isdn00789 Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Without a lot of backstory: - I'm 21 years old and I've all but graduated from college (I actually have all the credits I need, I'm just taking a few classes I wanted to take). - I'm told I'm quite good looking (sometimes I see that, other times I don't... it comes and goes) - I own a nice car (meaning it is paid for), I have good job (>$20/hour with benefits), I have my own place, and I have a around $23,000 saved. Generally speaking, I'm successful at whatever I try, and there is no good reason for me to be as socially inhibited and generally unconfident as I am. I mention these things because, although I manage to achieve a lot of things, one of the things I just cannot do is strike up a conversation with a girl. I know it is as simple as asking, "What's your name?," but I've only successfully done that one time. It is safe to say that 99.99% of the time my mouth just will not open. In the past, girls have either pursued me, or I've contacted them online after seeing them in class (which has only worked one time). I realize the online thing is not such a good idea, and I've stopped doing that (but that doesn't stop the desire to try it again). What brings this up? You guessed it... There is a girl I want to talk to. Tonight, I walked right next her for a good 3-4 minutes as we both headed to our cars. The entire time I was trying to force those words out of my mouth. It was the perfect opportunity, but I couldn't take advantage. This class, unfortunately, only meets once a week so the wait between chances is long. I'm posting here for advice on ways to force myself to do this. I'm not afraid of anything that I can put into words. If she just isn't interested, I'm fine with that, but for some reason I just can't speak up. Please understand I'm not looking for anything like, "Just do it." I need some way of motivating myself. I need some way to force myself into doing it. Finally: Not surprisingly, we were both driving away at the same time. I ended up directly behind her, and I noticed a light is out on the back of her car (it was last week as well). I feel like I could more easily start a conversation with her if I just said something like "Hey, last week after class I noticed that you have a tail light out on your car." From there I feel like I could introduce myself. Of course, I'd also offer to help her fix her light (unless she blew me off completely). The only thing I worry about is that it might seem creepy that I paid enough attention to know I was behind her and not someone else. I'm hoping I'm wrong about that, because I really think I could pursue this option... What do you guys think? Is this a good option, or a bad idea? Thanks in advance for any feedback.
Green_eyes Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 I am not sure if this will help, but look at it this way. What's the worst that can happen if you talk to her? I hardly think she is going to ignore you because generally people aren't that rude. If she does ignore you, then she isn't worth it anyway. I don't think it is creepy that you noticed she was behind you. You might just have noticed what sort of car she was driving, rather than the fact that she was driving it. Plus, it is the sort of thing that any friend would do. I'd say go for it, you don't have a lot to loose!
cloverdale Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 My problem is that I almost never meet any woman I really care to get to know so when I do meet one I am usually unprepared. But seriously, it is awkward to just go up to someone you don't know and ask their name. It's probably best to probe them for like interests and such BEFORE you just ask their name out of the blue. That way it feels natural because you are more at ease in knowing something about them. Another benefit of this is it puts you in a position of authority since you are then one asking the questions and eventually deciding if THEY are worth pursuing. So you aren't just walking up to them and wagging your tail and waiting to be petted. One more plus of this is that it takes away pressure of feeling attraction to someone simply because of their looks. There was this woman I thought I was so attracted to and all I did was ask her a few questions and realized that I really didn't care so much anymore... so I didn't even need to ask her out or even ask her name. Perhaps I will ask her name now just for the hell of it though. It's amazing how confident you can be when you get past the whole "oh she's so beautiful" stage.
Feelin Frisky Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Well, now you have an in to address her--the car light thing. If you don't know her name you can say excuse me, I'm sorry but I don't know your name (see if she gives it but quickly proceed if she doesn't to tell her why you are addressing her). How she responds should tell you what's appropriate. Does she move the ball or just respond to your minimal utility? Accosting her, saying "what's your name?" might make for a clumsy encounter.
Awesome Username Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 My problem is that I almost never meet any woman I really care to get to know so when I do meet one I am usually unprepared. But seriously, it is awkward to just go up to someone you don't know and ask their name. It's probably best to probe them for like interests and such BEFORE you just ask their name out of the blue. That way it feels natural because you are more at ease in knowing something about them. Another benefit of this is it puts you in a position of authority since you are then one asking the questions and eventually deciding if THEY are worth pursuing. So you aren't just walking up to them and wagging your tail and waiting to be petted. One more plus of this is that it takes away pressure of feeling attraction to someone simply because of their looks. There was this woman I thought I was so attracted to and all I did was ask her a few questions and realized that I really didn't care so much anymore... so I didn't even need to ask her out or even ask her name. Perhaps I will ask her name now just for the hell of it though. It's amazing how confident you can be when you get past the whole "oh she's so beautiful" stage. I agree that "Hello, What's your name?" is really awkward. Bring up an interesting subject or something that's relevant. If she responds, than ask her for her name. If she blows you off, she's not a good conversationalist anyway or isn't interested. But a "What's your name?" would creep me out without any other opening line before it. It comes off as an almost aggressive degree of entitlement to a stranger, especially in cities.
Tayla Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 As a Lady I often admire the "Please allow me to introduce myself" (Mick Jagger sang it better though) . Its cordial and stays within a mannerly inquisitiveness for someone to get to know a person. Rather welcoming in a world where Yo Babe! just brings a wee bit of uneasiness....
Author isdn00789 Posted October 13, 2010 Author Posted October 13, 2010 Thanks, everyone, for the replies. I don't have time to write a very thorough response right now, but I appreciate everyone's input. Just to clarify, when I said "just say 'What's your name?'" I guess I didn't really state exactly what I meant. I would never feel comfortable saying exactly that, so I guess, in a sense, I need ideas of some fairly generic (but obviously not completely generic) ways to start a conversation which will result in a reason for me to ask her name, or just a response that may include it. Of course, I have a fairly good way to talk to this girl now, but some ideas for the future would be good. =) Since at least two people have more or less said it would be ok to use the tail light thing as a way to start a conversation with this girl, I'm probably going to try that approach. I'll create a better response later, but for now it is off to bed for me... I have to be up early in the morning. I hate mornings! =(
harkkam Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 In class you can stand next to her and turn around and say "hi, how is this class working out for you?" her "......" you: "Does the professor put you to sleep, or you're hanging on the edge of your seat" her"...lol...." you: "Lets sit together It might help me from falling asleep" talk some more then as your leaving ask her "hey which way are you headed, i park my car in the lot" (you know she does but you gotta make it look like you didnt notice) she will say "parking lot" and then you just keep talking... Near her car you can say "hey you know i think last week I think I saw you behind me, your tail light might be out" "I dont want you to get a ticket, turn it on and ill check" her "......." you "Yup its gone, tell you what let me take you out to dinner and I might just fix that for you for free" her "...." you "great give me your number" her "....." you "okay im putting you under lady with broken tail light" Smile and say "Anyway I gotta get going, take care" Drive away. I just wish I had the balls to do this though
Awesome Username Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 In class you can stand next to her and turn around and say "hi, how is this class working out for you?" her "......" you: "Does the professor put you to sleep, or you're hanging on the edge of your seat" her"...lol...." you: "Lets sit together It might help me from falling asleep" talk some more then as your leaving ask her "hey which way are you headed, i park my car in the lot" (you know she does but you gotta make it look like you didnt notice) she will say "parking lot" and then you just keep talking... Near her car you can say "hey you know i think last week I think I saw you behind me, your tail light might be out" "I dont want you to get a ticket, turn it on and ill check" her "......." you "Yup its gone, tell you what let me take you out to dinner and I might just fix that for you for free" her "...." you "great give me your number" her "....." you "okay im putting you under lady with broken tail light" Smile and say "Anyway I gotta get going, take care" Drive away. I just wish I had the balls to do this though Try it!!! You got mad game, son! I'd probably fall for it!
Author isdn00789 Posted October 19, 2010 Author Posted October 19, 2010 I'm definitely going to find a way to talk to her. I was going to do it this last Monday, but she wasn't in class! Now I have to wait another week! lol Oh well. I can never get to class on time because I get off work at 5:00 and class is at 5:30. If I didn't have to eat, I'd be able to make it on time, but I'd be REALLY hungry otherwise (the class is 3 hours long). At any rate, I'm always about 5 minutes late, so I probably won't be able to catch her before class. That said, we do get a break sometimes, so maybe then. Regardless, I could probably start a similar conversation after class on the way down the steps out of the building/toward the parking lot. I'm determined to talk to her. It will happen.
harkkam Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 Try it!!! You got mad game, son! I'd probably fall for it! Lol really?
onthegrind Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 (edited) Yea tell her you noticed her tail light was out. And then tell her that you noticed she forgot to lock her front door. And then tell her that she might not want to sleep on her back, as it causes her to snore. And then tell her that she should get better health insurance because you noticed she was type 0 negative and would have a hard time getting a good blood donor if anything should... happen. I know it's easier said than done, but you really have to come across as natural. Just take a seat next to her and say hi when you sit down. The poster above me said it best with that long conversation. But don't act like you've been thinking about her tail light for the last week. She probably noticed it a long time ago and it's just going to sound odd. The more you think these things through, the more forced they sound. After all, she might have a boyfriend, husband, be a lesbian, etc etc etc. Don't get all wrapped into any one girl you don't know. Most approaches end in some form of rejection or another, the only difference between those who seem to always have girls and those who are lonely is the ability to get over all those rejections. It's just like sales. Edited October 23, 2010 by onthegrind
Author isdn00789 Posted November 2, 2010 Author Posted November 2, 2010 Yea tell her you noticed her tail light was out. And then tell her that you noticed she forgot to lock her front door. And then tell her that she might not want to sleep on her back, as it causes her to snore. And then tell her that she should get better health insurance because you noticed she was type 0 negative and would have a hard time getting a good blood donor if anything should... happen. Well, it's not like I was just going to walk up to her and say "Hey, your tail light is out on your car," but I get your point. Unfortunately taking a seat next to her and saying hi isn't really much of an option because I'm always a few minutes late since I don't have quite enough time to get from my job to class. By the time I get there, most seats are full and class has started so I just need to take the closest seat to avoid interrupting the class. At any rate, I haven't even had a chance to try to talk to her in the past 3 weeks because she either hasn't been in class or class has been cancelled. Also, I'm not really afraid of being rejected, I just don't want to end up looking like a creep or interrupting at an undesirable time and seeming rude.
Cosine Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 In class you can stand next to her and turn around and say "hi, how is this class working out for you?" her "......" you: "Does the professor put you to sleep, or you're hanging on the edge of your seat" her"...lol...." you: "Lets sit together It might help me from falling asleep" talk some more then as your leaving ask her "hey which way are you headed, i park my car in the lot" (you know she does but you gotta make it look like you didnt notice) she will say "parking lot" and then you just keep talking... Near her car you can say "hey you know i think last week I think I saw you behind me, your tail light might be out" "I dont want you to get a ticket, turn it on and ill check" her "......." you "Yup its gone, tell you what let me take you out to dinner and I might just fix that for you for free" her "...." you "great give me your number" her "....." you "okay im putting you under lady with broken tail light" Smile and say "Anyway I gotta get going, take care" Drive away. I just wish I had the balls to do this though this is priceless, honestly this will work 100 percent of the time, just don't studder and be confident man. confidences will nail this for u
shayan Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 fellas fellas women are not that hard to talk to. You need to swallow that initial feeling of anxiety and move forward with it. And it's not nessecary to rehearse what you're going to say, you just ask her something and then find an interesting edge on it. You my friend are overthinking things and that just a conversation, and confidence killer right there. You have to practice my friend just talk to them stop being a pussy.
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