shelbyC Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Hi everyone. I've been reading this forum for a while now and I guess I should fess up... this is quite a unique and difficult situation for me and I don't really have anyone I can honestly talk to about it, but here there seems to be endless amounts of smart advice and discussion. I've worked the third shift at my job for a couple of years now, and in that shift, you don't really see much of a social life. I'm pretty young, my friends are all just out of college and I've been working instead due to a financial situation at home. I see my friends on the weekends and we do the typical twenty-something things, go to bars, clubs, etc. but most of the time it's work. I met my MM (not married, but live-in girlfriend, and a baby so I consider him close enough) through work, not at the same company but we deal with one another at least four or five times a week. We got along well enough, but he's much older than me (36 at the start) and was with somebody so I never gave it much thought at all. He would flirt with me, but being as naive as I was I wouldn't even notice, we'd talk occasionally, which turned into more personal conversations about work, himself, myself, and so on. He started hinting about wanting something more from me -- which at first I'd always, always deny. I thought he was joking. I've always made it clear that I don't go for anyone that is taken. He kept trying for months and then he finally just got too close one day and went for it. I was protesting yes, but he didn't do anything that I didn't let him do. This carried on until he told me his wife was pregnant; I told him that it had to stop, but before everything was over I asked him to just take me out once, because I had never been on a real date before. That day was the morning her water broke. And I was happy for him, but ended up pulling over on the way home and crying. The next time I saw him I was angry. I told him he didn't care about me and he's been manipulating me all this time, that he's been the only one and I can't meet anyone else -- while he gets to have his wife his baby, and me, and be happy. I told him I've always had real feelings for him, I gave him everything and I have nothing left for him to take anymore. Then he said he's always cared about me, he's sorry that I cried, that he would take me somewhere... and I believed it. Writing this all down here makes me really feel like an idiot. I'm the one who was constantly asking him if he even cares about his wife --I'm the one having nightmares about her coming to kill me and wondering who she is and whether she deserves this, what I'm doing to her. I've been trying to convince him he doesn't need me and to leave me alone, but with our jobs, it's very difficult as he is stubborn, and it's at the point where the only way I can have him leave me alone is to be rude and have him hate me...which would kill me inside as we were very good friends before this. I know my immaturity played a huge part in this. I have never had a real and/or serious boyfriend. I've never been on a date. I probably have some mommy/daddy issues along with all my other ones. But he didn't know about my inexperience until he took my virginity. Which, as an afterthought, might be why I feel some sort of obligation to still be there for him... but while I might be young, I know I wasn't just in it for the thrill of everything, it took years to come to this, and I genuinely care/d. It feels horrific...I can't look in the mirror without being disgusted at myself.
bentnotbroken Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 So would you rather have a cheating, lying man hate you or you look in the mirror one day when you are in her shoes and hate yourself. I would vote for the former, but hey, that's me.
whichwayisup Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 What's the age difference? Anyway, he is taken. Has a live-in (common law) partner who shares a child with him. They are a family. He isn't going to leave, ever. Sorry that he hurt you, he should know better, being the older/wiser one, even more so since it was your first real guy. You wasted your time on him.. Trust me, once you get over him, you'll be SO happy to find a guy who can offer you everything, a single guy who will love only you, treat you with love, respect and care. This MM is a selfish prick! He doesn't have your best interest at heart. Don't feel like a fool. You'll only be a fool if you choose to go back to him. Right now you feel awful, that's good because you know this is all wrong, not only because he hurt you, but you helped him betray and hurt his spouse. The mother of his baby. This guy isn't worthy of your tears!
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