andelemamy Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 In a weird situation at the moment almost like a relationship limbo and wanted to hear some of your thoughts. Been dating my gf for 3 years now and I really do love her. Recently she has asked for us to have a not so serious relationship (she wants more independence). I feel like she wants her and cake and eat it too. When we do go out on dates or hang out with a group of friends we always have a good time (plus the sex is amazing). I guess I am still in the same mindset of us being in a serious relationship while it seems she is moving on with her life. This past weekend we went out on a date and had a great time and a few days later I offered to take her out again and she kinda flipped out. she called later and apologized (she has been stressed with work)... I told her I needed a week away from her and its been a week now. I am seriously debating on continuing this relationship on her terms, and I don't think I am going to call her for even longer. Obviously there is a lot more to my story but I don't want to bore everyone here. I was just wondering if any of you have been in this situation before or what your thoughts are. thx
welikeincrowds Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 I don't mean to be dismissive of your pain, but I see this as a good thing. It's a moment where you have to decide on a personal principle, then act on it. These are the decisions that make us who we are. Personally: I believe in moving forward. I don't want to be stagnant, or moving backward, if I can help it. This solution, to me, would not be moving forward. It's like you said: she wants to "have her cake and it eat it, too." It sounds something like purgatory. But that's my interpretation. The question to ask: is this transformation of your relationship going to make you a better person, or make your life richer? If a transition like this is good for you, as it seems she feels it would be for her -- if it moves you forward -- then by all means, take her up on it. But if it isn't good for you, then decide. It may be time to move forward.
atlnay Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Been dating my gf for 3 years now and I really do love her. Recently she has asked for us to have a not so serious relationship (she wants more independence). I feel like she wants her and cake and eat it too. What does more independence have to do with the seriousness of the relationship? Do you not let her do certain things? If so, can you give an example of something she wants to do and you don't? If it's not actually an independence issue, does she want to date others? Also, how old is she?
Author andelemamy Posted October 12, 2010 Author Posted October 12, 2010 shes 23 and I am 27. well she is in a good place right now... just graduated college, got her dream place, works a lot, loves her roommate, and wants to enjoy life. we talked about all this and she is concerned that I am looking to get married when in fact I know I am not ready to get married or have kids. I know she loves me, and she does tell me. When we do hang out and are talking on a regular basis everything is great. As soon as we don't see each other it turns to poop. like i said in my first post she wants her cake and eat it too. thats how I really feel, because she expects me to be a great boyfriend, but everything is on her terms. I feel like i am on her schedule and I am the one who has always fought for the relationship.
atlnay Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 shes 23 and I am 27. As soon as we don't see each other it turns to poop. like i said in my first post she wants her cake and eat it too. thats how I really feel, because she expects me to be a great boyfriend, but everything is on her terms. I feel like i am on her schedule and I am the one who has always fought for the relationship. Ahhh ok. I think I get it. Let me ask you this. When you say you are on her schedule, does that mean she only wants to go out with you when she wants to and when you try to see her again, like her flipping out when you contacted her a few days after a great date, you were doing to much? (in her eyes) OP, if that's the case, and if you are unhappy playing solely by her terms (not fair to you by the way) then give her the space she wants. She's not going to *snap* out of it. She's going to keep getting annoyed and take your constant attention the wrong way. (again from her eyes) When things are great with her, enjoy that time and then let her contact you again. Let her miss you a little. Let her wonder. If you have been available at her beck and call, tone it down a little. Or are you ready to move on 100% no looking back?
sagetalk Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 1. shes 23 and I am 27. like i said in my first post she wants her cake and eat it too. thats how I really feel, because she expects me to be a great boyfriend, but everything is on her terms. I feel like i am on her schedule and I am the one who has always fought for the relationship. 23 is not a good age for getting serious with a girl. These girls are mostly clueless about good, solid, LTR's. They are looking to have fun while they still have their youth and looks. For some reason, it seems she is not seeing you as her fun option. It's possible there is another guy, I'd be careful here.
Author andelemamy Posted October 13, 2010 Author Posted October 13, 2010 hey guys thanks for your responses today I truly do appreciate them. After thinking long and hard today I made my decision. I am not going to sell myself short and continue in this one-way relationship. it's not fair for me to put in 100% and her to put in 50%. life is short, plenty of fish in the sea, and who knows could be the best thing I ever do. thx
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