Whatsagirltodo Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Probably a stupid question but it is normal to start blaming yourself for the break up? (well techincally him breaking up with me) I haven't really started to blame myself until like the passed few days. I just keep thinking "Maybe if I wasn't this way or did things this way or acted out then.." You know, those kind of things. There's no way I'm going to say I was perfect the entire relationship because I had/have my flaws which I realize now and plan to work on for the next relationship. but some people have told me to write down a list of things that bothered me about my ex to maybe realize that I'm going to be "better off without him" and stuff.. but I've found it very difficult.. Am I just keeping him on a pedestal? He really didn't mistreat me and the things that I think of that bothered me about him are so minor that I have a hard time using them as reasons. If there was anything I wanted or needed he would buy it for me (and in no way did I ever take advantage of that) he was always there when I was sad or upset, surprised me with flowers ever so often, told me I was beautiful and that he loved me everyday. Of course, I did those kind of things for him as well but I feel like if he left me after 3 years together and starts dating someone else quickly, acting like I never even existed in his life and that he wants nothing to do with me anymore that I must have just been horrible or something.. like he's almost glad to get out of our relationship or something? Our relationship wasn't perfect and near the end we were fighting about really dumb things but I still feel like what we had was real, a deep connection, genuine love and care for eachother.. or so I thought. I'd imagine if that was really the case for him, it wouldn't have been so easy for him to replace and forget about me completely and so quickly. I don't know, I just feel terrible thinking that this is maybe all my fault.. I know there's no going back now and even if it REALLY was my fault, there's probably nothing I can do about it now, but it still sucks. I really did (part of me still does) love and care about him and to be just forgotten so easily makes me feel like I'm a piece of crap.
Trovador Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 No, you are not to blame... sometimes (actually, most times) love is not enough, both are not in the same wavelenght, bad timing, circunstances, bad luck, you name it... and sometimes, love just dies... It helps to think and realize that you ex wasn't the one... it is arguable that there is a "one" but just think of that... he wasn't... And definitely, it helps to think of someone else... you, for example...
Leandro Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 I blamed myself for almost a month, but I realized it wasn't all my fault. She wasn't perfect either. Don't blame yourself. Just focus on yourself and forget him. you deserve better!!
Am4Real Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Probably a stupid question but it is normal to start blaming yourself for the break up? (well techincally him breaking up with me) I don't know, I just feel terrible thinking that this is maybe all my fault.. I know there's no going back now and even if it REALLY was my fault, there's probably nothing I can do about it now, but it still sucks. I really did (part of me still does) love and care about him and to be just forgotten so easily makes me feel like I'm a piece of crap. It’s not likely he has “forgotten about you” or that he doesn’t care. He is trying to deal with the break up and is distracting himself with other persons. Even if the break up is your fault – does it really matter? By the sounds of things the relationship was not working at the end and whether you were giving it more effort or less effort is irrelevant at this time. Perhaps relevant is what you learned with this process and what you can carry into a new relationship in the future. I’m sorry for your pain and your emotional turbulence but blame and “what if” thinking is no longer beneficial and should be discarded. Pick yourself up and keep busy…these thoughts will begin to diminish in good time with an active lifestyle. Best wishes.
Capthxc Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 (edited) I still blame myself. Hell, it was my fault. She was all about me until i kept pushing her away without even realizing it. It's not about putting the blame on someone else, its about forgiving yourself and learning from your mistakes. Move on, we all screw up. What matters in the end is whether or not we actually learned from our mistakes or if we are doomed to repeat them. My ex told me i have shown her time and time again that history repeats itself. I'll be damned if i'm going to let her actually believe that. And about the forgotten about you part. I know where you're coming from. It feels like one day they are telling you that they love you, and then the next its like you dont exist. My ex is the most stubborn person on the planet. She wont let anyone know shes hurting. We went from talking every day, every waking moment of the day at that to absolute silence. That's how i know shes still hurting. Trust me, they dont forget, just some people have different ways of coping with their pain than others. If he was the dumper then he might have already gone through these stages prior to the break up, he just didnt wear his emotions on his sleeve. Edited October 12, 2010 by Capthxc
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