steve1986 Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Ok, I'm in a tough Spot. My wife and I have been married for a year and 4 months. This Feb I found that my wife has an online BF. They have been doing the long distance dating sense November. I confronted her about it, and she lied about many things. She would only fesse up when i find out about stuff for myself. She Told me she loves him, and that she wants a divorce. However, she will come back and say shes confused yada yada. 3x i have taken her back cause she said she broke up with him. However she always starts things back up with this guy. She has lied about so many things it not even funny about being with this guy. In june, she had to go about 2 hrs away for school to be trained for work. Her work put her up in a motel. During the training we hardly saw each other for 4 months. In the 4 months she almost never contacted me, would not return my calls, texts ext. Well she was gone i convinced myself it was over. In the last month and a 1/2 I found a new girl that treats me very good. Well My wife came back home from training 2 weeks ago. I told her this was not working out we are done. Now a week has gone bye, she sees me with this other girl. She comes back telling me shes soo sorry, she made a mistake. She wants to work it out and that she will never do anything like this ever again yada yada. I do still have feelings for her, however I also love this new Girl, she treats me very nice. I'm so confused and very scared If I go back with my wife is it just going to happen again, and she only wants me back now cause i have a new very attractive women. I'm so confused as now my wife is back I'm starting to get feelings for her again. I'm not sure if its just because I have been with her for 4 years.
GorillaTheater Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 I told her this was not working out we are done. Now a week has gone bye, she sees me with this other girl. She comes back telling me shes soo sorry, she made a mistake. She wants to work it out and that she will never do anything like this ever again yada yada. I do still have feelings for her, however I also love this new Girl, she treats me very nice. I'm so confused and very scared If I go back with my wife is it just going to happen again, and she only wants me back now cause i have a new very attractive women. Man, all your answers are right here. You already have this figured out. Yes, your W wants to get back together because you found somebody else. The thing is, she's probably still with this other guy. Which is why, yes, if you get back together, it's probably going to happen again. It's already happened, what, three or four times? I'd say you've given her a fair chance. Although I advise against it, if you do give your wife yet another chance, take it sloooooowwwww. As in months before you live together again. Make her work at winning you back and proving that she's done with the other man for good.
Cee Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Let me put your timeline in perspective. You have been married for 1 year and 4 months (16 months). She has been cheating, lying and neglecting you since November of 2009, which is 11 months ago. Total marriage (16 months) - Marital problems and drama (11 months) = 5 months of peaceful marriage. This marriage has already had 2x's more drama than happiness. Would the balance shift if you took her back?
carhill Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Invite your wife to keep you informed of her progress in IC regarding the psychological impetus for her cheating. In the meantime, file for divorce. If she's willing to get IC for herself, *and* be alone, then suggest MC if you still have any love and respect for her after this period of limited contact. The progress in IC will be indicated by *how* she talks about the processes of her infidelity and what she has learned from the experience. Sweet talk is not considered progress. That's just manipulation. If no joy, once the cooling off period has run on the divorce filing, as applicable, hammer out a divorce settlement in mediation or court. Set clear timelines and boundaries for what you want. Personally, I think it does a disservice to your dating partner to have to deal with this while dating you, but YMMV. I've dated very little as a separated man and have no feelings for my ex whatsoever. To me, it's a matter of respect, in your case for this lady you're seeing. My sympathies. Considering your short marriage, unless you lived together for a long time prior, I doubt she was ever really emotionally bonded to you. Sounds more like a relationship of convenience. This time in a marriage is supposed to be a wonderful, joy-filled time of bonding. Anyway, welcome to LS
tornandmarried Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 sounds like your both kinda cheating....maybe better off getting a divorce and not date anybody till u get your hearts and minds clear and figure out what u really want....remarriage is an option, if theres anything left youll both be happy to take it
nittanylion Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Dont take her break. She cheats and disrepects you. She broke the marriage vow. If you come back to her, she will do it again, not now, but in the future. One of my rule is if my SO cheating on me, its over for good. There is no negotiation for cheater period.
seibert253 Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 You had a bad one, (wife). Lied, cheated, took you for granted. You HAVE a good one, (GF). One who loves you, treats you as you should be. Not a hard choice IMO.
stillafool Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 You have been blessed with a good woman. Don't kick her to the curb for someone who has already shown you who they are. Of course she is just jealous because you have a new woman. Don't go back.
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