Contacted OW today

[Plastikk]

I hopped on my wifes phone this morning and found that she was exchanging emails with her OM. I decided that it was time that the OW find out and if they weren't going to tell her I was. I didn't want the other guy to come out smelling like roses waiting on my divorce to go through and then begin his own so, I threw some **** in his face. He ain't coming out smelling like roses anymore I guarantee.

 

I sent an email to her workplace and we started having a conversation about what was going on. She said that he has told her on multiple occasions that there was a strict NC and he was following it and she believed him. She didn't believe me at first but, I forwarded her the emails and that all changed. She thanked me and told me a little information about them. She was truly trying to work on her marriage with her husband. They were attending counselling and trying to make things work. She stated that his father had done this to his mother a short time ago and he said he never wanted to be that guy. It destroyed his mother I guess.

 

I am here to today to say it LOUD and CLEAR. You are that guy buddy! Have a great life being exactly what you didn't want to be. I am sure your daddy is proud of you!

 

I know that I have probably forced the hand so that my wife and the OM will end up together. It is what I want, if she is willing to throw all I offer away for someone she has known for 2 months I will let her. I can't wait until they get together and reality smacks them so hard in the face that their whole world comes crumbling down.

 

Thank you all for listening I just wanted to vent a little and share my story.

[Owl]

I wouldn't sweat over whether or not this action drives her to OM. That's often not the case. Once the full truth comes out, and they're not able to keep up the lies...one or the other will gravitate back to their spouse, and the other will follow suit shortly after.

 

Wait and see what happens from here.

 

Personally, I totally believe that you did the right thing!

[YellowShark]

In my case I told the BS about her husbands affair with my EX face to face since I caught them together red-handed. She went home after our meeting and I've never heard from her again. But I did hear from mutual friends that she and her husband claim "nothing happened." My EX also claims "nothing happened."

 

Funny how that can be since I caught my EX and her husband red-handed in-the-act! Sadly all three have gaslit the social group into believing "I made it all up."

 

Yup, that's what I did one night, rolleyes... I guess I was bored and decided to frame the woman I loved dearly for 7 years and her husband - a former good friend. Amazing how the BS has fallen for the entirely bogus " nothing happened" story.

[stuckinoz]

I hopped on my wifes phone this morning and found that she was exchanging emails with her OM. I decided that it was time that the OW find out and if they weren't going to tell her I was. I didn't want the other guy to come out smelling like roses waiting on my divorce to go through and then begin his own so, I threw some **** in his face. He ain't coming out smelling like roses anymore I guarantee.

 

I know that I have probably forced the hand so that my wife and the OM will end up together. It is what I want, if she is willing to throw all I offer away for someone she has known for 2 months I will let her. I can't wait until they get together and reality smacks them so hard in the face that their whole world comes crumbling down.

 

Thank you all for listening I just wanted to vent a little and share my story.

 

Two points/Question -

1) People who take information to the other spouse out of spite, I'll never understand that. You're doing it for revenge. You want his marriage to fall apart too. I sort of get that, but why does it have to fall apart at your hand? You don't think he can hang himself??

 

2) Why do you care if they end up together? You say here you're getting a divorce.

Which leads me back to #1. Why do you care that she knows since you & your wife aren't working things out anyway? Misery Loves Company?

Just curious.

[Confused4Now]

Two points/Question -

1) People who take information to the other spouse out of spite, I'll never understand that. You're doing it for revenge. You want his marriage to fall apart too. I sort of get that, but why does it have to fall apart at your hand? You don't think he can hang himself??

 

2) Why do you care if they end up together? You say here you're getting a divorce.

Which leads me back to #1. Why do you care that she knows since you & your wife aren't working things out anyway? Misery Loves Company?

Just curious.

I will have to agree with this..just walk away. All this does is bring on more drama. I tried to do the right thing and be honest with my spouse and it created more drama. If I were to do it all again. I would just walk away. Revenge is not a pretty thing.

[Plastikk]

Two points/Question -

1) People who take information to the other spouse out of spite, I'll never understand that. You're doing it for revenge. You want his marriage to fall apart too. I sort of get that, but why does it have to fall apart at your hand? You don't think he can hang himself??

 

2) Why do you care if they end up together? You say here you're getting a divorce.

Which leads me back to #1. Why do you care that she knows since you & your wife aren't working things out anyway? Misery Loves Company?

Just curious.

 

 

1) Were my actions out of spite a little, but the way I am looking at it is I am helping the OW know what type of H she has. It was already on the rocks when these same 2 individuals did this 2 months ago. The OW was working on her marriage with this guy. She needed to know that he was just stringing her along until my divorce was over. Instead of allowing him to pull the rug out from under her, I helped her pull it from him.

 

2)If this guy is who makes my W happy, I want them to be together. All I have ever wanted was for her to be happy. I would like for them to not hurt anyone in the process but, what is done is done. Let them play the game together. 2 cheaters one house should be a funny sitcom to watch.

[stuckinoz]

If this guy is who makes my W happy, I want them to be together. All I have ever wanted was for her to be happy. I would like for them to not hurt anyone in the process but, what is done is done. Let them play the game together. 2 cheaters one house should be a funny sitcom to watch.

 

My personal opinion is to not stick MY nose into someone elses marriage. I figure what's done is done & if he decides he's going to still lie - well that's Nun-A-My Beezwax. Creating MORE drama after the fact seems useless & a waste of energy.

 

The scenarios of AP's getting together & actually making a go of it isn't really that far fetched. I know of 2 specifically.

1 my father in law. Affair 20++ years ago. Left my MIL for the other woman (who was a friend of the family) They are & have been estatically happy ever since.

The other scenario is MY AP. His wife left him for her other man & I just found out she married the dude! (I couldn't stop laughing) but they've been together for all this time (probably 4 or more years) so there's something to be said about that too.

 

If you & your wife have kids & she leaves to be with this guy (or anyone else) don'tcha think the two (3 or you) should get along for the sake of your little people?

 

I'm curious too - do you think you'll hear back from his wife after she's ripped him a new one (if she chooses to do that)

My guess would be that they'll chat, she'll forgive & they live happily ever after.

[woinlove]

My personal opinion is to not stick MY nose into someone elses marriage. I figure what's done is done & if he decides he's going to still lie - well that's Nun-A-My Beezwax. Creating MORE drama after the fact seems useless & a waste of energy.

 

The wife thanked Plastikk and shared her own info with him, so obviously he did the right thing. Most spouses want to know the truth and some even resent the other BS if they learn they knew for a while and said nothing. Some people don't like to get involved, but for those who can empathize with the other BS and let them know the truth, the other person usually is thankful whether they end up reconciling or not. Also, in the case of divorce, it can make a difference in the terms.

[Plastikk]

If you & your wife have kids & she leaves to be with this guy (or anyone else) don'tcha think the two (3 or you) should get along for the sake of your little people?

 

I'm curious too - do you think you'll hear back from his wife after she's ripped him a new one (if she chooses to do that)

My guess would be that they'll chat, she'll forgive & they live happily ever after.

 

I will get along with my ex just for our child. I will not get along with the OM. I refuse to have any type of relationship with the OM. If my daughter does that will be her choice.

 

I haven't heard back from the OW yet, but I think her facebook status says it all today: "Its over... Its a bad day". I know that when we talked on the phone she was obviously upset by the information so I am guessing that its just not going to work out with them. If they do work things out that is between them. I did the right thing and let her know the information, what she does with that information is up to her.

[eeyore1981]

1) Were my actions out of spite a little, but the way I am looking at it is I am helping the OW know what type of H she has. It was already on the rocks when these same 2 individuals did this 2 months ago. The OW was working on her marriage with this guy. She needed to know that he was just stringing her along until my divorce was over. Instead of allowing him to pull the rug out from under her, I helped her pull it from him.

 

2)If this guy is who makes my W happy, I want them to be together. All I have ever wanted was for her to be happy. I would like for them to not hurt anyone in the process but, what is done is done. Let them play the game together. 2 cheaters one house should be a funny sitcom to watch.

 

Hey, Plaskikk, I'm with you on this.

 

You were with this person for 7 years, and you were betrayed. I think question #1 should have been, "Why would you not care?" When a person is cheated on, it can be extremely devastating. To expect someone to just turn off all the feelings involved like flipping a switch is IMO extremely unrealistic.

 

As for it not being your business about your W's OM's marriage, oh, please. I have heard excuse after excuse of how OP's didn't take vows with their AP's spouse, so what's good for them is good for the BS. If a person is willing to make themselves a third party to someone's marriage behind their back, they have a lot of nerve expecting their own marriage to be held sancrosect.

[Spark1111]

Hey, Plaskikk, I'm with you on this.

 

You were with this person for 7 years, and you were betrayed. I think question #1 should have been, "Why would you not care?" When a person is cheated on, it can be extremely devastating. To expect someone to just turn off all the feelings involved like flipping a switch is IMO extremely unrealistic.

 

As for it not being your business about your W's OM's marriage, oh, please. I have heard excuse after excuse of how OP's didn't take vows with their AP's spouse, so what's good for them is good for the BS. If a person is willing to make themselves a third party to someone's marriage behind their back, they have a lot of nerve expecting their own marriage to be held sancrosect.

 

Eeyore tells it true, IMO.

 

Plastikk, I woulda been ecstatic is someone, anyone, would have had the courage to tell me the truth of my sitch!

 

So, hats off to you. I do not care what your motivations could have been!

 

I would have been hurt, then devastated, then enlightened.

 

For those of us who did not know and discovered it on our own accidentally, the humiliation is great. Especially when so many suspected an illicit affair and did not have the courage to tell us, the BS, so we too could have made informed choices with our future!

 

Reconcile or divorce, but at least we are all on the same page in the process ONCE someone has the courage to inform us of the truth.

[misternoname]

Two points/Question -

1) People who take information to the other spouse out of spite, I'll never understand that. You're doing it for revenge. You want his marriage to fall apart too. I sort of get that, but why does it have to fall apart at your hand? You don't think he can hang himself??

 

2) Why do you care if they end up together? You say here you're getting a divorce.

Which leads me back to #1. Why do you care that she knows since you & your wife aren't working things out anyway? Misery Loves Company?

Just curious.

 

I humbly disagree. In my case I busted my wife and "friend." I told the OW for a couple of reasons. First, because she was my friend as well I felt I had an obligation to let her know that her husband was playing her for a fool. Had she discovered the affair I definitely would expect her to inform me. Secondly, his actions were putting her health at risk. My wife wasn't the only one he was screwing around with.

 

I have no regrets. Ironically, they stayed together while I divorced. I no longer have contact with her but I heard thru the grapevine that she took him back because "he makes a lot of money and is a good father but I don't love him anymore." Pretty pathetic if you ask me!

[YellowShark]

In my case I busted my wife and "friend." I told the OW for a couple of reasons. First, because she was my friend as well I felt I had an obligation to let her know that her husband was playing her for a fool. Had she discovered the affair I definitely would expect her to inform me. Secondly, his actions were putting her health at risk.

 

Exactly what happened to me. I busted my EX and my so-called "friend" too, red-handed. I told his wife because she was also my good friend. She was also pregnant. So her physical, mental, and financial well-being was being toyed with by her husband and my EX.

 

I felt an obligation to let her know that these two people were involved in an affair during her pregnancy.

 

Ironically, they stayed together while I divorced. I no longer have contact with her but I heard thru the grapevine that she took him back because "he makes a lot of money and is a good father but I don't love him anymore." Pretty pathetic if you ask me!

 

Once again same here. They have stayed together while I've split up with my EX. I have not heard from pregnant wife since the day I exposed the affair to her in May 2010.

Edited October 12, 2010 by YellowShark
reticulating splines

[Untouchable_Fire]

Two points/Question -

1) People who take information to the other spouse out of spite, I'll never understand that. You're doing it for revenge. You want his marriage to fall apart too. I sort of get that, but why does it have to fall apart at your hand? You don't think he can hang himself??

2) Why do you care if they end up together? You say here you're getting a divorce.

Which leads me back to #1. Why do you care that she knows since you & your wife aren't working things out anyway? Misery Loves Company?

Just curious.

 

If you can't understand that action... it's probably because you are unable to empathize. I think that's your shortcoming not his.

 

I will have to agree with this..just walk away. All this does is bring on more drama. I tried to do the right thing and be honest with my spouse and it created more drama. If I were to do it all again. I would just walk away. Revenge is not a pretty thing.

 

Forced honesty is not bad. It might seem like revenge, but honesty is always the correct path.

 

My personal opinion is to not stick MY nose into someone elses marriage. I figure what's done is done & if he decides he's going to still lie - well that's Nun-A-My Beezwax. Creating MORE drama after the fact seems useless & a waste of energy.

The scenarios of AP's getting together & actually making a go of it isn't really that far fetched. I know of 2 specifically.

1 my father in law. Affair 20++ years ago. Left my MIL for the other woman (who was a friend of the family) They are & have been estatically happy ever since.

The other scenario is MY AP. His wife left him for her other man & I just found out she married the dude! (I couldn't stop laughing) but they've been together for all this time (probably 4 or more years) so there's something to be said about that too.

If you & your wife have kids & she leaves to be with this guy (or anyone else) don'tcha think the two (3 or you) should get along for the sake of your little people?

I'm curious too - do you think you'll hear back from his wife after she's ripped him a new one (if she chooses to do that)

My guess would be that they'll chat, she'll forgive & they live happily ever after.

 

Whether or not it works is of no consequence.

 

Also... it is not required that he like or get along with a new man. So long as he does not involve the children in that. Also, he should not display open hostility.

[painfullyobvious]

Two points/Question -

1) People who take information to the other spouse out of spite, I'll never understand that. You're doing it for revenge. You want his marriage to fall apart too. I sort of get that, but why does it have to fall apart at your hand? You don't think he can hang himself??

 

2) Why do you care if they end up together? You say here you're getting a divorce.

Which leads me back to #1. Why do you care that she knows since you & your wife aren't working things out anyway? Misery Loves Company?

Just curious.

 

I also agree but when a person is hurting it is difficult to go after the person who hurt us the most (spouse) so we enact our feelings on the other person in the triangle whom we have no real emotional connection to. It feels good that we are hurting them in some manner but after a while you still have a partner/spouse who cheated on you where the real problem is.

[Plastikk]

It feels good that we are hurting them in some manner but after a while you still have a partner/spouse who cheated on you where the real problem is.

 

I don't feel that I hurt the OW in anyway. I was not the one taking her man. I felt the right thing to do was to let her know that she was being lied to. They were spending a lot of money on counseling. He obviously wasn't in it, well maybe physically. I am a person that will not stand by and watch someone else get hurt whether or not I have an "emotional attachment" to that person. I guess I am just one of those good guys that always finish last, but feel I did the right thing in the end.

 

Trust me my wife didn't get off easy either. We have had a lot of serious communication here recently.

 

Ohh BTW, I found out new news last night. They (My wife and her OM) took the day off of work and went apartment shopping together. I can't believe she is planning on putting my daughter in that environment.

[karnak]

 

I have no regrets. Ironically, they stayed together while I divorced. I no longer have contact with her but I heard thru the grapevine that she took him back because "he makes a lot of money and is a good father but I don't love him anymore." Pretty pathetic if you ask me!

 

That only means she's nothing but a whore. They deserve each other then.

[martini-mae]

I've been following this thread because I know of someone that's been in a similar situation - Here's my 2 cents worth & a few questions.

Ohh BTW, I found out new news last night. They (My wife and her OM) took the day off of work and went apartment shopping together.

 

Didn't I read in your first post that you're getting a divorce?

If you are, should it really matter to you that she's looking for a new place to live? Most divorced couples don't reside in the same home.

Also, if you're getting a divorce, why are you wasting your precious energy on monitoring her every move? Shouldn't you be focusing on you? Doesn't that seem pointless IF a divorce is in the process to spend so much time on her activities of the day?

 

We have had a lot of serious communication here recently

Are you trying to stay together thru this?

 

Seems to me that she's already checked out of the marriage.

 

I can't believe she is planning on putting my daughter in that environment.[/

What environment? Is this man a drug addict, murderer, alcoholic?

Are you positive he's leaving his wife to reside in the apartment with your wife? (soon to be ex wife?)

 

With all of that said & the questions asked. If they are really shopping for an apartment together, & you're positive that they're in counseling trying to save their marriage then you did the right thing to tell his wife.

[Plastikk]

I've been following this thread because I know of someone that's been in a similar situation - Here's my 2 cents worth & a few questions.

 

 

Didn't I read in your first post that you're getting a divorce?

 

 

Are you trying to stay together thru this?

 

 

 

What environment? Is this man a drug addict, murderer, alcoholic?

Are you positive he's leaving his wife to reside in the apartment with your wife? (soon to be ex wife?)

 

With all of that said & the questions asked. If they are really shopping for an apartment together, & you're positive that they're in counseling trying to save their marriage then you did the right thing to tell his wife.

 

 

Yes, I am getting a dissolution. We just finished filling out the paperwork last night. I am not monitoring her every move. That is just what she told me last night. I told her I wanted her out of the house as soon as possible and she stated that she took the day off to look for apartments with the OM. I didn't ask she provided that information, I am guessing to try and hurt me (which it did a little).

 

I am definately not trying to stay together through this. I want it to be as nice as possible of a process. We are doing a dissolution at this point and I am trying to keep it that way so it doesn't go to a divorce.

 

As far as the envrionment goes, she is going to be subject to anything and everything that goes on in that apartment and they met 3 months ago. My W doesn't know him, she may think she does but you don't know someone until you have lived with them for awhile. That being said I don't know this guy either, nor do I want to know him. Its not fair to my daughter for her to have to go through that. I realize that it is something that I can not control but, it doesn't mean I have to agree with it.

 

The OW told me that they were in counseling trying to make their marriage work. I didn't just make that up. I had heard through the grapevine that they were but, she just confirmed it. Once again, I didn't ask for that information it was just provided.

[DazednConfused]

While my teen daughter and I had our suspicions about my ex wife stump-jumping w/ this asshat from work, I hadn't taken the correct steps to find out definitively. Denial anyone?

 

Until the day OM's wife called me... I am forever grateful for that call... she gave me what I didn't have the sack to go and get... the truth.

 

To this day, I dunno if she and asshat are still together... of course that was their personal decision to make; as my ex wife and I had ours...

 

-Dazed

[Plastikk]

While my teen daughter and I had our suspicions about my ex wife stump-jumping w/ this asshat from work, I hadn't taken the correct steps to find out definitively. Denial anyone?

 

Until the day OM's wife called me... I am forever grateful for that call... she gave me what I didn't have the sack to go and get... the truth.

 

To this day, I dunno if she and asshat are still together... of course that was their personal decision to make; as my ex wife and I had ours...

 

-Dazed

 

 

Glad to see that there are others out that that appreciated that call. It just solidifies the fact that I did the right thing.

[Mimolicious]

I also think you did the right thing. What really raises a red flag is the fact that this dude is a mere stranger, to be under the same roof as your daughter. Kind of premature, don't you think?!

 

A friend of mine, his "lovely" xW did something similar. Well, few months after moving in with her OM... 5pm news! Her new BF got pissed off at her 18month old, (who was crying because she was hungry) threw her in the tub unto scorching hot water and put rubbing alcohol all over the poor baby. Some women just don't care who they bring around their children, such a shame.

[ladydesigner]

I also think you did the right thing. What really raises a red flag is the fact that this dude is a mere stranger, to be under the same roof as your daughter. Kind of premature, don't you think?!

 

A friend of mine, his "lovely" xW did something similar. Well, few months after moving in with her OM... 5pm news! Her new BF got pissed off at her 18month old, (who was crying because she was hungry) threw her in the tub unto scorching hot water and put rubbing alcohol all over the poor baby. Some women just don't care who they bring around their children, such a shame.

 

Yes this would be my concern as well. Why the big rush to move in with each other? This guy could be a child molester:sick: She certainly is not thinking of the daughter's safety and being a mother myself I would not even contemplate having a new man around any of my children like that. Affair or not she needs to be a mother first.