i have! But the comment ur ex made was rather harsh, i guess it all depends on what type of person he is. The whole "Men are stupid dur dur dur, excuse cant excuse all bad behavior/habits. Maybe it was unintentional only he knows
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted October 13, 2010 Author Posted October 13, 2010 Well, in THIS guy's case, I KNOW he's done it before. Before we started dating, I remember a particular incident where we hanged out with some friends, then went to our respective houses. I went online and he posted as his status "Drinking wine alone, wishing I had good company" or something to the effect. I wondered about it but, since ive heard so many times that men dont do these sort of stuff...i shrugged it off. Later when we dated he confessed he had hoped i would see that and ask him to invite me over....lame...i know, but what are u gonna do. Again, it really doesn't matter....not in this guy's case anyway. Im just surprise to find so many people thinking men wouldn't pull something like this...guess is time to revise my assumptions and start believing the "men are from mars" bit eeek
TheBigQuestion Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 In your case, it doesn't seem that likely that he was trying to get your attention. However, there are plenty of guys, myself included, who DO understand and utilize subtlety to get the attention of women. You can call it game playing, you can call it being too indirect, but depending on who you are pursuing and the circumstances (whatever they may be) under which you pursue, it can be a fine alternative to being completely direct. Most guys don't understand subtlety, but there are probably more guys who would do something like that than most women would care to admit. This is probably because using hints, subtlety, and insinuation is usually a woman's seductive domain.
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