dispatch3d Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Girl 1) A tattooed, artsy looking girl with a taste for indyrock and plays bass guitar. I posted "You look and sound like a bit of nut. That's totally Awesome lol probably your best first message. However, what do you expect her to talk about with this opener? Where will this conversation go? Like, she's supposed to talk about how nutty she is? How fiercely do you rock the bass?" She didn't respond. I tried to prod her by adding "So... not very well I take it?" but still nothing This is guy language. Girls don't "rock the bass" unless they are being flirty. Too much too soon but not the worst. Girl 2) A girl who sings and is musically trained. I asked "It's awesome that you sing. Have you ever performed?" No response. You just met her. No straight up compliments like "you sing wicked". If you sung yourself this would be acceptable, but you would talk in terms of where you want to sing, wish to sing, or whatever. Not abotu how great a singer she is. Girl 3) A girl who mentioned a whole lot of stuff that didn't strike me. Mentioned she liked to spend a disproportionate amount at a local coffee shop. I asked "Hey, cute pics. That coffee shop you hang out wouldn't happen to be _________ would it?" No response. I tried to prod with "So... I guess not lol" but still nothing. Would you want some anonymous dude knowing what coffee shop you hang out at? Probably not. Think about it. Girl 4) A girl who mentioned that her "spine and guts" were the sexiest parts of her body. I texted her a message titled "Spine and guts?" and it read "THOSE are the sexiest parts of your body? You got a zipper up and down your back or something? (BTW, is that a scorpion bowl at _______ in one of your pics)" No response. Ughh I have no idea why this girl is mentioning the sexiest part of her body is some weird part. That is very strange to me. I would not message her. Like is she a serial killer? I find your messages weird as well, but considering how she started things I don't blame you. To mention the bowl I may say something like "uhhh you have a scorpian bowl. That's so weird! I have a grasshopper bowl (wtf do scorpians eat?). I feel like we wouldn't get along at all ." Starts of flirty, not saying it'll work, but at least is sorta cocky funny/etc. Don't msg weird girls! Girl 5) A girl who's pictures all have her in the same posture, facing the same direction at a slight angle. She also mentioned she plays 4 instruments. I texted "You're facing the same way at the same angle in every single pictures. That's pretty funny. What instruments do you play?" She only responded with "Oh you're right I never noticed," but tat doesn't leave me much to work with, especially since she ignored my second question. So ahh, clever observation. Again, what are you figuring she'll respond with? I may say something like "Uhhh do all cute boys stand to the left of you when you take pictures?" Again not sure where to go with this tho so uhhhmmm! "What instrument do you play?" Why do you care? Again if you play instruments, talk about your favourite instrument or something. Don't delve into what she loves about the saxophone or trombone. If your pationate about music and she plays the saxophone be like "Oh man I saw x-saxophone player last month! Bet your jealous!" Girl 6) She clearly says on her profile that she only wants casual sex. Doesn't mention much else about herself. I texted a message titled "Seems too good to be true" and it read "What's the catch little girl " No response. Not the kind of message that would get me hot and bothered, she probably feels the same. She's likely judging hugely on looks/emotional stuff anyways. And the latter is going to be very hard to communicate. I think your profile would just half to carry you through with her type.... There's 3 more but in 4 days not a single response from 9 girls. I'm just frustrated right now. I'm at the "Wow! Seriously? SERIOUSLY?" stage right now. I'm not angry at any of these 1 girls for not answering, but I'm upset about not being responded to AT ALL. And it's making me wonder, is there something wrong with me? The messages I'm sending? Or girls who use online dating in general? this message is too short. Blah kinda annoying...
sweetjasmine Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Ughh I have no idea why this girl is mentioning the sexiest part of her body is some weird part. That is very strange to me. I would not message her. Like is she a serial killer? It's a joke. She means her figurative spine and guts.
dispatch3d Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 posting this with the caveat that I'm no expert and open to criticism/comments: I'm a Polish girl. I'm always down for a good time and I'm into tattoos and some piercings. I love to try new things. I'm a good hearted country girl and I can make just about anyone laugh. =] I love to party and dance. I own the radio in every car I'm in,its a bad habit lol. I listen to 104.1 like its my job and I can sing every song to you willingly. I love meeting new people! =]Creepers please don't message me.. and boys who copy and paste the same first message to every girl also do no message me. ctrl+v OMG! I also love the saxophone! ctrl+c haha I find it funny, efffff u guys! Me and you would have the biggest extrovert contest of liffffeeee. It's alright though, you can take the radio, I get the house! Ha! It's a mansion too! ... she might get pissed you get "the mansion" but she'll get over it.... To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down. -Woody Allen- I am a down to earth girl looking to meet new people and have some fun. I'm optimistic and adventurous given the situation. If I had it my way my home would be on the beach, but for now I just go there on the weekends. I enjoy going out but also love staying in =) I love to be wined and dined, but am in no way a "material girl." I am Italian, German, and Polish. I am NOT into playing games I currently attend art school and hope to one day become a Graphic Designer as well as an Event Planner. I love to be with friends as well as family. I love to be happy and choose to be surrounded by those who make me that way. tell a story where you are "optimistic and adventurous" but make it short.... Are you fun? I went to poland lately, and we went to this hammer celebration. basically everyone just had these giant big red hammers and were bopping each other on the head playfully. That was really great. Your turn! I have no idea what i bat on this ****, but it's like over 10% I think haha......
dispatch3d Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 It's a joke. She means her figurative spine and guts. I really think she's setting herself up to get a bunch of strange messages from guys. Never, ever make self-deprecating humour. Does tom cruise make fun of himself? **** that. This is shooting yourself in the foot. I'm better at spotting mistakes than I am writing the perfect one liner. It's obviously a lot easier to say ohhh noes! than oh just do this......
sweetjasmine Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 I really think she's setting herself up to get a bunch of strange messages from guys. Never, ever make self-deprecating humour. Does tom cruise make fun of himself? **** that. This is shooting yourself in the foot. I didn't read it as her making fun of herself or being self-deprecating. What's self-deprecating about what she wrote?
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 I didn't read it as her making fun of herself or being self-deprecating. What's self-deprecating about what she wrote? I agree. What she wrote is actually kind of cute. I do find the traits of bravery and outgoingness to be attractive. Plus saying that creates a good opening line. Let her know you think has made a unique observation. I don't know where OP got the idea that insulting = cute, but it just doesn't work like that. Even later on those jokes would come across as just mean spirited. When I tried online dating my rule of thumb about opening lines was it had to say something about her, something about me, and something we may have in common. Sometimes I could get that into a one liner, sometimes 4 sentences... never more than that. I also only messaged about 2 women at a time, partly because I had so many incoming, but also because I put a lot of thought into my messages. It pays off because the response rate goes up much higher.
alexlakeman Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 1. If you wrote your profile in a day, it s.ucks. It takes some effort to make a profile work. Mines is an ongoing project, never quite finished. You don't want to send mass emails out like that other user on here who thinks sening 300 emails works, but sometimes just sending a few won't guarantee any return. If they don't respond to the first msg, do NOT write back, move on. Personally, I read their profile closely. I comment on a specifc thing that caught my attention. If nothing catches my attention or her interests don't interest me, I don't bother writting or put too much effort into it. My responses are brief; one paragraph, maybe 2-5 sentences. ALWAYS put a question in there to make it easier for her to respond, so she has something to write back about, ie "I see you are studying for your CPA. You are very fortunate, I havenot been able to prepapre myself for it. What part are you taking first? How do you find the time working full time to study for it?". Dump the online dating. 9 out of 10 women on there have issues. entually lead to problems. Wow, that many? Care to post ther source of that analysis? I'd be interested to read more on it.
dispatch3d Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Haha! OMG, that was my first reaction. But, obviously, they attracted your attention. So, that's what matters. I tried, but I cannot write something in response to those...um...profiles as I look for something much different than you. Well, I'm also a chick. Let me dig up a post a guy wrote to me. Although some context might be lost without knowing my profile, this should help. This e-mail got my attention because it followed Hokie's suggestions: referenced my profile, he showed interest in me by asking questions and offered information about himself. Also, the sense of humor he displayed was a compliment, not a veiled challenge. [Names and some details redacted] Hi CrestfallenNoMore, You have a real talent for putting words together- it's hard not to smile when reading this. The fact that you caught the Pixies reference speaks volumes on your quality of character. This is a good compliment. Mostly because of the way he qualified it. It isn't you sing gud (how would you know?) or perty dress, it's you are a great writer and make me smile when I read. GJ on checking pixie request... I'm actually pretty glad that we've finally started getting some decent fall weather this fine Monday evening; something about the smell of wood burning fireplaces and a snap in the air takes me back to my childhood. (I grew up on a dairy farm in WI.) I caught myself this afternoon staring out the window at the squirrels eating all the figs off my fig tree and the maple in the backyard just starting to change colors. In just a couple of weeks it will be primo time to visit the Japanese Garden. Guy writes gud. He describes how things look and feel to the sense. This is the way girls perfer to communicate. They don't talk as much about facts (as in my comment before about her "rocking" her bass - again not a girl description/writing). So how did you end up in PDX? Have you lived here long? Got any favorite breakfast spots or the inside dope on a good piano bar? Have you lived here long is kinda useless. The last quesion is very good, and I like the first question as well. She can describe life events, as opposed to one liners like I work in pharmacy, I own 400 pigs on my farm, etc. I used to go to XXXX once in awhile. It's the closest thing to a quasi-gangster scene I've found. They make a pretty decent steak too I'm pretty new at the online dating thing- so whatever works for you is fine with me. I know they have a "chat" tool here- at the risk of sounding like "Kip" from Napolean Dynamite, should we set up a "Chat room meeting at 4 o'clock"? He's moving things forward fast. You don't want to stay online too long. Just a tool to get a phone number/conversation. Take care- and looking forward. to hearing from you GuywhowroteCrestfallenNoMore Reading this makes me realize some of my mistakes. I'm actually funny in real life, so it's hard for me to drop the "act" online because it IS part of my personality. That said, my jokes are probably hurting me as much as helping (in rl they definitely help)... my comment on not making jokes about yourself wasn't addressed to that poster in my post. Yeah I didn't write very well there. It was like 3 am.
tincanman99 Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 You may be funny in real life. That I dont know. But it looks to me like you are reading to much of that David D. "cocky and funny" stuff that is all over the web. Stop it. That is very difficult to pull off in written form unless you have a gift for it. Its one thing doing it person where a person can see your body language, eyes and face, forget it online. The stuff you showed is not funny and I think many women would find it offensive. You can tease them after they know you but to start it off like this. The first thing that many will think is that you are immature and a donkey's butt. Also realize that 1/2 way attractive women both in real life and on the web have lots of options. Even average women get HUNDREDS of emails from men. I am not exaggerating. My sister who is beautiful would get 400-700 emails a DAY from men. Great ego booster for the women but eventually they get tired and ignore them. You will have to be exceptional to stand out.
Author U1987 Posted October 13, 2010 Author Posted October 13, 2010 Your Emails should be about two medium paragraphs long, a bit shorter than this paragraph. Read the profile carefully, then scan it several more times. Come up with three "topics" of focus from her profile, and give each two sentences, so you are looking for about 8 sentences overall, an intro, a conclusion and then two sentences each on three points. One point should be funny, even a little eccentric, maybe light teasing about something in the profile. But not over the line into the strange or insulting. One point should tap into a commonality of shared emotion based on a shared interest, not just saying "hey I do that too!" Basically, describe the commonality and then how it makes you feel. The final point should relate something in her profile to your subtle classification of yourself as a regular guy. This is the basic approach. Within this structure, try to make two of the sentences questions. Once you have some practice doing this, you will begin to learn to customize your Emails to a specific profile without using any kind of map or form such as above. Strongly recommend you stick to a form early on though. Pay sites get better response. Stating you are looking for a relationship gets a better response. Remove anything "strange" in your profile and any pictures that aren't flattering. Good luck. Unlike Hokie, I don't find your starter messages "disturbingly lame," you just need to put more meat around them. Okay, but like I said, even though a lot of 18-24 year old girls are really cute, they don't have a lot of substance. You can see it in their profiles. Here are a few more I am a straight forward, honest girl. I love dancing,reading, traveling a lot. I hate liars, dishonest peaople. I just love my life.Ilove to hanging out with my friends, i love out door. i am a fun loving girl, every movement of life.I would like to meet a nice man to talk to, spend some time with and get to know each other a little. I'm not here to play games. That's the ENTIRE profile. Here's another I just graduated high school and is going to college for child pyshcology. Children are amazing to me. I love shopping and going out. My family means the world to me and of course my friends. or this I'm currently a student in my senior year of college. I'm a goofball and I love to have a good time. Joking around is something I do a lot, I mean it keeps things entertaining for the most past haha, but I can be serious too. I'm still young so I like to live it up every once in a while but I still like to chill and relax. I think balance is something that everyone needs in their life. I'm always up for finding new places to chill, hang out, eat, drink, whatever. On the same note I'm also willing to try new things. I'm looking to meet someone who can keep me smiling and laughing and entertained. I'm not looking for a booty call. I have a thing for tall guys and I think that smiles are sexy. Don't be shy...feel free to message me even if I didn't write you first, it shows me you have some courage to take a step forward haha. I mean seriously, there are so little specifics in each one. Please, someone show me a good example of a first message.
Author U1987 Posted October 13, 2010 Author Posted October 13, 2010 Hi CrestfallenNoMore, You have a real talent for putting words together- it's hard not to smile when reading this. The fact that you caught the Pixies reference speaks volumes on your quality of character. I'm actually pretty glad that we've finally started getting some decent fall weather this fine Monday evening; something about the smell of wood burning fireplaces and a snap in the air takes me back to my childhood. (I grew up on a dairy farm in WI.) I caught myself this afternoon staring out the window at the squirrels eating all the figs off my fig tree and the maple in the backyard just starting to change colors. In just a couple of weeks it will be primo time to visit the Japanese Garden. So how did you end up in PDX? Have you lived here long? Got any favorite breakfast spots or the inside dope on a good piano bar? I used to go to XXXX once in awhile. It's the closest thing to a quasi-gangster scene I've found. They make a pretty decent steak too I'm pretty new at the online dating thing- so whatever works for you is fine with me. I know they have a "chat" tool here- at the risk of sounding like "Kip" from Napolean Dynamite, should we set up a "Chat room meeting at 4 o'clock"? Take care- and looking forward. to hearing from you GuywhowroteCrestfallenNoMore How old are you by the way? Are you sure this would work on girls 18-24? All this seems a little intimate and overbearing. Wouldn't a young girl feel overwhelmed or creeped out if a stranger wrote ALL this to her? And also, it sounds like you wrote a lot of detailed stuff in your profile, but a lot of these girls profile contents are really generic and vague. You could switch them around and I don't think I or most people would be able to tell the difference. How do you work with that?
Author U1987 Posted October 13, 2010 Author Posted October 13, 2010 posting this with the caveat that I'm no expert and open to criticism/comments: I'm a Polish girl. I'm always down for a good time and I'm into tattoos and some piercings. I love to try new things. I'm a good hearted country girl and I can make just about anyone laugh. =] I love to party and dance. I own the radio in every car I'm in,its a bad habit lol. I listen to 104.1 like its my job and I can sing every song to you willingly. I love meeting new people! =]Creepers please don't message me.. and boys who copy and paste the same first message to every girl also do no message me. ctrl+v OMG! I also love the saxophone! ctrl+c haha I find it funny, efffff u guys! Me and you would have the biggest extrovert contest of liffffeeee. It's alright though, you can take the radio, I get the house! Ha! It's a mansion too! ... I don't get it. How does the saxophone fit in? I've never heard of an "extrovert contest." Is that some TV/Movie reference? What are ctrl+v and ctrl+c?
luvnpain Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Not a fan of online dating, but when i did do it I made my profile short on purpose to weed out those who are not good at conversation. That is because conversation is important to me, so we are probably not compatible if you are not good at interaction. The profiles that have been posted here had things to go on, or things that provoked thought and if that was expressed could lead to conversation. Trouble is, OP doesn't know how to work with it because he is not trying to get to know these girls. At least not from what i gathered from reading his "only want casual sex" thread.
dispatch3d Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 I don't get it. How does the saxophone fit in? I've never heard of an "extrovert contest." Is that some TV/Movie reference? What are ctrl+v and ctrl+c? ? your kinda thick man. fwiw I probably woudn't seriously send the fake copy pasted message unless I had 0 interest in her actually replying. It would be for my own entertainment. I've read david d but ahh I don't know that was over a year ago. So yeah, whatever "humour" I have now is pretty damn internalized.... you guys hate so much
dispatch3d Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 I don't get it. How does the saxophone fit in? I've never heard of an "extrovert contest." Is that some TV/Movie reference? What are ctrl+v and ctrl+c? An extrovert is someone who is outgoing. That girl is outgoing. This happens to be a commonality I share with her, so that's why I'd take that route. The other two things are how to copy and paste. You could do something similar to what that other guy did. Hell you could almost send the exact same email, except most people on pof either leave no description, a description of "lkajsdfixocijlaksjdf" lol, or something very short which gives almost no information about them. You aren't dealing with people who are super-into the online dating thing most of the time, so keep that in mind. I'm not a dating coach. I've read stuff, so like I said there's tons of material on what the average guy does that he really shouldn't do. And that is easy to apply. How to go into a conversation online? A little more difficult. The stuff you were doing earlier had glaring errors. Why don't you write a reply and we can edit it? If you just copy what I or someone else does it won't match your personality anyways. Anyhow, try the other guys format if you want. I may as well. Give a solid compliment which is non-needy/buying into her being awesome. Like telling the extrovert you're also extroverted, and enjoy hanging out with other people who are fun to be around (ie. other extroverts). I probably wouldn't talk about the weather and my garden cause I don't pay attention to the weather and don't have a garden haha.
Cee Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 dispatch3d's manufactured response is hilarious. I would have totally fallen for it. That is precisely what I'm looking for in a first response to my online dating profile. I want someone to help me not take myself too seriously, but delivered in a deft, non-blockheaded way. Ctrl+c OMG! I also love the saxophone Ctrl+v ^That is pure comedy gold.
bac Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Okay, so after someone said that a certain free Online Dating site was an easy place to meet girls, I gave it a shot. I made a profile and set my "looking for option" for "dating but nothing serious" so it doesn't appear desperate. I posted a lot of interesting hobbies, and my photos are awesome (me snowboarding flicking a whole lot of snow in the air, me wailing on an electric guitar at a college open mic, me going down a runway at a small fashion show once) And it's making me wonder, is there something wrong with me? The messages I'm sending? Or girls who use online dating in general? From my female's' point of view, you do not know what you are looking for. If you state that you are looking for nothing serious, it means to girls that you are looking for NSA, ONS, FWBs. There are not so many girls who want to be your ONSs unless the site is AFF. If you think that 'saying' that you are looking for a relationship is desperate, there is smth wrong with you, unless you are looking for females who are 15-20 yrs older than you or females from adult sites. Those pictures that you have posted are not really the sexual turn on. If you want to attract a girl sexually/romantically, post your face picture with your eyes visible and your body picture with your body visible. Girls are visual even they do not admit that. Looking at you enjoying your hobbies is not a turn on and it is also boring/meaningless for a girl unless she is attracted to your face, body and mind.
irc333 Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Woman fall in love with their ears. Write something of substance, something meaningful and something that shows interest. Been there done that, and had it deleted. Sometimes UNREAD/Delete, so they don't even read it to see what its about. lol
USMCHokie Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Been there done that, and had it deleted. Sometimes UNREAD/Delete, so they don't even read it to see what its about. lol Then improve your profile. Or your main picture.
GooseChaser Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Try to get a good first impression in your messages. A good rule of thumb is to do your best not to offend them, hehe, and to show interest, while showing them that you're interesting too! If you don't get a response, don't worry about it-- just move on to others!
irc333 Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Then improve your profile. Or your main picture. Been there done that, too.
worlybear Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Then all thats left to do is email a David! There are always hundreds of Davids online.(lol!) You could ask their advice, then if all else fails ,look through the Jessicas.
Insanitylater Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 I rarely, RARELY respond to "funny" one-liners. I feel like all the guy is doing is sitting there and sending out one-liners to every cute girl he sees that night. Woman fall in love with their ears. Write something of substance, something meaningful and something that shows interest. I've proved this 100% wrong. Not saying you are wrong, but women in general respond to BS more than maturity. I have emailed the same women, months apart, first time with at least a full paragraph of mature sentences, next time with funny bs one liners, NO REPLIES to the mature approach, more than 50% to the one liners. And guess what? The women that replied specifically state in their profile to write something of substance and not just BS one liners!!!!!!!!!
irc333 Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 (edited) This goes to show that it seems, no matter what you do, you probably won't get a response....no matter how you do it. If a woman isn't interested, she just isn't interested, no matter how witty, bs, or humurous it is, chances are she won't reply regardless. In the past, I asked for feedback for a profile, and each person had an answer for everything. "You're profiles too long, make it shorter" So I make it shorter "You're profiles too short, make it longer" I do that, still nothing. "You're profile doesn't have anything funny in it, make it funnier" So I make it funnier "Okay, you're profile has too much funny stuff in it, leave some of of it out" So I mix it up with seriousness and humor "Okay, that one funny thing you thought was funny, it's not funny women won't like it, take it out" I can go on FOREVER, but the bottom line here, there's just not satisfying anyone, we have become a nation of spoiled brats, really. I equate this to a spoiled child who bores easily, and gets tired of toys quickly. I've seen women ACTUALLY say in their profiles, "I bore easily, I hope you can keep me entertained" as if she were the Queen of Sheeba. LOL!! Then there's that lame cop-out, "You're emailing the wrong women". Also, even when I do FINALLY get a response, I get ignored after about 2 or 3 emails, apparently they found someone else. Online dating provides almost an endless supply of selections. I've proved this 100% wrong. Not saying you are wrong, but women in general respond to BS more than maturity. I have emailed the same women, months apart, first time with at least a full paragraph of mature sentences, next time with funny bs one liners, NO REPLIES to the mature approach, more than 50% to the one liners. And guess what? The women that replied specifically state in their profile to write something of substance and not just BS one liners!!!!!!!!! Edited October 14, 2010 by irc333
brainygirl Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 your messages were just asanine. I think that's been communicated to you already, but as a woman who internet dates, let me reiterate, they really suck. You said you choose what you did because you didn't want to seem desperate . . might I suggest that you change your preference to what you actually want weather its dating, one nights, what ever. Also, use your profile to explain that you have a quirky, observational style humor and that you enjoy out door activities and performing. Your profile pictures should be you, close enough to see your eyes and give a good idea as to weather you are severely over weight or not. The letters I respond to go something like "I read your profile, you seem to have put a lot of thought into it. I also like to read stephen king . . . ." and it goes on. He starts a conversation about things I mention enjoying. He might say my pictures are pretty, or he might not. But the clever, over thought, one liners, have got to go. And 18 - 24 year old women aren't that vapid, its either your preference settings or your search patterns that are getting you that result.
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