theone11 Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 You see a lot on here that people go back to their exes even while they are dating someone else. Maybe they will come back to us!
Leandro Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 That's a BIG maybe. You shouldn't hope on it.
Ajax Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Do we really want them back after they've been with someone else? I don't know about you, but I don't want to be my ex's safety net. You deserve to be more than second best or a backup plan. And if they did come back would you really trust them not to do the same thing all over?
USMCHokie Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 No thanks. I like myself too much to be someone's second/third/fourth string.
SadGirl23 Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 This isn't a tough question, but it certainly has me borderline confused at times. I think my pride and who I am as a person doesn't deserve that kind of treatment to be someone's back up or as I call it "option b". However, I read a couple of stories on other relationship websites where female/male breaks up with partner for someone else or to date around, then comes back and now their happily in love because their partner realized that no one could compare to their significant other after all. I mean, of course I can't say this will happen, nor can I give a "percentage" like some posters because no one really knows. Just because 1 or 2 or 3 people didn't get back together doesn't mean everyone elses relationships are doomed forever. But, it all really depends on the person and well.. time will tell it all, right? Either it'll make the person miss you soo much that they just can't live their life without you in it, or walk away, or not have the guts to make things work because they caused all the chaos so they just give up. BUT honestly, I don't think I could take back my ex boyfriend after he "plays the field". Just because I feel I couldn't look him into his eyes and trust him, and I probably will end up trying to get out of the relationship because it may not feel the same anymore.
freeshrink Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Either it'll make the person miss you soo much that they just can't live their life without you in it, or walk away, or not have the guts to make things work because they caused all the chaos so they just give up. Three excellent points by Sadgirl 23- The dumper has three feelings once the rebound dating fails after a breakup: 1) Regret- the dumper may return to the dumpee 2) Walk away- the dumper has no intentions of returning and continues to date others 3) Pride- the dumper realizes that the grass was not greener, but can not face the dumpee and rekindle the relationship. Furthermore, the dumpee's pride is often tarnished when the dumper returns. Pride is one of the most dangerous aspects that threatens second chances. This is the only flaw with NO CONTACT as a tool for reconciliation. Of course, after sufficient time the dumpee realizes that NC is a self-healing vehicle, and not as a means for second chances. Nevertheless, those dumpers who are stubborn with a strong pride ma experience multiple short term relationships after the breakup but are still not willing to admit their mistake. Limited contact is the only method for the dumpee to soften their thick skin.
Billie The Puppet Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Depends how much time has passed, basically I'd be open to the idea if by chance in the future I ran into an ex, we catch up find each other both single again and a spark was re-lit. If my current ex tried to come back right now it's a hell no even though I still have my feelings and up until earlier this week I was wanting this she left me for another. The sting is too fresh, it was different when I believe she left to be single.
Gt.ooh Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 I agree with Billie. I've gotten the run around on break to break-up...and she said it wasn't to date other ppl. Have to trust her. If she decides to talk and tell me its over for good then all the power. if she dates anyways while i'm in a state of unknown (NC and mixed signals), and can't move on just yet...then forget it. just depends what kind of an impression u left them with and if the right time passes. I say why not if you cared about them that much. They obviously did for you...give time. If u let go, and they return without doing anything drastic during the time apart by all means try a second shot.
HopeLove Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 What's a good frame of time for reconciliation? When is it too late?
pandagirl Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Pride is one of the most dangerous aspects that threatens second chances. This is the only flaw with NO CONTACT as a tool for reconciliation. Of course, after sufficient time the dumpee realizes that NC is a self-healing vehicle, and not as a means for second chances. Nevertheless, those dumpers who are stubborn with a strong pride ma experience multiple short term relationships after the breakup but are still not willing to admit their mistake. Limited contact is the only method for the dumpee to soften their thick skin. I think when people say the dumper will knock down the dumpee's door if they want them back is true -- but it certainly isn't true in all cases. I know that I have been regretful, but my personality isn't just the type to ever be that aggressive. I just don't put myself out there. What's a good frame of time for reconciliation? When is it too late? You shouldn't focus on this. If it happens, it will happen, be it six months or six years.
Ajax Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 What's a good frame of time for reconciliation? When is it too late? I also don't think there's a time frame. But in my case I think that window of opportunity is rapidly closing. When My ex left two months ago I'd have done anything to have her back. But now I think too much damage has been done and my faith in her is broken. I still love her and miss her, but I don't think there's anything she could say or do at this point that would convince me she wouldn't pull the same thing all over again a few months or years down the line.
pandagirl Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 I also don't think there's a time frame. But in my case I think that window of opportunity is rapidly closing. When My ex left two months ago I'd have done anything to have her back. But now I think too much damage has been done and my faith in her is broken. I still love her and miss her, but I don't think there's anything she could say or do at this point that would convince me she wouldn't pull the same thing all over again a few months or years down the line. Two months isn't a very long time. You hear about people getting back after a few months, but I don't think those reconciliations end up working out for the most part. The one I do hear of working is, is when two people part and go on with their lives, experience other relationships, life experiences, and it's only then when two people have grown for the better and maybe some day reconnect.
andrew-bkk Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 I also don't think there's a time frame. But in my case I think that window of opportunity is rapidly closing. When My ex left two months ago I'd have done anything to have her back. But now I think too much damage has been done and my faith in her is broken. I still love her and miss her, but I don't think there's anything she could say or do at this point that would convince me she wouldn't pull the same thing all over again a few months or years down the line. That's a very good comment. My situation is similar to yours. The difference is that while I still miss her, I no longer love her.
Capthxc Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 That chance is always there. I believe that so long as two people had a -true- connection while they were together, the chance for reconciliation is always there. They never stop loving you, they only love you in a different way. The real question is whether or not you want to be the one they come back to months down the line. I'm already over that one month hump and i'm starting to enjoy the single life again. If my ex came back to me right now i'd have a hard time deciding whether or not i'd actually want her back. It's funny too, because a week ago i would have said the exact opposite.
cyclist Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 Read the "jealousy" post and thought it was very insightful. Then looked up your other one. Would you *please* look at my post and give my your thoughts? You're giving really good advice-- very tuned into male psychology. I'd really like to hear your thoughts. Many thanks!! I think this will take you there: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t249684/?goto=newpost
SithLord Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 I always run with the idea, that my Ex isnt going to come back. Period. Because if they dont, i know at heart i never place false hope within me. Its hard to practice and remove that idea out ones head. Example, my ex who i let go off, ran back to her ex and slept with him. I wanted to make things work for all the wrong reasons because of EGO. At the end i was unhappy. 3 years gone. sHE got with him couple weeks before we stop talking.
skydiveaddict Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 You see a lot on here that people go back to their exes even while they are dating someone else. Maybe they will come back to us! They don't come back. Besides, why would you want to play second string to someone else even if they did?
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