JadedMuse Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Greetings All, Not sure how to begin, but I've been dealing with this issue for quite some time. I am currently engaged to a wonderful woman. She and I have been together almost five years, and just recently got engaged. My issue is that, although I love my fiancee very much, I can't shake this desire I have for an all consuming love that is passionate, engaging, and fueled by a deep compatibility. While we enjoy a lot of the same activities, love to have a good time, have taken multiple vacations together over the pats few years, the one area most important to me (writing) she does not share. She doesn't really enjoy reading all that much, and has no interest in writing. Whenever I tell her about a writing project I'm working on, or express feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing, she gives me a very generic response. I feel that if she shared this passion, her responses would be more tailored to the life of a writer, because she could relate to my feelings and experiences. So, the real question here is two-fold. 1) How do I deal with this overwhelming desire for the kind of romantic, passionate love I already know to be unrealistic and somewhat juvenile. 2) How do I communicate the importance of my writing life to my fiancee in a way that will help her understand that I need her active support, and not just a general, programmed answer? Any/all suggestions are appreciated.
theBrokenMuse Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 I've had the same problem regarding the writing. If someone is just not a creative mind they aren't going to be able to really appreciate what you do. I suggest going outside your relationship for feedback and support with your writing endeavors. Some of the coolest people I have ever met in my life were folks I had met in writing critque groups and the like.
sanskrit Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 While not going to call it "juvenile," the type of love you seek is fleeting. Lasting love, the type contemplated by marriage or a long-term relationship, is a verb, an active commitment made to another person, a promise, not something you fall into and float around blissfully in. It has a component of duty to support and remain through hardship. It is something you do, not something you bask in. If infatuation is that important to you, perhaps you aren't ready to marry, as if you feel your desires for it are not being met now, then this will surely worsen the longer you are together. You should be happy to have her support, generic or otherwise, as dating and dealing with writers can be quite a hassle and if she is signing on for that, be grateful.
Author JadedMuse Posted October 12, 2010 Author Posted October 12, 2010 I've had the same problem regarding the writing. If someone is just not a creative mind they aren't going to be able to really appreciate what you do. I suggest going outside your relationship for feedback and support with your writing endeavors. Some of the coolest people I have ever met in my life were folks I had met in writing critique groups and the like. Thanks! I appreciate the feedback. I've actually been looking for a good critique group, but one that kinda walks the middle of the line. I'm not looking for a group full of published authors who are adamant about publishing as an ultimate goal. Then again, I'm not looking for a writing group that engages in a whole lot of mindless chatter, and hardly ever discusses anything writing related. That said, any ideas on writing groups? Maybe some you've tried that you've found helpful? Thanks again
theBrokenMuse Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 I've actually been looking for a good critique group, but one that kinda walks the middle of the line. I'm not looking for a group full of published authors who are adamant about publishing as an ultimate goal. Then again, I'm not looking for a writing group that engages in a whole lot of mindless chatter, and hardly ever discusses anything writing related. None of the writing groups I have ever been a part of have pushed any agenda as far as publishing goes. I think it's regularly understood among us writers that we can be temperamental about our work and some of the things we write will never even see the light of day, never mind an editor's desk. That being said I would start by looking for meetup groups in your local area. I also read up on message boards and the like for some local zines for prose and poetry to see what was going on in the community. If all else fails there are always online groups that can have extremely helpful members. Years ago, I used to frequent writing.com and I got so much helpful feedback on my writing as well as help editing there that I would suggest it if you are going to try the online route.
Author JadedMuse Posted October 13, 2010 Author Posted October 13, 2010 While not going to call it "juvenile," the type of love you seek is fleeting. Lasting love, the type contemplated by marriage or a long-term relationship, is a verb, an active commitment made to another person, a promise, not something you fall into and float around blissfully in. It has a component of duty to support and remain through hardship. It is something you do, not something you bask in. If infatuation is that important to you, perhaps you aren't ready to marry, as if you feel your desires for it are not being met now, then this will surely worsen the longer you are together. You should be happy to have her support, generic or otherwise, as dating and dealing with writers can be quite a hassle and if she is signing on for that, be grateful. What you've said makes a lot of sense. I do realize I probably need to change my expectations a bit. My fiancé and i have been through a lot together, and I am definitely grateful for what she's been to me. I wasn't sure infatuation was the correct label for what I was feeling, but in thinking about it, I guess it couldn't be anything else. I do love her very much, and don't want to lose her because of something I can resolve on my own with a bit of introspection and a dose of reality. So, thanks for helping me to see things a bit clearer. Sometimes, you need that extra nudge in the right direction
Author JadedMuse Posted October 13, 2010 Author Posted October 13, 2010 None of the writing groups I have ever been a part of have pushed any agenda as far as publishing goes. I think it's regularly understood among us writers that we can be temperamental about our work and some of the things we write will never even see the light of day, never mind an editor's desk. That being said I would start by looking for meetup groups in your local area. I also read up on message boards and the like for some local zines for prose and poetry to see what was going on in the community. If all else fails there are always online groups that can have extremely helpful members. Years ago, I used to frequent writing.com and I got so much helpful feedback on my writing as well as help editing there that I would suggest it if you are going to try the online route. Thanks for the suggestions. I really do need to find a good meet up group in my area. I live in northern NJ near new york city, so I'm sure there are a ton. Thanks again!
sanskrit Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 You might also want to google "limerence wiki" for a more biochemical view of what the "in love" feeling really is. Good luck.
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