bestrong Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 So after almost 3 months of NC and a year after breaking up, she emailed me saying "Hi __.How have you been doing" Here is my story: I was interested in her when I first met her in college, so after bumping into her 6 times in 6 months, I found her fb and decided to send her a message hoping to be friends with her. We became friends and she wasn't available at the time, but it was cool since I had to go back to my home country after I graduated from college. Our friendship was awesome, and she became my best friend even though I love her secretly. She broke up with her partner and eventually things got physical between us and we were together 2-3 months before I had to leave. I was torn apart knowing that things are going to change when I got back to my home country. Fast forward to when I am back to my home town, she and I had problems talking on the phone because of difference in time and she found me clingy. A day before she decided to break it off, she said she could see a future with. Then she thought "it's better to be firend the next day, which is a month after I left the US. I tried to save the relationship and it didn't work. She went from " I miss you" to "please don't love me" to "wounds like that take years to heal and we are not healthy for each other's life" (Can anyone tell me what does "we are not healthy for each other's life" mean?) Our last conversation was on my birthday. She asked me what if she said she likes me, what would I do; What if she likes someone a lot more, what would I do; What if she wants to be with the person.. etc. then after I answered them and told her don't do it again if she wants to discourage me, she said that's why she got annoyed about me and my relationship saying cause I let people i love walk over me and well.. a lot of hurtful words . That's when I decided to go NC. I have been in pain every since we broke up and it saddens me when I know she's in love with someone and that person is not me. I kept myself busy, work hard everyday, workout 3 times a week and it wasn't helping me much. I still think about her, but I am a functional person. It wasn't until 2 days ago when I had a conversation with a friend of mine that gave a spank on my head. She said " you are clearly in love with her, but what make a relationship? Love, memories and commitment. I don't doubt your love and commitment for her but where is the memories? It was when you were in college and you guys haven't share memories for ONE WHOLE YEAR!" I just woke up after what she said. I love my ex, but I can't create memories out of the memories we had in college, it's not going to do me any good and I don't want to be a psycho by thinking too much about my past. Then BAM! she sent me an email. I replied "Hi. I have been doing fine" I don't know if i should feel happy or sad. I am calm, but I have to say a part of my mind wonders if she is unhappy. Link to post Share on other sites
Perhaps Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 So after almost 3 months of NC and a year after breaking up, she emailed me saying "Hi __.How have you been doing" Here is my story: I was interested in her when I first met her in college, so after bumping into her 6 times in 6 months, I found her fb and decided to send her a message hoping to be friends with her. We became friends and she wasn't available at the time, but it was cool since I had to go back to my home country after I graduated from college. Our friendship was awesome, and she became my best friend even though I love her secretly. She broke up with her partner and eventually things got physical between us and we were together 2-3 months before I had to leave. I was torn apart knowing that things are going to change when I got back to my home country. Fast forward to when I am back to my home town, she and I had problems talking on the phone because of difference in time and she found me clingy. A day before she decided to break it off, she said she could see a future with. Then she thought "it's better to be firend the next day, which is a month after I left the US. I tried to save the relationship and it didn't work. She went from " I miss you" to "please don't love me" to "wounds like that take years to heal and we are not healthy for each other's life" (Can anyone tell me what does "we are not healthy for each other's life" mean?) Our last conversation was on my birthday. She asked me what if she said she likes me, what would I do; What if she likes someone a lot more, what would I do; What if she wants to be with the person.. etc. then after I answered them and told her don't do it again if she wants to discourage me, she said that's why she got annoyed about me and my relationship saying cause I let people i love walk over me and well.. a lot of hurtful words . That's when I decided to go NC. I have been in pain every since we broke up and it saddens me when I know she's in love with someone and that person is not me. I kept myself busy, work hard everyday, workout 3 times a week and it wasn't helping me much. I still think about her, but I am a functional person. It wasn't until 2 days ago when I had a conversation with a friend of mine that gave a spank on my head. She said " you are clearly in love with her, but what make a relationship? Love, memories and commitment. I don't doubt your love and commitment for her but where is the memories? It was when you were in college and you guys haven't share memories for ONE WHOLE YEAR!" I just woke up after what she said. I love my ex, but I can't create memories out of the memories we had in college, it's not going to do me any good and I don't want to be a psycho by thinking too much about my past. Then BAM! she sent me an email. I replied "Hi. I have been doing fine" I don't know if i should feel happy or sad. I am calm, but I have to say a part of my mind wonders if she is unhappy. You shouldn't have replied but let this be a lesson. You don't reply until you hear an emotional email where she apologizes for being weird to you. Losing feelings is something that just happens. The way someone feels is the way someone feels. But imho, she could have been a bit more direct with you. Don't worry, though. Over time, it gets better. Just keep doing your thing and focus on things that you've always wanted to do before she was a part of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bestrong Posted October 13, 2010 Author Share Posted October 13, 2010 You shouldn't have replied but let this be a lesson. You don't reply until you hear an emotional email where she apologizes for being weird to you. Losing feelings is something that just happens. The way someone feels is the way someone feels. But imho, she could have been a bit more direct with you. Don't worry, though. Over time, it gets better. Just keep doing your thing and focus on things that you've always wanted to do before she was a part of your life. I regret replying her already. I found myself wondering if she's going to reply or not. I just threw the ball to her court!!!! URGH! I will stop thinking about her actions and go on with my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bestrong Posted October 13, 2010 Author Share Posted October 13, 2010 Like you said in your letter, the two of you were friends before you became a couple. So, she is probably writing you now just to see how you are doing as a friend. I just went through the same situation -- it doesn't feel very nice. You want a person to care, but you want them to care a lot more than they do. You are right, BiAxident. I want her to care a lot more than she does but clearly she can't. I was a bit angry when I thought about it this morning. She knows it's going to take years for my wound to heal up, she knows I am still sad about the breakup, and she came to stir up the pot when she knows I am still not over. I hope I had the guts to say " Either come back to me, or just leave me alone" Link to post Share on other sites
SadGirl23 Posted October 13, 2010 Share Posted October 13, 2010 GOSH!! I wish you would of posted before you replied. Can't stand DUMPERS who do that shyt! It's just their way to check up to reassure you that they still think about you because they feel so guilty that they broke up with you, so this is their way of making them look like their "nice, friendly people" who do "care". BULLSHYT! Link to post Share on other sites
Author bestrong Posted October 13, 2010 Author Share Posted October 13, 2010 GOSH!! I wish you would of posted before you replied. Can't stand DUMPERS who do that shyt! It's just their way to check up to reassure you that they still think about you because they feel so guilty that they broke up with you, so this is their way of making them look like their "nice, friendly people" who do "care". BULLSHYT! Urgh!!! I have been trying not to think about the email but I CANT!!!!! If she really cares about me, she would just let me heal instead of sending me an email asking how i am doing. I want to send her a txt teling her how **** up it is, but.. i am not going to feed her ego! but I am SAD at some point Link to post Share on other sites
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