Karma?

[tojaz]

G*DDAMN I needed to hear this, so badly.

All I need now is to really believe it.

 

This is what I needed to read. I have been beating myself up relentlessly over my breakup since its happened.

 

Willow, I like you, have been seeking "karmic retribution" on my ex. I hate that I do because I think its a waste of my energy to wish for him to get a taste of his own medicine. However, because of the circumstances under which we broke up and the aftermath, I can't help it.

 

Tojaz: I think you summed up how I think my ex is going about his life now since ending it with me. He told me, when I asked him to come clean with me about all he's done, that "life was much less complicated before". But because his image and reputation is important to him, he carries on like what he's done was good and he's an upstanding guy. He doesnt want anyone to think that he's f*cked up and gotten himself into a mess. Unfortunately people already do. As soon as news broke out about what he did, people didn't look at him the same. I should be clear I am talking about our colleagues as we work for same company, different offices - thank God.

 

Anyways, I think my point is that I'm on the fence now on how I feel about karma re my ex. I want him to learn his lesson but at the same time, I just want to not focus my energy on that anymore. I've done that enough now and need to really starting getting my sh*t together and move forward. But its very reassuring that it does get better and this pain does subside and end.

 

Just spent some time reading both of your stories.

 

LTC, BELIEVE IT! You didn;t deserve what was handed to you. Its so hard to trust when their are miles between you, to have that taken advantage of is just awful. It does seem you are coping well though and have a good outlook, don't lose that.

 

BeagleGAl, what a callous person your ex became, I was shocked, and so quickly. It does get better, its a long road but you get there, you learn, and you will be better prepared for the next, someone who is more deserving!

 

Willow, I will repeat myself for you and all the rest STOP THINKING YOU DESERVE THIS!!!! It won't be karma, because thats not what Karma is all about, but people do tend to reap what they sow in time. That means some great things for you, and for him.... well not so much. Just know that and focus yourself on getting back on track, you have some amazing things waiting for you I'm sure.

 

TOJAZ

[2.50 a gallon]

Willow:

 

About a month after our break up my XW realized that I had a revenge affair, and that prompted her to immediately break it off with her OM and try to win me back.

 

The OM was shortly fired from the best job he ever had.

 

The three associate OM's were all served with D papers within a year.

 

My XW continued to try to reconcile with me over the next 3 - 4 years. As I refused to give her the time of day she slowly fell to pieces. Her father was an alcoholic, and she too turned to the bottle. Her job with the fortune 500 company began to unravel, they demoted her while she went thru detox. She could not afford a place of her own, and lived as a roomate with several workmates. The last roomate who also worked at the same place got caught distibuting drugs, and although the XW was never charged she was fired.

 

During out courtship I had insisted that she continue her college education and we married after she got her degree in electronics. After she was fired her degree was useless as she a earned such a bad rep that not electonics firm would hire her.

 

Later she found a roomate who ran a puppy mill and she earned her keep by working for them

 

She had always teased me that she had a degree and I didn't. Within 6 months after our break up I accidently discovered that I had knack for historical research. In the intervening years I have been published several times, and though I never did return to get a degree I now count several history professors as close friends.

 

AS to my XW I think that she remarried, and it too failed, I think she had several kids, but not sure.

 

Me I as one of the happiest guys in the world as I have found my special lady.

 

Is that what lyou want to hear?

[2.50 a gallon]

My lady is one of the sweetest kindest people on this planet. She hardly ever has anything bad to say about anybody, and you have to really push to get on her bad side.

 

Although she is shy, she is always friendly and pleasnt to almost everybody she meets. Whenever she buys something with cash, if there is a collection box for some charity it always gets her change, and this includes the folding kind. Tip jars also get her attention. Her fellow workers are forever borrowing money and only about half repay her, she doesn't mind, they have kids and need it worse than she does.

 

The mail in charities have found her, and she is forever sending them checks and the list keeps growing.

 

At her old place she was known as the cat lady, she would take in stray cats and kittens, feed them, doctor them, pay to get them neutered and then find homes for them. She easily found homes for close to 200 cats

We live with 8 cats, half of which were unadoptable.

 

She did this while working for just above minium wage.

 

I naturally think she is the nicest person that I have ever met, but if you knew her you too would be impressed, as most of the people she knows, neighbors, workmates etc. all agree with me.

 

Putting out all of these nice warm vibes, you would think that she has a wonderful life. Not so. Her high school sweetheart turned into a alcoholic abusive husband, that she had to run away from.

 

She had two children, alas her druggie demon daughter actions were the cause of her 22 year old son commiting suicide on New Years Day. We knew that her daughter was abusing her grand daughter and tried for years to get the state to listen, with no luck. At age 12 the grand daughter finally revealed that her step grandfather had been terribly sexually abusing her since she was 10. For spite for us turning her daughter into the state, her daughter would not let the grand daughter come over to our place on the weekends she wanted to party and always sent the child off to the abusing grandfather. The abuse was so bad that it made national news. The daughter and her boy friend were knee deep in the abuse, and merely got probabation.

 

The state has taken the child and even though we were complaining and making reports for over 8 years, have refused to let my GF or any of her family see or talk to the grand daughter for over 3 years. And we heard that the grand daughter tried to contact us, but they threatened to put a 12 year old in Juvie for trying to contact her family She was in the 6th grade and is now a freshman in high school. We have heard they have adopted her to another couple.

 

Until we moved in together she worked for just above minumum wage. I can recall she had a bad tootache, saved enough money to include with her latest paycheck to visit the dentist. But the duggie daughter blew her state funds, and the grand daughter needed the money, so my GF put off the visit and suffered until the next paycheck. She didn't tell me, as she didn't want me to have to pay for her bills, once I figured out what had happened I forced her to take some money from me.

 

What comes around goes around, some how missed my GF.

Edited October 15, 2010 by 2.50 a gallon

[fltc]

Sorry I should have been clearer, he didn't cheat or leave me for the new GF (to my knowledge) they got together about 10 months after he left me. What I meant was that it seems that his abandonment of me is being rewarded with his wonderful new happy life.

 

You satisfy 'karma' by finding someone else, someone who really deserves you and then having a "wonderful new happy life" with him.

 

That will be your reward for his leaving. You'll be moving up to something better. Good luck, hope you find him soon.

[willowthewisp]

Well, no divine retribution, Karma, justice or whatever you want to call it yet! He's marrying the GF, has moved her in so more happiness for him and yet more pain for me to know the only man I have ever loved and was with 20 years is marrying someone he has known for 9 months and is about 9 years younger. Excellent. Thanks karma

[Steadfast]

 

A few weeks ago I went to see my ex's father on his death bed. A happy and selfish man who led a happy and selfish life. Popular man too, had dozens come to pay their last respects. His ex, my ex and his only son did not. We spoke a lot those couple of weeks, he had a lot to confess. No self pity, just the realization of the pain he had caused in his life. He went out hard. It all catches up with you.

 

 

Reading this sent shivers down my spine. Not only because it's true, but because I have witnessed it myself. No one can escape the consequences of selfishness, bitterness, cruelty or neglect. Be a cheater or the one cheated, you can always allow yourself to make things worse. No matter what, some people just seem to crave pain, drama and harbor anger.

 

I certainly hope you're not one of them Willow. That's a dead end.

 

Let this man and the situation go. Stop waiting for his punishment to arrive. This mindset will not help you. It's harmful. Let it go.

[tojaz]

Well, no divine retribution, Karma, justice or whatever you want to call it yet! He's marrying the GF, has moved her in so more happiness for him and yet more pain for me to know the only man I have ever loved and was with 20 years is marrying someone he has known for 9 months and is about 9 years younger. Excellent. Thanks karma

 

This may very well prove to be the devine retribution your seeking Willow, you never know. She may burn him just as he burned you, but worse, maybe a divorce after a year that cleans him out. You never know.

 

You would do well not to worry about it though willow. I know thats impossible at times, but the times you are successful can be very freeing. I think I told you before that i recently was informed that my ex has selected my replacement. That news hit hard i won't lie, and it took awhile for me to snap out of it. Then I reminded myself of some things (with a little help). Here I was punishing myself, feeling bad, sad, upset when I did nothing wrong, and she is out with her new BF doing whatever she like completely oblivious to the damage she had done. WHY? Why was I punishing myself?

 

Today as a matter of fact, I cut her loose! For two months I have been holding on to her final settlement check. Not maliciously, she doesn't need it, and i didn't really know why I hung onto it. It was connection a final connection that i hesitated to sever. I havent seen her in almost a year and a half, havent heard her voice in almost as long. My whole D was done through Email and text message.

 

That connection was to someone who no longer exists Willow. That quite honestly may never have existed in the first place. I was remembering her as an angel when she falls so short of that description. My logical mind knew that, I know what an "angel" would be to me and she no longer filled the bill. I didn't want to be held captive anymore, so, signed, sealed, delivered I sent that check and cut the cord.

 

Long story Willow, but the point is that no matter what i said, what i did, she was never going to understand. She wasn't going to apologize, or tell me she made a mistake. Its who she is and its who your ex is as well. That will be your "karma" Willow, is knowing hes the same man that left, cold, harsh, unfeeling. He will live his life that way, those are the kind of people he will attract. So yes willow, you may not see it, you may not hear about it, and your better of not knowing. He will get it back though Willow, the very life he will lead will ensure that.

 

Forget him, hes not worth your time anymore. Be sad, I still am at times, but dont let life pass you by for someone who doesn't deserve such a sacrifice.

 

TOJAZ

[trippi1432]

Well, no divine retribution, Karma, justice or whatever you want to call it yet! He's marrying the GF, has moved her in so more happiness for him and yet more pain for me to know the only man I have ever loved and was with 20 years is marrying someone he has known for 9 months and is about 9 years younger. Excellent. Thanks karma

 

This may very well prove to be the devine retribution your seeking Willow, you never know. She may burn him just as he burned you, but worse, maybe a divorce after a year that cleans him out. You never know.

 

Exactly!!

 

You would do well not to worry about it though willow. I know thats impossible at times, but the times you are successful can be very freeing. I think I told you before that i recently was informed that my ex has selected my replacement. That news hit hard i won't lie, and it took awhile for me to snap out of it. Then I reminded myself of some things (with a little help). Here I was punishing myself, feeling bad, sad, upset when I did nothing wrong, and she is out with her new BF doing whatever she like completely oblivious to the damage she had done. WHY? Why was I punishing myself?

 

A year ago, I walked in these shoes...replaced as a wife...but the most horrible part, as a mother. Admittedly, I did that part to myself...but for the right reasons. I beat myself up, saw my failings in so many things...my family, my career and my past. I had been trying to let go without hate, without bitterness because I didn't want to look back on the past 15 years as a waste of my life...it would have been so easy to go there considering, but I had to see my part, the role I played. Like you Tojaz, I came through it, with a lot of help though.

 

I had those values challenged last week by my ex when he turned to me to get help in the fact he couldn't handle our son (poetic justice/karma...call it what you may)...what started out as advice, two parents trying to discuss their child...things I had been trying to tell him for years that his son needed...quickly turned to a personal attack with him throwing jabs, taking things down to the same equivalent of where we were a year ago. It would have been so easy to give into that, to lay blame upon myself and believe his finger pointing attitude and self-justification...but, that's when I realized he will always be a simple-minded moron and I have grown and learned far beyond what he ever will.

 

Today as a matter of fact, I cut her loose! For two months I have been holding on to her final settlement check. Not maliciously, she doesn't need it, and i didn't really know why I hung onto it. It was connection a final connection that i hesitated to sever. I havent seen her in almost a year and a half, havent heard her voice in almost as long. My whole D was done through Email and text message.

 

That connection was to someone who no longer exists Willow. That quite honestly may never have existed in the first place. I was remembering her as an angel when she falls so short of that description. My logical mind knew that, I know what an "angel" would be to me and she no longer filled the bill. I didn't want to be held captive anymore, so, signed, sealed, delivered I sent that check and cut the cord.

 

Long story Willow, but the point is that no matter what i said, what i did, she was never going to understand. She wasn't going to apologize, or tell me she made a mistake. Its who she is and its who your ex is as well. That will be your "karma" Willow, is knowing hes the same man that left, cold, harsh, unfeeling. He will live his life that way, those are the kind of people he will attract. So yes willow, you may not see it, you may not hear about it, and your better of not knowing. He will get it back though Willow, the very life he will lead will ensure that.

 

Forget him, hes not worth your time anymore. Be sad, I still am at times, but dont let life pass you by for someone who doesn't deserve such a sacrifice.

 

TOJAZ

 

Tojaz - Good for you! It's not easy, and it's perfectly normal to see the good for the bad and vice versa. I think we all have to realize our healing in stages.

 

In the end, there is no clear answer from men or women like this. Trying to get a straight answer, even when you think it's a straight answer like "I know I didn't treat you well" eventually equates right back to the same underlying problem. The fact that "they" will do anything to vindicate, validate and justify their actions as they attempt to convince themselves that they did the right thing...that, in itself, is the most telling of all to their character.

 

There will always be hard days, but when the good days outweigh the bad...that's a step, a hurdle and sometimes a leap.

[willowthewisp]

Reading this sent shivers down my spine. Not only because it's true, but because I have witnessed it myself. No one can escape the consequences of selfishness, bitterness, cruelty or neglect. Be a cheater or the one cheated, you can always allow yourself to make things worse. No matter what, some people just seem to crave pain, drama and harbor anger.

 

I certainly hope you're not one of them Willow. That's a dead end.

 

Let this man and the situation go. Stop waiting for his punishment to arrive. This mindset will not help you. It's harmful. Let it go.

 

No Steadfast, quite the opposite in fact, I have self blame issues steming from childhood abuse, abuse which continues today, I'm not doing it it on purpose! Anger? Well until today I have not been able to get angry with the X, IC has shown me I have been turning it inwards - well not anymore. NOW I AM ANGRY. HOW DARE HE TREAT ME LIKE THAT? JUST WHO THE F DOES HE THINK HE IS? Shes welcome to him, she has nothing, just a man who thinks nothing of walking out on someone whom he grown up with. I don't care why, I don't care if he's got mental health problems or is in MLC or is CP or whatever is going on in that tiny little brain of his, NOTHING I DID DESEREVED THIS TREATMENT BY HIM. NOTHING.

[trippi1432]

No Steadfast, quite the opposite in fact, I have self blame issues steming from childhood abuse, abuse which continues today, I'm not doing it it on purpose! Anger? Well until today I have not been able to get angry with the X, IC has shown me I have been turning it inwards - well not anymore. NOW I AM ANGRY. HOW DARE HE TREAT ME LIKE THAT? JUST WHO THE F DOES HE THINK HE IS? Shes welcome to him, she has nothing, just a man who thinks nothing of walking out on someone whom he grown up with. I don't care why, I don't care if he's got mental health problems or is in MLC or is CP or whatever is going on in that tiny little brain of his, NOTHING I DID DESEREVED THIS TREATMENT BY HIM. NOTHING.

 

:bunny: Good for you Willow!! And you are right, YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO DESERVE ANY OF THIS!! It's liberating to take those "blinders" off, it's like breathing again for the first time.

[willowthewisp]

:bunny: Good for you Willow!! And you are right, YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO DESERVE ANY OF THIS!! It's liberating to take those "blinders" off, it's like breathing again for the first time.

 

You're dead right I didn't! I don't know if he ever loved me or not but I know one thing for sure, whatever the driving force behind his behaviour he didn't love me at the end, despite his protests that he did, all he cares about is himself. Why would I want someone who only cares for themself? Answer : I DON'T, not anymore, I see him clearly now for the first time since he did this, he is a waste of air. I just regret ever having loved such a dispicable human being, he is not worthy of my love and had I have known all those years ago what and who he really is, I would never have wasted a single second on him.

[tojaz]

You're dead right I didn't! I don't know if he ever loved me or not but I know one thing for sure, whatever the driving force behind his behaviour he didn't love me at the end, despite his protests that he did, all he cares about is himself. Why would I want someone who only cares for themself? Answer : I DON'T, not anymore, I see him clearly now for the first time since he did this, he is a waste of air. I just regret ever having loved such a dispicable human being, he is not worthy of my love and had I have known all those years ago what and who he really is, I would never have wasted a single second on him.

 

Congratulations Willow, good for you girl! Dont regret having loved him. You loved a different man Im sure. He ruined it though, be angry for that, but don't regret the past. I've had falling outs with people I care about, been angry when i've felt mistreated, but I never regret having had them in my life. Even my EX who did me very similar to how your ex did you. Those people, those experiences make you who you are, and while painful now, when you emerge through the otherside, you will be better and stronger for having walked through the fire.

 

TOJAZ

[Steadfast]

The more you love, the harder you hit when it fails. The path to healing includes anger, which is a very healthy emotion when used constructively. No doubt part of that anger stems from his knowledge of your painful past, then his decision to place you in a position for more of it. My ex knew my first wife cheated and how very hard that was to overcome, which made her decision to cheat almost incomprehensible to me. I was devastated by what I considered an act of hate, but in reality, it was a lack of love on her part. They feel the same at times, but they aren't. Both hurt though.

 

Your anger is certainly justified, but I maintain that this man may have done you a huge favor. In some way, deep inside, he may know that. And while we can't agree with his methods, you very well may feel thankful someday...in the arms of someone who truly does love and care for you.

 

When you pass through the cycle of anger, acceptance, indifference and finally forgiveness, you'll be closer to loving again. For now, it's great to see you back on your emotional feet! I appreciate your openness Willow!

[TheLoveAdvisor]

The weeds grow with the grass! They both get sun and rain, disease and drought! But in the end the grass will bloom while the weed is burnt...

[She's_NotInLove_w/Me]

OP, you've gotten so much great insight on this thread!

 

The best advice I have for you is simply this...

 

Without question, there are natural laws in the universe. We may not understand them all, or know the ins and outs of them, or even perceive their existence, but they are DEFINTELY there. When an individual takes an action with a negative motive, or inappropriate intentions, there will definitely be some equal and opposite reaction, or consequence...

 

However, you cannot focus on the level of wrong done to you by your ex, or wonder, or wait for the payback... doing that is no better than the individual who did the wrong to you. You will waste time and effort worrying about something that is beyond your control.

 

Please do not worry about his life in any way shape or form. There is a reason why things have turned out the way they have, and the reason(s) may possibly never be apparent or obvious to you.

 

There is so much more to look forward to, and so many reasons to be positive about YOUR future!

 

Good Luck, I wish you the best - keep your head up!

[willowthewisp]

Congratulations Willow, good for you girl! Dont regret having loved him. You loved a different man Im sure. He ruined it though, be angry for that, but don't regret the past. I've had falling outs with people I care about, been angry when i've felt mistreated, but I never regret having had them in my life. Even my EX who did me very similar to how your ex did you. Those people, those experiences make you who you are, and while painful now, when you emerge through the otherside, you will be better and stronger for having walked through the fire.

 

TOJAZ

 

I do regret having ever known him, yet alone loved him. I see now that for years and years he treated me as some kind of "thing" that was there because it suited him and which he lied constantly to keet "it" in his life where he wanted "it". I regret it, not one second of that relationship was worth the pain he has inflicted upon me, not one. The whole 20 years was a complete and utter waste of my life when I could have been with someone who was capable of love. He's taken away my chance to have children to boot. What a complete and utter B*****d, he's made me the person I am today? I was just fine as the person I was before and would have been better for never having of met him.

 

The more you love, the harder you hit when it fails. The path to healing includes anger, which is a very healthy emotion when used constructively. No doubt part of that anger stems from his knowledge of your painful past, then his decision to place you in a position for more of it. My ex knew my first wife cheated and how very hard that was to overcome, which made her decision to cheat almost incomprehensible to me. I was devastated by what I considered an act of hate, but in reality, it was a lack of love on her part. They feel the same at times, but they aren't. Both hurt though.

 

Your anger is certainly justified, but I maintain that this man may have done you a huge favor. In some way, deep inside, he may know that. And while we can't agree with his methods, you very well may feel thankful someday...in the arms of someone who truly does love and care for you.

 

When you pass through the cycle of anger, acceptance, indifference and finally forgiveness, you'll be closer to loving again. For now, it's great to see you back on your emotional feet! I appreciate your openness Willow!

 

I'm glad he is gone if that's what you mean? I never want to see or hear from him again. We shared so much love and intimacy and so many experiences and years together and he couldn't even treat me with common decency at the end, instead in order to protect himself, he tried to destroy me.

 

I'm don't care what happens to him anymore, I just want him out of my head and out of my life permanantly.

[trippi1432]

I do regret having ever known him, yet alone loved him. I see now that for years and years he treated me as some kind of "thing" that was there because it suited him and which he lied constantly to keet "it" in his life where he wanted "it". I regret it, not one second of that relationship was worth the pain he has inflicted upon me, not one. The whole 20 years was a complete and utter waste of my life when I could have been with someone who was capable of love. He's taken away my chance to have children to boot. What a complete and utter B*****d, he's made me the person I am today? I was just fine as the person I was before and would have been better for never having of met him.

 

Willow - no man has any right to hold "ownership" over you, you were not an "IT" in his life...and if you feel that you were, the better you are without him. I recall jokingly telling my ex that if I married him he would trade me in like a used car...guess I wasn't far off the mark there. That was from years of seeing him trade, barter and exchange those things he coveted. He wanted...and then he discarded...what kind of man does that? Truly?

 

Your past IS what makes you...you survived...you endured...you gave him things that he will never get from anyone else...he will know that. It wasn't a waste because you WILL emerge stronger and better for anyone other than him.

 

He has not taken away your chances at having children yet...the longer you hold onto him, the anger, the hate....the less chance you have at allowing real love into your life. I'm guessing you are in your mid 30's...if this is truly important to you then you will work hard with your therapist in putting this man who wasn't worth your happiness to find a life that is worth that. When you open yourself up, it will come to you. When you close yourself off from it...it will leave you, if you were writing a book...doesn't one chapter have to end before you can start another?

 

II'm glad he is gone if that's what you mean? I never want to see or hear from him again. We shared so much love and intimacy and so many experiences and years together and he couldn't even treat me with common decency at the end, instead in order to protect himself, he tried to destroy me.

 

I'm don't care what happens to him anymore, I just want him out of my head and out of my life permanantly.

 

Any man who tries to destroy your own self image of yourself is not worth your time...you have to put him out of your head and life...he is only there because you allow it.

Edited October 21, 2010 by trippi1432

[SoMovinOn]

The concept of Karma, as you are looking at it, is based on assumptions of fairness and balance. It is the hope there is someone or something keeping track of everyone and all they do, and balancing the good and the bad. Nothing of the sort exists.

 

Life is not fair.

Some people do evil all their lives, and never pay for it in any way.

Some people do good all their lives, and get dumped on repeatedly.

 

Your best best is to put your past behind you and move forward with your life. Be happy, in spite of him.

[She's_NotInLove_w/Me]

The concept of Karma, as you are looking at it, is based on assumptions of fairness and balance. It is the hope there is someone or something keeping track of everyone and all they do, and balancing the good and the bad. Nothing of the sort exists.

 

Life is not fair.

Some people do evil all their lives, and never pay for it in any way.

Some people do good all their lives, and get dumped on repeatedly.

 

I respectfully diagree with the above. I actually believe the complete opposite of what is stated above...

 

At the same time I think there is no better action that willowthewisp can take than the below statement:

 

Your best best is to put your past behind you and move forward with your life. Be happy, in spite of him.

[willowthewisp]

Willow - no man has any right to hold "ownership" over you, you were not an "IT" in his life...and if you feel that you were, the better you are without him. I recall jokingly telling my ex that if I married him he would trade me in like a used car...guess I wasn't far off the mark there. That was from years of seeing him trade, barter and exchange those things he coveted. He wanted...and then he discarded...what kind of man does that? Truly?

 

Your past IS what makes you...you survived...you endured...you gave him things that he will never get from anyone else...he will know that. It wasn't a waste because you WILL emerge stronger and better for anyone other than him.

 

He has not taken away your chances at having children yet...the longer you hold onto him, the anger, the hate....the less chance you have at allowing real love into your life. I'm guessing you are in your mid 30's...if this is truly important to you then you will work hard with your therapist in putting this man who wasn't worth your happiness to find a life that is worth that. When you open yourself up, it will come to you. When you close yourself off from it...it will leave you, if you were writing a book...doesn't one chapter have to end before you can start another?

 

 

 

Any man who tries to destroy your own self image of yourself is not worth your time...you have to put him out of your head and life...he is only there because you allow it.

 

He disposes like your X trippi, the latest fad then dump it for a new one, always GOT to have something then gets bored with it and gets rid.

 

I was an "it" because he knew if he was not offering me a future with him then at some point I would have choosen a different life for myself, I would have left him.

 

I had a right to make that choice, to date for a couple of years, OK, but past that realistically I am looking for a life long commitment, he knew this and had no right string me along with deliberate lies, at some point you're in or your out, 20 years to make that decision is unacceptable, it's not fair to me.

 

He wanted "it" in his life, "it" suited him. "it" because he did not view me as a human being with thoughts and feelings and a right to make choices about my life based upon truth rather than selfish deception. "it" because he used me and he knew he was doing so, whether he did so deliberately or because he has a commitment issue either way he knew.

Edited October 21, 2010 by willowthewisp

[trippi1432]

He disposes like your X trippi, the latest fad then dump it for a new one, always GOT to have something then gets bored with it and gets rid.

 

I was an "it" because he knew if he was not offering me a future with him then at some point I would have choosen a different life for myself, I would have left him.

 

I had a right to make that choice, to date for a couple of years, OK, but past that realistically I am looking for a life long commitment, he knew this and had no right string me along with deliberate lies, at some point you're in or your out, 20 years to make that decision is unacceptable, it's not fair to me.

 

He wanted "it" in his life, "it" suited him. "it" because he did not view me as a human being with thoughts and feelings and a right to make choices about my life based upon truth rather than selfish deception. "it" because he used me and he knew he was doing so, whether he did so deliberately or because he has a commitment issue either way he knew.

 

Here Willow - this is where you are absolutely correct, that is YOUR right...not his if he is not committing to you. If he could not give you a plausible reason for not wanting to get married or give you both a chance to work on any issues, then he was making a decision for both of you without your consent. Yes, that is stringing you along.

[willowthewisp]

Here Willow - this is where you are absolutely correct, that is YOUR right...not his if he is not committing to you. If he could not give you a plausible reason for not wanting to get married or give you both a chance to work on any issues, then he was making a decision for both of you without your consent. Yes, that is stringing you along.

 

Exactly. And he went one further and decived me into beleiving he was commited by his actions and words over all. Personally I don't think it was done maliously, but even though his CP motivated him, he still knew what he was doing and how he could end up hurting me in the end, he choose to put his selfish desire of having me in his life ahead of my feelings.

[SoMovinOn]

I respectfully diagree with the above. I actually believe the complete opposite of what is stated above...

 

I respect that. I accept that on this and other spiritual or matters of faith, the way I think and believe is more often not the norm.