Hold fast Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 He left his wife on Friday,we have been seeing each other for five months. We work together,he just met me at station on way to work ,we work together and dumped me. He said he is undesrving and it will all make sense by christmas. I hate him. What should I do,I am numb,he isnt going back home,his wife is selling up. Please help. I dnt know what I feel or what to do. There were no signs,last night all was well.
pureinheart Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Wow, I totally understand, I would be upset and pissed too...out of nowhere. You'll understand, or it will make sense by Christmas...oh hell no...you know, I have nothing profound or f-ed up to say about your sitch as I am not pissed off today, but tomorrow might be different ...hey I'll be thinking and praying...k...I am really sorry about all of this:(
jennie-jennie Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 It ain't over till the fat lady sings. This might be the end. But it might not. These MM tend to flip-flop a lot because they are so conflicted and guilt ridden. My advice would be to breathe, stay calm, wait a couple of days or even weeks, and see if this really is it before you start grieving. Because grieving is something you will have to do if it really is over. But no use taking that out in advance, since generally the bond between the MM and the OW is too strong for him to break it. So he's out of the house but breaks up with you as well. Well, a divorce is not easy. And sometimes the affairs are only exit affairs, not meant to last. But sometimes they are meant to last. You just have to brace yourself and see what the future holds for you. Hugs.
Author Hold fast Posted October 12, 2010 Author Posted October 12, 2010 I couldnt cope at work,just burst into tears and had to get permission to leave,now just aimlessly wanderin arouund London. He actually asked if we could meet to do perrormance mangement this morning. How could he. We ccould have had such an amazing life. What does he mean most will be revealled by Christmas. How am I going to manage at work,will have to return tomorrow. I am missing so much in life now,he was the one. Pathetic. It makes no sense. Sorry if this got typos me using phone and too many tears to re read.
desertIslandCactus Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Hold Fast, I agree, it's probably not over.. But please try to make your own life for yourself, as the complete whole beautiful woman - that you were meant to be .. that you are..
desertIslandCactus Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 I couldnt cope at work,just burst into tears and had to get permission to leave,now just aimlessly wanderin arouund London. He actually asked if we could meet to do perrormance mangement this morning. How could he. We ccould have had such an amazing life. What does he mean most will be revealled by Christmas. How am I going to manage at work,will have to return tomorrow. I am missing so much in life now,he was the one. Pathetic. It makes no sense. Sorry if this got typos me using phone and too many tears to re read. What is perromance management. I know you feel he was the one .. And it does feel like that at the time.. Please have faith.. Think in your mind .. three more days, and this weekend - you can hopefully get your rest. You will make it. It is always good to find out about a person - Before you marry them. If he is insecure now, he could also let you down worse after marriage.
jennie-jennie Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 I couldnt cope at work,just burst into tears and had to get permission to leave,now just aimlessly wanderin arouund London. He actually asked if we could meet to do perrormance mangement this morning. How could he. We ccould have had such an amazing life. What does he mean most will be revealled by Christmas. How am I going to manage at work,will have to return tomorrow. I am missing so much in life now,he was the one. Pathetic. It makes no sense. Sorry if this got typos me using phone and too many tears to re read. This is what is so hard. We see the potential, and yet these MM say no to it. Something within them is keeping them back from living their lives to their full potential.
Brokenlady Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Is it possible that there is another ow? That would explain all this.
Brokenlady Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Is it possible that there is another ow? That would explain all this.
porter218 Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Is it possible that there is another ow? That would explain all this. Or even the W is pregnant? It sounds very strange but I agree with Jennie-Jennie on this one. I doubt it really is over. With the way he said it, it doesn't sound like it's in his heart to give up....like something else is in control here. Maybe he is moving. No matter what is going on you should just distract yourself for now. Give MM a little time to sort things out in his head. Go to the gym or do some major housecleaning in the meanwhile so you don't worry too much. Good luck to you!
Author Hold fast Posted October 12, 2010 Author Posted October 12, 2010 His wife won't be pregnant as she is 57. Another woman seems doubtful as he could barely get time to see me and he said the s@(ty things he had done weren't aginst me. Now sat in National Portrait gallery staring at Emma Hamilton,a mistress of old. The weirdest thing is he sent me a text last night saying he didn't deserve me,I was too wonderful and in my head I saw today exactly as it has unfolded.
Fieldsofgold Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 (edited) Hold Fast, I agree, it's probably not over.. But please try to make your own life for yourself, as the complete whole beautiful woman - that you were meant to be .. that you are.. THIS! I know this is a terrible blow and a terrible shock to you. Everything looked like it was moving in exactly the right direction, then BAM!!! He hits you with this - out of the blue, no clue, no hint it was coming. And his timing - what an inconsiderate jerk to do this to you on your way to work!!!!! That is just HORRENDOUS!!! Especially when he had just seen you the night before, and everything was fine! He could have told you then, or given you a clue. He should have waited til the weekend, or at least until you got off work this afternoon. And then wanted to do performance maintenance with you today! The unmitigated gall of him! He clearly has not given a thought to the fact that this has hurt, stunned, devastated you!!!! What an insensitive, uncaring jerk! I am angry on your behalf! You need to get angry, too! Yes this guy had a LOT of potential. Maybe a lot of good potential, but also a great lot of BAD potential, as he has now demonstrated, if he could do this to you, in this horrible, painful, excruciating, inconsiderate, untimely way! This guy just did a major sh*t on you. He showed you clearly what his *other* potential is! You dodged a MAJOR bullet with him. Don't forget that! You need to get angry on behalf of YOURSELF! This guy should only get ONE free pass to dump on you the way he did! TAKE UP FOR YOURSELF! If you let him do this and give him a second chance, you will have taught him it is ok, he does not need to take your feelings into consideration - only what works for him. You will have given him permission to do it again! Take better care of yourself than that! Stand up for yourself! Demand some respect for yourself! Don't let people disrespect you like this! Don't let people dump on you like this, when it is convenient for them. YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE! Sorry I am yelling. I have just come back from a long night at the hospital. A 20 y/o beautiful young lady, one of the neighborhood young people, tried to kill herself. Then had second thoughts and called me. I found her unconscious in the bathroom floor. What if I had not been home. What if I had been asleep! The doctor just told me a while ago that it looks like she is going to live. BUT . . . It was over an azzwipe like your MM! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN --- THEY ARE NOT WORTH IT!!! RESPECT YOURSELF! RESPECT YOURSELF MORE THAN TO LET SOMEONE DUMP ON YOU OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN, UNTIL YOU ARE IN SO MUCH EMOTIONAL PAIN YOU FEEL LIKE MY FRIEND DID LAST NIGHT!!! PEOPLE WHO DO NOT CARE ENOUGH ABOUT YOU TO TREAT YOU THIS WAY, ARE NOT WORTH WASTING YOUR TIME, YOUR LOVE, AND YOUR LIFE ON!!! I don't care how *conflicted* they are! If they are that screwed up, that they have to tear your heart out, over and over again, thy are too screwed up to be in a relationship with ANYONE. They need a psychiatrist - not a lover! WAKE UP!!! Sweetheart, please do not give this man a second chance to sh*t on your life. There is beauty, and good, and peace, and real love all around you. Choose that - not some azzwipe who doesn't mind putting your heart and your emotions through the wringer. (((((((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))))) Edited October 12, 2010 by Fieldsofgold
Author Hold fast Posted October 12, 2010 Author Posted October 12, 2010 How on earth can I go back to work,ever. Just want to curl up an die. Run away from the mess of my life. What is left.
UntoldStory Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 (edited) HF - hang in there. I once had a flip-flop dump done to me while I was driving my son home from the hospital (edit: after an accident, not after having just given birth to him! )... You will get through this and it will not always be this painful. It most certainly is not the end of the story, and you'll talk to him and you will find yourself some more stable footing and you'll go from there. You will be OK. Hang in there. Just breathe. Edited October 12, 2010 by UntoldStory clarity
desertIslandCactus Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 How on earth can I go back to work,ever. Just want to curl up an die. Run away from the mess of my life. What is left. EVERYTHING is Left .. Read JThorne's story. An unattached man found her. They have brand new and only eyes for oneanother.. No comparing to others. I am so sorry about your having to get through the next few days at work.. Just look toward the weekend so you can give yourself the rest you deserve from this.
Star_Bright Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 I'm sorry this happened to you, hold fast. He's a jerk! Is there any way you can get a new job? I think you should just move on, you deserve better than this treatment. Best of luck sweetie.
herenow Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 OK, I don't mean this to be anything more than a possibility to think about. Maybe now that he is a "single" (or separated) man, he wants to play the field.
Author Hold fast Posted October 12, 2010 Author Posted October 12, 2010 Sorry I havent thanked anyone yet for. The support you've given me. A strange thing just happened,the young girl sat by me on the train passed me a note,it said she could see I'd been crying and felt my pain and was giving me a white flower to find peace. How can a stranger be so kind while the man who loved me hasn't made any contact all day,not that I would reply but still. Some people have said he may be back but I feel inclined to agree with the poster who said he will only do this again. He will and I must remember that. I dont know if he going back to his wife,I feel quite used as he used my support to leave her,it's what he has wanted for so long,long before we started. His wife doesnt know about us. I am intrigued to know what bad thing he done that makes him undeserving,not that it makes a difference to how he treated me but why not even give an explanation. Self pitying rubbish. I have also split up with my boyfriend during this affair,having come clean that I was seeing someoone else and received no support from my Ex-MM. Sorry I am rambling,need to get it out. Thanks again to everyone.
Star_Bright Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Sorry I havent thanked anyone yet for. The support you've given me. A strange thing just happened,the young girl sat by me on the train passed me a note,it said she could see I'd been crying and felt my pain and was giving me a white flower to find peace. How can a stranger be so kind while the man who loved me hasn't made any contact all day,not that I would reply but still. Some people have said he may be back but I feel inclined to agree with the poster who said he will only do this again. He will and I must remember that. I dont know if he going back to his wife,I feel quite used as he used my support to leave her,it's what he has wanted for so long,long before we started. His wife doesnt know about us. I am intrigued to know what bad thing he done that makes him undeserving,not that it makes a difference to how he treated me but why not even give an explanation. Self pitying rubbish. I have also split up with my boyfriend during this affair,having come clean that I was seeing someoone else and received no support from my Ex-MM. Sorry I am rambling,need to get it out. Thanks again to everyone. You sound stronger already! Good for you! That's great about the note from the girl on the train... how nice of her. I'm glad she did that. You are right that your MM was speaking self-pitying rubbish and that if he could do this to you, he IS undeserving. I hope you can move on with your life and find someone who treats you well.
desertIslandCactus Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Sorry I havent thanked anyone yet for. The support you've given me. A strange thing just happened,the young girl sat by me on the train passed me a note,it said she could see I'd been crying and felt my pain and was giving me a white flower to find peace. How can a stranger be so kind while the man who loved me hasn't made any contact all day,not that I would reply but still. Some people have said he may be back but I feel inclined to agree with the poster who said he will only do this again. He will and I must remember that. I dont know if he going back to his wife,I feel quite used as he used my support to leave her,it's what he has wanted for so long,long before we started. His wife doesnt know about us. I am intrigued to know what bad thing he done that makes him undeserving,not that it makes a difference to how he treated me but why not even give an explanation. Self pitying rubbish. I have also split up with my boyfriend during this affair,having come clean that I was seeing someoone else and received no support from my Ex-MM. Sorry I am rambling,need to get it out. Thanks again to everyone. The young girl on the train .. God sent her.
secretlady76 Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 The girl on the train was there for a purpose, to make you realise how much your MM isn't taking your feelings into consideration and probably never will do. He sounds selfish and self absorbed. See that girl as a sign, a message that, if you're sensible, you'll take notice of. Get rid of that MM because he is doing you no good. He is not a good person for you. Take back your control and your life and make the decisions yourself. Good luck
Fieldsofgold Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 The young girl on the train .. God sent her. The girl on the train was there for a purpose, to make you realise how much your MM isn't taking your feelings into consideration and probably never will do. He sounds selfish and self absorbed. See that girl as a sign, a message that, if you're sensible, you'll take notice of. Get rid of that MM because he is doing you no good. He is not a good person for you. Take back your control and your life and make the decisions yourself. Good luck I think these are right. She might have even been an angel sent to you. Can yoi take a vacation from your job til the weekend? Or sick leave? Give yoi a fe days to recover. Or just select a different mindset toward him. Yoi can choose to look at him/the breaking up differently. My hunch is that he had a blast from the past return to haunt him - a previous OW from shortly before you, is pregnant and due around Christmas. Who knows - it could be just meaningless words from a man who wants to be single. As I said on another thread - if a man tells you he is not good enough for you - run! He is probably telling the truth! I've never been told this by a man but what some time later I learned some vile wretched thing, and it was true that he was a sleazebag!
Author Hold fast Posted October 12, 2010 Author Posted October 12, 2010 The really weird thing is when I was wandering around London crying earlier today I sw a postcard of a white snowdrop flower and bought it because it looked so pretty. Then she said she was giving me a white flower. Only I am sorry but don't have a relgion,though this has been really helpful after my extraordinary unhappy day. Ug,so lost so alone so directionless.
Fieldsofgold Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 The really weird thing is when I was wandering around London crying earlier today I sw a postcard of a white snowdrop flower and bought it because it looked so pretty. Then she said she was giving me a white flower. Only I am sorry but don't have a relgion,though this has been really helpful after my extraordinary unhappy day. Ug,so lost so alone so directionless. Alone, you're not! You've got dozens of friends here on LS, and maybe a guardian angel! You don't have to be of a religion for G-d to love you and watch over you. And you WILL find your direction. In fact, your direction can be any direction you choose. You get a new beginning! That could be kinda exciting! Yes, it will take a little time to honor feelings from all this, but then you have a new adventure ahead of you, and a better one than this. BTW, I read Lady Hamilton's bio on Wikipedia a while ago. MM at the top of their form!!! >
scatterd Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 A white flower stands for purity maybe she was there to show you your heart is pure and you need to not let him take that away from you.December snow is white also why would he say that to keep you in suspence I would not wait for anything coming in December move on think about yourself and love yourself Their is men out there that offer love and want to make their woman happy.If love hurts its not suppose to hurt.Do they have different shifts at your job?Life is to short and you need someone stable that can offer you more some one that compliments your life and not complicates it love yourself Im sorry for your pain and wish you happiness.
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