Samantha0905 Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 I haven't heard from my OM (I'm married) in months. I can't even remember when we last saw each other at this point -- but I'm not good with time that way. The last couple of months of the affair, he was negative almost 100% of the time and constantly fighting with me. By the time it was over, I kind of felt relieved. Even though I felt I had strong feelings for him, the facts remained: 1) I am married 2) He is 14 years younger and hasn't ever had a really committed relationship. 3) Although he was working full time when I met him, he has gone without a job for one year and five months. He doesn't even appear to be looking for a job and said he saw himself as a "hustler" and he just hustled for money as he needed -- no worries about retirement, not concerned about health insurance, being able to pay his bills each months, etc. I can only assume his father is enabling him as he lives in a home he is paying a mortgage on and his father semi-runs a very small real estate company. Anyway, all that to the side -- the guy just ended up being extremely immature and almost seemed a little off in how he processed things emotionally. My best friend swore he was MPD. The last time we spoke, I told him the end in a pretty loud tone and hung up on him. He was being very belligerent. So, out of the blue Saturday I get this text: "Great win for your team Samantha. They deserved it today! Have fun celebrating! :)" I just felt that was really bizarre given the last time we spoke we were screaming at one another and ending things. I have not responded. Does it seem strange to y'all?
ladydesigner Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 I haven't heard from my OM (I'm married) in months. I can't even remember when we last saw each other at this point -- but I'm not good with time that way. The last couple of months of the affair, he was negative almost 100% of the time and constantly fighting with me. By the time it was over, I kind of felt relieved. Even though I felt I had strong feelings for him, the facts remained: 1) I am married 2) He is 14 years younger and hasn't ever had a really committed relationship. 3) Although he was working full time when I met him, he has gone without a job for one year and five months. He doesn't even appear to be looking for a job and said he saw himself as a "hustler" and he just hustled for money as he needed -- no worries about retirement, not concerned about health insurance, being able to pay his bills each months, etc. I can only assume his father is enabling him as he lives in a home he is paying a mortgage on and his father semi-runs a very small real estate company. Anyway, all that to the side -- the guy just ended up being extremely immature and almost seemed a little off in how he processed things emotionally. My best friend swore he was MPD. The last time we spoke, I told him the end in a pretty loud tone and hung up on him. He was being very belligerent. So, out of the blue Saturday I get this text: "Great win for your team Samantha. They deserved it today! Have fun celebrating! :)" I just felt that was really bizarre given the last time we spoke we were screaming at one another and ending things. I have not responded. Does it seem strange to y'all? Nope sounds like he's out on a fishing expedition. Great to see you back Sam. Hope all is going well with you!
Circular Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Strange? No. He's trying to reconnect with you. I think the thing you should be looking at is that you said 'the end' and you've come here to try to interpret the meaning of his text message. Reason I say that is it actually shows you do still have feelings for him, otherwise you would have just shrugged your shoulders and forgot about the text. Only when we're indifferent do we not harbor feelings. The other thing I'll point out is you gave a laundry list of logical reasons why you don't want to be with him. Typically logic and love are oil and water, I didn't see any emotionally charged reasons why you actually said 'the end'. This is important because over time your 'logic' will wear down, whereas what you hold in your heart unfortunately has no sense of time.
ladydesigner Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Strange? No. He's trying to reconnect with you. I think the thing you should be looking at is that you said 'the end' and you've come here to try to interpret the meaning of his text message. Reason I say that is it actually shows you do still have feelings for him, otherwise you would have just shrugged your shoulders and forgot about the text. Only when we're indifferent do we not harbor feelings. The other thing I'll point out is you gave a laundry list of logical reasons why you don't want to be with him. Typically logic and love are oil and water, I didn't see any emotionally charged reasons why you actually said 'the end'. This is important because over time your 'logic' will wear down, whereas what you hold in your heart unfortunately has no sense of time. Boy isn't that the truth. The laundry list should be reviewed everyday then:laugh:. I know I have got a big list of negatives on my XOM, but you are right sometimes my heart does try to overlook that list. I hope with time my heart will eventually forget too.
desertIslandCactus Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 No it doesn't seem bizzare Samantha.. It just shows that he was thinking about you .. Of course he could think about you from time to time - you were in his life. I'm surprised he hasn't been all over you (as a self described hustler) since you are a woman of means and he hasn't anything to offer financially - not even to be able to take care of a woman .. Just thank God .. that you passed up on that .. They're all over the malls ha
jthorne Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 (edited) Nope. Mine still tries to contact me after I begged him to leave me alone, and after he found out that I got married. I'm pretty sure my hubby is going to have a chat with him next time he calls. Maybe yours should too. (I thought you were reconciling. Disregard last comment please if I'm mistaken.) Edited October 12, 2010 by jthorne
Author Samantha0905 Posted October 12, 2010 Author Posted October 12, 2010 Nope sounds like he's out on a fishing expedition. Great to see you back Sam. Hope all is going well with you! Yeah, I thought fishing expedition also. Thanks ld -- nice to see you. Things are going well here. I feel content and I know a lot of people don't think there's much excitement in content -- but content is feeling pretty good to me right now. Strange? No. He's trying to reconnect with you. I think the thing you should be looking at is that you said 'the end' and you've come here to try to interpret the meaning of his text message. Reason I say that is it actually shows you do still have feelings for him, otherwise you would have just shrugged your shoulders and forgot about the text. Only when we're indifferent do we not harbor feelings. The other thing I'll point out is you gave a laundry list of logical reasons why you don't want to be with him. Typically logic and love are oil and water, I didn't see any emotionally charged reasons why you actually said 'the end'. This is important because over time your 'logic' will wear down, whereas what you hold in your heart unfortunately has no sense of time. Yeah, sometimes I need to vent and it does help emotionally to hear from others -- even if it's stuff I already know -- it just feels good to hear others say it also. It's kind of like therapy although you guys don't charge me. I had to pull out the laundry list of the logical when it came to this guy. It was how I got myself out of the situation. He supplied what was greatly missing in my marriage -- great sex -- and he put forth a persona that made me think he was also going to be very emotionally supportive also -- so I initially incorrectly felt like we were more intimate than me and my spouse. In the end though, one can only be good at an act for so long -- and he is in actuality very emotionally immature. I have wondered at times if he didn't initially approach me because he knew I was a woman of means. Now, I'm not chopped liver to look at either -- -- but seeing he did know about my husband's businesses, I have always wondered. It felt like an ugly thing to be wondering and I kept wanting him to prove me wrong. In the end, all I could tell he was seeking was someone to hang out with each day and watch movies, play video games, etc. He seemed to have no motivation at all to participate in the adult world. I'm used to being married to such a highly motivated person as far as business and success is concerned. I really didn't care if my XAP worked at the Wal-Mart -- I just wanted him to have a job and be a more responsible adult. Boy isn't that the truth. The laundry list should be reviewed everyday then:laugh:. I know I have got a big list of negatives on my XOM, but you are right sometimes my heart does try to overlook that list. I hope with time my heart will eventually forget too. Well, I kept wanting to fix mine ld. We all know that doesn't happen! It was weird I didn't pull away sooner given everything that went on while we were together. The physical attraction was so strong. Fortunately, for me, that went away as more and more of his true colors showed through. I have to actually like a person to be attracted to them. No it doesn't seem bizzare Samantha.. It just shows that he was thinking about you .. Of course he could think about you from time to time - you were in his life. I'm surprised he hasn't been all over you (as a self described hustler) since you are a woman of means and he hasn't anything to offer financially - not even to be able to take care of a woman .. Just thank God .. that you passed up on that .. They're all over the malls ha LOL -- you make me laugh. Oh, he put forth a lot of his version of effort -- I just don't think he knows how to put forth a lot of effort towards anything. I'm sounding awful now -- but this makes me feel better, so I'll say it -- the man took from the beginning of spring to September to clean his pool this past year. He finally announced on facebook his pool was ready for visitors. I was thinking, dude -- summer is over. Nope. Mine still tries to contact me after I begged him to leave me alone, and after he found out that I got married. I'm pretty sure my hubby is going to have a chat with him next time he calls. Maybe yours should too. It's so strange to me. I had nothing to say to his text. I don't know why, but it would have felt better if he texted, "I'm a sorry bastard. Please forgive me and I hope your life goes well." Instead, he totally ignores the fact we ended things rather ugly and talks about a freaking college football game. Jeesh!
Author Samantha0905 Posted October 12, 2010 Author Posted October 12, 2010 Nope. Mine still tries to contact me after I begged him to leave me alone, and after he found out that I got married. I'm pretty sure my hubby is going to have a chat with him next time he calls. Maybe yours should too. (I thought you were reconciling. Disregard last comment please if I'm mistaken.) Sorry -- just saw your last statement. Me and my husband are reconciling. We've been getting along great. I feel much more at peace and happy. I think he does also.
jennie-jennie Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 He supplied what was greatly missing in my marriage -- great sex Hi. Samantha, so you are reconciling. Does that mean that you have given up on the above or has your marital sex life improved? (Hope it is not too personal a question.)
Author Samantha0905 Posted October 12, 2010 Author Posted October 12, 2010 Hi. Samantha, so you are reconciling. Does that mean that you have given up on the above or has your marital sex life improved? (Hope it is not too personal a question.) It's not too personal jennie. My marital sex life has not improved much, but I'm hoping we will work through some of the issues. That being said, I don't think it will ever be great. I do love him very much, however, and he has so many other wonderful qualities I think the great sex part isn't seeming as important to me.
jthorne Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 The statement doesn't surprise me at all. It's non-confrontational, friendly, and one that might also be considered rude not to respond to. Obviously, you don't have to, and it sounds like you don't intend to. Maybe he'll get the hint.
whichwayisup Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 The OM was fishing, that's all. Hoping for any type of response. Ignore him. That's all you can do so he can get the hint to leave you alone. It's over and it's time he realizes it. . That being said, I don't think it will ever be great. Never say never. If you and your H really communicate and try your best, anything can happen in the bedroom. Go seek some sex therapy. Since you do love him and are trying to fix things, maybe with less pressure, it'll get better as time goes on?
Author Samantha0905 Posted October 13, 2010 Author Posted October 13, 2010 The statement doesn't surprise me at all. It's non-confrontational, friendly, and one that might also be considered rude not to respond to. Obviously, you don't have to, and it sounds like you don't intend to. Maybe he'll get the hint. Is that the little girl in Mad Men? I don't intend to respond. It was insincere anyway -- he hates my favorite college team. I'm a crazy/avid football fan and he even found it necessary to always say negative things about my favorite team -- and I mean I LOVE my team -- even though he isn't from here and his allegiance is with Florida State (why I don't know -- he's from New Jersey and didn't graduate from Florida State.) I could care a less about Florida State, but when I was with him I wanted his team to win because I knew how much he wanted them to do so. He talked about my team with venom in his speech every time he brought them up and always said they were going to lose. Ridiculous man.
Author Samantha0905 Posted October 13, 2010 Author Posted October 13, 2010 The OM was fishing, that's all. Hoping for any type of response. Ignore him. That's all you can do so he can get the hint to leave you alone. It's over and it's time he realizes it. Yes. I agree. He will eventually stop. Never say never. If you and your H really communicate and try your best, anything can happen in the bedroom. Go seek some sex therapy. Since you do love him and are trying to fix things, maybe with less pressure, it'll get better as time goes on? It may. I don't know. I think he needs medication more than education if you know what I mean.
jthorne Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Sally Draper she is! Yeah, what they think is a harmless remark usually ends up being an annoyance.
Author Samantha0905 Posted October 13, 2010 Author Posted October 13, 2010 Sally Draper she is! Yeah, what they think is a harmless remark usually ends up being an annoyance. True -- I'm convinced most of the time they are clueless.
jennie-jennie Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 It's not too personal jennie. My marital sex life has not improved much, but I'm hoping we will work through some of the issues. That being said, I don't think it will ever be great. I do love him very much, however, and he has so many other wonderful qualities I think the great sex part isn't seeming as important to me. Thanks for answering, Samantha. I am glad you made your choice and hope you will be happy with your husband.
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