lizzibeth Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Most of you know my current situation with the SO. I've stopped talking about my issues with is gaming with him. I just have been doing my own thing and while he was a bit grumpy about it for awhile, things seem to have simmered down and he's trying, I think, to pay a little more attention to me than he has been. He's coming here for a visit in less than a month and I am flip flopping all over the place. Sometimes, I'm so excited I can't stand it. Other times, I just think 'meh, that'll be great for the couple weeks he's here until he goes home and it's back to normal' Is it normal to feel like that? I don't know if I'm just trying to prepare myself for the let down I always feel when he leaves or if I'm really just that fed up that I don't have the same excitement that I normally have for his visits.
folieadeux Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 I'm not familiar with your situation, but I personally can't imagine not being 150% over-joyed with the prospect of an upcoming visit. I think maybe you're subconciously preparing yourself for the letdown that comes after. Strangely enough, I think the best part of a visit is the days right before it actually happens. All the excitment of preparing and getting last minute things together all leading up to that moment is surreal. The time spent together is amazing too of course, but sometimes you start getting sad during with the anticipation of it being over. And then when it is, it just downright sucks, to put it plainly.
Els Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 It's normal to feel this way if you are that unhappy about the way the LD portion of your relationship is going, yes. Most of us would have checked out if we were that unhappy with the way we were being treated LD, so we would not have reached that point.
madjac74 Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 I'm not familiar with your situation, but I personally can't imagine not being 150% over-joyed with the prospect of an upcoming visit. I think maybe you're subconciously preparing yourself for the letdown that comes after. Strangely enough, I think the best part of a visit is the days right before it actually happens. All the excitment of preparing and getting last minute things together all leading up to that moment is surreal. The time spent together is amazing too of course, but sometimes you start getting sad during with the anticipation of it being over. And then when it is, it just downright sucks, to put it plainly. You should get familiar with her situation. The guy has been more excited about a video game than about her. Thats why she is not too excited about the visit and/or their future together. Lizzibeth, you should make him almost beg for your attention while he is visiting. And if he jumps on his laptop to play his game...get dressed up real sexy like and go out!
folieadeux Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 You should get familiar with her situation. The guy has been more excited about a video game than about her. Thats why she is not too excited about the visit and/or their future together. Lizzibeth, you should make him almost beg for your attention while he is visiting. And if he jumps on his laptop to play his game...get dressed up real sexy like and go out! Oh boy, I stand corrected then. Lizzibeth, your SO should certainly jump through hoops to be with you then.
aerogurl87 Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 In that situation I think it would be normal to feel that way although that's not really what I'd consider to be the makings of a normal, healthy relationship. Like I said before, if the game is more valuable to him than you are then I think it's time to cut the ties.
Author lizzibeth Posted October 13, 2010 Author Posted October 13, 2010 unfortunately, I think you are right aero...I think I do need to cut my losses. I do love him but every day it's the same thing, it's like groundhog day! He was up all night again last night. Now granted he lives in New Zealand and that makes for a big time difference since I'm in the states. It’s almost like he’s out of touch with reality though. I was texting with him last night as I was going to bed. I was talking to him about the miners being rescued and he had no idea what I was talking about. He watches no TV, he doesn’t ever go out. All he ever does is play World of Warcraft. There was a huge patch last night and that’s all he did all night. I just can’t see my future being much of anything but staying at home and gaming together. While that might be fun for a little while, I just don’t see it long term. I’m so unhappy right now and my heart is breaking. I do love him. I love him so much. I just am not happy with the way he treats me and our relationship. I feel like we should be first. Apart from my son, he’s first in my life. I don’t get the same. I’m unhappy that things are the way they are but I’m also very broken hearted over the idea of not having him in my life anymore.
Author lizzibeth Posted October 13, 2010 Author Posted October 13, 2010 He can cancel his ticket. I'm done. I don't want to see him. I don't want to talk to him and I hope he finds great comfort in his game. I use AIM at work. He woke up about 2 or so hours ago (he's in NZ remember). Anyway, we sit on AIM and he says good morning. Then, nothing. Not a word for 2 hours. Not a word. I signed off cuz I just can't bear to sit there and not have anything to say. I'm probably blowing this out of proportion. I don't care. I'm done. Enjoy your game. I hope he finds great ****ing joy in it.
aerogurl87 Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 He can cancel his ticket. I'm done. I don't want to see him. I don't want to talk to him and I hope he finds great comfort in his game. I use AIM at work. He woke up about 2 or so hours ago (he's in NZ remember). Anyway, we sit on AIM and he says good morning. Then, nothing. Not a word for 2 hours. Not a word. I signed off cuz I just can't bear to sit there and not have anything to say. I'm probably blowing this out of proportion. I don't care. I'm done. Enjoy your game. I hope he finds great ****ing joy in it. A part of me is sad that your relationship has to end, but a part of me is very happy that now you will be free to find someone who makes you a priority in their life as you make them one. Good luck lizzibeth.
Author lizzibeth Posted October 13, 2010 Author Posted October 13, 2010 I'm very emotional right now. I'm so sad. He says he's still coming to show me how wrong I am. I can't really think of anything to say right now. I'm just so sad, I haven't stopped sobbing.
BellaBellaBella Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 How long did it take for him to notice? I sometimes sit on chat while my BF works, we call it holding hands.
Author lizzibeth Posted October 13, 2010 Author Posted October 13, 2010 Over an hour.....he says he was waiting for me to say something
folieadeux Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 I'm really sorry to hear things panned out this way. I completely agree with the other posters. You deserve better than coming second to a video game. I'm only playing devil's advocate here, but maybe there's still a chance he can see the error of his ways if he's still willing to make the trip?
Els Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 To be fair, liz, neither of those incidents in isolation warrants a breakup. But given the context of your relationship in general, I believe you're doing the right thing. Stay strong. {{{hugs}}}
aerogurl87 Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 Over an hour.....he says he was waiting for me to say something BS! He wasn't waiting for you to say something, he was enjoying playing his game. On IM conversations with my boyfriend or any of my friends for that matter, after nothing is said for 10 minutes max I either send them another message asking if they're busy, still there, or that I'm about to go or I just send them a little nudge. Like I said, this is video game addiction and all will fall to the wayside as long as he's still an addict, even personal relationships.
Author lizzibeth Posted October 14, 2010 Author Posted October 14, 2010 No, the silence on IM and the time it took to notice are not reasons to break up in and of themselves. But the weeks and weeks of being placed on the backburner on top of them are. I've been thinking about it for awhile. I'm not happy and he can't be either. I've tried to talk to him about my needs/wants and it seems he just can't meet them. We've been together for over a year. He wants to come visit and I have agreed. So I guess we aren't entirely broken up but we are examining our relationship and deciding if it's what we want. He says he's sad that I've 'disconnected' from him and I maintain the only reason he feels disconnected from me is because he spends most of his waking hours on WoW and how could he possibly feel connected to anything. He wants to be part of my life, even from far away. He wants to know about my day and what I think/feel. He says all the right things but when it gets to nut cutting time he seems to not care to be bothered. He says all the right things. I've got a few weeks til he gets here so we'll see how it goes.
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