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Forum Ettiquette?

lizzibeth

By lizzibeth
in The Other Man / Woman

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jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

Posted
Posted
Definition of "many"...............

 

consisting of or amounting to a large but indefinite number

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/many

 

So when we refer to "many," I think many of us simply a large but not exact number. And I use it meaning a large but indefinite percentage of the people posting here.

 

Just for clarity.

 

Thanks. Seems to be needed. :o

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lizzibeth Member

lizzibeth

Posted
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This thread is exactly what I’m talking about though.

 

Maybe I’m being a bit polly ana about the whole thing but surely on a forum such as this, where we are giving people advice on real life issues, we can set aside our personal agendas and help other people? Being honest and providing constructive feedback, without being confrontational and snippy?

 

As a newb, it’s kinda gross to me that this thread has turned into a BS vs. OW.

 

I’m NOT taking sides. But let’s call a spade a spade. A MM has NOTHING to be proud of in his actions. An OW has NOTHING to be proud of in her actions. A BS, while they are an unwilling participant in an A, they certainly don’t want to brag about being a BS. It ALL SUCKS.

 

I’m really bothered by the one ‘uppance’ going on in this thread. It demonstrates exactly what my original perception was.

 

I think I'm going to stick to the LDR forum.

desertIslandCactus Established Member

desertIslandCactus

Posted
Posted
This thread is exactly what I’m talking about though.

 

Maybe I’m being a bit polly ana about the whole thing but surely on a forum such as this, where we are giving people advice on real life issues, we can set aside our personal agendas and help other people? Being honest and providing constructive feedback, without being confrontational and snippy?

 

As a newb, it’s kinda gross to me that this thread has turned into a BS vs. OW.

 

I’m NOT taking sides. But let’s call a spade a spade. A MM has NOTHING to be proud of in his actions. An OW has NOTHING to be proud of in her actions. A BS, while they are an unwilling participant in an A, they certainly don’t want to brag about being a BS. It ALL SUCKS.

 

I’m really bothered by the one ‘uppance’ going on in this thread. It demonstrates exactly what my original perception was.

 

I think I'm going to stick to the LDR forum.

 

Lizzi,

 

In all due respect this thread: Forum Etiquette was posted In the OM/OW forum .. (The lion's den) .. :D

 

Perhaps it would have been more bland if put in the LS Questions Forum .. :)

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lizzibeth Member

lizzibeth

Posted
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Posted
Lizzi,

 

In all due respect this thread: Forum Etiquette was posted In the OM/OW forum .. (The lion's den) .. :D

 

Perhaps it would have been more bland if put in the LS Questions Forum .. :)

THATS where I posted it!

Tony moved it LOL

woinlove Established Member

woinlove

Posted
Posted
This thread is exactly what I’m talking about though.

 

Maybe I’m being a bit polly ana about the whole thing but surely on a forum such as this, where we are giving people advice on real life issues, we can set aside our personal agendas and help other people? Being honest and providing constructive feedback, without being confrontational and snippy?

 

As a newb, it’s kinda gross to me that this thread has turned into a BS vs. OW.

 

I’m NOT taking sides. But let’s call a spade a spade. A MM has NOTHING to be proud of in his actions. An OW has NOTHING to be proud of in her actions. A BS, while they are an unwilling participant in an A, they certainly don’t want to brag about being a BS. It ALL SUCKS.

 

I’m really bothered by the one ‘uppance’ going on in this thread. It demonstrates exactly what my original perception was.

 

I think I'm going to stick to the LDR forum.

 

If you get the advice and input you need from the LDR forum, that's great. However, you should be able to get useful advice from the OW forum too, if that is a relevant topic for you.

 

These threads where the topic is who is posting and how they are posting are typically not useful for anyone and certainly aren't going to help anyone deal with their life situations. People who start threads to discuss some genuine issue they are facing (and not looking to take a jab or berate posting styles) typically hear a variety of perspectives here from people trying to help and offer relevant points.

kuma Established Member

kuma

Posted
Posted
I think if my MM's wife ever found Jennie-Jennie on LS, she would agree with my assessment of myself: a BS' worst nightmare. What can be worse than an unapologetic OW?

 

An unapologetic MM is worse than an unapologetic OW. Of course, that's just my opinion. Well, jj, I hope your MM will stop wasting his wife's time and let her go. Good luck.

pureinheart Established Member

pureinheart

Posted
Posted
I hold no resentment to any BSs in real life, but I do to many BSs on LS because of their posting style here. So it is not the fact that they are BSs that matters, but indeed their posting styles.

 

In real life I am still getting over what happened to me, and I find it difficult to refer to her as a BS because she was knee deep in her own stuff too.

 

I see the same type of attitude though with some of the BS's on LS and try to ignore it because the reasoning is to provoke and push buttons.

 

Over all (bold) in every forum it is the posting style/tone that will affect me, I just try to consider the source .

 

To me, this thread is good in the fact that things are being said that I believe we have all been holding in in order not to thread jack.

 

Personally, my words are usually twisted/distorted and I can guarantee I'll see something I've posted over in the infidelity forum taken way out of context in a partial post...

desertIslandCactus Established Member

desertIslandCactus

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I’m fairly new here and I’m currently in a LDR with a man a world away. I’ve been married, the OW, the BS and the WS for that matter in my time.

 

.

 

Also Lizzi,

 

Speaking for myself, I don't understand why anyone who has been OW and BS and WS, would be surprised of the diff stances of those.

 

Hearing from those who have been through it, has to be more Insightful than someone who comments from speculation.

desertIslandCactus Established Member

desertIslandCactus

Posted
Posted
THATS where I posted it!

Tony moved it LOL

 

I understand lizzibeth ..

 

Well for what it's worth, your thread is Busy .. :)

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lizzibeth Member

lizzibeth

Posted
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Also Lizzi,

 

Speaking for myself, I don't understand why anyone who has been OW and BS and WS, would be surprised of the diff stances of those.

 

Hearing from those who have been through it, has to be more Insightful than someone who comments from speculation.

 

I'm not surprised that there would be insightful and constructive feedback.

 

I am a bit turned off that there is so much of a pissing contest. It turns very personal and I'm not providing anyone with a newsflash when I say that there are specific individuals who enjoy having a go at one another and pick someone else's thread, where they're looking for help, to do it in.

 

anyway, ya'll carry on. It all sucks and no one is the winner.

Star_Bright Established Member

Star_Bright

Posted
Posted
But isn't this statement just another example of an attack on BS?

 

As for OW gloating. Most don't but it does happen. I can think of one post made on here over the weekend (since deleted) which was definitely along the lines of "I got my man, shame you did not have what it takes to get yours" :sick:

 

Strange thing I have found is that as an ex-WS when I first came here, I got attacked mostly by BS but now it's mostly by OW/OM ;)

 

Yes, that is one of the posts I was referring to when I said gloating OWs. And I think it's the one desertislandcactus was referring to as well, because both of us posted follow-up posts where we said we thought that kind of attitude is disgusting.

pureinheart Established Member

pureinheart

Posted
Posted
Lizzi,

 

In all due respect this thread: Forum Etiquette was posted In the OM/OW forum .. (The lion's den) .. :D

 

Perhaps it would have been more bland if put in the LS Questions Forum .. :)

 

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao: I wonder if it's just me, although after reading some of the distortion I think man, this is REALLY unhealthy and I REALLY do need to get away from LS and get a life or something, anything but LS.

desertIslandCactus Established Member

desertIslandCactus

Posted
Posted
I'm not surprised that there would be insightful and constructive feedback.

 

I am a bit turned off that there is so much of a pissing contest. It turns very personal and I'm not providing anyone with a newsflash when I say that there are specific individuals who enjoy having a go at one another and pick someone else's thread, where they're looking for help, to do it in.

 

anyway, ya'll carry on. It all sucks and no one is the winner.

 

 

I respect that very much lizzibeth (though I'm sorry that I haven't followed it in your thread, either) ..

 

As for others, I have always found that although many don't like threads going off into diff directions - I think meat could be pulled from various comments regardless..

pureinheart Established Member

pureinheart

Posted
Posted
Yes, that is one of the posts I was referring to when I said gloating OWs. And I think it's the one desertislandcactus was referring to as well, because both of us posted follow-up posts where we said we thought that kind of attitude is disgusting.

 

Ok, now I'm sure which one it is...there was a reason for that comment, and it wasn't to gloat...

 

IMO it was meant to be sarcastic, and to put the other poster in her place... I'll just leave it at that

desertIslandCactus Established Member

desertIslandCactus

Posted
Posted
:lmao::lmao::lmao: I wonder if it's just me, although after reading some of the distortion I think man, this is REALLY unhealthy and I REALLY do need to get away from LS and get a life or something, anything but LS.

 

lizzibeths got another one of those insightful and busy discussions going .. :laugh:

pureinheart Established Member

pureinheart

Posted
Posted
lizzibeths got another one of those insightful and busy discussions going .. :laugh:

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao: I know LB wasn't happy with the outcome of the thread, although I stand on the fact that it was needed.

 

I hold a lot in about what I really think, and I know others do also due to tj.

 

Maybe we should have a constant thread going to take our differences to and fight or whatever there.

 

I sooooo agree with you (if I read that right) that sometimes a little off topic is not bad....I don't mind if others are carrying on a conversation in a thread, it doesn't distract me...I think we are all working things out. Sometimes everyone in the discussion arer all in a different direction than the OP, and it's a good discussion and gets shut down.

 

I can totally understand if a person is hurting, certainly everyone should focus on that, although once that is taken care of and the OP is doing better, why not talk of something different.

 

It's like, if I am on the phone with someone and the direction of the conversation changes, do I have to call them back...stop...topic change....I have to call you back!

jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

Posted
Posted
But isn't this statement just another example of an attack on BS?

 

I suggest you read chapter 5, "Managing the Crisis: Cutting Through Obsession", in Emily Brown's book Patterns of Infidelity and Their Treatment, if you want to learn more about the phenomena I mentioned.

 

As for OW gloating. Most don't but it does happen. I can think of one post made on here over the weekend (since deleted) which was definitely along the lines of "I got my man, shame you did not have what it takes to get yours" :sick:

 

As stated earlier in this thread, this was retaliation for a degrading post.

 

Strange thing I have found is that as an ex-WS when I first came here, I got attacked mostly by BS but now it's mostly by OW/OM ;)

 

I don't find that strange. You have become a reformed WS, that's why.

jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

Posted
Posted
An OW the MM will never leave the M for doesn't seem like anyone's "worst nightmare" except for her own. ;)

 

That's witty actually. Perhaps I do have another sense of humor than most here?

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lizzibeth Member

lizzibeth

Posted
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lizzibeths got another one of those insightful and busy discussions going .. :laugh:

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao: I know LB wasn't happy with the outcome of the thread, although I stand on the fact that it was needed.

 

I hold a lot in about what I really think, and I know others do also due to tj.

 

Maybe we should have a constant thread going to take our differences to and fight or whatever there.

 

I sooooo agree with you (if I read that right) that sometimes a little off topic is not bad....I don't mind if others are carrying on a conversation in a thread, it doesn't distract me...I think we are all working things out. Sometimes everyone in the discussion arer all in a different direction than the OP, and it's a good discussion and gets shut down.

 

I can totally understand if a person is hurting, certainly everyone should focus on that, although once that is taken care of and the OP is doing better, why not talk of something different.

 

It's like, if I am on the phone with someone and the direction of the conversation changes, do I have to call them back...stop...topic change....I have to call you back!

 

LOL - I'm not that much of a Polly Anna that I don't think we can have a go sometimes. Maybe we do need to have like a BS vs. OW mud wrestling thread - where those that want to flaunt themselves and have a go at people can do it without hijacking someone's thread.

anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

Posted
Posted
I suggest you read chapter 5, "Managing the Crisis: Cutting Through Obsession", in Emily Brown's book Patterns of Infidelity and Their Treatment, if you want to learn more about the phenomena I mentioned.

 

I base my views on psychology on more than the works of one or two individuals who propose theories supporting my way of life.

 

 

As stated earlier in this thread, this was retaliation for a degrading post.

 

In my opinion the post was deeply offensive, insulting and totally uncalled for. Based on posts immediately following it, I was not the only one who saw it that way plus the moderator also saw fit to delete it.

 

 

 

I don't find that strange. You have become a reformed WS, that's why.

 

I love the way you throw "reformed" out to anyone who has been involved in an affair who does not see things the way you do. I do not believe I am "reformed". I am just at a different stage in my life and am happy with where I am. When you refer to someone as "reformed", it comes across as an attempt to belittle and undermine. Why do you feel the need to do that if you are so certain that your viewpoint is so right?

jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

Posted
Posted (edited)
I base my views on psychology on more than the works of one or two individuals who propose theories supporting my way of life.

 

LOL That is not the only place you will find information about this phenomena. It was just the one closest at hand to me.

 

I can't believe that you do not understand there is a risk that BSs get stuck in the bitterness and anger of the aftermath of an affair. I thought that was common knowledge.

Edited by jennie-jennie
bentnotbroken Established Member

bentnotbroken

Posted
Posted
Ok, now I'm sure which one it is...there was a reason for that comment, and it wasn't to gloat...

 

IMO it was meant to be sarcastic, and to put the other poster in her place... I'll just leave it at that

 

 

Interesting.

jthorne Established Member

jthorne

Posted
Posted
Interesting.
Apparantly, if a person writes that they came by their husband by honest means, they need to be put in their place. Or if a newbie posts that she rejected an offer to be an OW, they need to be put in their place.

 

I can safely say that I feel pretty assured of my place.

bentnotbroken Established Member

bentnotbroken

Posted
Posted
Apparantly, if a person writes that they came by their husband by honest means, they need to be put in their place. Or if a newbie posts that she rejected an offer to be an OW, they need to be put in their place.

 

I can safely say that I feel pretty assured of my place.

 

 

Ditto.............

anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

Posted
Posted
LOL That is not the only place you will find information about this phenomena. It was just the one closest at hand to me.

 

I can't believe that you do not understand there is a risk that BSs get stuck in the bitterness and anger of the aftermath of an affair. I thought that was common knowledge.

 

 

As someone who has studied psychology at an advanced level, I recognise the need to not follow one perspective rigidly over another.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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