Fighting off temptations

[guinnessdraft]

So I guess deep down inside, I know that it's cheating to have sex with a stripper. That's why I didn't do it when I was propositioned BUT it or rather she was very tempting.

 

Any suggestions on how I can fight off these temptations to cheat? I would normally talk to my wife about it but as you see, she's not around much these days, so I have to resort to the love shack.

 

I have never had this much success dancing with random hot chicks and getting offers from strippers until I got married (5 years ago) so it's a whole new experience for me.

 

This is where I can definitely sympathize with the cheaters. It's hard to stay loyal when your SO is never ago and leaves you alone all the time on weekends.

 

She's also tired all the time from work and never tries to look sexy like she used to.

[Alma Mobley]

Can you elaborate more about what is going on in your marriage?

[guinnessdraft]

Elaborate? What do you mean? I think it's a pretty typical situation. I like sex a lot. I would like to have sex with my current wife at least 3 times a week. She, on the other hand, doesn't because she works a lot (around 80 hours). She's always tired and you know--half of the month she's on her period. I also find myself home alone on weekends a lot.

 

We have sex maybe 4 or 5 times a month. I also jerk off frequently but I would have rather have sex every time I feel like jerking off. So I start going out with friends who ask me to be their wing man. I oblige them and end up dancing with girls at clubs and I control myself from doing anything. I also go out to strip clubs where I get propositioned by strippers to do "extras". It's hard. I should probably stop going out but I'm just going to drink at home and smoke or do drugs.

[porter218]

Why are you allowing your W to work herself into the ground like that? That isn't very manly of you. Of course she is too tired to do anything...because she is busting her butt while her H is laying around drinking, doing drugs, and fantasizing about cheating. Sounds pretty miserable to me. You should even the work load for her.

[that girl]

So I start going out with friends who ask me to be their wing man. I oblige them and end up dancing with girls at clubs and I control myself from doing anything. I also go out to strip clubs where I get propositioned by strippers to do "extras". It's hard. I should probably stop going out but I'm just going to drink at home and smoke or do drugs.

Yes, you stop doing these things if you want to be faithful.

 

A whore offering to sell herself to you really shouldn't be that tempting anyway.

 

And the other option is to sit home and get smashed? Seriously? You couldn't try - flyfishing, writing a novel, running a fantasy baseball league?

 

I also wonder how things are going at home. An 80 hour work week is intense, but is there any chance that you're adding to her lack of time by letting dirt pile up while she is at work?

[Kinder-Horror]

Okay - I have a couple of scattered thoughts, so bear with me.

1) My suggestion to avoid these temptations is to quit putting yourself in tempting places! If you are recognizing that this is becoming an issue, WHY are you going to strip clubs? WHY are you agreeing to be your friends' wing man and dancing on women? Why can't you leave the house and do something else (that way you aren't staying at home doing drugs)

 

2) have you expressed these feelings to any of your male friends? Perhaps it would be a good idea to tell one of them, especially if you are going to continue going out like you are... because they might be there to "Talk you off the ledge" if you ever get close.

 

3) You're married. Did you expect marriage to be all sexy dresses and banging? I'm sure there are times she has wanted sex from you and looked over and thought "he just doesn't look sexy like he used to." Sounds like the poor woman works freaking hard...at least she has a reason for not having sex at every waking moment.

 

4) What have you done to make your wife feel sexy lately?

[Spectre]

Any suggestions on how I can fight off these temptations to cheat?

 

Staying away from strip clubs and strippers in general is a good way to start.

 

 

This is where I can definitely sympathize with the cheaters. It's hard to stay loyal when your SO is never ago and leaves you alone all the time on weekends.

 

The fact is..if you truly loved your wife it would not be hard to stay loyal. So you should be asking yourself why you are married to someone you aren't truly in love with.

 

Also I will tell you what I tell everyone who does cheat or wants to cheat because they are lonely: get a puppy or a hobby, go hang out with friends(of the same sex that you are) or otherwise do the near infinite amount of things out there you can do to keep busy that don't involve banging strippers.

[Dexter Morgan]

Any suggestions on how I can fight off these temptations to cheat?

 

yes....become and stay single and not fool any woman in the future into thinking they got themselves a good catch.

 

I have never had this much success dancing with random hot chicks and getting offers from strippers until I got married (5 years ago) so it's a whole new experience for me.

 

and you are canoodling with other women and going to strip clubs as a married man because???.... talk about disrespecting your wife.

 

I'd say you are already cheating on her. disrespecting her at the very least.

This is where I can definitely sympathize with the cheaters. It's hard to stay loyal when your SO is never ago and leaves you alone all the time on weekends.

 

its only hard to stay loyal with people that have less than admirable character.

She's also tired all the time from work and never tries to look sexy like she used to.

 

hey, thats marriage sometimes. if you aren't mature enough for it, get a divorce.

[Dexter Morgan]

Elaborate? What do you mean? I think it's a pretty typical situation. I like sex a lot. I would like to have sex with my current wife at least 3 times a week. She, on the other hand, doesn't because she works a lot (around 80 hours). .

 

 

and why is it that she has to work 80 hours a week, never having any time for herself....but you have all this time in the world to go out, have your little fun, and disrespect her?

 

maybe the tables need to be turned and YOU need to be the one working 80 hours a week where you don't have time to do the sh#t that you do.

 

boy, a wife like yours doesn't need a husband like you.

[LoveAintEverything]

If you want to get rid of these temptations maybe do not put yourself in these situations when you get these temptations.

[reservoirdog1]

and why is it that she has to work 80 hours a week, never having any time for herself....but you have all this time in the world to go out, have your little fun, and disrespect her?

 

maybe the tables need to be turned and YOU need to be the one working 80 hours a week where you don't have time to do the sh#t that you do.

I agree with this. You obviously have way more time on your hands than your wife does, which you could probably spend more productively working a second job. That might take the pressure off her somewhat since you'd be bringing in more income, thus giving her more free time, minimizing your free time in which you have to "fight off temptation", and actually give the two of you some time together.

 

One thing's for certain: sitting on your ass at home drinking and getting stoned is going to help neither the temptation problem nor the getting-more-sex-from-your-wife problem.

[TheLoveAdvisor]

First off, dude your married! Stop going to strip joints with the pals!

Next, do things together, you and your wife! Are you an animal that you cannot control your urges?? The hand is a wonderful thing, use it, but not a stripper!

Forsaking all others means, you have no eyes for anybody but your wife! You said the vows not I, and you will have to answer to them one day or you wouldn't have made a promise to the air! The air is alive and well, and its watching your every breath!

[imagine]

Elaborate? What do you mean? I think it's a pretty typical situation. I like sex a lot. I would like to have sex with my current wife at least 3 times a week. She, on the other hand, doesn't because she works a lot (around 80 hours). She's always tired and you know--half of the month she's on her period.

 

Does your wife have to work these long hours?

[Dexter Morgan]

I think we hit the nail on the head. She works her ass off. He doesn't.

 

She doesn't have the kind of time on her hands that she does, she works 80 hours because he obviously doesn't have any real earning power.

 

So to pay her back for bringing home the bacon....he gets jiggy with other women and goes to strip clubs.

 

Wife deserves MUCH better.

[BackUpOrGetStung]

Dexter, you assume quite a bit.

 

Maybe the long hours just come along with the career she has chosen. Lawyers and I-bankers work some pretty crazy hours. There are plenty of people out there with a lot of earning ability, that don't work nearly that much. I make 75k, on a 40 hour work week...not rich, but I live comfortably for sure.

 

guinnessdraft, I think you should have a talk about everything with your wife. Sounds to me like she's chosen her career over you. If nothing changes, I say you get a divorce, or start acting on your temptations. Gotta get your needs met somewhere, doesn't mean you don't love your wife.

[Dexter Morgan]

Dexter, you assume quite a bit.

 

Maybe the long hours just come along with the career she has chosen. Lawyers and I-bankers work some pretty crazy hours. There are plenty of people out there with a lot of earning ability, that don't work nearly that much. I make 75k, on a 40 hour work week...not rich, but I live comfortably for sure.

 

if this were all true and it goes against my assumption....then it really only worsens the OP's case here.

 

If my woman were bringing home that kind of scratch, the last thing I'd be doing, as if it took her making money for this to be the case, would be out disrespecting her and going to strip clubs.

 

I'd be at home waiting for her when she gets there.

 

but he does seem to have way too much time on his hands to put him in situations where he is around alot of skanks. he knows what he's doing...he is disrespecting her...and he doesn't give a s##t.

 

guinnessdraft, I think you should have a talk about everything with your wife. Sounds to me like she's chosen her career over you.

 

gee.....you assume quite a bit:rolleyes:

 

I'm still betting she pays the bills, and he is having fun on her money and at her emotional expense.

[BackUpOrGetStung]

While I agree that the OP knows exactly what he's doing, I think it stems from an emotional distance created by his wife's absence. It doesn't make his behavior right, nor do I think her behavior is wrong, it just seems like he is very lonely. His needs in the relationship are not being met. Doesn't make what he's doing right, but I don't see how you can't agree with me on these two points.

 

I also don't see how her having a single well-paying career vs. busting her ass at two jobs makes any difference. My comment was just to address the baseless and irrelevant assumption that the OP has no earning power.

 

"he does seem to have way too much time on his hands to put him in situations where he is around alot of skanks. "

 

Agreed, and this is where I think the problem comes in. Even if he does work a 40 hour week, there's still 40 more hours that he won't get to see her. Plus, 8 hours of sleep per day(hypothetical) would leave the OP with 32 hours of possible time to spend with her per week. That doesn't include errands and time overlap between the two being at work either.

 

I'm with you that the OP is being very disrespectful and selfish, but you seem to have an absolutist mentality, and your opinions seems based solely on emotion, with no logic. Try to understand the person and where they're coming from before you attack(advice that I could use as well).

[Dexter Morgan]

I also don't see how her having a single well-paying career vs. busting her ass at two jobs makes any difference.

 

having a well paying career, you do have choices in how long you are gone from home.

 

busting her ass with 2 jobs, while he is out having fun would indicate she is the one keeping their bills paid while he goes out and disrespects her, instead of getting a 2nd job himself.

 

either way, his wife can do MUCH better.

 

 

My comment was just to address the baseless and irrelevant assumption that the OP has no earning power.

 

baseless yes, but so are most assumptions.

 

Either way its clear, she is working her butt off for the household, for whatever reason, while he acts like a playboy. THAT is not an assumption.

 

I'm with you that the OP is being very disrespectful and selfish, but you seem to have an absolutist mentality, and your opinions seems based solely on emotion, with no logic. Try to understand the person and where they're coming from before you attack(advice that I could use as well).

[BrokenArrow1987]

idealy with traditional gender roles she would stay at home while you work to support both of you. I know this isn't nessisarily practical but you could see whare you would be able to make love with your wife more often in this situation. maybe consider finding a better paying job?

[BrokenArrow1987]

I'm all for woman rights and things but independence means just that taking care of yourself by yourself. If you are both independant then where is your support and dependance on eachother?