Never been in this situation before!! 2 guys

[dsd85]

I've been in a relationship for 5 years with someone who I can truly say I love with all I have, but he has hurt me many times. I don't know why I still stay, it's something I can't help. I feel like every time we break up I just come back because I can't face not having him in my life. We have such a strong bond that I feel keeps us together. Although I have told myself that he might not be the right person for me, I still stay, I had many chances to just walk away after he hurt me but I always decide to make it work. For example, 3 years ago, he cheated on me for about a month, before finally telling me he was leaving me for the girl he was cheating with. This devastated me, I was depressed, lost and I could not handle not having him in my life. So, I decided t o fight to get him back, this was the first time I acted as if I didn’t deserve better, I still do not know why I did this, but I did. We didn’t talk for about a month, until I decided to talk to him again, even thought he cheated and hurt me, and even though I knew he had a new girlfriend. What happened next was he started seeing both of us, I knew this, but acted like I didn’t know, my goal was to get him back, so for 6 long months I fought for him, shared him with another girl. It was literally the worst time of my life. I was a complete mess, two months later I got pregnant, and I thought I was going to keep the baby, but after he found this out, he started spending less and less time with me, every time I would tell him I was thinking of getting an abortion he would call me and try to talk me out of it, but other than that, he hardly had any interest in me or the baby. I was pregnant, alone and sharing him with somebody else. He would tell me that he was going to be with me in t he end, and to just wait. In a way, I knew where he was coming from, giving the fact t hat I put myself in that situation, I didn’t have to go back to him, and get pregnant but I did, therefore I accepted that, and I blamed myself, I can honestly say I was not all there mentally during that time. Finally, after two months, I did something that to this day I regret every day, AND THIS IS THE MAIN REASON WHY I CANNOT LET GO OF THIS MAN, I had the abortion, I did it because I wanted to let him go. I honestly regret it, and even though people told me it probably was for the better, because if the type of person he is, and the situation I was in, I know I had no right to do what I did. I hate myself everyday for doing this, and I made him think he was gonna be a dad for two months. We both cried when I told him what I had done, and told him I didn’t want to be with him. My plan was to finally let him go, I let my baby go so I didn’t have to have him in my life. I hated him at the time, but instead, my plan backfired, and instead of me wanting to leave him, the pain of not having my baby anymore pulled me closer to him. This has been a vicious cycle that every time I think of having kids, I think of him, I want his baby so I could “replace” the one I let down. I feel like a crazy person, but this is how I think. So, after my abortion, he left the other girl because he thought I was ready to leave him, and we got back together. For two years everything was great. But last March we broke up again after he joined a dating website. We broke up for 5 months. He moved on with a new girl for a while, and I was single, meeting new people and really thought this time we will break up for sure and it was for the best. Until it hit me, that I didn’t want him to move on with someone else, the thought of him having kids and living his life with someone else made me crazy, so I tried to get him back AGAIN, even thought he joined a dating website and ignored my calls for two weeks after we broke up, I still tried to get him back, and I did. We got back together mid August, everything was perfect and I told myself I would try to be the best gf possible. 3 weeks ago, I received a text message from him that was meant for another girl, someone I had suspicions of for a couple of weeks before that, his friends sister. He told me she liked him but that he had not interest and he was like a sister to him cus over the time him and I were broken up in the summer, he spent a lot of time at this friends house and got to know his sisters and his family really well. Long story short, at 2 am I received a text saying “Forget everything we had, it will never work, I don’t want this, meaning you, go back to your boyfriend cus this will never work.” When I confronted him about this he said I was being stupid and he told me what had happened. He told me he was a t a party with his friend and her sisters and the girl (his friends sis) all of sudden grabbed his neck and started chocking him, they were all a bit drunk and things got out of hand and he does not know exactly why she turned psycho on him, so that’s when he texted her. I asked him what he meant by “forget everything we had” and he says he was referring to their friendship and nothing else. I believe that she chocked him and they were at a party, but I don’t know if I believe they didn’t have anything going on. After that happened I was upset, and didn’t talk to him, I tried calling him to ask him about it a few times but he just got annoyed and said I was being stupid and I was getting mad over nothing. This is the exact time when someone I knew form my past came back in the picture and stared talking again. The combination of having someone new in my life paying so much attention to me and the problems I was having with my bf led me to just forget about it and not try to resolve the issue with him. I thought that for sure my bf just didn’t want to be with me anymore and that him and that girl probably did have something going on because he didn’t bother to call me either. On our 5 year anniversary, 3 days after our fight, he called me after our anniversary was done at 1 am! And asked me I f I didn’t want ot hang out for the five yrs we’ve been together. I told him out anniversary was over and it was one in the morning and that I would talk to him tomorrow. The next day he didn’t call me and I didn’t call him and we left it as that. I thought we were broken up, so I started hanging out with my friend. This “new” guy, I’ve known since I was 12 years old, we went out in jr high and again when I was 18, and he has also hurt me, not in the ways m y boyfriend has hurt me, but in other ways. When him and I went out when I was 18, he backed out after only 3 weeks and told me it just wasn’t working for him, and now he wants to come back and make everything better. I don’t know what to think now because during these 2-3 weeks that I thought me and my bf were broken up I have kissed the other guy and he seems to really want to be with me, he tells me he knows that he hurt me in the past and he is willing to wait for as long as it takes for me to give him another chance.

 

The problem now is that on the weekend, I texted my bf happy thanksgiving after not talking for a couple of weeks and almost immideately he called me back, He says I was just being dumb and that’s why he didn’t want to talk but that he never wanted to break up and he is talking as if everything is normal. I went to see him today and I started crying because I really do not know what to do, my bf doesn’t know what has happened with this other guy the last two weeks, and the other guy (my friend) doesn’t know that my bf and I broke up. He thinks my bf and I are still broken up since March, because when we got back together I was too embarrassed to tell everybody we got back together, so only my really close friends knew.

 

Now things have escalated with this guy (my friend) and my bf doesn’t want to break up. I just don’t know what to do because I know my bf might hurt me again, given his track record, but I can’t help but blame myself for that because I’m not perfect either. I had an abortion that affected him, I also do stupid things sometimes that makes him angry and this time I just really wanted to make it work with him and I let a stupid text message ruin that. I kinda wish I didn’t get mad and didn’t start talking to this new guy because now I’m confused. The “new” guy (my friend) is so sweet and he is someone I can picture making me very happy, but he has also hurt me. And then there is my bf who I love so much, but has hurt me so many times, and who I don’t really trust.

 

Now, me and my bf are basically back together because I didn’t have the heart to tell him about the other guy and the other guy doesn’t know about my bf. I’m digging a big whole for myself if I don’t make up my mind pretty soon because I’m gonna feel like im cheating on both of them, and it’s making me feel so guilty. If I let got of my friend and stay with my bf, I know im probably going to regret it, im gonna regret losing a great guy. And if I let got of my bf and be with my friend, I’m always gonna miss him and im always going to wonder if him and I could’ve actually worked. Im gonna feel like I’ve given up on the relationship, and I still love him. Please help me! What do you guys think!? Should I just finally give up on a relationship that has caused me so much hurt and move on, or should I stay with him and forget about the past two weeks I’ve spent with the other guy and try to make it work with my boyfriend who I can say I still love and care for.

 

:(

Edited October 12, 2010 by dsd85

[VeveCakes]

Oh that's helpful.

 

Hun, no matter what you choose to happen with the new guy, you have to move on from your bf. You know he isn't good to you, nothing will ever change. You deserve better and you know it. Don't do to this new guy what your bf has done to you so many times. No matter what happens, do not stay in a relationship with this man. It wouldn't be the worse thing in the world to be single either. Just sayin.

[dsd85]

thank you so much for your reply vevecakes. i know i deserve better, i know he is not good, but i just can't help but think maybe some of this was all my fault somehow. i love him so much and walking away from him is going to feel like i've given up on him. i also can't help but feel selfish. i feel like if this new guy wasn't around, i would stay with my bf. thank you again, i know i will eventually have to leave my bf, since i don't trust him fully.

[VeveCakes]

Its one of those things where it is so hard to get out, but once you do and time passes you will look back and wonder how you stayed so long. Don't blame yourself, it is NEVER your fault to be cheated on and lied to. Your relationship is very unhealthy, don't sell yourself short.