Petty Thief

[Vesna]

I have recently befriended an older woman and she was quite generous (materially) with me from the first day she visited my home. She gave me a rather expensive water filter the other day, telling me she bought three of them. That was suspicious.

 

I have now discovered a very pricey cosmetic item missing from my bathroom. The only person who has been in my home was this woman and I am 99 percent sure she took it. I am thinking about tapering this friendship off or confronting her about it. I have thought about setting her up as well.

 

Any thoughts on this would be appreciated.

[hellhathnofury]

Tricky....

My first thought would be to simply confront her, gently but firmly.

I would tell her outright that you used the item not long before she came round, and you wanted to check something on the label (to order it on-line maybe?) after she left - and it had gone.

There is no other explanation for it.

(I know it's not strictly true.... but bear with me.....)

 

Before she can protest indignantly, tell her that you are very sympathetic, and you understand that kleptomania is a real and very legitimate condition, and is usually an indication of low self-esteem, loneliness, and depression.

Is there anything she would like to tell you, or feel she would like to share?

You would like to help her, here, if she has a problem....

if this woman was an habitual and professional thief, you'd never be able to pinpoint the sudden absence of stuff like this.

Practised thieves are very good at hiding their tracks. The fact that she gave you something she may well have stolen, is an attempt to cement your friendship - and to buy it.

This woman may need exposing - but my guess is that she might also need help.

 

of course, if she flatly turns you down, then walk away and divorce yourself from her presence.

 

Sometimes people like this get themselves to such a depth, that they begin to believe in their own innocence, even when they know you're spot-on....

[Vesna]

Thanks for the advice. It has made me think that if she is lonely, depressed and lacking in self-esteem, then why would she inadvertantly implicate herself?

 

I mentioned it to a friend at work and without mentioning names, she asked "could it have been *****?" I forgot that she has been visiting my home as well (and uses the bathroom A LOT).

 

I suspect it was this woman and not the one I implicated.

 

Confrontation is difficult for me as it is for many people. I have decided to send a text telling her that due to the dishonesty of others, nobody is welcome here until the culprit speaks up and/or replaces my fragrance.

[hellhathnofury]

Well I wouldn't even do that.

I'd just be more vigilant, and maybe "lay a trap"....

Buy something pretty small, cool and desirable.... not too expensive. But lay the bait and be watchful, until you know without a shadow of a doubt, who the culprit is...

 

It's hard when somebody betrays your trust, and you don't know who to trust any more. It breaks something inside you, and makes you resentful.

 

I still think in many cases, some people are crying out for help when they do things like this.

But let's face it. Some folks is just dishonest......

 

I hope you resolve this. It's a shame that you have to compromise your behaviour because of someone else.

[Vesna]

I was silly enough to send a text to this woman. In the text I said "Nobody is welcome to my home until the person who stole my fragrance spills their guts." No answer. Two hours later I sent "Oops my mistake! I've found it and I am deeply sorry." (I know, pathetic mind games).:laugh:

 

I haven't heard from her since.

 

I have now locked up all addictive medication and moved my bathroom effects to the bedroom and locked the door. I now carry a key around my neck. This is a bit inconvenient but it has to be done.

 

From now on I will lay some bait such as a 20 dollar note in easy reach to determine who is trustworthy. It's only money. Trust is priceless.