Try Again or let it go???

[D-Lish]

Hey, if you're not feeling it, you're not. Right now, you want a guy who doesn't flake on the first date. I think that's reasonable.

 

I mean, I could sit here and argue that you're being too picky, but you know what is right for you. You're a smart girl, and I know you know how to take care of yourself.

 

Thanks Ruby.

 

I know I might have a tendancy to be a bit skeptical given my past, and I know I am picky as a result.

 

I could give it another chance, but the first time flake on his part speaks to me about where he's at.

 

People using terminology like "freaking out" sort of upsets me because that's not what I am doing, I'm just thinking about it, and choosing whether to continue or not.

[callingyouuu]

People using terminology like "freaking out" sort of upsets me because that's not what I am doing, I'm just thinking about it, and choosing whether to continue or not.

 

I think deleting his contact info right after receiving word of rescheduling might qualify as "freaking out", but I see where you're coming from. If that were me, I would probably take that as a potential sign of low interest, as well, but I wouldn't know for sure until we met up.

[Wink Tobasco]

Any normal guy would be on his best behvior when meeting someone like you for the 1st. He's a flake

[D-Lish]

He did contact me again this past weekend to reschedule the date- we talked on the phone briefly today. I was fully prepared to let it go, and I wasn't going to chase after him for the reschedule he initially suggested.

 

I never really know what to make of meeting people online. We decided to do a quick coffee next week when our schedules are a little clearer.

 

I am trying to keep an open mind about getting back into the dating scene.

 

In the meantime, I've been chatting with someone else from the dating site. He's totally not my type- he's a red head, a little shorter than I am, but he has such an interesting face. I think we'll meet this weekend. He lives a lot closer to me, so it makes it easier to meet up- and we've had some good conversations.

 

When I first started online dating, I used to go out a lot, and I had some fun times, but I got really tired of the BS. It's hard to know if you're over reacting to small things or if you're seeing a red flag.

 

I guess I am not doing myself any favours by being too quick to dismiss people. The worst thing that can happen is that we'll meet and we won't click. I decided I have nothing to lose by rescheduling- and he made the effort to reach out again despite the fact that he initially left the ball in my court.

 

We'll see. One day at a time, one date at a time, right?

[sb129]

Yeah I have to agree also that u r a bitter bitch. I mean its thanksgiving day. But then again the guy is also an idiot for setting up a date on thanksgiving day.

 

 

Oh nice. What constructive, friendly advice.

 

So D-Lish- did you end up meeting up with him?

[dispatch3d]

I have a pretty low tolerance for flaking as well. It just irks me, so I really don't blame you. Still, he didn't do anything crazy-bad. Tons of girls do much worse (somehow this makes things more awesome? haha uhhhh)....

 

I think deleting him from your phone is pretty reactionary, as well as deleting all of his texts from the pof site. It's impulsive at the very least, and just kinda going with what you want to do emotionally. Definitely a minor point.

 

I think I would just chill out and go on another date. I agree with you that you are a little too ready to write a guy off.

[Crazy Magnet]

Good luck on both dates! I know exactly how you feel with the whole is this a red flag or is this me? debate. I go through it all the time. I find it hard to trust my own gut, but my gut is always right.

[D-Lish]

He did contact me again this past weekend to reschedule the date- we talked on the phone briefly today. I was fully prepared to let it go, and I wasn't going to chase after him for the reschedule he initially suggested.

 

I never really know what to make of meeting people online. We decided to do a quick coffee next week when our schedules are a little clearer.

 

I am trying to keep an open mind about getting back into the dating scene.

 

In the meantime, I've been chatting with someone else from the dating site. He's totally not my type- he's a red head, a little shorter than I am, but he has such an interesting face. I think we'll meet this weekend. He lives a lot closer to me, so it makes it easier to meet up- and we've had some good conversations.

 

When I first started online dating, I used to go out a lot, and I had some fun times, but I got really tired of the BS. It's hard to know if you're over reacting to small things or if you're seeing a red flag.

 

I guess I am not doing myself any favours by being too quick to dismiss people. The worst thing that can happen is that we'll meet and we won't click. I decided I have nothing to lose by rescheduling- and he made the effort to reach out again despite the fact that he initially left the ball in my court.

 

We'll see. One day at a time, one date at a time, right?

 

Yes, we are rescheduling, I just posted the above, but it got lost in between page 2 and 3, and the guy that called me a bitch.

 

Oh nice. What constructive, friendly advice.

 

So D-Lish- did you end up meeting up with him?

 

We are going out next Wednesday SB. He texted me this past weekend, and then he called me and we had a good talk. SO we'll do the coffee thing and see what happens! I'm going out with someone else this weekend.

 

I have a pretty low tolerance for flaking as well. It just irks me, so I really don't blame you. Still, he didn't do anything crazy-bad. Tons of girls do much worse (somehow this makes things more awesome? haha uhhhh)....

 

I think deleting him from your phone is pretty reactionary, as well as deleting all of his texts from the pof site. It's impulsive at the very least, and just kinda going with what you want to do emotionally. Definitely a minor point.

 

I think I would just chill out and go on another date. I agree with you that you are a little too ready to write a guy off.

 

That's why I decided to give it another go. Afterall, it's not rejection when we haven't met, so I have to refrain from acting like it like it is.

[D-Lish]

Good luck on both dates! I know exactly how you feel with the whole is this a red flag or is this me? debate. I go through it all the time. I find it hard to trust my own gut, but my gut is always right.

 

It's funny, after he called, and we had the opportunity to actually talk instead of text- it was easier to get a feel for him.

 

That was 3 weeks ago that he flaked (Canadian Thanksgiving), and I didn't think I'd hear from him. It makes me feel good that he initiated getting together again. He said he'd been waiting for me to reach out to him and then when he talked to a friend about it, he encouraged him to reach out to me because I might view his asking to reschedule as flaking (I did).

 

I'm kind of excited about meeting the little red haired boy to be honest- he's so freaking funny, and he has such a wonderful face. I've never really been attracted to red haired guys in the past, but for some reason, this guy does it for me. His personality thus far has been really intriguing.

[BobSacamento]

I think really early on you have to be lenient. The woman I have been seeing messaged me back with the wrong name with her first email. Now I could have flew off the handle but I realize that women receive about 75,000 messages so I'm sure it can get a bit confusing. I have been talking/seeing her for about a month now so I'm glad a stuck it out.

 

You also have to realize that your actions are being interrupted by him as well. To me you came off a bit dramatic more than anything. I know women want to have their pride and make it a privilege that they will even grace us with their presence but what do you really gain by not even meeting him?

 

His friend was right too. Some people from LS can learn from him. Sometimes people are quick to push the launch button.

[D-Lish]

His friend was right too. Some people from LS can learn from him. Sometimes people are quick to push the launch button.

 

Well, he told me his friend told him that HE should make the effort to reschedule because most people would assume when you flake you aren't overly interested. When he came back and asked about getting together again, I did soften up to trying for another meeting.

 

You're right, in online dating, things are different. I think I internalized his initial request to reschedule as rejection/low interest. But, I've since come around to the realization that it's not about rejection, because he's never met me! I can't treat it the same as meeting someone, developing a rapoir, planning a date, then getting blown off. I still feel good in my decision to NOT reach out to him after he flaked the first time though. I'm glad he stopped waiting for me to reschedule and reached back out to me.

 

However, on a side note, I started talking to someone else in the interim, and we actually met today for a quick lunch while he was on his lunch hour. He's not my normal type, but he made quite the impression on me! He's funny as hell, and he has a smile that I can't stop thinking about. He texted me a few hours after lunch asking if Sunday was still on- which was our original plan for the date. We only met today on a whim because he knew I was passing through his area and he suggested lunch.

 

I'm going to keep my date with the other guy for next Wednesday just to see what happens, but this other guy has def captured my attention.

[tigressA]

However, on a side note, I started talking to someone else in the interim, and we actually met today for a quick lunch while he was on his lunch hour. He's not my normal type, but he made quite the impression on me! He's funny as hell, and he has a smile that I can't stop thinking about. He texted me a few hours after lunch asking if Sunday was still on- which was our original plan for the date. We only met today on a whim because he knew I was passing through his area and he suggested lunch.

 

I'm going to keep my date with the other guy for next Wednesday just to see what happens, but this other guy has def captured my attention.

 

Is this the redhead you mentioned before in this thread? Even if it isn't, go D! Nice that you've met someone who you hit it off with, so far.

[D-Lish]

Is this the redhead you mentioned before in this thread? Even if it isn't, go D! Nice that you've met someone who you hit it off with, so far.

 

It is Tig... He has the sexiest smile!

 

I think I am just happy that I put myself out there for now. I was actually surprised at my physical attraction for this guy. It was immediate when I saw him. He looks exactly like his pics- and all we did was laugh on our lunch.

 

But yeah, simply connecting with a dude was nice. I'm looking forward to Sunday!

[tigressA]

It is Tig... He has the sexiest smile!

 

I think I am just happy that I put myself out there for now. I was actually surprised at my physical attraction for this guy. It was immediate when I saw him. He looks exactly like his pics- and all we did was laugh on our lunch.

 

But yeah, simply connecting with a dude was nice. I'm looking forward to Sunday!

 

Awesome! Isn't it funny how those we would never normally consider our 'type' can turn out to be really attractive to us?

 

I really redheads, btw. So I'm already rooting for him on that alone.

[threebyfate]

My fingers are crossed for you D, with this red-headed guy!

 

And yes, flaking on first dates leaves a bad taste. That's when people should be making the extra effort to be there, rather than accepting last minute invitations. I'm surprised you're giving him a second chance.

[D-Lish]

My fingers are crossed for you D, with this red-headed guy!

 

And yes, flaking on first dates leaves a bad taste. That's when people should be making the extra effort to be there, rather than accepting last minute invitations. I'm surprised you're giving him a second chance.

 

I am too TBF. I think when a lot of people responded by telling me I was freaking out and being too harsh on him that I questioned myself. Why did you go on vacation and leave me to believe I was soft and crazy!!!????

 

Lol, just kidding.

 

I still think that he hasn't met me yet, so it wasn't a rejection- but I question if it's indicative of his character.

 

With this other guy, we chatted for a bit, he asked to meet, we set up a date- then when he knew we'd be crossing paths, he suggested doing something sooner, rather than later (effort). When we met, he immediately said, "You look exactly like your pics", and he did too!

 

He's taken all the initiative, done all the asking- and he's balancing restraint without coming on to strong. I admit it, I like him. I said it outloud;).

[threebyfate]

I am too TBF. I think when a lot of people responded by telling me I was freaking out and being too harsh on him that I questioned myself. Why did you go on vacation and leave me to believe I was soft and crazy!!!????

I'm sowy.

 

*note to self - no more vacations.

 

Lol, just kidding.

I still think that he hasn't met me yet, so it wasn't a rejection- but I question if it's indicative of his character.

 

With this other guy, we chatted for a bit, he asked to meet, we set up a date- then when he knew we'd be crossing paths, he suggested doing something sooner, rather than later (effort). When we met, he immediately said, "You look exactly like your pics", and he did too!

 

He's taken all the initiative, done all the asking- and he's balancing restraint without coming on to strong. I admit it, I like him. I said it outloud;).

I'm liking this second guy, more and more. He's attentive and funny!

 

If you end up with the red-headed guy, get him on LS. There's a few here that need some lessoning on how to treat a woman.

[D-Lish]

Awesome! Isn't it funny how those we would never normally consider our 'type' can turn out to be really attractive to us?

 

I really redheads, btw. So I'm already rooting for him on that alone.

 

I am totally black hair, blue eyes! But the smile won me over Tig! He's short too- but built like a brick truck.

 

I am approaching this as if doesn't matter if this works out or not- I am actually back in the midset of being open to dating. It's been a long time honey!

 

Being open to dating means being open to the fact that someone that intrigues you might not call you ever again. For the first time in a long time I am at least willing to go there.

 

If nothing else, I'm PUTTING myself in a position to get hurt...It's been a while and I'm looking forward to handling it. I'm going to handle it.

[D-Lish]

I'm sowy.

 

*note to self - no more vacations.

 

I'm liking this second guy, more and more. He's attentive and funny!

 

If you end up with the red-headed guy, get him on LS. There's a few here that need some lessoning on how to treat a woman.

 

Apology accepted! lol.

 

Next time you're going away, we need a request form to be signed by all parties....Okay???

[threebyfate]

Apology accepted! lol.

 

Next time you're going away, we need a request form to be signed by all parties....Okay???

Yes Sir! I got the memo!

[D-Lish]

I'm sowy.

 

*note to self - no more vacations.

 

I'm liking this second guy, more and more. He's attentive and funny!

 

If you end up with the red-headed guy, get him on LS. There's a few here that need some lessoning on how to treat a woman.

 

Apology accepted! lol.

 

Next time you're going away, we need a request form to be signed by all parties....Okay???

[SunsetRed]

D-Lish, you're posts have been helpful to me too. You've developed a lot of insight from the painful experiences you've had in your past.

 

With online dating, I freak too over the slightest incongruency. I agree with what you said that with online dating, you never know if you're over reacting to small things or seeing a red flag. For me, if something doesn't feel right, I'm going to assume I'm seeing a red flag. If you're going to date online, you need to put extra effort into not acting crazy, desperate or flakey. So if I meet a guy online and he displays any of those characteristics, my first instinct is to run.

 

I'm still going to be brave and open to meeting men online, but I'm being cautious and I just want to meet in public and not go to each other's houses (which seems to be what men on Plenty of Fish suggest for first dates )

[Jannah]

I am approaching this as if doesn't matter if this works out or not- I am actually back in the midset of being open to dating. It's been a long time honey!

 

Being open to dating means being open to the fact that someone that intrigues you might not call you ever again. For the first time in a long time I am at least willing to go there.

 

If nothing else, I'm PUTTING myself in a position to get hurt...It's been a while and I'm looking forward to handling it. I'm going to handle it.

 

You can't do that.

 

It's just a reschedule for a first date. If you're putting THAT much expectation into the first date, what do you think will follow...

 

It's normal to be a bit miffed by it, given it's a first date, but he handled the reschedule pretty decently and unless it happens a second time, just try to look at it as a conflict in schedules.

 

I hope the date goes well.

[D-Lish]

D-Lish, you're posts have been helpful to me too. You've developed a lot of insight from the painful experiences you've had in your past.

 

With online dating, I freak too over the slightest incongruency. I agree with what you said that with online dating, you never know if you're over reacting to small things or seeing a red flag. For me, if something doesn't feel right, I'm going to assume I'm seeing a red flag. If you're going to date online, you need to put extra effort into not acting crazy, desperate or flakey. So if I meet a guy online and he displays any of those characteristics, my first instinct is to run.

 

I'm still going to be brave and open to meeting men online, but I'm being cautious and I just want to meet in public and not go to each other's houses (which seems to be what men on Plenty of Fish suggest for first dates )

 

Cautious is good. Finding the right balance between cautious and over reacting is difficult.

 

The same rules don't necessarily apply online as in the real world because this online dating phenomenon is relatively new in the grand scheme of courting.

 

 

You can't do that.

 

It's just a reschedule for a first date. If you're putting THAT much expectation into the first date, what do you think will follow...

 

It's normal to be a bit miffed by it, given it's a first date, but he handled the reschedule pretty decently and unless it happens a second time, just try to look at it as a conflict in schedules.

 

I hope the date goes well.

 

We'll see how it goes Wednesday. I am more and more inclined to focus on the other guy, but I am not going to put all my eggs in one basket just yet!

 

Who knew I'd feel such chemistry with a ginger???

[threebyfate]

Saw your posts in the OT thread. I'm excited for you D!