Author Star_Bright Posted October 13, 2010 Author Posted October 13, 2010 I understand that both him dragging his feet and being jealous could make you fed up, so if keeping away is what feels right for you that's absolutely fine. Of course it won't be easy. I mentioned outside influence because on your other thread people went wild with assumptions, with many stating that the man is definitely violent, is abusing his W and will physically and verbally abuse you if you get together. The truth is that possessiveness is present in most violent Rs, but it doesn't work the other way - not all jealous people are violent, soma are just insecure and this can be dealt with. If you're sure about your decisions and believe he's not ready to give you what you deserve, then you'll be ok in the end, despite all those moment when things become hard. Feeling that you're true to yourself will give you strength. Don't expect to be able to date others too soon, give yourself a bit of time, in which you concentrate on anything that makes you happy even for a while and in time it will all become easier. When you start "noticing" other guys you'll not it's time. Best of luck. I question things a lot so now I'm questioning whether he was all that bad... but when I was caught in the middle of one of his jealousy fits, yeah, it was that bad. And I trust that other people are giving me their honest opinions and warnings about what it would be like to live with this man. Many of the people who warned me were former OWs who weren't telling me not to be an OW, they were telling me not to stay with someone so jealous and controlling because they recognized danger in that, from their own prior experiences. So I didn't automatically believe they were right but I was glad to have a warning and I kept my eyes peeled and his behavior just continued. I get what you mean about maybe he is just insecure, in general or because of the situation. I just couldn't live like that. I have never been attracted to insecure guys and the strange thing was that ex MM seemed like Mr. Powerful to me before all of this... not insecure at all, very ballsy. So the total turnaround just really floored me to the point that I wasn't even sure WHO he was. I can't say that if really gets divorced and becomes respectful and secure with himself/ us that I wouldn't give him another chance. I guess I sometimes hope for that deep down, but that's kind of like a pipe dream I think... not very realistic. He is who he is, maybe not forever but at least for the foreseeable future, and I had to move on. It IS hard to move on though; I often still feel stuck on him. That's true what you say about "noticing" guys -- at this point I don't notice them and when they notice me I feel so weird, like why are they talking about going out, I'm with someone... oh wait a minute, no I'm not! Ha ha.
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