tgr172 Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 My GF and ex fiance broke up with me ending a 4yr relationship. We were on and off for at least a year and she finally said "No Mas". At the end she was saying she likes not having any attachments and has been 24x7 about her girlfriends. Very vocal how happy she is now and is all smiles. She is also very headstrong and prideful. Intellis that she is adament that its over and absolutly no feelings for me at all. So that is the backround. After about a month of NC, I txted her and said since the weather is so nice at the beach why dont we have an un-date for dinner outside. She agreed as long as it is an un-date. Ok its a very small thing but in order to handle it right and maybe make a a small amout of head way does anyone have any suggestions? We always conversed well so thats not a problem its what is the right way to maybe make her think "this guy is pretty interesting", guys and girls you know what I mean. lol. Im going to be looked over. She can leave thinking "yea I have no desire" or a few days later she could be thinkin "Hmmm, I am still thinking about him" HELP!!!
PegNosePete Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Cancel and go back to the NC. It is going to end in disaster. You want something very different than what she wants.
Don Ho Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Yep. Cancel. Tell her something came up and you'll get back to her. Bro, she's done with you. There is no getting her "re-interested". Take it from us that have learned the hardway, it will not go well.
nittanylion Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 My GF and ex fiance broke up with me ending a 4yr relationship. We were on and off for at least a year and she finally said "No Mas". At the end she was saying she likes not having any attachments and has been 24x7 about her girlfriends. Very vocal how happy she is now and is all smiles. She is also very headstrong and prideful. Intellis that she is adament that its over and absolutly no feelings for me at all. So that is the backround. After about a month of NC, I txted her and said since the weather is so nice at the beach why dont we have an un-date for dinner outside. She agreed as long as it is an un-date. Ok its a very small thing but in order to handle it right and maybe make a a small amout of head way does anyone have any suggestions? We always conversed well so thats not a problem its what is the right way to maybe make her think "this guy is pretty interesting", guys and girls you know what I mean. lol. Im going to be looked over. She can leave thinking "yea I have no desire" or a few days later she could be thinkin "Hmmm, I am still thinking about him" HELP!!! Dont do it. Dont go that meeting with her. Cancel the date. I hate to say this, but I think you will set up for a dissappointment, and heart pain.
Author tgr172 Posted October 13, 2010 Author Posted October 13, 2010 Well I didnt follow the popular advice given. Dont get me wrong I appreciate people taking the time to offer it, but glad I didnt follow it. The purpose , at least from my perspective, of NC is to #1 a coping method to move on when that is what you want to do or #2 a period to calm down from all the gut feeling reactionary things that make it impossible to think clearly in the moment. We had a great night, I followed the advice of one of the internet breakeup guru's and just was myself, was happy with life and was happy to have someone familiar to enjoy a the great weather and evening on the boardwalk sipping wine. No stress had a great talk about where she was and where I was and we both realized that relaxing and enjoying the moment was how we were attracted in the first place and it was still there. No expectations however an understanding that we are compatable and there is instant let your guard down comfort. Tempers and hard line positions were gone and we didnt really talk about relationships just had a hell of a good time together. All I care about at this point and the door wouldnt have cracked open unless I took the oppertunity, got myself in the right frame of mind (ie. No expectations just enjoy the moment), and met. I am a fan of NC but to me NC doesent = its over hate and avoid the person its a decision block toward the final answer. Simply my opinion on a site thay is dominated by the "Cut her/him loose, screw him/her, oh God its only more heart break" posters where NC is the final solution not a means to an end.
Don Ho Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 How sweet. You had a nice time just like long, lost friends. No offense Bro, but I don't think it will turn into a reconciliation now or anytime. People tell you "cut her loose", "cut ties", "don't contact", not to be harsh, but because 99% of the time it goes nowhere and just continues the Dumpee's misery. I think you'll find you're trapped in the Ex Friend Zone, but we'll see.
Author tgr172 Posted October 13, 2010 Author Posted October 13, 2010 Skogar I concur, its a chink in the armor. And to be honest its the attitude that makes NC work or not. Don Ho thanks for your advice I honestly am grateful to you for taking the time and being concerned enough to offer it. Its no small favor giving your time to offer help. Really! But do yourself a favor and take some of mine, cure yourself of the bitterness ther is alot of it there I know I had tons of it following my divorce years ago. Relax go with the flow if you want her let it go, People are like dogs (just for example sake people)you project anger or anxiaty it will drive them off for the most part. Be open, seize the moment if it presents itself, be patient and most of all be positive. Just my two cents. Been there myself and upon reflection my relationships are much better now (all relative believe me. lol) than it was when I dwelled on my partner rather than what my thoughts were doing to how I felt about me and thus how I felt about my partner. BTW all hard to do in the middle of a heart break. Ill light a candle for you bro cause you took the time to show me some concern, thanks. Heck I may be back pleading for advice again with my hat in hand. lol
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