scorpiot Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Hello everyone, This is my first post . I really need your help because my story is sort of complicated. I was with my boyfriend for 3 years (first bf ever) and things were going good but we moved together pretty quickly and it was kind of boring. I love him very much. The thing is, I worked in a summer camp this past August and I met another guy. So charming, cute and adorable but he has addiction problems so he is probably not the most stable guy in the world. We clicked totally and I cheated on my boyfriend with him. I feel horrible and guilty, so please don't judge, I am already feeling bad enough. Anyways, my boyfriend knows it now and he moved back home out of anger. So now we are apart because of the distance. I want to do the right thing with my boyfriend and make it work because I know I still love him and I can't stand to have hurt him so bad. But on the other hand, the other guy is still on my mind, I have really fallen hard for him. Deep down, I know he might not be the ideal choice, he is what you would call a "bad boy" but I still think about him a lot. If anyone has a piece of advice, I would gladly take it, I am really really confused right now. Thanks in advance
skydiveaddict Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 What a surprise. A girl falling for a "bad boy". I'm betting your boy friend is a really "nice guy" right? Sweet and caring and perhaps a bit too clingy yes? (just a guess on my part). I think it's noble and the decent thing to do to try and make it work with your boyfriend. But somehow I'm getting the feeling that you really prefer this "bad boy." No one can tell you what to do. You must make that decision alone.
dsd85 Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 stay with your boyfriend and make it work, relationships go through their "boring" stages. it's normal. and even if you go with the other guy, it will eventually get boring also. the point is to be with someone you love and can have a good relationship with. trust me, you will find out that it's not easy to find someone who loves, and respects you, and bad boys aren't the way to go, just forget about him. just my opinion
Author scorpiot Posted October 12, 2010 Author Posted October 12, 2010 @skydiveaddict: Yes, you're right, my bf is a very nice guy and the other is a bad boy. I don't know what to do. And on the other hand, I'm afraid that I cannot rebuild the relationship with my boyfriend because I already destroyed his feelings. @dsd85: Thanks for the advice
LoveLace Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 If you really want to make it work with your BF, work on that and make bad boy your last priority. See if your BF would even consider taking you back first. If he does then you will have to earn trust back and vow to put bad boy in your past and leave him there. But if your BF wants the break to really break, then obviously you'll be free to do whatever you want with the bad boy or anyone else. And keep in mind people with harcore addiction issues, past OR present can be very challenging as partners, emotionally. Decide if you are willing to take further risk in giving up what you've had for a potential situation like that.
Author scorpiot Posted October 12, 2010 Author Posted October 12, 2010 @LoveLace: Thank you so much. I know my bf wants to try again but he says he doesn't know if he still loves me. And I also know that people with addiction issues are probably not the best, but the feelings are there, and even my reason cannot understand why I have fallen for this guy. It's hard...
skydiveaddict Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 I'm betting it's because the "badboy" is more aloof, more dangerous in a manner of speaking, more exciting and unavailable. But your boyfriend is always available, caring, loving etc. You are bored with him. All that being said, your bf is the better man and your best choice.
skydiveaddict Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Yes, every relationship can get to a boring phase. But with the nice guy, it's more likely to stay that way. . Sad but true. Nice guys will always finish last.
LoveLace Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 I agree with everything SKY said, but not so much with the last sentence. I'm going to break with the tradition here and tell her that she should have her wild fun with this bad boy. Forget about the boyfriend. You cheated on him already and you felt great about it because you've fallen for him. That bad boy is going to protect you more than that nice guy boyfriend that you cheated on. If that bad boy was your boyfriend to begin with, you would not cheat on him with the nice boy boyfriend that you have now. Yes, every relationship can get to a boring phase. But with the nice guy, it's more likely to stay that way. Is this the best advice? That's up for debate. But what I do know is that you should go with your gut and have the best sex of your life with this bad boy. Go with what makes your panties wet most. There is something to consider here. Maybe with cheating it means that deep down she is ready to move on from her BF and just isn't 100% clear on that yet. But meeting someone else is putting this realization into motion. So perhaps yes, it could mean she is not very happy with the BF anymore and is ready to experience new things. No telling if she could end up regretting this later down the road, if a bad boy doesn't return her love and she ends up alone. But that's the risk we all take if we decide to leave someone for another. We usually go for what makes us happiest right NOW but there's no way of predicting if that's the right decision in the long term.
Dexter Morgan Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 @skydiveaddict: Yes, you're right, my bf is a very nice guy and the other is a bad boy. I don't know what to do. set your boyfriend free from you and go after the bad boy. the bad boy is sure to do right by you and your nice guy boyfriend needs to be seeking out a relationship with someone that won't eff him over like this.
Dexter Morgan Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 Sad but true. Nice guys will always finish last. but in the end they get the last laugh when the girl cries about being crapped on by the bad boy.
LoveLace Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 but in the end they get the last laugh when the girl cries about being crapped on by the bad boy. Yes...pround to say my new BF is one of the "nice guys" but I've dumped a lot like him to get dumped by bad boys before I got here...
zerovandez Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Funny. I was the "other guy" after dating a girl for 10 years. My best advice to you is for you to be single and figure yourself out. Find out what you want for yourself. Forget about relationships for a while. Those 2 guys are always going to be in your thoughts. I wish my ex did this, instead, I allowed her to smash my heart multiple times. Don't do that to either of these men, especially your ex of 3 years.
Dexter Morgan Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Yes...pround to say my new BF is one of the "nice guys" but I've dumped a lot like him to get dumped by bad boys before I got here... well , for a temporary threadjack, this is where the nice guys actually, in the long run, win:) and the best part is, they can be very selective. I actually had this happen, dated someone who admitted a thing for "bad boys", and that she wants no part of them now. but in my opinion she didn't want the heartache they caused her....all the other things about them she more than likely still wanted. So getting to be selective, I decided to not pursue the relationship further:cool:
Something_Awesome Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 I think really the only thing that is going to make you feel like doing the right thing is getting burned by the bad boy... so go ahead and play with fire...
BlackLovely Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 When I read your post, I notice that even though you are well aware of the bad boy's issues, you still want to explore what can happen with him. Admit to yourself that hot sex is more of a priority right now, than settling down. This is fine as long as you are honest with your sweet yet boring boyfriend. You owe that to him. My husband is quiet and predictable, unlike guys I dated before him who were deliciously wild and inappropriate. These bad boys were NOT husband material, so I grew weary of the drama and chose a nice sweetheart in the end.
Citizen Erased Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 You don't love your boyfriend. If you did you wouldn't have cheated on him and you certainly wouldn't be infatuated with someone else after the fact if you loved him. Good guys, bad guys, you will learn in time which one will make you happy. Until then leave the poor guy alone while you go off and do what you clearly want to do. He deserves much, much better.
LisaLee Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I will never understand the appeal of the bad boy. Call me a prude, but when I hear "unstable with past addiction problems" my first thought is "wow, f'cking loser"... but to each their own, I guess. =/ Don't bother rebuilding the relationship with your current bf. Go after the bad boy. I'm sure he won't be boring, and has all kinds of lovely drama to offer you.
Citizen Erased Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I will never understand the appeal of the bad boy. Call me a prude, but when I hear "unstable with past addiction problems" my first thought is "wow, f'cking loser"... but to each their own, I guess. =/ Don't bother rebuilding the relationship with your current bf. Go after the bad boy. I'm sure he won't be boring, and has all kinds of lovely drama to offer you. My thoughts EXACTLY. The thing that gets me is people like the OP give the rest of us that actually want happy, healthy relationships a bad rep cos we get lumped in with them.
refurb Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I don't know why you insist on learning things the hard way, but you're gonna learn. Oh, yeah, you're gonna learn. RF
LisaLee Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 My thoughts EXACTLY. The thing that gets me is people like the OP give the rest of us that actually want happy, healthy relationships a bad rep cos we get lumped in with them. Yeah, but unfortunately that is what most women want. I don't get it. I seriously think some women just love the drama, like they feed on it. It's exciting and new. Never a dull moment. But in the long run what does a bad boy have to offer a girl? A whole lot of pain in the assery.
Dexter Morgan Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 I don't know why you insist on learning things the hard way, but you're gonna learn. Oh, yeah, you're gonna learn. RF Boyz in the Hood, Laurence Fishburne! I love his attitude as a father in that movie.
Dexter Morgan Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 Yeah, but unfortunately that is what most women want. I don't get it. I seriously think some women just love the drama, like they feed on it. It's exciting and new. Never a dull moment. But in the long run what does a bad boy have to offer a girl? A whole lot of pain in the assery. I dumped a girl because she admitted she use to like bad boys and they were fun, but now considered me a catch. Sorry, I don't believe one loses their taste for bad boys, they just don't want to be crapped on any longer. Hence, I wasn't interested in someone like that.
LoveLace Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 I dumped a girl because she admitted she use to like bad boys and they were fun, but now considered me a catch. Sorry, I don't believe one loses their taste for bad boys, they just don't want to be crapped on any longer. Hence, I wasn't interested in someone like that. Well that's life for many of us. We always have to learn through experience before knowing what's really best for us in the long run. Guys do it to...get crapped on over and over before knowing what kind of girl they REALLY want to be with. Of COURSE NOBODY wants to be crapped on again and again, that's why we all want to keep happiness once we find it. But in the OP's case a risky relationship sounds exciting to her, because all she knows is the stable and secure kind. Sad but true, people get sick of that just as much as a person gets sick of being hurt. Either way, it's a matter of a person seeking out something different for themselves...we all do it and it doesn't make us bad people, unless of course you spend your life playing people's hearts as a hobby.
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