agt2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 So me and my new g/f had plans for me to come stay the night last evening. We've only been exclusive for a week. The night is going great, we're joking laughing, having fun, we have the best sex. Then we start showing each other pictures in our phones of our family, recent trips we have been on, friends etc. So tell me how I'm scrolling through and a picture of my EX pops up that I must've forgot to delete but swore I did! Literally minutes after sex this happens, we're lying there naked. It was so awkward you can't even imagine. I admit to her it was my ex and tried to tell her that I really didn't know it was on there. I have a lot of pics on my phone and really didn't know it was still there which is totally the truth. So now I had to sleep there, I didn't get a wink of sleep. It was so awkward! I could see the hurt on her face when we woke up in the morning. She was definitely stand off-ish towards me. I really like this girl and think it's ruined. She definitely isn't going to trust me! It's making me look so bad. I think I'm done. To make matters worse read my post yesterday called "how do I react to this". If you link the two stories together it looks so bad for me it's unreal, something out of a sitcom or something I swear. I don't even want to go into that post on here but read it if you like. I think I've screwed this up and am done as far as her trusting me. She said she still wants to be together but she has her doubt right now if I'm lying or not but she is trying to believe me. She called this morning after I left and asked me if the pic is either a girl I'm seeing or did I keep my ex's pic on there b/c I'm not over her which totally isn't the case. Im so sad and down today it's not even funny because I really liked this girl. I have no clue what to do. When it rains it pours!!!!
Tim The Enchanter Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Relax. It's not unusual for someone to have pictures of their exes lying around, especially now in the digital age. I know I can't remember every photograph I have. Sit her down and talk to her, explain to her that you'd forgotten that it was even on there. Tell her that she is the woman in your life now, nobody else.
Sabali Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Now, there, there... Don't be so blue. This is totally recoverable. Wipe those tears away. Uncle Saba is going to help you get through this one. Security. That is the key word here. You are going to have to really make your girlfriend very secure. It will take a bit of time, patience, and persistence on your part but you have to continuously and sincerely tell her how bad you felt that you forgot the photo was in your phone and that you really care for her. Also, a nice gift won't hurt and maybe help. Something really special too. Not flowers! It doesn't have to be expensive but must be personalized and lets her know that she is special and very thoughtful. PM me and I will give you a good idea. Remember, your sincere words, like you expressed in your post must shine through and offer her lots of security. This is totally recoverable so don't worry. I have a lot of downtown right now so I will be glad to take a look at that other post you referenced. May tone may change depending on what you wrote. Cheer up!
Sabali Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 (edited) Relax. It's not unusual for someone to have pictures of their exes lying around, especially now in the digital age. I know I can't remember every photograph I have. Sit her down and talk to her, explain to her that you'd forgotten that it was even on there. Tell her that she is the woman in your life now, nobody else. Yes. The nutshell version here. Meant to say I have a lot of "down time" in the above post. Edited October 12, 2010 by Sabali
Ruby Slippers Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 "The worst thing"? Don't you think you're being a little dramatic? I just read your other thread, too. In both cases, all you have to do is be honest. When someone is being honest, consistently, the truth shines through. That's either going to be good enough for her or not. If she's worth your time, she'll be able to trust you enough to handle these two minor curve balls.
denise_xo Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 "The worst thing"? Don't you think you're being a little dramatic? I just read your other thread, too. In both cases, all you have to do is be honest. When someone is being honest, consistently, the truth shines through. That's either going to be good enough for her or not. If she's worth your time, she'll be able to trust you enough to handle these two minor curve balls. Listen to Ruby, this is good advice.
Author agt2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Author Posted October 12, 2010 "The worst thing"? Don't you think you're being a little dramatic? I just read your other thread, too. In both cases, all you have to do is be honest. When someone is being honest, consistently, the truth shines through. That's either going to be good enough for her or not. If she's worth your time, she'll be able to trust you enough to handle these two minor curve balls. Thanks for the kind words. I mean I know it's not the end of the world if she didnt' get over it and we didn't work out. Just horrible timing for me. I think this was good advice as was everybody's on the subject!
Star Gazer Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 I really don't see what the big deal is. Lots of people still have pictures of their exes. If there's anything about the situation that made her uneasy, it was probably YOUR reaction to it.
Lauriebell82 Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 I agee with the other posters that this doesn't sound like a huge deal. She is still talking to you and it doesn't sound like she is incredibly angry or mad about the situation. Plus, you have only been exclusive a week!! If this had occured a few years into the relationship then I think there would be more cause for concern. I think you need to sit her down and just explain to her that she is an ex, you don't have any interest in her, and delete the pic from your phone.
mortensorchid Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Unless she reacted angrily to seeing a photo of your ex on your phone, you have nothing to worry about. People carry those things around and forget they have them on the phone.
eric82 Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 This reminds me of the time my ex-gf browsed through her old phone pictures she had saved in a private online photo album. She told me she hadn't looked through it in a long time and was wondering what all was there. Then out of nowhere she opened a picture of her ex-bf laying on a couch completely naked with a boner. I immediately busted out laughing. She was obviously embarrassed and quickly deleted it. Point is, there's no reason to be all dramatic about things, lighten up.
Feelin Frisky Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 OP, if you appear to have an emotional collapse over this you will be setting the tone for her to have enormous power over you. I advise collecting yourself if it's not too late and try to get HER to come to see that going apeshi+ over an indiscretion that was just an honest mistake so early in the relationship is unacceptable to you (and conversely to her were the shoes reversed). You ought to or should have look[ed] her in the eye, hold her firmly and apologize but make it clear that getting the benefit of the doubt is essential to you going forward. This was only strike one, not game over you lose. If she can't take your word for it, all things considered, maybe she's not grown up enough for a relationship. Acting like you're so guilty or in emotional disarray tends to mislead her into actually being as distraught and disappointed with you or at least validated in being so as seems to be your worst fear. Consider that all mistakes have value in a person's development and that this presented an opportunity to establish grounds to build on. Just don't f__k up again like that.
Sabali Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 ^^ Like this. ...All great input here but I wouldn't blow it off. The key here is that you said you could see the hurt in her face and that she was stand-offish. Often it takes a while before someone feels very secure in a relationship. If she is having doubts, you should offer her security. Now someone, on the other hand, who constantly needs reassurance and a security boost is another problem.
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